Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

Vertical Line

As a person I like to think of myself as confident but not a ****. I'm a very humble man. I understand that there's a time to give and be loving and understanding. I also believe in standing up for what I believe and not being walked on. I'm always there for my friends and loved ones. I don't run from adversity. I care what people think of me because I believe in being the best man I can be. It's not about attention for me. It's about the importance of ones own honor and respect for those around him. As for what I do for a living, I work as a graphic arts teacher at a local college. Its a great job and honestly gives me the time I need to do other things like my writing. It also is because of my job that I do not post an image of me. Georgia as a state has been known to fire teachers for far lesser things than this and for the moment I plan on keeping my job. GOALS:
Looking to find a way into the writing business. At what capacity, I'm writing my first mystery novel at the moment and plan on doing much more. I really want to find a submissive woman to love and share in the beauty that is life. I also want to continue to help those around me I care for to achieve their goals. WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT:
I honestly am what I say I am, to me bdsm is about much more than me giving you orders. It is about the bond of trust a dominant and a submissive have between one another. This is key for any relationship but for what we want is even more important. As I am not here for some kink or fun. I am here to make friends and to hopefully find the one woman I can not live without. BDSM:
I have been in the lifestyle since I was 19 and while some say they live this lifestyle, for me it does not define me but is a part of who I am. I am also a romantic, a caring and kind man, as well as a writer and poet. ABOUT YOU:
You are curious about the world around you. You can take a joke and are not easily offended. You believe that sarcasm is a spice of life. You can spell, and are generally happy. The rest is negotiable.

Horizontal Line

2/27/2013 5:40:52 PM

Today I am going to cover a topic that seems constant within the BDSM community.  It is sad that a lifestyle that is considered "alternative" and leads to the ostracizing of so many by the vanilla world would take such an approach.  But, alas, it is the case and one that I witnessed for years, especially in the online world.

Difficult Path


The Internet has been a mixed blessing for the BDSM community.  While it has allowed for the spread of information and opened up the lifestyle to many more people, it is also a medium that requires some specialized skills to navigate.  One of the foundations of the Internet is anonymity.   A person has the ability to become whatever he or she wants.  There is no way to verify everything that a person is saying.  That is why this mechanism is so wrought with fraud.  Almost all of us has received the email from the Prince who has $30M back in his home country that he is willing to share if you provide the $10,000 to assist him in getting it back.  It is a scammers paradise.

Certainly not everyone is a fraud and a scammer.  However, my experience is that half of the "people" online are not who they claim to be.  Some are married when they state they are single but are just looking for some online fun.  Others are assuming a role of the opposite sex for their giggles.  And still others are short and plump when they claim to be tall, dark, and handsome.  This is the reality of what we deal with when engaging others online.

Clicks


In addition to the frauds, another problem I noticed if the fact that people can get very "clickish" when dealing online.  It is interesting to watch how people will protect each other when in fact, most likely, they are nothing more than characters on a screen to each other.  Sure it is possible that they interact through more traditional mediums but not likely when you notice that many are in separate parts of the world.  Regardless of their relations, the sad fact is that clicks are a sign of immaturity and the fact that they are so common tells me the level of maturity of most.  This is something that makes me think we are back in high school.

Another problem with this behavior is for those who are new and truly have the desire to learn.  Have you noticed how mistakes are not tolerated?  This is commonplace on the sites where "protocol" is the norm.  These are the places where a bunch of "doms" demand respect and all subs are to behavior in a certain manner.  Another part of my experience is that most of these dominants are nothing more than buffoons who really have no idea what domination is.  At the same time, someone who is new is being indoctrinated into this stupidity.  BDSM is about freedom and personal development.  Behaving in a rote manner is a sign of laziness and lacking in imagination.  Yet these are the places that many flock to.  In turn, our submissive is surrounded by others who believe this is how things are.  Sadly, if the new person begins to question or strays from the protocol, he or she (most likely she) is ostracized.

