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Oleander

Oleander - photo 1
Oleander - photo 2
Oleander - photo 3
Oleander - photo 5

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Friends:
carpediemct77

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Discovered

"There are satellites in your eyes."

Never having been told this before,

she felt instantly flawed by his observation.

So she went to work on limiting impact

perfecting a squint, or a wink.

But he was already buoyant.

Planting flags.

Defying gravity.

It was dark-

So he lit her on fire.

Burned himself a map of her flesh.

Cratered down deep

to watch her bone ash settle

between worlds.





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3/10/2009 7:11:39 AM
dance dusk.
spin amber.
hold out for hope
that there's hope.
dream satellites.
scorn conformity.
fuck easels
paint walls
so where you've been can't be ignored.

********************




Santa Ana

 

With the intensity of the Santa Ana

I blow in.

Cover you in particles of me.

Pouring from pockets inside-out.

Brushed from tossled hair.

Blinked from eyes

teared long after I have moved away.

Blown out to find my way

in places ocean won't touch.

I want things.

To coat the world

in layers of me

that can't wash off.

To be dirty under your nails.

Grit in teeth.

The 3 a.m reason you remove shoes

and pray stairs don't creek.

I need to storm inside you.

Surface your rages.

Lose myself

in millions of

dusted

dreams that add up

to an act of nature

that can't be explained

**************************

Indiscretions

 

So once again I

come to you

in the night

in the rain

wet soaked through

you strip me of my doubting days

give to me strength and desire

I wonder if it will always be like this

me coming to you

and you waiting

to take me outside of myself

breathe life into the

me inside of the me

move me towards your idea of passion

until what matters

is only your eyes

the stroke of your hands

or if one day

borders and business

will work against us rather than for us

I imagine those days

safely where they can't hurt me

curled in my chair with

an open unread book

still smelling of you

fall forward

if what I’ve written

is the most honest I have

ever been- so be it

maybe it was following

the full moon home

that has made me crazy full

with promises that need keeping

lips stained wine

body bruised with intent

I’ll slide into a bed now

wondering how many other women

tasted acrid rain tonight

and were reborn with the need

to write about it

..................................................................... 

 

 

 No. I'm not like other girls.
Yet I know I'm not the first girl to get
cocktail dress peeled from flesh
by those hands
after blacktie affair.
But that eve when you carefully dressed me,
and fastened pearls-
I became the only girl in the world that mattered..
I wore the gift of your beauty
in the high color of cheeks
and the sly seductive tilt of chin
that goes perfectly with wine, 5 course dining
and coat room cock sucking.
I'm not like other girls.
Don't get me wrong-
Jimmy Choo makes me giddy-
and I'll fuck you in
so many different types of shoes
it will make your head spin.
Still-
I'm not like other girls.
You see-
when I'm a mouthy bitch.
I don't wan't to win the argument.
I want you to slap that look off my face.
I want you to dig my head into the carpet-
in bad doggy fashion.
Lock me in the closet-
because you know I hate the dark, and detest being alone.
Use me against me-
until my barren desert eyes
forget ever
shimmering through dry spells
and only know your rain.

I'm not like other girls.
Want to make me happy?
Hurt me.
Flesh heals-
so make me feel you in my bones.
I want to taste your copper promise.
The rust of your words on my tongue.
The pain breaks me apart.
When broken, bleeding-
you can finally crawl inside me.
Hurry. The moments are fleeting
Soon- I will distance myself
so you can once again perfect my shattering.

-So I'm not like all those other girls.
I know what you need and how to give it to you.
And-
I need you to be whole.
 --------------------------------------------

Jilted angel.
Haloed with
paper thin transparency.
I see right through daddy's money.
and you're as dirty as it is.
I think it was fucking you
in the bathroom stall-
that had me doubting the wings.
But when you tell me you can fly-
I'm a believer.

Damaged.
Beyond repair
I bite a chunk of your reality
and leave it poetically scripted
in sharpie under flash neon bulbs.
-I've always been a romantic.

When next I snare you-
it's in the guise
of club baby trading wings for leather.
Marble flesh.
Lips colored carnal.
Sinkhole traps-
that reflect like limpid pools
in dead zone eyes.
As if all that black
could suck me into your vortex.
..Maybe it can..

