mzticstormz on Collarspace

Yes, this is a rant and because this is a rant it may not be nice or funny. You may see yourself in it, I know I sure found myself here and I am guilty of a few of these trespasses to some degree but I have learned better. Some people just never seem to learn and they astound me with the depths of their stupidity, what about you? I mean seriously, do you want to be the person in any one of the following points, if not, get a fucking life, read a book, stop badgering, dick measuring, and being obnoxious cum-dumpsters.

I’m going to simplify a few things right off the bat, bearing in mind the reading level of the audience to whom this is directed. D-type represents tops, dom/mes, masters, mistresses and slave-owners of both sexes. Generally read it as the one in control. S-type should be the obvious antonym, or the opposite. OK, I’ll spell it out for you, submissive, bottom, slave, server, and yes, even the counter-person at the fast food joint you frequent.

I’m going to answer some queries from the past couple of years of being in the local scene and respond with some vitriol to some of the numb-ass antics that go on in this lovely little back-water berg and frankly, to add the benefit of the doubt, this isn’t the only berg that sees this kind of thing, I have been out of this province before and I’ve been around for more than just a few months.

• NO, NO, NO – I am not going home with you to smoke up. I don’t care how you got it, how good it is or anything about it other then you have it near me and want me to participate. No, I will not smoke up with you anywhere under any circumstances and I really resent that you bring it to events and brag about it. I am even more offended by the fact that someone mentioned a gift of it at a private event in a thread that was thankfully sanitized. You wonder why we won’t go out, because you turned us into fucking targets. Jesus fucking Christ you’re a dumbass if you think that isn’t watched by someone somewhere in a police capacity.

• I do not go to events just so you can pull me aside and bitch to me for 20 minutes about someone else or about someone else commenting on your play style. As I said then, you got issues, go see the person you got issues with. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like I’m the teacher of a grade school playground. I really don’t give a fuck how you play or who you play with provided you are doing it with respect, consent and adequate negotiation. If you can’t do that then you are a flaming mother fucking dickwad.

• Just to reiterate, I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like me now, because chances are pretty good you really won’t like me when you are done reading, assuming that you can read this much material and comprehend any of it.

• I read, and if I don’t understand what I read, I get a translator. I look stuff up if it confuses me or requires further analysis. I don’t go bitching at the OP or the event organizer; I look up words and ask questions. You should try it sometime.

• Sock puppets are for wimps just so we are clear on that, and obviously for snooping around on the people that had the good sense to block you to start with.

• BLOCKING:You get blocked for 2 reasons, either fear or annoyance. So either way it’s a win since you were either scared off or pissed off, or you are so totally manipulated by your D-type that you will do anything that they say including block the people they find threatening. Either way that makes the S-type a douchebag too. I refuse to control my S-type to the point where I am making all the decisions, that’s a lot of fucking work and they are adults, which are why they are my S-types, I still like them with a brain that hasn’t been beat out of them.

• I don’t care if you don’t like me because chances are pretty good that you annoy me and are not worth my time, the very time that it takes to look you up and block you.

• I don’t con people, I don’t ego stroke, and I don’t expect you to like everything that I do in a scene. I am not doing the scene with you so your opinion isn’t worth shit anyway.

• Don’t call me Lady, Mistress or Miss! Call me by my name and if you don’t know it ask! Besides this is a consent thing that I happen to be into and it goes both ways and I did not consent to you calling me by an honorific. You are not my S-type and that is the only one with the privilege of using a title with me as negotiated for a scene.

• I am into consent and YOU DO NOT OWN MY ASS and I don’t own yours so you’ll get called whatever the fuck your name is, not Sir, not Miss and sure as fuck not Master. You can go fuck yourself and because this is not the military I will do it with prejudice and I won’t be doing it with any due respect to your self-appointed title.

• Nepotism in any organization is always the death of it, just saying.

• I do not need a dungeon in which to scene. It can create a nice mood and has some awesome perks, but I have an imagination and that works wonders for us.