Rudeness 


 The bottom line is there is a great deal of rudeness which takes place.  It still baffles me how common courtesy is absent.  I guess it is to be expected when one is a borderline fraud and he or she is well aware of it.  Fear makes people behave in strange ways.  When one is possessive of other or his/her place, it is natural that person is going to be aggressive in defending that.  Yet, this only reflects upon that person and tells anyone watching "I am insecure".

Those who are comfortable with themselves do not feel the need to be rude.  I have no problem with being respectful nor interactive with anyone regardless of their "position" within the lifestyle.  The fact that I am dominant and have lived a certain way thus gaining experiences that perhaps others do not have at this moment does not put me higher on the scale.  A new person,dominant or submissive, is just another individual.  That person has feelings and desires the same as everyone else.  Sadly, this outlook is not commonplace.

Again, one's behavior reflects more on them than the other person.  So, if you are one who is rude and ignoring people because they do not fit into your click, take a look at your actions.  What is that saying about yourself and, more importantly, why do you behave in such a way?  What are you afraid of?  Why do you feel the need to instantly degrade someone just because you are supposedly dominant?  It is best to remember the person on the other end of your interaction is a human being.  Just because he or she does not adhere to your protocol or fit into your click, that is your hangup.  If you need to behave in such a manner, that shows that you are both immature and scared.   Perhaps you should think about growing up; high school is over.

It is time that we all start approaching one another in a more respectful, genuine manner.  People who are involved in this lifestyle find enough ways to be ostracized by the vanilla world.  There is no need for us to compound the situation without our interactions.


2/15/2013 5:48:17 AM

We all know the Internet has created an atmosphere where things are different then they were years ago. One area in particular that changed is with protocol. Before, while existing in certain circles, protocol was limited to an individual choice. For example, a Master might have some particular protocol that he expected his slave to follow. It was an individual choice regardless of others around. At the same time, certain groups might have particular ideas that were followed. However, there was nothing concrete with flexibility available.

The Internet changed all that. Today, there are an assortment of ideas which are mandated by the online community. Enter into a chatroom and you will be expected to behave in a certain manner. Fail to follow the proper tradition and risk being chastised in a major way. This is especially true for those who profess to be Gorean.

Relationship


A fundamental mistake that proponents of this concept make is that D/s and M/s are relationships. They are not scripted events that can be laid out like a play. While many believe that a book written in the 1970s contains all the answers to what one encounters in life, the truth is it does not. Adhering to this idea is akin to believing that Dr. Spock had all the answers for raising a child. Any parent will tell you there were a few chapters missing in his books. The same is true for the BDSM world. No matter how much you adhere to protocol, it does not provide all the instances which you will encounter.

People need to realize that relationships are made up of and centered around individuals. Each person brings certain attributes to the interaction while seeking to get something out of it that satisfies some need(s). Therefore, these mechanisms are dynamic simply in the fact that everyone on this planet is different and few of us fit ideally into a 'box'.

Protocol is an attempt at a shortcut to success. This means that those who implement it to the degree where it becomes almost religious are trying to absolve themselves of the time and effort required to establish a successful relationship. It is a proven fact that relationships take work. I feel most fail because they depend upon the protocol to run their relationships as opposed to doing it themselves.

The Submission Process


Much is written about the process one goes through to submit. As I travel around the Internet I see a ton of protocol pertaining to this subject. Sadly, other than for a good laugh, most of it is worthless.

Once again we get back the the basic idea that relationships are about individuals. It is impossible to design a plan of operation that will encompass everyone. In fact, I find that you cannot even do this for most of the people. Individuality is something that is at our core as humans. Therefore, having a written agenda of how one is to submit is inane.

So, how does this process work if not by protocol? Simple. Submission happens naturally. It is something that two people who are designed for this lifestyle can feel as it is happening and understand. There is no fight for or against it. The interaction leads to more natural decisions. It is a route that is followed in keeping with one's natural core.

