1.  If you have difficulties telling fantasy from reality, I'm probably not your woman. 

2.  No, really.

3. That said, I've got such a hankering to take down some poor helpless sniveling slave, strip him of every big of dignity and humanity and make him my little pain toy.

Man, since when did "submissive" end up equating to "whiny-ass little bitch who figures the world owes him something"?  Sweetheart, I've had the pleasure to associate with some truly outstanding submissives.  And you're not one of them.

"Dominants are not allowed to contact me directly and must contact my Owner first"  Why do people feel a need to have this kind of statement on their profile?

Having seen this plenty of times on the Wild Wacky World, it just screams insecurity. If you indicate you are in a relationship of the D/s or M/s sort, it should be a given that your "D" or "M" can have you respond to or ignore a particular type of chat or e-mail. The dominant can insist that the submissive change relationships with another person. The question is why do they feel they need to? And even more so, why do either of you feel compelled to announce it to the world?

I've seen one or two broad dynamics, or a combination of them. Either the dominant is completely insecure, for whatever reason, or the submissive is the type to piss on a hornet nest then run screaming for "protection" from the dominant, hornets in tow.

If trust is supposed to be the cornerstone of a healthy D/s relationship, what does it say that a dominant doesn't trust their own submissive to be able to screen e-mail or behave in an acceptable manner in a chatroom? I expect an adult submissive to be, first and foremost, AN ADULT! If said adult is unable to use /ignore or set limits, even after coaching from the dominant, I'd be very worried. Either the sub is so passive as to make it dangerous for them to leave the house, OR, they just don't want to behave.   My money is on the latter.

"If you have a problem with me, contact my dominant" is a line I've actually seen on profiles. "I'll treat you however I feel like and take no responsibility for the consequences" is what it should read.

There's no positive way to spin these kinds of statements. You may as well write, "This is a big hot mess with drama sprinkles on top".

And I'll exercise my right to not contact any of ya. 

Typical letter received by a female dominant: 

Dear Mistress,

Do me, do me, do this to me, do that to me, do this other thing to me, wear these clothes while you are doing it, force me to do these other things, and by the way I expect some kinky sex acts.

Here is a picture of my big hard cock for Your pleasure. I've only sent it to 6,342 women on this site so far, so it should make you feel really special that I'm sending it to you too. I won't pay you money because pros are so selfish and demanding. You have to do all this stuff to me just because You like it, and if You don't, then obviously you are not a Real Domme.

I didn't actually read your profile and I could care less about what you are looking for or who you are as a person. I just want you to wear sexy clothes and do me. I'm married and sneaking around so discretion is a must. I expect you to stay in your dungeon and never talk to me if you happen to see me on the street with my real friends and family. I can't give You my phone number or my real name either. But I'm really, really submissive. In fact, I am your total sex slave.

To prove it, here is another picture of my big hard cock in bondage. If you're a Real Domme, you will write back immediately. If you don't write back, you're just a fake, so fuck you, bitch.

Submissively,

Your Slave

I've spent some time recently considering what I really want to get out of my sadistic instinct. How to make it work for me, as well as for other people. And I am a sadist. Overall, I'm not particularly dominant.  I don't seek people to follow me. I'm sure as hell not submissive.  I don't seek anyone to follow.  What I am is ferociously independent. I'm happy to follow a leader I trust, even when I don't always agree with the individual decisions. But I'll strike off on my own in a flash if I don't trust or respect someone. And I'm perfectly able to step up to take over in a power vacuum when necessary.

I'm also service oriented, which some people equate with submissive. I don't see it that way. If I am working for you, I'm going to try to anticipate your needs and help you get them met. People appreciate having me work toward their goals, because I'm quite good at that. On the other hand, unless we are already very close friends, I am not personally invested in your happiness or satisfaction. Service doesn't elicit a sexual response from me. Act too precious, and... hey, did I mention there are a lot of people who do appreciate me? Well I prefer to work with them.