• You are not a Lady, or a Sir when you exhibit zero self-control, spill your fucking booze everywhere, and grab a flogger after you’ve been drinking heavily and go and whack the first S-type that happens to look unattached and you do it without permission. No consent. You got that, you didn’t get consent and that makes you a fucking ass, not a lady or a sir.

• You are the still a mostly sober D-type and you’re swinging away at the drunk S-type, you’re no better. You’re still a fucking ass, but at least you know how hard you are hitting. That’s the only thing we can give you here, some awareness.

• You are not the punisher, controller, or manipulator of all S-types. They didn’t give you that control now fuck right the hell off and leave them alone unless they grant permission. And S-types that sit around looking for D-types to punish them by acting out and making naughty remarks, you are not my S-type, so fuck off, I’m not going to punish you. Consent works both ways and I didn’t accept your petition of submission and naughty comments are not a petition so stop bugging me with your shit and take it elsewhere.

• Sex is part of kink, and kinks and fetishes (yes there is a fucking difference, go look it up!) are a turn on, but sex is not the only kink. I don’t need to hear about your web cam exploits with Mr Wyoming or Ms Alberta. I do not need to know who you are doing now, how often or how big it is. For fuck’s sake, your dick or your partner’s dick is no interest to me, unless I can see a medical curiosity like some idiot that opted for bifurcation (again you can look it up). So if sex is your kink, remember it may not be someone else’s kink and sharing can be just plain annoying.

• Eating, eating and more fucking eating. Yes we need food and drink at events, but holy fuck do we need to become diabetic? Some you make amazing food, but a play party is not a god-damn cook-off and I’m not going to go broke trying to compete with you here. As for the others that I know that don’t know how to cook, get a cookbook, they’re cheap and they work and you can make far healthier food for yourself and your family than you can ever get by going to a restaurant. Learn about the Canada food-guide, it’s on the fucking internet and it’s government, and you pay taxes and they’ll send you the information for free. Read and learn a little about your body and nutrition and put the fucking remote down. So bottom line on this is that whining about your weight is not sexy!

• Kink is about Sexy too!!! Sexy is not a fucking always a wifebeater with your best jeans and a ballcap unless that really is what you are both into. Sexy is not about your street clothes, make a fucking effort here people. Define sexy for yourself and your partner and have at it.

• I just want to touch on the roots of the leather culture for a moment as a lot of BDSM comes from the leather men and ladies and we have adopted it and absconded with parts of it. One of the things that a lot of hetero-BDSM’ers didn’t seem to take form the culture though is RESPECT the other is CONSENT, but I’ll come back to that again. RESPECT, just have some fucking respect for others that are not in the lifestyle. Have some respect for the S-type counter guy (he’s there because he needs a paycheck not your domineering bullshit). Say “please” and “thank you”. Stop stumping your dicks with every other D-type that enters a building. Someone always comes up short in a dick-measuring contest. Stop assuming that just because you are bi-curious that every other woman in the room is too. They may not want to see your boobs even if they are big and pretty. Stop trying to scare everyone away from where you are sitting. If it’s a public place, others have just as much right to be there as you, so have some respect people.

• Lack of discretion is becoming a big thing for me. Try having a little of that too, It kind of goes with the whole respect thing. Maybe I just don’t want to be outted to my vanilla acquaintance that happens to have shown up somewhere the same time as all of the kinksters. Maybe getting outted to that person by your disrespectful behaviour could jeopardize my family relationships, or my career. Have you actually given any thought whatsoever to what it could do to someone if you accidentally out them? No, I didn’t think so. Idiot.

• Kids of any age at a coffee meet or munch really doesn’t bother me when they are still a suckling babe in arms. Mind you, swollen breast-feeding boobs are not that attractive to me even though I am bi-curious, but back to the point: I am not your fucking babysitter, so don’t leave the god-damned thing with me while you go for a smoke. Again, respect, ask, don’t assume that I am going to be comfortable with the germ and shit factory that you spawned. I am not nor will I ever be. I didn’t breed and I don’t really like children. Yes, you can hate me for this, again I don’t give a fuck.