Therefore, the submission process is nothing more than a natural interaction between two people. Here, you have one who is dominant and another who is submissive. Those two criteria provide a basis for a match. From that point, the communication entails exchanging ideas about what each person likes and dislikes. This is called determining if two people are compatible. After that, the discussions will consist of topics such as long term life plans, logistical facts, and time periods for moving forward if that is the chosen path. Contrary to what the online community believes, the fact that one is dominant and the other submissive are not the only requirements for a successful relationship.

Finally, the couple gets to the point where they decide they are going to be together. I find that the submission process happens naturally. There is no one moment in time where she offers it and he accepts it. Instead, it is something that is moved towards on a daily basis (with the occasional moving away from when pitfalls are encountered). The people involved in the relationship, due to their communication, know what is occurring. Each can feel it and is, hopefully, happy about it. Ultimately, we are all seeking fulfillment. Tapping into that core essence is how we accomplish this. BDSM is a way many of us reach this zenith in our daily lives.

Consider this idea the next time you see someone asking about the submission process or trying to find out how one finds a Master. The answer is to interact like a human being. Communicating like and dislikes as a means of establishing compatibility is essential. Too often this step if overlooked. It is a simple fact that it is impossible to get along with everyone. The one you might be chatting with could be someone who will make your skin crawl in a few months. Take the time in the beginning to find a path that feels natural for you. Remember, there should not be any forcing of the situation. Successful relationships are never forced.


2/13/2013 5:35:02 PM

What am I tired of seeing here? People, in my observation, enter the BDSM world in a manner that is only befitting of a child. Their behavior, both online and in person, is abysmal. For this reason I figured I would deliver the message that it is time to grow up.

Miserable Failures


I see so many who come upon this way of life after being complete failures in their traditional lives. This stands to reason since most all of us are here because the vanilla world simply did not suit us. However, there is a percentage of our population who take this even further. In addition to being ill-equipped to deal with parity-based relationships, they show a complete inability to deal with life in general. And this is where the problems arise.

BDSM is not an avenue of escape. Too many determine this lifestyle offers the chance to rid oneself of responsibility. After having so many relationships (platonic in addition to sexual), our new dominants and subs conclude that BDSM is a way to shun all the problems. Of course, anyone who has any sense of practicality knows this is not the case.

Failure quickly ensures for people who take this approach. I see many "slaves", as an example, who proclaim on websites that they are looking for a Master "to take care of them". Certainly, any true Master knows this is par for the course. However, the slaves in question believe that being taken care of equates to a complete lack of responsibility. Any slave who feels he or she does not have to behave in a responsible manner or that feels everything will be removed from him/her are of no use to anyone. A good slave has many responsibilities that are assigned to her. Therefore, to conclude that the life of a slave is without onus are setting themselves for a harsh reality check.

Pragmatic Versus Fantasy


Part of being adult is being pragmatic about things. Certainly, it is a healthy exercise to dream, set goals, plan for the future, and, yes, even fantasize. However, these have to be balanced with a pragmatic outlook. Life is not lived solely in compliance with emotions nor does logic total rule. There needs to be a blending of the two to succeed.

We see those who arrive at sites online with the fairy tale outlook upon life. To start, they are thrilled to have found something that strikes a deep cord within them. I can appreciate this. I equate this initial realization to the feeling of finally coming home. My personal story attests to this. Nevertheless, the nirvana does not end there. Suddenly this individual "meets" someone online and, thus, begins the whirlwind love affair. Our new person goes from being excited to completely illogical in a matter of a few days. This is where we see the posts proclaiming love for the Master or slave forever.

In most cases this is purely fantasy and we usually see things peter out in a matter of a few weeks. In most instances, the truth does eventually emerge; the other individual was not exactly the person he or she proclaimed to be. This is commonplace. Anyone who looks at things pragmatically understands this and exercises a degree of caution. Only a child runs out into traffic without looking. Adults knows that a certain amount of investigation and relationship building is necessary before proclamations can be made. Over time, wonderful relationships can emerge that start online, but they take time and effort to develop. They also require the use of traditional modes of communication such as the telephone and in person visits. Without these, one is "falling in love" with words on a screen. Who knows if they are even real.

