The job that I thought I had with the dentist's office fell through.  I just had a call from the recruiter and he had just spoken with Dr. Knapke and the dentist had decided to reorganize his office rather than hiring someone knew.  His part time office girl was going to go full time so they weren't going to need anyone new after all.  So I am really bummed out.  I thought I had that job sewed up!  My bank account is down to less than $200!!!!!!!  There hasn't been anything at all in the paper lately either.  I just called the Bay County Sheriff's Office to see if they are in need of dispatchers and I got the personnel voice mail.  I have dispatch experience.  I would have to stop taking all of my medications for a few days before they did the drug test to be sure that I passed it  I would love to work in dispatch again though.

I had the interview for the job with the dental office last night and it went really really well!!!!!  The dentist and his wife and I talked for over an hour!!!!!  It turns out that I would be replacing an employee that is not doing a good job at all!!!!!!  She doesn't deal with the patients at all.  She actually "hides" from them and she can't deal with an upset patient.  So the dentist feels it will be about a week until he gets rid of her before he can hire me.  He said that he has one or two more peope to interview.  I feel that I am 99.9% sure that I am going to get the job.  The dentis's wife walked me out as I was leaving and she said that the dentist really liked me, and that "I had nothing to worry about" and gave me a thumbs up.  So based on that I know that she is on my side!  The dentist told me that the $13.50 that I want is no problem!  I wonder if I should have tried for more than that!  Oh well, I'll start with that and then hit them for a raise after about 90 days.  First I'll be happy just to get the job!!!!!!! 

I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!  The job is for a front desk assistant in a dental office.  The pay is around $13.50 per hour, but the benefits are FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!  You get two weeks vacation, 7 sick days, 5 personal days, 9 holidays,  heath insurance, life insurance, dental insurance, vision insurance, prescription insurance and all for only $25.00 per month!!!!!!!!!  The job is Monday through Friday from 8 to 5 with an hour for lunch and two 15 minute breaks.  Patients are seen based on first come, first seen - no appointments are made.  I have the feeling that when I am interviewed tomorrow night that I will be offered the job.  I have already spoken with a practice manager and he was very very impressed with my qualifications, so now I just have to do the same impressing with the doctor.  Besides my qualifications being fantastic, I am able to start the job right away which I got the impression when speaking with the practice manager was important.  I would need uniforms, so I could start on Friday if offered the job tomorrow night - so that I could go buy uniforms tomrrow.  Tonight I am praying.  If  I can get this job then I can start saving up the money for my biopsy.  Plus we are losing my daughters social security income because she is graduating from high school in a couple of months.  Losing that income, I will lose my car and my home.  If I get this job then hopefully I won't lose everything.

I made it through my job interview yesterday without vomiting all over the interviewer thank God!!!!!  The chiropractic office has two positions open and I qualify for both so I'm hoping that I will get one or the other.  The only BAD PART is that it is a 30 minute travel each way!!!!!!!!  Fortunately I have a car that is good on gas.  The after that interview I dropped of a resume at an optometrists office that was on the way home at the local mall.  His office was closed on Wednesday but it was inside of Eye Masters and the guy inside Eye Masters gave me an application and I filled that out and left my resume with the application for the doctor to get today when they opened up.  Then last night I was sitting on the bed and I dozed off while sitting up and I fell off the bed head first and I'm hurt pretty bad.  Bruises all over the place.

Two WONDERFUL THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I have a job interview today at 3:00.  It is actually a pre-interview for a position with a chiropractors office.  They actually have two openings in the office - one as an assistant, and one as a receptionist.  I am a certified chiropractic assistant so I am pretty sure to be offered a job in the office.  The actual interview is a group interview next Tuesday at 12:30.  The lady that I talked to yesterday was so impressed with me that I'm wondering if perhaps today's interview might be one where they will skip next week's interview and make me an offer.  They did tell me that there are no benefits and that the pay is $10.00 per hour.  That is about $3 to $5 less than I usually make, but I have been out of work since November.  So to get back to work, I would take it.  There was another ad in todays paper that I am going to go answer when I finish my interview at th chiropractor.  It is as an assistant for an optomitrist in the local mall.  I hav taken Pepto Bismol in the hopes it will stop me from vomiting for a short while.

The other FANTASTIC thing that has happened to me - about 3 weeks ago I applied to the Bay County Sheriff's Office Citizen's Police Academy.  I am a former reserve police officer up in Linden New Jersey back in 1976 to 1979 or so and I LOVED it.  My ex-husband was so jealous he couldn't handle me working with a male partner for 8 hours a day so I had to give it up.  Well in yesterdays mail I got a card  from the Sheriff's Office that said:

"Congratulations!  You have been accepted to our upcoming lass!"

