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Profile update: Unhappily married. My husband has no interest in D/s, but D/s is the only kind of relationship that makes sense to me.?
Control of my body comes through my mind. Intellectual stimulation is my biggest turn on. I am a complex, shy and smart girl with some real life experience, but would still be considered a novice in this group.
I can be emotive, sweet, funny and obedient under the right hand. ?
I am slender, athletic and physical. No picture here, but considered a pretty, artsy, sophisticated type. Think the sexy librarian (pearls, kitten heels, glasses) you suspect has a secret, kinky bent.?
Although I am a very open minded girl I do have limits, but I enjoy having them?pushed.
I am attracted to many things including confidence, talent, humor, depth, leather (gloves), crops,?red meat,?red wine (Malbec), music (Kings of Leon), art (early Kandinsky), sadism and anything that combines all of the above.
The Dom of my dreams is:
Drug and disease free, non smoker
Between the ages of 32 and 50
Intelligent and well traveled. I've done a fair bit myself. I currently live abroad but frequently visit my hometown.
Speak another language (math counts as another language :)
Firm, but open about what you want
Extremely confident
Honest
Straightforward
Expressive
Aggressive
Forceful
Patient
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Topic of the day: race play. Every so often I receive a message that pertains specifically to race. What an odd forum to discuss race relations lol, but why not? Can race especially in the context of D/s be completely ignored? Most of the time yes. A few months ago I began to converse with a Dom on here. We exchanged several emails about our interests. I don't think about race going into these things but it came up with us.
He was a very gallant dude. He answered my questions with questions in a thoughtful way. For example, when I asked if color played into his D/s fantasies he asked if it played into mine. When I said yes, he asked me t explain. I told him that I like the dynamic of the African-American sub and white Dom. I like the politics that can come into the room if you let it and on occasion I like to let it. He agreed that he liked it as well, but acknowledged that it can be tricky. He followed my lead but, asserted his control of the conversation. All the while gathering knowledge about me. In the end I had to end the correspondence because we allowed the conversation to delve too far into our individual marital problems and I felt sad for his wife.
Today I read a message from an older white Dom who expressed his interest in race play but said he understood black women's reluctance to do so. Intersting. |
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There are some profile names on here that stop me in my tracks. I drift off to the end of a well-lit hallway facing his door afraid to knock. Pressing my ear against the door wondering what he's like when I'm not there. Finally I press the the bell with my little sweaty finger. In a moment he's standing there, his eyes tightly focused on mine. I will be different once the door the closes behind me. Irrevocably changed when I leave to go. |
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Picture requests freak me out. I imagine my picture will be used for all sorts of things than originally intended. The moment he asks for a picture, I get scared. I feel much safer with the Doms who exhibit patience and intrinsically know I am dying to send my picture to him and just waiting to feel safe enough.
I think it is safe to say most submissives on this site have a special folder on their computers of pictures they cannot wait to show to the right Dom. Believe me, we have them. We took them one night when were horny and a little tipsy, imaging your response when you see them. Or we took them because the previous Dom told us to or trained us to or required us to. Whatever the reason, we have them and are dying to send them.
When the request/demand comes to soon all my creepy Dom sensors go off, and I'm sad I can't send him the pictures that made me so proud. The pictures that proved I could be his bold, brazen little slut girl.
In my next life I want to be Dom. I think they have it easier.
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I read the following on one of my favorite blogs today:
Be wary, be attentive. Devastate her if you can, but know that she will only thank you for it if you do. And much to your consternation, she will politely, sweetly, touchingly beg you to do it again. And still she will want more.
She took the words out of my mouth. |
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Something happened last week that I never imagined could happen. I saw a Dom I was corresponding with on CM last year. Did I mention that I am currently on the other side of the world?
I am 90% sure it was him. We were at an event that was not of a D/s nature. There were lots of other people around, more than 100. But I recognized him immediately although we never ever met in person. I saw pictures of him. He's is very tall, striking and unforgettable. Our eyes met the minute he entered the room. It felt as if he recognized me immediately. I sunk into my seat. He grinned knowingly at me.
This world is so much smaller than we think. I get confirmation of that everyday. |
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D/s is an international state of mind. I started viewing profiles in my new time zone. Wow! I'm pleasantly surprised to find so many Doms in my new back yard. Still a little scared to contact any of them or even up date my location so they can contact me. For now I will continue my search in the NYC area. I'll be back home eventually.