18 and Over


The final piece that I want to touch upon is the fact that we deal in a lifestyle that is adult in nature. Many people seem to miss this point. Instead, they behave in a manner that is befitting the bingo parlor. The fact is we are adults and discuss issues that are not meant for immature ears.

I am always amazed at how easily people are offended. The BDSM world, especially online, can have a bit of the wild west feel to it. In other words, almost anything goes. There are many different outlooks upon life and the lifestyle, thus increasing the chance you will encounter those who do not agree with your views. In addition, many people focus their attention upon sexual issues, oftentimes in great detail. If words such as cock, cunt, pussy, and ass offend you, perhaps heading back to match.com is a good move for you. Many sites require that you click that you are at least 18 years of age since the topics are adult oriented.

Another aspect to the Puritan outlook we often see pertains to sex itself. I am equally astonished how uptight some people are even when claiming to be in this lifestyle. There are many different aspects to BDSM and there will be some things that arent for you. However, just because it is not your flavor, that does not mean it is disgusting or perverted. That is the mentality that many of us are trying to get away from. Judgments, while always present, are to be kept to a minimum. There are people you will encounter who are into things you can only imagine. Every walk of life is represented in BDSM and some people live in completely outrageous manners. That is their business. If you dont want to have sex with a roomful of people, that is your choice. Nevertheless, be adult when dealing with someone who does (or did) and leave your ideals at the door. It is their life just as you have yours.

In closing, try to approach how we live in befitting of an adult. This is not Romper Room even those many of us does have a room full of toys.


2/11/2013 2:30:44 AM

BDSM is about freedom. I write this statement often which usually will get a snicker out of people. How can a life choice that includes bondage, slavery, and Masters have anything to do with freedom? Simple. If you use the title of this post as your definition of freedom, you can see how those who are involved in BDSM are free.

Ignorantly Imprisoned


The average person is a prisoner. I do not care what statistic or study you refer to, it is a simple fact that most people are unhappy. They despise their work, live in unhappy relationships, and abuse drugs and/or alcohol. We see the percentages in each of these areas increasing which means the problem is only getting worse.

I am an enemy of the traditional mindset of society. Being a lover of freedom, I detest how people's individualism is being eroded for the sake of the powerful. Today, people are taught the rule of conformity as a means to happiness and success. Of course, the studies are showing how false this is. Instead, we have an entire class (the majority) living in an imprisoned state without even knowing it. They are ignorantly imprisoned.

Few have the kahunas to make a choice that breaks from the norm. Approaching things in this manner means that one risks being ostracized by those closest to him or her. Individuality is not recognized without a judgment. Those around us are usually willing to express their disappointed opinion. Therefore, most conform.

Rejection is the Path


Living the life you want means rejecting the common notions that society presents. I like to say that dogma is dogma regardless of the source. Parents, governments, and churches all have their take on how you should live your life. Failure to do so carries with it certain 'penalties' ranging from a lack of approval to eternal damnation. In other words, you are condemned if you stray outside the norm of acceptability.

BDSM is about individual choice. We do not create a 'cookie cutter' type outlook. People are free to choose to structure their relationships however they desire. While I am a proponent of people keeping certain concepts according to definition, I do not believe anyone is required to live in a particular pattern. Individuals are free to select whatever model of relationship they want even if it is a combining of different aspects of many. This is your life, not anyone else.

Starting in the Mind


Most are in situations that was mandated by societal edict. For example, it is not uncommon for someone to be in a vanilla marriage when he or she finds this lifestyle. The search was stimulated by something within and suddenly the dominant or submissive trait was exposed. Of course, the issue arises when one desires his/her partner act in a manner that reciprocates the inner need. This is where the problem sets in. One cannot make a square peg fit into a round hole.

