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| "Jeez, look at all this writing", you may think. I hope you'll forgive me for saddling you with all this, but I'm a first and foremost a writer, and it's my weakness to carry on... ;) Is it possible ever to know onesself? I do. I have learned much in thirty-one years, and the only thing I fear is to have died not having learned enough. Many scorpions have made their homes in my mind's ground; they are my wisdom and my myriad army of thoughts. They are my wisest counsel, though they make strange bedfellows and give me a quality of ruthlessness. Much of their stoicism and poison have marked me and made me who I am. And I, held up thus by my mind's army, actively worship the Truth; though sometimes too it eludes me. Am I a hypocrite because of this? Yes. I'm also very much, despite what those who may despise me say, Human. This means I'm made of flesh and bone, not an odd alloy of steel and indifference, though being so would solve many problems. Form of the Mind, form of the Man; an equation which ensures that though you may lie, it will never be to yourself; an essential quality if you don't wish to be lost within the labyrinth of your own mind, stalked by your darker qualities. I suppose you could call me a Professional Free spirit. I'm interested in a great many things, have lived in many places and learned many trades in life. What exactly? Okay, I'm a certified petrol mechanic; a certified actor, a writer who jumps into everything that interests him (fiction, non-fiction, poetry, plays, educational writings, journalism, internet forums, take your pick...), a playwright and stage director, a block of granite with a soft candy centre, a driver of cars and rider of motorcycles on road and track, a student of that beautiful wreck called the "human mind" and of the human condition. I know full well that not everybody who reads this to the end is going to approve... that's fine by me. No death threats or hate mail, please! I'm not really that unusual in what I'm looking for; I'm just more open than most about what I want. I find that it saves time and creates less resentment! An example of me: I'm currently forming a theatre company, and scripting a stage production that deals with so-called 'kinky' sex, debunks the myths and lies surrounding it and explains it's opportunities for self-exploration. Shock, horror! Yes, I'm knee-deep in things your mother would definitely not approve of. Comfort zones and smug little categories are not my thing. I'm also not a fan of political or religious zealotry in any shape or form. If it makes you happy, it doesn't leave a trail of bodies behind it and you don't try to force it down anyone's throat, it's fine by me. As the Zen master so famously didn't say: "You do your thing, I do my thing". In love and in life, I try my best to be as "This is me" as possible. That way, you know where you stand straight away, and you know you're talking to a flesh-and-blood person, not to the cardboard mask I may or may not be holding up. I don't believe in bragging, only in stating the facts about me frankly and honestly. Nor do I believe a person should censor themselves out of a fear of disapproval masquerading as modesty. Because of this belief, I learnt the hard way that I didn't fit into the corporate rat-race at all; I'm no good at the kind of duplicitous hypocrisy that's required to express your true opinion and still do your job as a cog in a machine. It's only fair that I warn you: I don't skirt awkward issues either. I'll talk frankly about my views on sex, death, religion, politics, government ineptitude, the price of the sugar in your petrol tank, what I believe love is and is not, and anything else that comes to mind. I don't censor myself, because there's no point in it. One thing I wouldn't want on my headstone when I die is: "He spoke with forked tongue." Sexually, I'm an experienced BDSM player (assuming the dominant role), educator and anti-political activist who's well-known in both the Cape Town and Johannesburg scenes. BDSM? What does that mean?... Black leather, high-heeled boots, whips and chains, 'masters' and 'slaves', people getting tied up and spanked? Well, yes. And no. It's that and an awful lot more, with impossible possibility to find out who you are and what your true potential really is; not just with a partner, but also in the Circus Maximus of life. If I had to give a full explanation of my version of BDSM for the uninitiated or merely curious, the result would take two weeks to read. If you'd really like to know, drop me a line. Even better, ask me face-to-face. To me, enthusiasm and energy are far more important than knowledge or experience. I'm a passionate person, living by the rules of passion, and usually ignoring the rest. I honour and respect those who lack the quality of self-deceit and who aren't ashamed or embarrassed at the power they wield - whoever they may be. All this may make it sound as though I'm a crazed maniac with sex on the brain. If that's what you think, you're entitled to your opinion, there's nothing I can do to change your mind, and we're probably not destined to meet. The point is that I'm a human being. I'm capable of laughing with complete abandon, of tears when I'm sad, of open rage if I'm abused. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that that's more than a lot of my contemporaries are capable of. What I mean to say is that I believe in healthy balance on all sides. Being sceptical isn't the same as being cynical, and approaching life with a healthy dose of realism isn't the same as being a kill-joy. It may be disturbing to the politically conservative, but as you now know, I don't hide stuff about myself. It creates far less strain for all involved if I just say: 'You want to know about me? Here, then; have a good look.' I've rocked a lot of boats in my life, and have had to swim to shore more than once as a result. So what? "Peace at any price" is not my motto. Who am I? I'm Me! What do I do? I exist. And on most days, I aim to enjoy life. It's enough. As for everything else; if you meet me, you'll find out - one way or another. Please don't think you're going to take me on easily or quickly; you will be surprised... With love and honour, Nikatreus
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