I can't believe there are Doms out here. If I get the courage, something could change. |
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CM can be all sorts of things to its visitors. Most people probably don't come here in search of friends, but sometimes that happens. A Dom on here that I barely know just shed some much needed insight into my life. He actually put a smile on my face.
There's a first on here. Hope springs eternal. |
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What if he's right? I ended it with my former Dom for reasons to numerous to mention here. We both regret that decision,and if I had it to do over, I would do things differently. His parting words to me were: I own you. You will never be free of me. You will always belong to me.
What if he's right? At first I thought yeah, whatever dude. I'm moving on. Think what you like. It's been three months since he told me I couldn't get away. Even though I moved faraway, he still finds ways to reach into my dreams, my fantasies and my waking life. What if he's right?
By some weirdo conincednce we were both online. He's on the other side of the world now, on an adventure of a lifetime. Somehow both of us were online at the very same time. He said hi and let me know he would be in my part of the world soon enough. What if he's right?
It's beginning to dawn on me that I may never really be free of him. |
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There are some experiences that leave me wanting. I hate when than happens. I had one of those times last night. I was left wanting more and not in the purposeful way Doms leave you wanting as a punishment or reward. It kind of just happened. The absence of commands on what to open and how wide, when to move and how fast all left me wanting. Where was the growling of obscenities in my ear? Was I supposed to move or stay still? He never said and it left me wanting and not in a "I'll try harder next time" way. He left me wanting in a "how do I get what I need, when it seems so impossible" way.
I wonder if Doms have any idea of the turmoil they leave in their wake. To have a Dom break open your mind and body is one of the most amazing things that can happen to a submissive, but when that relationship ends it can leave a submissive adrift and wanting more. My body may be my own again to touch and feel as I like, but without being granted permission or being told do so it hardly seems worthwhile. No one talks about the deprogramming part. |
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Whenever I begin corresponding with Doms on here and they ask me what i am looking for I become anxious. So anxious that it takes me days, sometimes weeks to respond. Perhaps it's because I am submissive and uncomfortable with asking for what i want. I would love it if they provided a safe space for me to discuss my needs. A few emails on CM is not a safe place.
It's not easy to say I like being hurt, or that I enjoy crying and that rung out feeling. Ok so I just said it, but I can't say how I prefer to arrive at that rung out feeling. I much prefer when Doms tell me what they want. It just works better that way for me. |
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I wrote this to him and he said he thought it was very NICE. OMG I can't breathe. I only wish it was because he was choking me:(
I hope and pray that you will hunt and destroy me as you would some rabid prey. It is my deepest hope, my most earnest dream to be split open and ripped into the tiniest pieces of wanton flesh because it feeds some dark secret place that only I know exists. I beg of you to feed off me as you would a creature that would keep you alive. Fuck me harder than would be fair to someone you love. I crave this to live. Without it I am adrift, afraid and diminished. Please feed me from the trough of your raw masculinity, your hidden sadistic urges. Find your comfort, your peace in the woman that sees you for everything you are and relishes in the possibility of your every fantasy, desire and dream. |
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I took a break from CM because I was becoming one of this jaded people who whine about no "real" people being on here. The break was refreshing. I focused on goals outside of D/s... sort of.
I met man. A solid man. He said I unleashed his dark side. This kind of announcement speaks directly to a submissive's heart. It was a dream come true. In public we were vanilla. We wrote emails so hot the words threatened to scorch my computer screen. On occasion he would put his hand on my throat in public and I would float off light as air to some recent session. The air
between us was always electrified.
We married. I relocated. It was a dream come true. Until we got home. His dominance began to falter. It appears the dark side was let out and left. He thought I just wanted to "play like that sometimes." He was instantly diminished in my eyes. He's a regular guy and vanilla sex makes me want to vomit.
I'm not the type to swear but, FUCK!
To be continued... |
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I read this today and had to share: In a way a submissive girl has more to lose. In saying she wishes to please you, not please herself, she makes herself dependent. You can’t offer yourself to another the way the submissive girl does without then needing him. You can’t be self-sufficient when you are dependent on another to activate your deepest impulses.
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| Age: 18 |
| British Columbia,
Canada |
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