Whenever I encounter a situation such as this, I am sure to mention that one is most likely 'stuck' in that position for the immediate future. Thus, it is best not to try to go from vanilla to M/s in 2.2 seconds. Life does not work that way. Instead, one is wise to use the time to learn and understand what this lifestyle is all about. There are many layers to explore and being bound to a vanilla relationship allows one to safely navigate what can be dangerous waters.

BDSM starts with the mind. It is said the brain is the most powerful sex organ. This is true. No matter what one's internal mechanism, either dominant or submissive, each carries a degree of mental adjusting. The BDSM world and relationship therein are vastly different from the traditional mode. Anyone who wants to succeed in this arena needs to make that mental conversion. Time is an ally in this endeavor.

Of course, most people want to approach it in the opposite manner. Instead of using time to their advantage, they want to jump in full barrel. That is why we see so many people in relationships with the wrong type of people after being around this life for a few weeks. Impatience is one thing that will stop you from living the life you want. Do you really want to trade one nightmare for another? Seems most do since they are unwilling to follow the suggestions of others. Alas, I have given up trying to reason with people of this ilk. Their unhappiness will follow them because they cannot get out of their own way.

For the remaining cast, I will tell you that BDSM is freedom. You can live the life you want. Be willing to accept that it might take some time to get there. Along the way, there are some decisions to make which will be difficult. Many people are affected by your choices....do not believe that you live in a vacuum. Consider the effect on those around you. However, always remember that being true to yourself is of utmost importance. A life of servitude and bondage just might be your path to freedom.


2/10/2013 6:52:57 AM

I see profiles from women on here how do I find my One or Master? It is always interesting to see people's journals about this. Once again, we find people who want a "cookie cutter" solution to the life.

Relate To The Traditional World

My fundamental tenet is to always relate things to the traditional world to see if something that is occurring within this life is absurd. The above question is completely asinine when you compare it to the vanilla world. Common sense is something that seems lacking when many approach this way of life.

My comparison is to think of a vanilla dating site and consider a similar question. For instance, how likely is it that you will see one post this: how do I go about finding a husband (wife)? I surmise that if this is posted, the person will be under the age of 10. My reasoning is that everyone in society who is over that age knows how the interpersonal relationship works. It is not something that is kept a secret.

At the same time, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of ways to go about finding a spouse. People meet each other through work, friends, dating sites, personal ads, or simply in the supermarket. The "manual" on dating and love is rewritten hundreds of times each year by authors touting the "secret". Each situation differs based upon the individual needs.

BDSM Is No Different

In many ways, BDSM is no different from what we already know. When you get to the essence, the primary difference is how the power structure is broken down. Other than that, we are often dealing with the same issues as the rest of the world. Thus, a BDSM relationship is nothing more than another relationship. All interpersonal skills apply.

How does one go about finding a Master (slave)? The same way one would go about finding a girlfriend or boyfriend. It starts with putting oneself in a situation where he or she will encounter available people. The Internet makes this process easier (while also making it more difficult). One cannot successfully fish unless he or she casts a line in the water. Getting into a BDSM relationship requires placing ourselves in position to meet others.

Another aspect in this is to get involved. Travel to many of the "BDSM dating" sites and you will find profiles stating something like "Master seeking slave-email me". Again, if we go to the vanilla sites, do you think there are profiles stating "Man seeking girlfriend-email me". If this is done, what do you think of a person who does this? I would conclude he is an obnoxious ass. Certainly, we can agree that this is not commonplace within the vanilla world. People will tell about themselves.

Not so in the BDSM world. This concept is on profiles all over the net. People seem to lose interpersonal skills as soon as BDSM is involved. I cannot tell you how many times I encountered someone who said that he is looking for a slave; anyone interested? Like anyone worth a lick is going to respond to that. What the hell is he offering? What are his qualifications? Simple ideas that are instantly overlooked by those who are floating around the life.

In the end, finding someone to have a relationship with requires the same dedication and effort as in the traditional world. There are no shortcuts here. People who take the time to consider what they are seeking themselves have a head start on everyone else. Knowing yourself and your desires enables you to identify what you are seeking when you run across it. This can shorten the process.

