Your submission is a gift? So is my Dominance! 

I understand that surrendering yourself to the will of a Dominant is not something to be taken lightly, and that it requires a tremendous amount of trust and dedication to be that transparent and eager to please. So I'm not taking away anything at all from your act of submission, but there is something that so often goes unsaid, that really needs to be.

My Dominance is a gift, every bit as much as your submission. Read that twice, then continue, and I'll elaborate.

 Let's face it, in most cases, you've tried dating in the vanilla world and you've been turned off by those you can walk right over. The pedestal they place you on quickly gathers dust. You find yourself yawning. Dreaded thoughts of holidays with in-laws and Sunday afternoon 1/2 hour missionary sex sessions make you think the idea of snuff isn't quite so bad.

 Trust me, I understand. But so often, you come venturing out into this brave new world, and you slide right back into those subtle manipulations, like missing an agreed upon call, or throwing up excuses to see if we'll buy off on them.

 It's fine to test, but after a time or two, playing the same elementary school games gets very boring to us Dominants just as much as those vanilla guys bore you.

 You're likely to quickly defend your position; saying things like, "But I'm willing to give you so much more, to do so many things with you that I've never do with them."

I understand that as well.  However, you also forget that we Dominants spend time developing our skills, honing our own psyches, and in many cases, like my own, buying fresh tools and toys specifically for you.

Take a moment to think about all  time we spend constructing experiences for you, or delving into your mind with questions and discussions that bring out your highest potential, the time we spend checking and rechecking the rigging on our knot work to make sure that when we suspend your graceful body off the ground we do so safely.

 All of these things are the gift of our time, our attention, our expertise and our dedication to you in being the best Dominants we can be.

Understand that our Dominance is a gift with all the sacrifice implied by gifting submission.

When you decide it's time to test our patience, understand and process that it is no less sacrifice on our parts when we make commitments to you.

 Don't waste our time, any more than you'd like yours wasted. 

This life of ours can be a beautiful thing, far more intimate than most people can ever comprehend.

Let's keep it that way.

NOTE-->  Pictures of your sweaty hairy ass crack are NOT attractive.

The most common way I’ve heard Dominance described uses words that I wouldn’t use to describe a dog. Especially today – there are a LOT of anti-Dominant posts, and a lot of “Submissives Deserve XYZ” posts. But one thing I’ve almost never heard…what do Dominants deserve?

Where is our "10" list?

1. Know your Responsibilities.

Dominants have responsibilities. We hear a LOT about that in our community. We have the responsibility to be forgiving and understanding. We have the responsibility to be strong and independent. We have the responsibility to be wise and patient, and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and our partners. We have to accept accountability for whatever happens with the submissive. We have the responsibility to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions, and (often) our submissives’ actions.

Well, submissive responsibilities exist too. (No, not “suck my dick daily” kinds of responsibilities. Those are play rules, or relationship kinks.) Responsibilities in submission are supposed to include communication with your Dominant. Having patience with the relationship. Working to build trust with your partner. And having realistic expectations of the relationship, while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know…all the stuff below?

2. Remember Patience?

Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is a little girl…

When you start dating someone – you don’t ask them to marry you the first week out. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to be “collared” immediately? Why is there this pressure to invent a myriad variety of “collars” to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.

The same with fetishes. I understand you are a HUGE anal slut. But let’s build up to that. Yes, I can probably put together a scene with 23 different ass sensation toys, and a half dozen different positions, with FancyRopeWork (tm). But why? Let’s share other experiences. Let’s learn each other before moving into what should be a permanent relationship.

It takes time before a dominant becomes YOUR Master. It takes time for us to learn your little idiosyncrasies. It takes experience to recognize your body language, and to be able to intuit your fears and your feelings. There will be false starts, and stops, and pitfalls, and awkward situations. If you actually want a relationship with your Dominant…be realistic about it. (see #3)

Expecting us to immediately rock your world...it happens sometimes. But most of the time, it takes time and effort before we know you well enough to really rock out.

3. Have Realistic Expectations.

You aren't perfect? Well, neither am We. We’re learning every day. A good Dominant (one who will eventually be worthy of the title “Master”) is constantly working on those imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading. Expecting a 29 year old to pay for all your dates, have a fully equipped dungeon, be the perfect boyfriend, help pay your rent when you’re behind, god-like lover, and be a Master-of-All-Toys is, frankly, naive.

