Im tired of this site again,,so im leaving again. But if anyone wants to keep talking you can get me on yahoo. If you want my name there and dont have it,,ask

And no I didnt call him Sir cause right now I dont feel he deserves it,but that might just be me

  Now I just talked to a Dom that Ive talked to for a bit,we were friends but since I have been sick and have some problems at home I have not felt like talking. He asked why I was not on yahoo so I told him that I had not felt like talking,,hell im depressed right now,if he had taken the time to ask what was going on or read my journal he would have known but no,,he told me I didnt care enough,,HA looks like he is the one that didnt give a shit. I sent him a message and told him if he had just asked,,I dont like being a burden to the Doms I talk to,thats why I tell it all here. You have the choice to read it or not and frankly writing it here helps and with other things Ive written about ive gotten some great advice. As a Sub you never stop learning and im glad when people give me advice and no one has been rude which I appreciate. Cause if you get off on being rude to other people your just a fake and jerk. So kiss my ass Simon,,all you had to do was ask and act like you gave a shit

 I give up,,ive been on this site before and seems everyone is stil the same,its sad to have Doms tell you that your a real Sub then after a bit stop talking. I guess im just boring or not pretty enough or thin enough. Alot look at my profile but never say anything,for those I guess its my face and weight. Cant change the face,but im still losing weight. Oh well does not matter anymore.  I just wish a real Dom would want me but no one does. Im like everyones best friend but not worthy of belonging to them. Sigh****

  Ive been sick and I have stomach problems now,sux but in a way its good  cause I was in a size 26 pants and today I got into a size 22. I hope it does not take long to get into my 14's then I can go from there.  The Dicyclomine for my stomach and the Clindamycin which ia 300 mg for my cyst make me feel like crap but its a small price to pay for starting to lose weight. Feels good to lose and id like to lose alot before summer,it was 80 here today and last week it was snowing,,wierd weather. Thanks to the Sir's for the nice words and hugs..

Damn I need a tan lol...Everyone has been real helpful in helping me see that Mark was not the Master for me,,he was a coward and a butt to boot. But that is the past,as for now ive never felt this lonely. I dont know what to do with myself now. I feel like im out of place or something. I think I need to make some changes..for one Im getting alot of encouragement from some really great people on here and ive made some really great friends,,thanks ya'll. Ive lost 7 pounds already and  I think im gonna dye my hair and maybe cut it all off. I also want to take some better pics for on here,wish I could do pretty rope bondage on my boobies and put them on here but that looks really hard but its sooo pretty on the Subs that are in the photos here. I did read one ladys journal on here the other night and she is the one that made me stop and think about Mark <dumper Master>and how him doing what he did to me was not meant to be and she said that you make yourself the victim so to speak or you can get over it and move on but in the end your the one that can either be sad or just move it on downn the road lol. Which I think I shall do. I think I am just not ready to be alone so soon and thats what im having a hard time with but thats ok cause I will get stronger from this and in the end HE is the one that was a coward ,,,not ME!!! I did nothing wrong,,ahhhhh now I feel better,,got all that off my chest,,lift up the sadness and let it go........

Well guess I was right,,I always kept his mail but saw that alot were deleted unread,he made me feel so special,hes nice looking ,sweet,funny and for the first time I felt like a real Slave. He made me feel pretty. Should have known it was to good to be real. He broke my heart and the bad thing is he did me like the last one,,just left without a word. He even told me last week or the one before that he would never just leave me. I must be the most stupid person on earth to believe Id find the "Master" of my dreams,,,,sigh***

 Thought I had a Master,he said im still his girl but hes not been on at all for the past two weeks,,his profile says he is still searching. I had something in here about him but after what has happened I didnt put it in my profile. Now I cant get it out of my head that he just does not want me anymore and just wont tell me. So insecure but Its hard not knowing where you stand.  He checks out my profile,,I really miss him but I dont know ...he will barely even leave me messages,maybe if I was taller,thinner,blonder and had less freckles he would pay at least some attention to me........miss you even if you dont miss me

  Im not anybodys fucktoy,so if you send me mail asking me shit like that I wont reply.No where in the Slave Manual does it say before being owned  does it say you have to be someones fucktoy? Really? Get a clue,,no sub is just going to fuck you at hello. Im not someones toys,,nor am I gonna fuck you on the first meeting either,,I dont have any cooties and if thats what you do then ya probably have more than a few and you aint gonna share them with me. I used to always try to be nice and I still am but im sick of you fucktards sending me stupid messages I may be fat and alone but I aint that hard up and frankly sex is just sex and I can wait forever if I have to to have a quick fuck and be anyones fuck toy you ,,as my daughter says fucktard

  Why do people always look at your profile over and over and over and never say anything? I know its not cause of my beauty. I dont write poems or do anything special. Kinda like having peeping Toms lol. They look everyday and more than once a day,,AHHHHH caught ya you peeping Tom lol.  To the Subs and Slaves,,how long do ya'll wait until you meet and do a scene? Letting someone tie you up only after a few meetings just sounds dangerous to me. And the sexual part of it,,, how do ya know they dont have cooties? lol  I have waited eight years to find the perfect one for me and I really dont want to screw any Tom Dick and Harry. I dont have any nasty buggers and I guess I just want to stay this way. I feel like im just going BLAH BLAH BLAH..............

