If honesty pays off, then maybe after 25+ years I'll be able to be done with this fantasy.
If not, it'll just be more of the same. :(
Decades ago when I was in high school I dated a girl who today I would call a dominant. At the time we were just kids so "BDSM" and other terms never entered into it; we were just exploring and pushing boundaries and liking things the more we pushed. We started off with spanking and slapping then progressed to bondage, cross-dressing and more.
One night she peed on me when she came. She said it was an accident but later told me it was something she wanted to keep doing. I came to really enjoy it and soon it was a regular part of our relationship.
One night, she told me that someday soon she was going to poop in my mouth. I reacted like you would expect but she said I'd do it or the other fun and games would stop. I never actually said OK to her desire but I never said no because I was a dumb teen boy.
Well, she tried it a few times and said she "couldn't bring herself to do it." She told me that some day she would be able to and I should expect it.
Well, we broke up without that ever being fulfilled.
And I found myself wondering what it would have been like had she actually done it.
I've been wondering ever since because I haven't found a woman willing to do it.
Well, no woman that didn't want me to pay more than my house payment to do it.
So I'm on collarme because I'm hoping there might be a woman somewhere in the Nashville area who is into edgier play that might be willing to show me a little compassion (or pity) and give me the chance to see if this fantasy really is something I want or just years of wondering building up something that when I did it I would immediately regret.
I know it's a long shot. But it's one that I have to take because until I can experience it I know it'll keep plaguing my mind.
8/2/2011 6:11:44 AM
Well, I guess I should have expected what I found on Collar Me. Either insulting comments about what a sick horrible person I am for my desires or people wanting me to give them money to do it. I guess it's time just to give up on everything.