Bear in mind that we are all individuals. What I want certainly is different from the desires of many others. Whether dominant or submissive, we all have things that we want in a relationship. Identifying those characteristics goes a long way to being able to match someone up. Start the process today to avoid headaches down the road. This life is not as mysterious as people make it out to be. Normal interpersonal skills still apply.


2/8/2013 5:36:26 AM

Society has a way of "brainwashing" us into determining what we need to believe. It establishes what is considered normal, thus creating what is also not normal. We find this in every aspect of life. The truth is, our lives are here to be created as we see fit.

The BDSM lifestyle is considered an "alternative" approach. This simply means that it is not mainstream. However, I feel that more people practice BDSM then do not. While I will grant most are not into total power exchange, the majority experiment with spanking, tying each other up, and other sex games. This all is a form of BDSM. Therefore, what society promotes is not necessarily the truth.

Forging your own life involves breaking free from the conditioning that is so powerful within our different cultures. We are taught from a young age to believe certain things that "they" feel is in our best interest. Sadly, it often is not. Having the courage to shed the "herd mentality" is difficult. Yet, the rewards are well worth it. It is only by actively looking at all our beliefs that we can call ourselves "free".

Why do I bring all of this up? It is simple. Many new people question what they encounter when they approach the BDSM lifestyle. Depending upon what facet they are looking at, they feel that there is something wrong with what is going on inside them. This is evidence of the conditioning. Here is where having the courage to shed the old ideas is imperative.

Society promotes equality. It is a myth that is used to gain control over the masses (I will not delve into this debate at this time but it is something I studied a great deal). BDSM promotes inequality. The exchange of power is fundamental in every relationship that exists. BDSM strays from the norm that exists out there.

BDSM, like most alternative lifestyles, exists within the confines of society while forging it's own path. The same is true for its members. We are everyday people who you encounter on the street. The difference is how we choose to structure our personal lives.

Having a successful BDSM life (or any other life for that matter) requires shedding the ideas that society implements. It is something that many rational adults engage upon. Reflection is a helpful practice. I found that it allows me to identify those areas in which society places me in "bondage". My values tell me that I need to remove those chains whenever I can.

Forging your life starts with your mind. The BDSM mindset is very different from that of mainstream society. Adopting the proper mental outlook will enhance your chances of success in this way of life.


2/7/2013 2:50:12 AM

The Internet really changed the way the BDSM world operates. This technology really made it possible for the lifestyle to move from an “underground” society to something that is more accepted. The spread of information has allowed new people to learn about something which was previously not accessible to them. This is a wonderful benefit of this.

However, there is a drawback to this also. Many engage in online activities which makes them believe that what they are experiencing is real. While the Internet is a wonderful tool, it is important to remember that is all it is. This mechanism allows for one to meet people from all over the world. Yet, this can never replace the real time contact that is truly what this lifestyle is really about.

What is the Internet beneficial for.

1. It allows one to access to a wider range of ideas and techniques.

2. An online relationship will allow one to learn more about a potential Dom/Master and for a basis for a relationship to form (if both parties are honest).

3. A network of other subs/slaves can be set up to receive guidance from more experienced people.

This is what the online world offer. Please do not think that it is real. The step from online to real is vastly different. I see so many who think that because they were involved online for the past 2 years that they are experienced. It is not so. Until you dealt with the day-to-day issues of being with a Dom/Master or the daily interaction with a sub/slave, you really haven’t experienced what this life is all about. Perhaps there was a glimpse of it. Yet it is not until the relationship moves into real time that there is truly a BDSM situation. Short of that, it is more fantasy or role playing.


2/6/2013 5:01:32 PM

My name is Nathan, yes it is my real name. I will be honest with you and upfront. What I am looking for is my one. This said I do not plain to rush into anything and I am not looking for an online relationship or fling. I want to find someone for a serious relationship. As such I have high expectations and do not plan to settle for less.


Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
DeWinter
 
 Age: 29
 Forest Hills, New York