I'm giving up on Ds.  The overwhelming moral turpitude of the people involved has done me in, they think that everything is fine as long as they wave the kink flag over it, so it's fine to lie, to cheat on a partner, break up relationships, the list goes on and on.

It's not fine, just because you're involved in kink you're not given a pass on being a good person.  I am tired of the reprobates, so stick a fork in me, I'm done.

I'm going to be at the Mays Landing Munch on Tuesday, December 6th, it starts at 7:00 PM, and it's our annual Holiday Party, so in addition to a $10 door fee, we're doing a Yankee Swap too, so a $10 gift wrapped in plain paper is good too.  It's held at the Mays LAnding VFW Halll on Route 50, please park in the back.

My computer is away being fixed, so I only pop on CM on occasion.

Sigh.  Just take the time to read a profile, this will save both of us time and aggravation.

I'm bright and I can spot a form letter a mile away.  I'd rather have something simple and personal then something done with a cookie cutter because it shows that you've actually read my profile and felt a connection.  Form letters are just a means of trolling, and actually are a form of laziness, which doesn't cut it in my world.

Two things I greatly value in a submissive: consistency and transparency.  If I don't see them, then it goes no further.

So, if you can't do this or that, I want to know why.

Make it simple, except when a previous bad expereince is invovled, then go into depth.  If I don't know about a previous trauma then I can't disarm it, and we're both in trouble, it's called Quicksand.

An example of Quicksand:  You were playing with someone, you were blindfolded, and something went wrong, and they didn't know how to disarm the situation. 

The next time someone puts a blindfold on you, you feel uncomfortable due to a flashback the previous situation, but you say nothing.  Things progress, and so does your anxiety to the point where you call "red".  It's not the current persons fault, it's all due to the previous situation, and you need to deal with this before going forward again.

Dominants are like snowflakes, no two are ever the same.  So if you're seeking memorex of a previous relationship, then be prepared to be lonely.

Lazy, lazy, lazy....people won't take the time to read a profile, then they ask me questions that have been addressed in the profile already, so guess what?  They get a buckshot reply and blocked.  End of dilemna.

This is to the switch that keeps sending me PM's, the answer is NO, I don't deal with switches, period.  Your persistant whinning got you blocked, enjoy.

LOL...I love when people put the word "discrete" in their profile, it's code for "I'm-Married-And-Want-Something-On-The-Side".  Pffffttttt!

There was an incredible moon last night, and I hope you had a chance to view it with more then a glance.  I went to the beach and took some pictures, too bad I didn't have a better camera, it was so beautiful.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

Just for the record, I don't do "online" training, I don't like typing that much.  There's plenty of Pay Per Views that do that, so contact them for that.   RT or no time is my motto.

Here's an example.  Someone from the Midwest contacted me with a nice, generic form letter. Now I do specify local as a requirement for contacting me, but I was nice and told him basicially thanks but no thanks  and asked if he was planning to move to New Jersey.

This is his response:

"i am very confident that, with Your proper and consistent mental training, over time, i can be all that You want me to be that most pleases You., i feel i need Your consistent mental training at start, to learn focus...soandso, blahblahblah on yahoo messenger."

So.....I'm supposed to type my life away to give him "proper and consistant mental training"?

 



Did he address my direct question?  NO.

So rather then waste any more of my precious time, I blocked him.

I guess he thought he'd be the exception....and he guessed WRONG.

I'm just about ready to either give up Ds totally or take a serious hiatus. 

I'm so sick of all of the baloney involved. 

 I've been searching for over a year now, and no one seems to read profiles these days.  If I state that something isn't acceptable, it's not up for negotiation. 

 So if you're too young, too far, a switch, a bottom, only interested in a fetish, a crossdresser, married or living with nilla, I REALLY don't want to hear from you and stop sending me mail.  No exceptions!  I want the real, and I want someone local, I will never move for a submissive again, once was plenty.

By the way, if I see you use the word slave in your screen name or profile, be prepared to explain what this means to you, I will ask.

For me it's a red flag of sorts, for slaves are rare, so you are warned.

I repeat, for those who decided not to read my profile, that if you send a two sentence message, that's either generic or poorly written, I won't even reply.  you have been warned.

And if your profile is the same, once again, no reply.

I won't waste your time, and you won't waste mine.

