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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Lesbian Female Switch, 38,  Illinois
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NinaHyena - , Illinois

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When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me Id have to beat the boys off with a stick when I got older. I dont think this is what she had in mind.

Ive been interested in various aspects of BDSM since I was in college, but I havent yet had the opportunity to have any real life experience with it, primarily because I have yet to meet anyone who I want to have that kind of relationship with. So obviously, Ive got an idea of what Im interested in and not interested in, but I accept the fact that you cant really know if you like something until you try it.

Since it seems to be a burning question on so many peoples minds, Ill attempt to answer the am I primarily dominant or submissive question with more than just an its complicated. Binary, black or white definitions have never really fit me well. Whether I lean towards dominance, submission, both, or neither in any given situation depends on a number factors, including who Im with, what activity were engaging in, and my mood at the time, among others.

In terms of everyday life, I dont like being told what to do. Im obstinate, stubborn, and ornery when Im pushed in a direction I dont want to go in (and sometimes even when Im pushed in a direction I do want to go in). At the same time, the idea of controlling every aspect of someone elses life 247 doesnt really appeal to me either. In terms of kinky play, there are some things Im interested in trying from both the top and the bottom, some that Im only interested in trying from the top, some that Im only interested in trying from the bottom, and some that Im not interested in trying at all.

Another question I get a lot is about what Im looking for. To put it simply, Im looking for everything and nothing. Im currently single and very happy that way however, I wouldnt mind finding someone special to explore this wide world with in whatever that relationship takes. At the same time, I really dislike the traditional definition of dating. Im a serious introvert, and just working 40 hours a week takes up the majority of the energy that I have for interacting with other people. That leaves me needing to spend a decent amount of time alone at home in order to refill my tank, so going on dates multiple times a week just isnt going to work for me.

While Ive listed my sexuality on here as lesbian, Im actually a bit more complicated than the drop-down menu allows. Im not interested in any kind of sexual activity unless I have a strong connection with a person (you know, like enjoying non-sexual, non-kinky activities together, enjoying each others company, having common interests and similar world views). If you make me pick just one word to define my sexuality, I would have to go with asexual, although lesbian would be a close second. Sorry guys, but I have a much stronger connection with women, so youre out of luck here. I understand that anyone I end up in a relationship with is probably going to have a more active libido than I do, and I am absolutely willing to work with the right person to find a compromise that makes both of us happy.

My interests in life are many and varied. I love reading, Pilates, Disney World, Marx Brothers movies, the violin, the Muppets, running, Celtic music, hiking, Shakespeare, traveling, Cirque du Soleil, and enjoying all the beauty nature has to offer us.

Im not a grammar Nazi, but I do really appreciate good communication skills (you know, things like proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Communication on the internet is hard enough as it is, and it doesnt need any more obstacles. If I have to work too hard to figure out what someone is trying to say, I lose interest quickly, and I assume what theyre telling me is that theyre either lazy, ignorant, or both.

If youre still with me through all of that, Im interested in talking to people, exploring new things, and most importantly, learning as much as I can. And I shouldnt have to say it, but if you send me a friend request without letting me know why you sent it or how you stumbled across my profile, youre getting ignored.











 Female Switch


 5' 4"

 125 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Submissive Female

Switch Women

Friends Only

 Lives For:


 Massage (Getting)



 Art Galleries


 Musical Theater





 Corner Time


 Hair Pulling


 Sensory Deprivation





 Intellectual Discourse

 Classical Music

 Country Music

 Show Tunes






 Puzzle Games




 Blue Grass


 Foot Worship

 Curious About:

 Anal Play

 Electrical Play

 Local BDSM Community


 Wax play




 Knife Play

 Medical Play

 Needle Play


 Bar Hopping





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Journal Entries:
10/22/2016 7:16:28 AM
Why I Won't Interact With Married People if Their Spouses Don't Know About Their Kinky Activities

If you're married and your spouse doesn't know about your kinky activities, your spouse will be hurt when they find out what you're doing behind their back.  If I were to interact with you, I would be partly responsible for causing that pain without their consent, and I am absolutely not interested in hurting people without their full and enthusiastic consent.  Period.

9/8/2014 5:02:11 PM

“Learn, but always learn with other people by your side.  Don’t be alone in the search, because if you take a wrong step, you’ll have no one there to help put you right.”


“There are many philosophical systems—such as Taoism and Buddhism—that make no distinction between creator and creature.  People no longer try to decipher the mystery of life but choose instead to be a part of it.”


“Is learning just putting things on a shelf or is it discarding whatever is no longer useful and then continuing on your way feeling lighter?”

Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

9/7/2014 2:31:47 PM

Quotes from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “We Should All Be Feminists” speech at TED

“The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.” 

“Culture does not make people.  People make culture.” 

“A feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there is a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it.  We must do better.”

