I'm not that fantasy Lady who will take you away from your life of ordinary work, toxic relationships, or any other problem. Your life is yours, and so are your problems. I'm good at being supportive as you work through them, but if you're imagining being taken away from your job and everyone you know and kept in a cage in a dank basement where your only worries are pain and pleasing me... write an erotic novel, because that shit doesn't actually work out well in real life.

If you ever become my submissive:
I will not support you financially.
I will not be okay with you having no friends or emotional support network other than me.
I will not ride in and wave a wand and fix everything that's wrong with your life - that is not how fixing lives works.
I will not invest time and energy into making you less of an asshole if you are an unapologetic asshole.
I will not put you in a cage all day every day for the rest of your life. Just no.

I will be a friend and partner as well as a Domme.
I will give you opportunities to make connections with new people if you're currently isolated.
I will require you to spend time with your friends and family if you have them, and eventually meet them myself.
I will offer emotional support and concrete help as YOU do the legwork to handle your problems.
I will gently correct you when you're an asshole accidentally, and when you're an asshole on purpose we will discuss it; I will not reward jerky behaviour with a flogging.
I will be in an adult relationship with you in which you are expected to be an intelligent, capable adult who defers to me without resentment and expresses your concerns when you have some.

What I really crave is someone intelligent and fun who can engage with me on an intellectual level as well as enjoy compatible interests on a sexual level. I'd love to find someone with their own life and interests, who doesn't want to give up these things in a relationship.

I want to know what fascinates you, what you love about your life, what you're working toward for your future. Being submissive isn't your only character trait. What are you like when you're out in public - are you shy or outgoing? What do your friends like about you? What's something you're proud of? Who do you call when you're sad or lonely or bored or excited or afraid? Where do the ideas that inspire you come from? Do you read? What do you read? What makes you laugh? What makes you sad? What are you afraid of?

These are the kinds of things I like to find out when I get to know someone new. Later, when I know them better, I'll ask them other questions. Does it turn you on to be pinned down? How do you feel about someone biting or scratching you in a sexual context? Have you ever been fucked with a strapon? How do you feel about spanking? What about flogging? Does the idea of being tied up and helpless excite you? Do you like being teased?

If you decide to message me, please start a conversation. I'm not just looking for someone I can have kinky sex with - I'm looking for someone I'll actually like. Tell me who you are, what drives you. Do it eloquently and with respect for the language, and I'll very likely be interested.

I just want someone clever and fun who's sexually compatible. I'm not bothered about gender or experience level or race or height/weight or any of that shit. So why do I feel like I just might be one of the choosiest people here?

I think I understand some of the reasons some people want to feel small, powerless, objec tified. And honestly, I love to provide those sensations. I love to feel strong and powerful and to use others for my pleasure. And yet, at the same time, I who am so aroused at seeing my partners powerless, helpless, ob jectified... I am so turned off when someone presents himself as such to me at first contact.

I've gotten messages from and seen profiles from s-types - almost all male - that are just showcases of vulnerability. "Use me! Abuse me! I'm worthless and powerless and somebody, anybody, please let me be vulnerable to you."

It makes me think that need must be overpowering, that overwhelming urge to belong to someone, to have your power taken away or at least guided by someone else. The problem is, when you showcase your vulnerability without the context of your personality, that vulnerability loses its meaning. If all you tell people is your deepest darkest thoughts, you may experience catharsis, but it's not a great way for them to know you as a person.

When someone I care about, someone I'm attracted to and fascinated by, makes the choice to allow themselves to be vulnerable to me, it's sexy. The connection of trust and the fact that they're doing it for me and the fact that it's someone I find attractive all add up to "holy shit, it's so hot that they'd do this for me".

When it's just a random person on the Internet... I have no reason to care. If I have no investment in you as a person, or knowledge even of who you are beyond it, introducing yourself as "the slave who just deserves to be used and beaten and o bjectified" without the context of who you are beyond that fails to be meaningful vulnerability and just becomes generic desperation. Especially when it seems like you don't care who uses you.

I'm not saying that anonymous catharsis doesn't have its place. I'm not even saying that it's not possible to form a real connection with someone who knows from the word go exactly how you want to be vulnerable. What I do mean is that for that vulnerability to be meaningful, I need some context about the rest of your personality, the rest of your reality. Otherwise you're just one more picture of a bare ass on the Internet and one more profile full of desperation to be used.

If you're interested in meaningful vulnerability, rather than just anonymous desperation, you're the sort of person I might like to know.

If it seems incongruous to you that a Domme would have "Female Supremacy" on her "hates" list, here's why.

It's not that I don't want to dominate the absolute fuck out of people I find attractive. I love being the Lady in charge of a relationship. I just think there's just something seriously wrong with acting like EVERYONE should subscribe to a "the-woman's-in-charge" dynamic just because I love it for myself. It works for me and the people I choose to date, but when you start believing that your sexual tastes point the way to a deeper truth, I begin to suspect you're delusional. 

I dominate others because I enjoy it, because it fulfils me. Some women prefer to be dominated, and actually, that's fantastic, because I've dated some of those submissive women, and I am glad to have had those relationships. Some men are dominant. A lot of people are switches. Many relationships aren't even het, so deciding dominance based on gender makes zero fucking sense. Hell, a lot of people don't identify as a man OR as a woman, or identify as both at different times. Oodles of people the world over aren't even into D/s.

There is absolutely not a single fucking good reason why all women would be superior to all men, why women should always be in charge. Assigning power on the basis of sex or gender is deeply problematic, and as a feminist, as a Domme, and as a human being the whole female supremacy thing disturbs me deeply. If you can't see why, think for a moment about the assholes who insist that all women should be submissive to men.*

Your kinks are your kinks. It just creeps me the fuck out when people act like personal sexual tastes are a good basis for how gender relations should work.

*Obviously misogyny is way more disturbing, though, because women and people read as women actually really do suffer as a result of real-life institutionalised sexism, whereas female supremacists are a tiny fringe group operating in the context of a male-dominated society. Still, though, it's disturbing as fuck to hear you essentially say "sexism would totally be ideal if the genders were only reversed!" It means you've missed the fucking point.