Being in Love with someone who is in the middle east is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Communication is not always the best. I am an insecure woman when it comes to him, you would never know it if you met me in person.
Ya see we have a history, years and years of history. In the past he has left me. Just stopped all communication. This time it is different the love is so strong. But in the back of my mind, I have that fear of him just walking away again when things get tough.
That's when my insecurities come through. I also listened to a supposed friend who made me question if he was being truthful to me or not. Why would I do that ? Make him feel that way? Then I have to question my friends intentions as most males when saying what he did have hidden agendas, this one I know had feelings for me in the past, but I listened anyway.
My mind runs away with me. I question everything, then when I hear from him, I am told this is pissing him off. Which I totally understand why.
I want to feel confident with him. I want our relationship to build and get stronger. I trust him with all of me, I just don't know how to get passed this fear.
When we were together last. I heard about his trips home. When he was supposed to come see me. I know he saw the hurt in my eyes, I think about that daily. I wish things were different but this is his job. This what he does for a living. The first time we talked I didn't think I would fall for him like I did, I loved him almost instantly.
Then I think this is a two way relationship, I have every right to feel worried and insecure of abandonment. He has done it before. That being said it isn't fair for me to constantly have that in the back of my mind. He doesn't deserve that part of me, lets be honest I don't even like that part of me.
Hopefully this is just a bump in the road called life and he will realize that We are worth all of this.

Missing him more then he can even imagine. I hope he is thinking about me as well

I will get back to our night .........but first I need to tell him how I feel.

The first night we kissed and fucked, I would say make love but we both know the way we were it was fucking..... was more amazing than I could have imagined.  Your hand wrapped around my neck was so intense and exciting I have never felt that way before. Never felt that I could give my life over to someone and trust them completely. I cant wait until I can give you my ass, wear your collar and have you push me well beyond my limits. I love you

We met. I fell more in love with him. I have never fully submitted to anyone before. I drove to Columbus to meet him. The stress level was crazy. Emotions were overwhelming. I knocked on the doOr. Suitcase falls out of my hand. Our lips met. He told me to settle down. I was breathless. He laid me on the bed I could feel his heart beating out of his chest. All I could say was I love you which he easily said back. You see I am shy. Well the pants came off. All I could think about was tonight is the night I offer him my ass. He kissed my inner thighs touched me and made me crazy. Then slapped my inner thighs which hurt but you know the good hurt. He rubbed my clit until I came. Then grabbing my face I opened my mouth. He shoved his cock into my hungry mouth with force. Grabbing my long blonde hair pulling hard. Started fucking my mouth. I couldn't get enough of him. He is beautiful yet so rough. My body shaking as I know what is eventually going to happen....... To be continued.