It takes a lot of work to build a relationship - and that relationship has to be built from both ends. We understand that you are sacrificing a lot when you surrender your body - often, so are we (see #9). We are as giving as we can be of our time, our money, and our emotions. It hurts us just as much when we're dropped, dumped, manipulated or lied to. But, you may have noticed, we don’t have “Dominant support” groups, by and large. So while you’re risking more of your body and heart on the front end – we’re risking a hell of a lot of our soul and our mind on the back end.

If we’re with you, and making an honest effort…respect that. We respect you (even when we’re calling you cunts while whipping your ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something amazing. We recognize your talents and efforts. Please, recognize ours.

4. Consistency.

It’s a real roller coaster ride to have a submissive who is one person in the morning, another at night, and a complete third when she skips her meds (see #7). And roller coasters are fun…but they don’t make for great daily activities.

We’re going to do the best we can to enforce the rules consistently. To respond to your needs as much as we can, when we can. To be the same Dominant on Monday that we are Saturday night. What we ask in return? The same thing from you. Make the effort (see #9) to follow those rules. Don’t give us the A#1 effort Saturday night at the party, and then just coast on the relationship for the rest of the week.

There’s something to be said for a sub who is the same Monday through Sunday in her level of devotion, her level of commitment, and her level of caring. We honestly don’t care if that level is low, medium, high, or barely existent. We’ll work with that – that’s what a Dominant does. We motivate, we train, and we guide. But if you’re giving us a different persona and a different level of submission every other day… the greatest Master in the scene couldn’t deal with that 24/7. Neither can we.

5. Discretion within the relationship.

Yeah, so. Going online and chatting in a slaves group, or on , about how your Master doesn't scratch your itch, or how you're so disappointed he didn't do SexyMoveA#1 last night? That's not cool. We don't (believe it or not) go around gossiping with every Dominant we know about how tight your ass was last night, or how funny you looked sobbing after an emotional edge play scene. Please have the same courtesy - don't assume that just because you're the submissive, you can talk about anything in our relationship that you want to and call it "submissive sharing". If you have a genuine issue in the relationship - we should be the first person you talk to about it. Not your online friends. See #10 about that.

This is not an endorsement of abuse. If you are being abused (physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically, sexually, etc.), for the love of God, go to your local shelter. Your nearest victim advocate. Or the closest police station.

But please bear in mind – below that particular level? Relationships will always have problems…talking to your partner solves a LOT of them.

6. Trust. (No really, actual trust, not "earn it or else" trust)

No, this doesn’t mean trust me immediately from word one. That would be insane.
But this ties in with #8 and #9. You’ve heard the old adage “trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort. And communication (see #10). From both parties. Trust is a two way street. If your Dominant has to constantly prove that he’s worthy of your trust, then why are you with him?

I was once with a woman who had me convinced that it was a Dominant’s job to constantly be earning and re-earning trust. I heard the mantra of “a Master /earns/ trust” at least once a day. The entire relationship was one long marathon of constant effort to “earn” her trust by doing everything she wanted, and never disagreeing with her. It took a slap ‘round the head and shoulders by a senior Dominant and very trusted friend before I realized that I was being used.

7. Sanity.

This is a no brainer. But unfortunately, it rarely gets spoken of in our lifestyle. If you have depression, bi-polar, manic episodes, or have been described by previous friends, dominants or family members as a "wild and crazy" type...the odds are that you, in fact, need therapy. Possibly medication. There’s no shame in that – a HUGE percentage of people in this modern world have psychological issues that need to be addressed with pills or therapy. Please seek it BEFORE approaching a dominant. We, in return, will attempt to do the same for our own issues. Entering deeply emotional and effort-related relationships should be done AFTER the mental health issues are addressed and under control.

8. Stop Recycling the Past.

Your last Dominant hurt you. Or didn't measure up. I understand that, personally. My last submissive didn't either (see #7). But that said...this is us, starting fresh. I certainly want to know if your last Dom was abusive, hurtful, or cruel. You need to know if my last submissive was, too. That's part of the whole "communication skills" thing in #10 and it will affect how we interact. I do NOT, however, need to hear a daily address list of the A-Z of everything you ever disliked about him...or a weekly update on how I compare to him. Considering that I probably don't do any of the former, and don't care about the latter. This is a new relationship. You wouldn't enjoy me constantly comparing you, out loud, to my last girl. You wouldn't enjoy an intimate partner constantly comparing you to their last lover. I don't enjoy it either. Keep the past, in the past.