9/1/2014 5:51:20 AM
"It was one man who invented the wheel.  It was one man who discovered the law of gravitation.  Nothing that happens is without effect.  If you throw a stone in a pond the universe isn't quite the same as it was before."
Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge

8/19/2014 10:28:55 AM

Every so often I read a book that makes me think, “That’s totally applicable to D/s relationships even though it’s about something completely different!”  Since I like to talk about books and since I especially like to share my favorite books, I thought I’d start this journal entry as a place to list those really awesome books that everyone should read.  Consider it a work in progress; I’ll add more as I stumble across them. 

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

 Introverts and extroverts communicate differently.  They also have different needs in their relationships with other people.  While Cain isn’t a scientist and her book probably isn’t the best source on the subject, it is a good, easy-to-read introduction to the idea that sometimes we think we are communicating when in fact we are not.  

Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think by George Lakoff

Lakoff, who is an expert in his field, explains that liberals and conservatives often don’t understand each other because they have different definitions of morality.  Conservatives subscribe to a “strict father” morality, while liberals believe in a “nurturant parent” morality.  An interesting read for those interested in the “to punish or not to punish” debate.

6/1/2014 4:44:20 PM

If the Cast of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Were Kinksters 

Let’s start with Augustus Gloop.  All we ever saw him doing was eating.  He didn’t last long, and it was his gluttony that eventually got him sucked up a pipe full of chocolate headed to the boiler in the fudge room.  If Augustus was a kinkster, he’d be a one-fetish wonder.  You know, one of those people who are so totally obsessed with getting their one fetish fulfilled that they completely ignore the fact that their partner has needs and desires, too.  He’d probably spend all his time on nding desperate copy/paste messages about his one fetish to women whose profiles he didn’t bother to read and who may not even be into his one fetish.  He would probably be single for a long time and wouldn’t be able (or willing) to figure out why.  It’s not that only having one fetish is a bad thing; it’s just that a good relationship can’t exist unless both parties are considerate of the other’s needs. 

How about Violet Beauregarde?  She chewed gum all the time.  When Wonka showed her an experimental three-course-meal gum, she insisted on trying it, despite his warnings not to.  The dessert course turned her into a blueberry, and she had to be juiced before she exploded.  So why didn’t she listen to Mr. Wonka?  In the words of Grandpa Joe, “Because, Charlie, she’s a nitwit.”  If Violet was a kinkster, she’d be a no limits sub (or domme, for that matter).  She’d be one of those people who dive straight into the deep end without listening to anything more experienced people have to say about taking things slowly and learning about what you’re getting yourself into.  And, she’d probably end up hurting herself or someone else pretty quickly, and others in the community would learn to avoid her equally as quickly. 

Let’s move on to everyone’s favorite, Veruca Salt.  She wants the whole world handed to her on a silver platter, right now.  Can we say entitlement?  If Veruca was a kinkster, she would have a fetish list a mile long, she would want every single one of them fulfilled, and she wouldn’t be willing to lift a finger to make it happen.  She would whine about not being able to find a partner, demand that people meet her on her terms, and when advised to go to a munch or get involved in the community in order to meet people, she’d give every excuse in the book for why she couldn’t.  As Mr. Wonka said, “She was a bad egg,” and she’ll probably also be alone until she learns that she is not entitled to anything from anyone.

 And then there’s Mike Teevee.  He spends all of his time watching television.  When Wonka sends a candy bar from one side of the room to the other via TV waves called WonkaVision, Mike just can’t resist sending himself through TV waves.  When he gets to the monitor, he’s about two inches high, and Wonka decides to try his taffy pulling machine to stretch Mike out.  If Mike was a kinkster, he’d be one of those people who get all of their ideas from porn and who have no conception of how kink works in reality.  He would invest so much of his time and energy into the fantasy world of porn that if he ever did get to experience the reality of kink, it would do nothing for him but disappoint him.  

Finally, there’s Charlie Bucket, the good kid who ended up getting the whole factory and living happily ever after.  Life handed him the short end of the stick, but he worked hard to take care of the people he cared about.  He didn’t always know what to do, but he always tried to do what was right, even if it wasn’t popular.  These are characteristics that will stand you in good stead no matter what path you’re on in life.  If Charlie was a kinkster, I think he’d ultimately find the perfect partner and live happily ever after there, too. 

So there you have it.  If you want to be in a happy, successful kinky relationship, be like Charlie Bucket.  You might be surprised by how much he can teach us about finding and maintaining a good relationship, kinky or otherwise.  Or maybe I should say, how much those other four kids can teach us about how not to go about relationships.

4/18/2014 8:14:46 AM

The director of a group I used to volunteer with explained this to us, so I can’t take credit for it.  It makes so much sense that it’s stuck with me for years, and I’ve recently been applying it to a lot of different situations, both online and in real life.  While writing this piece, I did a quick internet search and discovered that the source is Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, so if you want to see the diagram described, it’s out there.

Imagine a large circle drawn on a chalkboard.  This circle represents everything in the universe.  Everything.  The price of tea in China, the weather in Namibia, traffic conditions in downtown Tampa, everything.

Now imagine a much smaller circle drawn inside of the Circle of Everything.  This smaller circle represents your Circle of Concern.  All of the things in the world that you have a legitimate reason to be concerned with are inside this circle.  This circle includes things like how long the drive through line at McDonald’s is going to be this morning, what kind of mood your boss is in today, and how many lanes will be closed due to construction on the interstate. 