"I have been married to my vanilla soul mate for many years. I don't see this as keeping me from finding my BDSM D/s soul mate."

OMG....this made me laugh today, this guy is clueless.  As if a dominant wants someone else's leftovers.

Just a FYI, if you're rude, you're blocked, it's just that simple. 

Philadelphia Leather Pride Night

Yes I went and it was terrific!  Usually in Philly, one crowd goes to this event, another crowd goes to another, but this night there truly was a real cross section of the Leather community. There were the hardcore Leathermen, the full rig Leather Dykes, The M/s crowd, the Dsers and the suburban kinsters, every group was represented that night, which in Philly is a major miracle!  And it worked.  Everyone enjoyed the entertainment, and the auction to raise money for Leather charities was a lot of fun, and raised $10,000, not bad for one evenings work.

Next year I highly recommend going to this event, no matter what your focus is, it's for a good cause, and a tremendous evening in so many ways too!

I'm glad you took the time to read through my journal, I have a lot to say here.

When approaching me, one of the things I'd like to see in your letter of Introduction (Make sure it's more then a sentence and use Spellcheck, I hate to see sloppy writing.) is something about your base in Ds: are you relationship based, play based, or both?  It's important, so don't forget to discuss this in your inroduction. 

Remember, First Impressions are important whether it's here in writing and your profile (lack of a profile counts against you) or in person.  Put your best foot foward, I like to see a submissive work at something! 

Long Distance Relationships and why I won't do that.

I've had a fair amount of interest from submissives that are not local, even though I do specify in my profile that someone has to be local when approaching me.  And I do understand that finding someone local is difficult, for both Dominants and submissives. Some have called me cold hearted for not wanting to get involved with someone long distance, but I'm far from that. 

It's all about what you want in your life, I want the everyday.  LDR's (long distance relationships) promote honeymoons, not the real.  My last relationship started as a LDR, and during the honeymoon phase, it was wonderful.  Then I moved there to live 24/7, and the honeymoon was over.  My ex turned out to be a self-focused bottom, and it was a power struggle for four years.  Never again. 

So don't take it as personal rejection when I say no due to distance, it's not.  I'm rejecting the drama and logistics, not the person, and I'd appreciate if everyone understood that.

If I can't call you up and have you here within a reasonable amount of time, then what is the point to it all?  I'm all about the real, and will never do a long distance relationship again, so don't even approach me if you're not local.

I live in Ocean City, so take a look at your map, if you are more then an hour away from there, then you're not for me.  Also I prefer closer then that, so if you are an hour away, be prepared to drive a bit.  If that's an issue, I wish you well in your further search.

How To Find A Mistress 0 Comments

Journal Entry written 3 days ago by Naamaire

[originally posted in the group "Submissive men and women who love them"]

"How do I find a dominant woman?" is the number one topic started by new men to this group, and so I've decided to start a thread on that topic and make it sticky (git yer minds out of tha gutter! ) so that we can just refer new guys here.

I don't claim to be an expert and I don't intend for my comments to be exhaustive or authoritative. Please feel free to add to this with your own experiences, dom and sub, male and female.

Also, this thread is about finding a dominant non-pro partner in real life. "How To Find A Pro-Domme" and "How To Find An On-Line Mistress" would both be good threads for someone with experience in those areas to start.

First off, I wish I could offer a quick and easy answer, believe me, I do. But there isn't any magic word ("Kimota" doesn't work, I tried it). There isn't any official ANSI standard for proper sub-like behavior, and there isn't any Instant Domme (Just Add Water). I have my doubts about the Tooth Fairy as well.

What I can offer is my experiences in my local BDSM scene. Your millage may vary.

First off, Get Local. allows you to search groups by location. Find the groups in your area and join them. That's where you'll find the people in your area, and that's where you'll find out what's going on in your town.

Next, Get Out. I doubt very seriously that leather clad dominatrices are canvassing your neighborhood looking for subs. (If they are, let me know where you live.) If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. Go to munches, go to play parties, go to educational events. Show up! If you don't have time go out and try to meet people then you aren't going to have much of a social life in any scene.

Make Friends. Don't just spend your time hovering around Goddess Kickyouintheface, talk to everybody. You won't like everybody, but you will find people that you can be comfortable and relax around, and being comfortable and relaxed makes you more attractive. Most local communities are very insular and everybody knows everybody. You may have no interest in playing with Sir Joe or Slave Ginger, but you could end up being friends with them and when their friend Ms Georgina is looking for a new boy-toy, your name may come up.