• Back to being in public with some of you fucktards: Not only are you disrespectful and not discreet, but if anyone did ask why I am out with you, I can not come up with a good answer because I can’t say “they’re parents on my kid’s sports team”. That’s a fail cause I didn’t breed so my answer is that I volunteer with “special needs adults” I bet you’re proud of your behavior now.

• What is with people not wanting to get educated about the things they do every Saturday night? Why do you not want to understand your physiognomy? Why do you not want to know what is safe? Why do you not want to know the difference between SSC and RACK? Why are you not curious? What the fuck is wrong with you? Am I naïve to think that a little, preferably a lot, of education is a good thing? Which leads into the following:

• Rope, yes, I know enough not to kill my partner. I tend to use safe ties that don’t pull on joints and I try to remain aware of some pre-existing nerve damage so I am never going to treat my rope-bottom as if he is a nubile 20 year old gymnast that is so prlook it up).

• Blood-play. Yes, it’s cool and it takes practice to do some of the things you all do with needles and knives, but have you considered that you are doing it in a “public place”? Have you considered that blood can carry an infection or two and those droplets that we can not always see in mood-lit spaces can end up where we didn’t intend them? Have you also considered reminding the fainters that this is going to happen? Fuck, I don’t know which is worse, picking the dead-faint up off a concrete floor and taking them to hospital for head-stitches because they walked into a room at the wrong moment or having to take your S-type to ER because you slipped? Go do it, it is fun to play with knives, I like it, but I like it best in a controlled environment with no distractions and no fainters.

• Allergies, you’d be surprised who is allergic to what, including the awesome food that gets made. Anybody got an epi-pen, do you know who in your group needs one, for what and where it is? It’s a god-damn safety people. Explaining lolcurious related injuries to ER is not that fucking amusing, nor is explaining the expired anaphylactic shock victim on the dungeon floor to some cops. Think about it.

• First Aid kits – have you at least got some basics in your kit? Have you even got a kit? These things abound in drugstores for 30-50 bucks for a really decent kit that isn’t that heavy. Yes, you should add some stuff to it depending on your play style but you should have one. You do not want to depend on a first-aid kit that someone else has. You never know what supplies have been depleted, you may not be able to find what you need fast enough because you don’t know where to look, and you don’t know what has expired either.

• Back to education for a moment: you don’t line up for a scene, that’s a demo you moron. A scene is a negotiated event that has a beginning, middle and end. A scene is not when you ask anyone about the weight of the floggers they are using to Florentine the S-type. That really should be about the time you get hit with a stick, but since that wasn’t part of the negotiated scene, you’re just thought of as an ass.

• During the scene is not the time to start a “Hi, nice to see you” conversation because chances are pretty good that you are interrupting. You are not part of the scene, have some respect for the players. Jesus, do you really want to be responsible for distracting a D-type when they are trying to run a needle through someone’s tits and they miss because you were loud and obnoxiously calling their name? Really, do you want that to be you that caused an S-type kidney damage because you came over and slapped the D-type on the back in the middle of a flogger swing? Really, you are not a friend, you’re a freaking stupid sadist and you don’t even know it.

• Your opinion of your own self worth and mastery or level of submission is not necessarily shared by me, and now that I have either scared you or pissed you off, go ahead and block me. As I have said before I don’t give a fuck but if the shoe fits baby, and you see your behavior in here, maybe you can learn something even though this is not a fucking demo.

• Remember, you consented to reading this; I didn’t make you, you could have said “red” anytime and stopped. You could have made the appropriate hand-signal that would have called an end to this. I respect your choice to play in my sandbox today and I respect your choice to either continue to play with me or leave. Your choice, just hope you learned something besides the fact that I can be a harsh bitch some days.

Kind regards to all who share the ideals of consent and respect.

Nine Levels of Submission by Diane Vera

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