Now imagine really tiny circle drawn inside your Circle of Concern.  This represents your Circle of Influence.  All of the things that you personally can have a direct influence on are inside this circle.  Things like what kind of clothes you wear, how much effort you put into doing your job, and what kind of attitude you approach life with are all in your Circle of Influence. 

You can’t control whether it’s going to rain or not, but you can control whether you have an umbrella with you or not.  You can’t control traffic conditions, but you can control how early you leave and what route you take.  You can’t control other people’s moods, but you can control how you react to those moods. 

As the internet takes over more and more of our lives, I see more and more people concerning themselves with things that are outside their Circle of Concern and trying to influence things that are outside their Circle of Influence.  Personally, I try to always keep in mind that other people’s behavior, online or otherwise, isn’t really in my Circle of Concern unless they’re interacting with me, and it’s certainly not in my Circle of Influence.

The lesson here is that the happiest and most successful people are generally those people who aren’t concerned with things that are outside their Circle of Concern and who don’t try to influence things that are outside their Circle of Influence.


3/22/2014 8:07:08 PM

In all of my wanderings around the internet, I've encountered quite a lot of people who don’t want to interact with someone who uses text speak or who doesn't at least make an effort to type with proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I've never encountered anyone who refused to interact with someone who doesn't use text speak and who always makes an effort to type with proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. See where I’m going with this?

1/4/2014 10:49:32 AM

I recently read an essay by Thomas Nagel titled “Concealment and Exposure” and was drawn to the following paragraphs: 

"The recent sexual revolution is an instructive case.  The fairly puritanical climate of the 1950s and early 1960s was displaced not by a tacit admission of sexual pluralism and withdrawal of the enforcement of orthodoxy, but by a frontal public attack, so that explicit sexual images and language, and open extramarital cohabitation and homosexuality became part of everyday life.  Unfortunately this was apparently inseparable from an ideology of sexual expressiveness that made the character of everyone's sexual inner life a matter of public interest, and something that one was expected to want to reveal.  This is undesirable in fact, because sexual attitudes are not universally compatible, and the deepest desires and fantasies of some are inevitably offensive to others. 

Not only that, but sex has unequal importance to different people.  It is now embarrassing for someone to admit that they don't care much about sex—as it was forty years ago embarrassing for someone to admit that sex was the most important thing in their lives—but both things are true of many people, and I suspect that it always has been the case.  The current public understanding, like that of the past, is an imposition on those whom it does not fit." 

I could write my own, very long essay in response to this idea, but I’ll keep it simple.  It is important and morally right to respect other people’s choices and preferences (obviously assuming they’re not hurting anyone else/breaking the law/poking a badger with a spoon—we’re keeping it simple, remember?). 

Look at the title of the essay: “Concealment and Exposure.”  I’ll respect your right to expose any and all information about yourself that you choose to, as long as you respect my right to conceal any and all information about myself that I choose to.  I’ll respect your preference of valuing sex as the greatest thing in the world, as long as you respect my preference of not really being interested in sex at all.  I’ll respect your choices to send sexually explicit messages, post nothing but cock shots on your profile, and generally behave as though you’re thinking with nothing but your cock, as long as you respect my choices to send non-sexually explicit messages, post nothing but G-rated photos on my profile, and generally behave as though BDSM is not all about sex.  I’ll respect your right to interact with me on this site in any way you choose to, as long as you respect my right to ignore and/or block you anytime and for any reason I choose to. 

Oh, and one more thing.  I’m not embarrassed to admit that I don’t care much about sex and that it’s not an important part of my life.  That’s something about myself that I’m happy to “expose.”  And if society would get over the idea that this kind of information should be “concealed,” I think we’d all be happier in the long run.

11/30/2013 2:01:26 PM

FYI: If you message me with the sole intention of telling me how bored you are, you will get one of two responses.  The first possibility is that I will simply say, "ok."  The second possibility is that I will reply with general silliness that is designed to entertain me, usually at your expense.  The reason for these two potential responses should be obvious, but I'll spell it out anyway: I don't give a flying fuck whether a random stranger on the internet is bored or not.  Get over it, cupcake.

11/29/2013 7:34:01 AM

Ok, this is just a heads up for anyone thinking about messaging me.  When it comes to things that entertain me, I have absolutely no self-control.  What this means is, if the wording of your message sets you up perfectly to be the butt of a joke, I will not be able to resist knocking you down with that joke.  You've been warned.

11/3/2013 2:03:00 PM

So here's a question that I'm honestly curious to know the answer to.  On a fairly regular basis, I get messages from guys who live at least 1,000 miles away from me asking me to do things to them that require being in the same room (for example, putting a cigarette out on their genitals or tying them up and inserting things into their rears).  Sometimes they offer money in exchange for these services, and sometimes they ask what it would take to get me to do these things to them.  I generally have some fun when I answer them, but now I really want to know, why are they sending this type of message to people who are so far away from them?  Does the brain inside a man's dick really have no sense of logic whatsoever or is it just bad at geography?  Discuss.

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