I won't let it.
So it's cold concrete spread eagle.
Tethered bird. Hindered flight.
Kissing inky webs of mascara tears to smudges-
and watching bruises form on flesh in the shape of Jesus.

The desecration went on till morning.
I use to claim there is no god-
but I swore He spoke to me through your screams.
It's taken three decades-
but finally..
I'm a believer.

 


7/10/2006 5:57:00 AM
Wrap me in your beautiful arrogance.
Smother me in the reality-
of strong arms, chest, will,
that force me to focus on the now.
Steal away my doubts and tomorrows
and tuck them to rest with the sun.
Come tomorrow light will yet again glare-
But tonight, it is just us-
weaving jupiter spun secrets made of stars.
Closer now,
for I no longer wish to live
without our mingled breath.
Hurt me lovely,
so I can count bruises
like petals and love-me-nots.
Pain binding my focus
and blinding insecurities.
Tangled flesh
takes the shape of infinity
as I mold myself to your hardness.
Take me in your beautiful arrogance-
where my world hinges on yours.

1/19/2006 5:36:40 PM
seduced.
you take my breath away.
my face contorts to your ministrations.
shiny button doll eyes
lose luster
as they spill silent stories
that lack fairy tale endings.
His tongue laps at tears
that cannot be captured-
behind elaborate mask of you.
i feel only pressure
as tongue tastes your warm slick surface.
You tighten
and each breath is a struggle.
He is watching us.
The way you possess me.
Slide into my mouth with each gasp.
Fog with mirror imprints of my breath.
Fleetingly i think He is jealous of our intimacy
for his grip on you loosens-
and he caresses my cheek through your vinyl.
He must realize your possesion is only temporary-
for when he returns to you-
it is with gusto.
We are now one-
you and i.
melded into plastic perfection.
I've known many lovers-
but you enthrall me with your cold intensity.
unyielding dedication.
for that moment You own me and i am yours.
blackness surrounds us and i dance in your arms
in marionette fashion.
- then you are gone.
and it is only Him and i..
and i can no longer hide behind your
transparent cloak.
i watch through blurred eyes
as he casually discards you, my lover.

you are smeared in both make-up and prints.
subtle, telltale signs of my visit-
you linger with the smell of my perfume.

He has forgotten you-
but i have not.
You watch. silent witness.
lover scorned.
you no longer crackle
and your whisper is now dead to my ears.
i still feel you though-
and his fingers tell my throat-
they miss you too.
Later-
after my flesh as been burned and bruised.
after i've given myself to my love
in a plethora of ways.
Later-
when his footsteps are gone-
and we are again, alone.
i will gather you into my arms.
brushing traces of his sole from your surface.
there-
in the quiet dark of our aloneness
i will wear you one last time.
-and you will once again render me perfect for him-
feeding me quiet docile submission..
and masking flaws with wax.

My last thoughts before drifting-
are of how very beautiful you make me-
and
that He will not be surprised to
find me asleep in your arms.
i've always been predictable when it comes to you


1/18/2006 9:57:00 PM

I find myself here again.
Open roads and burnished heart.
It's the vagabond in me.
I can't leave her alone.
She's complicated-
but she may never let you know.
She's selective too-
with her secrets and her heart.
She strings words
like vibrant beads to thread.
Fragile links to span here to there.
Step lightly
for she is known to shy.
Do not take it to heart.
Some creatures were meant to be free.
There is strength in her convictions.
Passion in her implications.
She passes nights
smoking on the cold tile of bathroom floor
and dancing through my head.
Unpredictable.
There is sadness too.
Tangible webs of dew dropped tears.
thumb prints mapping glistening trails
from height of cheekbones to slope of breasts.
And I am enraptured,
Snared in silk.
She is
gardenias wafting in the breeze.
Poisonous poppies left for dust.
To pick her-
is to watch her wilt and bleed.
To pass by-
is to live forever without the image of her bloom.
-Rediscovery-
is the sweetest sin.
I might not escape the sting.
I have always had a weakness for the beautiful and tragic.
I only hope I can find my way home this time.

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XXgoddesszoeXX
 
 Age: 21
 San jose, California