Im not looking anymore,,,If I have not talked to you before please respect my wishes.

Oh and I talked to a ,,cant remember if he was a Dom or Sub but you said you wanted to lose weight with me. If ya read this then message me. At least your know what its like to need to lose and how your body feels to exercise,,

Very confused right now,,I will say I just wont stay with a Dom when I feel like im being put down,,you can dominate without actling like the Sub might not be worthy. When you have been hurt you are sensitive maybe even to a fault. Maybe im just not a good Sub,I do know its hard to know how to things work when you have just started talking not that long ago. Doms dont want drama well I dont either and when you wont me to exercise,,yep Im gonna groan and moan some cause frankly im older for one and I have health probs for another. I have not exercised in a long time,,not like reg exercise. I walk all the time,when your in the country you walk a mile just to get to your mailbox hehe. I just dont know sometimes I wonder if im just a crappy Sub,or maybe I just have to get used to you. I just dont know anymore

   Dont guess there are any burly tough Doms out there that want to help me get this tondage off is there? I may be online but there are still ways of seeing that someone is losing or not and I dont lie. If anyone would help,let me know. I have a cam and no that does not mean im gonna show it to just anyone,I dont even know why anyone would want to look anyway really. But Im going to try to lose weight and just thought it would be great to have some help and to have someone to talk to while im trying to lose..

 Sheesh,,I quit,,im so tired of talking to all men and the first thing off the bat is let me see you. NO you cant see me you cant even talk to me and get to know me first. No one wants to do that anymore. All anybody wants to do is just talk dirty and see you naked..Damn Ive talked to alot of people in the last few days,stupid me stopped hiding. One man I had not even talked to but once a few months ago kept telling me he loved me,one just wanted to talk about his cock,another ..well who knows what he wanted to talk about cause when I told him my cam was down he just left and didnt talk to me anyone. All this from grown men. Havent they seen enough body parts by now to know what they look like? Im not special why pick on me? Ive said before thats not what I want,,its not so much sexual as it is in the mind. If you cant just talk and get to know me then there is no point in talking to me cause youve lost me before its even started. This is very depressing and just plain UHHHHHGRRRRR..and C.Abuser,,I saw that you were on and you didnt even leave a message,,sighs. Talk about ending before it even started.

   Ugh!!! I feel like giving up or just screaming. What is the point of having a Master or having someone interested if they never talk to you? Or talk to you ever few days,sending you one message that really tells you nothing? I want to feel like im submitting,I need to feel like im serving,that inside feeling you get when you know your place and you know that someone is there to watch over you and dominate you. I just dont know anymore. If you want someone you have to know that your wanted,that they have not lost interest or just plain run away like my last Master did. Im really feeling let down. Its so hard for a Sub,or is it just me? To not be dominated,you feel lost,kinda at loose ends. I crave it all the time not just when a Dom wants to throw me a bone. Im not a mat for anyone to just step on,,,everyone needs respect and to feel like they are wanted,,yeah asswhipes even Subs

   Well I was owned for aobut 2 days but he is not getting on anymore or answering my mail. My name is still on his profile but I AM NOT owned. I have no Daddy anymore. I put a pic of the boobs on my profile because I got so many Doms asking to see them and frankly got sick of that being all they cared about so this way they can see them and they wont have to talk to me since that is all most care about anyway. If they see them and are really interested then they can talk to me and we save all this time if all they want is to see my boobs. Got that out of my system,,feels good.  I do wish I knew why my ex Master/Daddy decided he didnt want to talk anymore,we were getting along good or at least I thought we were. Maybe its Doms like him that make my eyes look sad in my pics. I just try not to make it look like im trying to be sexy lol cause I think pics like that look goofy. OHH and it actually snowed today here in Texas,it also sleeted to. Glad its finally cold

 My first night back since Aug and its still as depressing as it was when I left. I must not be what Doms are looking for,to fat,short,hell maybe its my breath. CHecks**nahh minty fresh. What is it about me that turns most people off without even talking to me? Oh well

Why do people have to be so pushy? I dont have to obey you when you dont own me,damn. I do not like feeling like im being backed into a wall. I have said that I want to take my time and make sure who I want to give myself to is the right one and I really dont think any Subs should just rush into being with a Dom. I think its important to get to know them and feel comfortable with them. I dont want to talk on the phone with someone I have just talked to a couple of times. Let me take it slow and dont push me to do things im not ready to. And dont ask me to do things on the cam for you the first message either. If you want a show pony its not me. Ive been alone for a long time its ok with me to wait a little while longer and take my time to find the right person for me.

How is everyone tonight? I left but came back. I hope I can find someone this time that wants to take the time to get to know me first. Im going to take it slower also,I think ive always been in to big of a hurry before which is not the best thing to do when your searching for your Owner. I hope this time I can find that person,he would be someone that apart from being my Master,he will also be my best friend. I also want to make sure and put here that I dont want a married man,you already belong to someone and I want a Master that is allllll mine,im greedy lol. Im a work in progress,and I feel like im always learning how to be a better Sub/Slave. Id love to be a Slave to my Master and wear his brand. Maybe this time I will find him. Im also overweight,want to make sure I let people know that so they wont waste their time talking to me if they are looking for a tall thin woman lol,,cause im short and overweight lol. BUT im losing and like ive said before if anyone wants to be my weight loss coach let me know,,id love that....