Get Involved. I can't stress this one enough. Almost all BDSM events are run by volunteers and it is usually the same 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. Showing up early for set up or staying late for break down is the best networking tool I know. It's easier to talk to people when you're doing something, and people remember who helped set up.

Don't Worry About The Kink. I know this sounds counter-intuitive since your ultimate goal is to find someone to explore the BDSM lifestyle with, but, honestly, the mechanics are not all that important. I have never personally seen a D/s couple break up over incompatibility of fetishes. If the relationship is solid, the kinks have a way of working themselves out. Just because a dominant woman doesn't list A, B, and C on her profile doesn't mean that she won't ever be interested in doing A, B, or C with you. Once she realizes that doing something is a quick way to reduce you to a quivering ball of jelly it may become her favorite activity--but only if she cares about you as a person first.

Be A "Gentleman". I'm not going to even try to define that word, only you can do that. But whatever your personal ideal of man who is worthy of respect is, be that. Remember, when all is said and done you are still a man looking for a woman. Leave the crap about "worthless worms" on the internet. Be the best man that you can be, your manners, your morals, your dress and grooming.

I'm sure that there's more, and I hope the members of this group will speak up to add, clarify, and even disagree with what I have to say. This thread is intended to be a work in progress.

I won't sugar-coat the issue. It's tough to be a submissive male looking for a partner. But I honestly believe that this group is a place for us to share our experiences and knowledge and help each other to find what we are looking for.

It's a lot like life. 1 Comment

Journal Entry written about 3 hours ago by Naamaire

[originally posted in "The Newbie Spot for subs and Dominants"]

Today I served my lover.

This morning I put the trash out by the curb, and this afternoon I stopped by the store and picked up some milk. Then, let's see, I fed the dog and let him out, did some leftover dishes from the weekend, and started a pot of water boiling so that she can cook when she gets home.

Not terribly sexy, is it? I wasn't naked, wasn't in chains, and there was no threat of dire punishment if I failed in my duties.

But it made me happy. When my lover gets home from work she'll have an easier evening because of what I have done. She likes to cook, and she'll find the kitchen counters clean, the cutting boards wiped down, and rice cooker cleaned and put away.

A 24/7 lifestyle doesn't mean being in a scene 24/7. It doesn't mean being in role 24/7. It means being considerate 24/7.

Considerate. It's not a word we hear a lot in the lifestyle. But we should, because it means thinking about what we are doing. We who are submissives in particular should be aware of how our actions impact our dominants. When I get home from work I have about an hour before my lover gets home and I make a deliberate effort to pause and consider what will make my lover happy to see when she gets home.

And that means knowing her as a person. That means knowing that she has been fighting traffic all the way home and is frazzled. That means knowing that she wants to eat and kick off her shoes and check her e-mail without being pestered.

And therein lies the difference between fantasy and reality. Sure, it would be fun to meet her at the door naked and kneeling and blindfolded, but it's just not practical. She knows that I am sexually subservient to her, I don't need to prove that. What I need to do is sort through the day's mail for the bills that are due and try to stem the rising tide of dog hair that threatens to engulf our house.

That's service. That's devotion.

The checklist below is a way for me to get to know you better. Not all items below are necessarily things that I get into, or would be a requirement on your part. If you see "No Interest" listed, that means I have no interest in the activity, so no response is needed.

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

1. For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity.
2. For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.

• "?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
• NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
• 0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit Officer Wes to do it if it he really wanted it (sometimes called a "soft limit").
• 1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
• 2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
• 3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
• 4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
• 5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.

Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for me to know in the margin to the right. For example, under "uniforms" you might have a different fetish for military versus police.  

• Have you had any traumatic experiences in all of this?  If so, discuss this.

• Do you own any sex toys, bondage equipment, or other erotica? If so, describe.

• What has been your most intense experience in all of this?  Both good and bad, and go into depth about it. 

Pansexual Versus Bisexual


I know I've listed Myself as bisexual here but that's just because CM doesn't offer the choice of Pansexual, which is closer to the mark really.


Pansexual means the plumbing is a secondary consideration to the quality of the person, and the quality of their submission.


I've owned both male and female submissives, and yes, there are differences there, but it's the person and submissive that matters to Me.