dance dusk.
spin amber.
hold out for hope
that there's hope.
dream satellites.
scorn conformity.
fuck easels
paint walls
so where you've been can't be ignored.
********************
Santa Ana
With the intensity of the Santa Ana
I blow in.
Cover you in particles of me.
Pouring from pockets inside-out.
Brushed from tossled hair.
Blinked from eyes
teared long after I have moved away.
Blown out to find my way
in places ocean won't touch.
I want things.
To coat the world
in layers of me
that can't wash off.
To be dirty under your nails.
Grit in teeth.
The 3 a.m reason you remove shoes
and pray stairs don't creek.
I need to storm inside you.
Surface your rages.
Lose myself
in millions of
dusted
dreams that add up
to an act of nature
that can't be explained
**************************
Indiscretions
So once again I
come to you
in the night
in the rain
wet soaked through
you strip me of my doubting days
give to me strength and desire
I wonder if it will always be like this
me coming to you
and you waiting
to take me outside of myself
breathe life into the
me inside of the me
move me towards your idea of passion
until what matters
is only your eyes
the stroke of your hands
or if one day
borders and business
will work against us rather than for us
I imagine those days
safely where they can't hurt me
curled in my chair with
an open unread book
still smelling of you
fall forward
if what I’ve written
is the most honest I have
ever been- so be it
maybe it was following
the full moon home
that has made me crazy full
with promises that need keeping
lips stained wine
body bruised with intent
I’ll slide into a bed now
wondering how many other women
tasted acrid rain tonight
and were reborn with the need
to write about it
.....................................................................
No. I'm not like other girls.
Yet I know I'm not the first girl to get
cocktail dress peeled from flesh
by those hands
after blacktie affair.
But that eve when you carefully dressed me,
and fastened pearls-
I became the only girl in the world that mattered..
I wore the gift of your beauty
in the high color of cheeks
and the sly seductive tilt of chin
that goes perfectly with wine, 5 course dining
and coat room cock sucking.
I'm not like other girls.
Don't get me wrong-
Jimmy Choo makes me giddy-
and I'll fuck you in
so many different types of shoes
it will make your head spin.
Still-
I'm not like other girls.
You see-
when I'm a mouthy bitch.
I don't wan't to win the argument.
I want you to slap that look off my face.
I want you to dig my head into the carpet-
in bad doggy fashion.
Lock me in the closet-
because you know I hate the dark, and detest being alone.
Use me against me-
until my barren desert eyes
forget ever
shimmering through dry spells
and only know your rain.
I'm not like other girls.
Want to make me happy?
Hurt me.
Flesh heals-
so make me feel you in my bones.
I want to taste your copper promise.
The rust of your words on my tongue.
The pain breaks me apart.
When broken, bleeding-
you can finally crawl inside me.
Hurry. The moments are fleeting
Soon- I will distance myself
so you can once again perfect my shattering.
-So I'm not like all those other girls.
I know what you need and how to give it to you.
And-
I need you to be whole.
--------------------------------------------
Jilted angel.
Haloed with
paper thin transparency.
I see right through daddy's money.
and you're as dirty as it is.
I think it was fucking you
in the bathroom stall-
that had me doubting the wings.
But when you tell me you can fly-
I'm a believer.
Damaged.
Beyond repair
I bite a chunk of your reality
and leave it poetically scripted
in sharpie under flash neon bulbs.
-I've always been a romantic.
When next I snare you-
it's in the guise
of club baby trading wings for leather.
Marble flesh.
Lips colored carnal.
Sinkhole traps-
that reflect like limpid pools
in dead zone eyes.
As if all that black
could suck me into your vortex.
..Maybe it can..
I won't let it.
So it's cold concrete spread eagle.
Tethered bird. Hindered flight.
Kissing inky webs of mascara tears to smudges-
and watching bruises form on flesh in the shape of Jesus.
The desecration went on till morning.
I use to claim there is no god-
but I swore He spoke to me through your screams.
It's taken three decades-
but finally..
I'm a believer.