9. Honest Effort and Understanding.

You want us to know how hard submission is? Well, we want you to know how hard Domination is. We have to think in three dimensions about the emotional and psychological impact of everything from our tone of voice to our tools, from our clothes and cologne to our cock and cunt hair. It's exhausting at times, and just like submissives...sometimes we burn out. Sometimes we're too tired to be SparkleMasterLeatherDom/me. And just like we are expected (by our Dominant brothers and sisters, if not by our submissives) to be consistently understanding and supportive of slaves rights and feelings...we deserve a little consideration ourselves.

10. Communication Skills.

Domination AND submission. Master AND slave. Top AND bottom. Please note the "and". You AND me. The "and"? That has a lot of meaning. It means that just as much as you expect us, the Dominants, to communicate with you about your training and performance...we expect the same. We deserve the same. If you have concerns - you need to talk to us, not post it somewhere. If you feel hurt, you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your with your Dom, not slam them to all of your friends. If you honestly believe that your Dom has problems? Talk to them about it. Be a big girl/boy/boi/slave/slut/whore/bottom/queer/toy/androgyne.

But if you can't communicate at least as well as you expect your Dominant to communicate to you? If you aren’t making the honest effort (see #9) to become a better communicator? Then you're the problem, not the Dom.

Current or Former Military are strongly encouraged to apply.

What I must mention here is that in order for me to even consider you as a potential slave, you must appeal to the Woman first. I'm not vanilla but I'm not super bitch in heels either. I'm naturally dominant but if you don't appeal to the Woman first, the Domina has no use for you.

To serve me is to want me. It is your passion to pursue me, to attempt to seduce me, to entice me to use you even knowing you may be rejected.  Boldness in slaves is HIGHLY important. If you're timid, shy or unwilling to tempt the temptress, I will tire of you easily.

I will not run around in fetish gear, high heels, lingerie or half naked. I will not cuckold you in the traditional sense. If you want to know what that means, ask. I might tell you.  I will not use long term chastity as a crutch to control a male. This is the lazy way weak women use to subdue what males should be. I like my males to be gloriously male, warriors seeking to compete for my attention, to tempt me to mate as it were.

I will not feminize, sissify or turn you into a fairy.  I've no interest in bathroom sports, or anyone just looking for a sugar momma. I am not looking for domestic slaves that do nothing but housework. I'm not going to engage in cyber sex, on-line training or cyber ownership. Its not real to me. I get nothing out of it. Period.

This brings me to another important fact. Living in my home, under my rules, training and collar means I control the money. Period. I set this up fairly and will explain if asked.

 Here is more pertinent information about Me:

 I have references and a wealth of experience from recent play partners. I also have a great deal of knowledge stemming from 3 years as a pro dominatrix...not domme. I owned half of a functioning and successful professional dungeon and fetish nightclub in TX. Life circumstances changed that some time ago. I am not a pro now nor do I seek to be again. My total breadth of experience has ranged for 17+ years. 

My mentor was an "old guard" gay leather dom. I learned the simple pleasure of protocol, ritual, and training. All of those things are important to me. I train my slaves, not just expect them to come out of a box. This is only possible with intelligent, thinking material to work with. Yes, there is a time when the slave becomes fully trained and maintenance is all that is required.

I believe D/s is an expression of how we are naturally wired. Human beings have gotten quite far from our instincts and primal senses. I do believe in a form of Female Supremacy. I don't however, buy into the musings of Elise Sutton or any of her minions. Don't bother me with that misplaced reverse Freudian mother complex garbage.

I don't have any fetishes so don't bore me with yours. What draws me still to this is the lifestyle and TPE aspect. The rest of it, really is just a means to that end.

There are, of course, things I do enjoy in this context. Those things are:

Inflicting pain, spanking, flogging, single tails, CBT, bondage (rope and otherwise), humiliation, degradation, objectification, service, protocol, ritual, collar & leash, strap on, forced bi, sensory play, deprivation, waxing, tickling, etc. I could go into minute detail but the most important thing is total power exchange. The afore mentioned are just methods to that madness.