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Nefric

Nefric - photo 1
Nefric - photo 2

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Friends:
devildoll999

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I am a Dom and I am married but my wonderful wife is very vanilla. She has encouraged me to go and more fully understand the Dom side of myself. I have lately started to go to attend some of the local munches looking to meet people and to learn.

I am more interested in meeting people in my area and making friends. Taking things slow and giving this the time and attention that it needs. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. So making friends and learning about myself as a Dom is the path I am on right now. Lots to be learned from both other Dom and from wonderful submissives.

I am not looking to have a online connection. I want to be able to sit and talk with people face to face. I am always open to meeting people from all over and enjoy emailing and chatting online. I just don't want to play online.


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12/8/2008 5:18:44 PM
I want to say thanks to Julie Spanks and Lee Harrington for the wonderful talks that Lee gave at the Conservatory this past weekend. I was only lucky enough to attend the talks on Sunday. The first talk "Harnessing  Courage: walking your path of erotic authenticity" was a really good one. It got me thinking about the labels I use for myself and others, and why do we need labels to help us feel comfortable or reassured. lee pointed out that many times one of the first questions you will be asked at a party or munch is "what are you?". Not who are you? or How are you doing? why is that? I have had very limited experience at munches and play parties, and I have been asked this question. I am not saying that the question does not have its usefulness, but would it be better to just get to know someone and let them reveal what they want and desire as they become comfortable talking with you. Trust and honesty in my mind being the foundation to any good fun relationship, be it vanilla, D/s or master/slave doesn't it seem like the best course of action is just talking and getting to know people? Well that is just some of the thinking Lee stirred up in my mind. Someone was saying that Lee may be back in February in the Eugene area, and that it would be announced on the PDX BDSM group. If he does come to Eugene I encourage folks to make the time and go.

11/12/2008 5:17:06 PM
I have gotten messages from people I have not even talked with yet asking me to add the to my yahoo msger. And a wonderful sub pointed out to me that one can share too much in the journal here. There are people out there who are looking to use others and I have to remind myself of that. I had a "dominant" ask me to YM with them when I asked why they said so that I could see them. I had never talked with this person, in anyway before so why would I want to see them?? I just got the feeling that they were a scammer,  I told them so, and the messages suddenly stopped. It is hard enough to find others who see the world through the same slightly bent lens that I do without scammers and false people getting in there and mucking up the works/.

11/11/2008 9:16:44 AM
Well it has been a good few days. I went to the Portland Leather Alliance's vendors fair and play party this past weekend. I spent too much at the vendors fair...though finally got a copy of Different Loving that the wife is reading first. I did find a couple of things I found surprising or interesting. At the fair I found pocket sized how to books on caning and wax play...they struck me a funny, I could see a new Dom pulling out his/her pocket reference in the middle of a scene. The one thing I found most surprising or maybe most unanticipated was the amount of laughter. Folks who know each other laughing and teasing each other. The way BDSM is portrayed is so somber and dark, and I know that the media really does not understand or  even want to understand, but this was my first play party, so everything was new to me and my only reference so far has been the media. So much to learn and so many wonderful people to meet. Now that is my idea of a good time.

I never thought I would do much with a single tail, but after watching a man named Tim wield one so skillfully I am intrigued and would say that I will try one out some time in the future.

11/5/2008 10:52:26 AM
When you are starting this journey into fully understanding who you are and you find that parts of you do not fit with the wider society around you, it can be troubling. For years I have just put away my dominant side. Thinking that it was not a important part of who I am. This little white lie seemingly cost me nothing. But in the last 10 years I have been married to a wonderful woman whose love and support has given me the room and confidence to look hard at who I really am and what really makes me happy. My wife is a great source of happiness in my life but learning to be completely honest with myself and accepting myself for all my quirks and darker impulses has really lifted a weight from my soul. In the last year I have come out first to myself and lately to some friends about being bisexual. That has been wonderful, so taking the next step and acknowledging that I am a Dom and that I am drawn to so "darker" things has been a good also. I have not told our close friends, other than our roommate about it. But I am finding that there are others in my local community that understand what I am discovering about myself. My wonderful wife is very vanilla so we have spent a lot of time talking  about the hows and the whys of my getting involved with the local bdsm community and the possibility of me finding a sub/slave. We  as a couple are starting to go to munches, I have been to a couple by myself, but we see that her coming too can make things easier on her. How many couples talk about one of them going off and tying up and spanking someone  without the other? As in any relationship there are insecurities and passions and the only thing that I will not compromise on is that she and I both have to be comfortable as I move deeper into the bdsm community. Perfect people we are not, and I know that there are many more long talks in our future,  especially when I find a sub/slave who I think is a good match for me and me for them, and the reality of adding a relationship to our relationship as man and wife becomes a real thing and not just a maybe.

11/3/2008 9:47:28 AM
So many times on the BB is see the answer to someones question is time and time again "communicate, communicate, communicate." As I have been learning that is so true. But I have recently come to understand that you first have to communicate with yourself. Become clear on what you want, who you are wanting, and how you like to proceed in getting what you want and in finding who you want. When meeting for the first time getting caught up in the moment can lead to not clearly saying what you need to say, as I have found out. The problem is compounded if you have not taken the time to fully understand your wants and needs for yourself. Life is a journey and learning is something that hopefully we never stop doing, but man can it be a kick in the balls sometimes.

10/31/2008 5:27:31 PM
I am learning that I just need to take the time to let things evolve, when I am talking with a sub about maybe getting together. When you first start talking, the emails are flying back and forth and then you meet and hopefully have a great time talking and getting to know each other some. What I was not expecting is the need to let things just hang in the air after that first meeting. I know what I am looking for and when I find it, I tend to want to move forward, I am seeing that for others that they need time to mull things over some, to get comfortable with things. I am a novice to the bdsm lifestyle and I guess at times I show that more than others.

10/26/2008 9:57:03 AM
In following the boards I cam across an interesting post, that talked about the dom within. The basic idea is that you do the right things in your life because of the dom you possess inside yourself. I found the idea very interesting. I know since coming to accept that I am a Dom, I know that I check myself at times. For me it comes down to 3 things. 1) I know who I am, 2) I do not let the world steal my identity from me, and 3) I claim each day. I know sounds like of like a affirmation that some psychologist might give someone. But for me remembering who I am helps me move through thoughts of uncertainty and doubt. All of us humans have such thoughts as we move through a day, it is how we handle them that can set some apart. That is the not letting the world steal my identity from me part for me. If I give in to my fears and doubts I am not being the strong, capable, dominate man I know I am. Claiming each day is me just deciding to not waste a day, to get what I need to get done each day, some days that is relaxing giving myself some time off, other days its hitting the books prepping for a test. So I know that I am a strong, capable, intelligent, dominate man and so I challenge myself each day to act like it. 

10/22/2008 7:38:45 AM
This has been a very interesting few days. I have been going to a local bdsm group, and a couple of munches, and as a novice Dom I really wasn't finding much in the way of help. I do know that this will take time and I will need to build some personal relationships with other Doms before I can expect anyone to offer to help me be a proper Dom.

A person on the CL bulletin board told me about this site and I have to say I have really enjoyed it. The forums have help me understand some things and I have meet a lovely submissive through the site.

I meet Amber for the first time in person a few days ago and it was a wonderful and enlightening meeting.  Thank you Amber.

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ZoeyZohan
 
 Age: 21
 St louis, Missouri