So I start with the Citizen's Police Academy on Monday the 28th!  I can't wait!  I just don't know how I am going to do it when I am vomiting all over the place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am vomiting constantly and am terribly dehydrated.  I got up yesterday to walk into the other room and nearly passed out.  I still need the $5,000 to have the biopsy done and it appears that I am getting sicker and sicker.  I need the money for the co-pay for the surgeon, the anesthesiologist and the hospital.  I have tried to get a loan for the money but to no avail.  If only I could borrow the money, I could pay it back in July, from a 401k that I have from my late husband.  I can't touch it until then without paying a HUGE PENALTY on the withdrawal.  I know the penalty would be huge because I took some money out when my husband first passed away in 2008 and the penalty was so big that I darn near passed out when I saw how big it was.  I'm afraid that if I took it out now that the penalty would wipe out what I had and I don't want to do that!!!  Now if only I could find someone to loan me the money until July so that I could have the biopsy, so that I could finally stop vomiting.

I saw my doctor yesterday and he put me on Lyrica for the fibromyalgia that he had diagnosed me with 2 weeks ago.  I have taken 2 doses of the Lyrica so far, and I have to say that I feel pretty good..  Good as in I'm not in pain constantly any more.  I'm still having the nausea and vomiting all the time.    Last night I SLEPT for the first time in years!!!! And today I have NO PAIN for the first time in ages!!!!!  The only thing is that it does make me sleepy, and my brain feels fuzzy.  But if those are the only side effects, and I keep feeling this great, I will put up with them happily!

Still no luck in finding the money that I need in order to have the biopsy.  The pain in my stomach gets worse and worse and with the nausea I can't eat anything.  Two friends on here have said that if they had it, they would give it to me, but they don't have it to give.  If anyone does loan it to me, I would definitely pay it back, plus interest.  I would pay you back double your money.  As God is my witness, you would get your money back, if you would only help me.  Time is of the essence.

I must have a biopsy.  I have Barretts Esophagus - a pre-cancerious condition where cells from the stomach migrate up into the esophagus.  I'm supposed to have the biopsy every other year, but haven't had one in over 3 years now.  I've been having a lot pain in my stomach and nausea all the time.  I need $5,000 to cover co-pays for the surgeon, anesthesiologist and the hospital.

To all of my friends - both Dominant and submissive - 

I want to wish you all a

 Belated Happy Valentine's Day!

I apologize for not coming on line to wish you Happy Valentines Day yesterday, on the day itself but I have been down with a nasty flu and I actually slept through most of yesterday.

I saw my doctor on Monday to get the results of the blood tests to find out if I have Sjogrens Syndrome.  I don't.  Now I have to go have more blood tests as soon as I can.  I was supposed to go this mornng but I am down with a flu bug today and was too sick to go.  Hopefully I will feel up to going tomorrow morning.  I'm not sure what he will be testing for now.  He wasn't happy with my blood pressure at all - it was VERY low - 90/60.  He took me off of the diuretic that I'm on in the hopes that it will bring my blood pressure up.  I have to go back for another visit next Monday.  My back is very very very bad - I can barely walk to the bathroom.  My daughter is also sick as well so I'm no sure if she gave what she has to me, or visa versa.  I was so sick yesterday I didn't even enter the HGTV dream home contest the way I have been every single day.  I think there is only 8 more days left in the contest, so after I do this journal entry I need to go do my contest entries for the day.  So far, not counting today I have sent in 182 entries.  You can enter once for every valid email address that you have, on HGTV.com and also again on Frontdoor.com and I have 5 email addresses on aol so I get to send in10 entries every day.  The grand prize is a home in Stowe Vermont, $500,000 in cash and a 2011 GMC Acadia Denali.  I would sell the house in Vermont - or keep it and rent it out, and I would trade the Denali for a Toyota SUV.  It's nice to dream that I might win.  So I need to go do my entres for the day now.

On the 12th I had made a journal entry that my debit card nmber had been stolen.  Well, it was used to make purchases at a store in France.  The thief almost wiped out my account on that purchase - just one purchase at on store, but it was over $500.  Because it is in France, the store doesn't have to tell the local sheriff's office who / where the merchandise was delivered to.  I got a call from the detective that is working on the case yesterday - he called to verif some of the information on the report that I had made, and he told me that because the store won't cooperate with them, that they have called in the Secret Service!  I was amazed at that - the Secret Service working on my case.  Maybe I'll get at least some of my money back yet.  But I'm not holding my breath.  My bank did reimburse me 10% of what was stolen - $57.50.  They said that is all I am getting while their fraud division investigates and until they hear from the sheriff's depatment.  At least I got something but the way they said it to me, I some how don't think they will give me the rest of my money - they are depending on the sheriff's departmen to catch the thief for the rest.  I'm now behind on my bills this month. I have two of my daughter's violins from when they were in grade school and used to take lessons - on Saturday when I have the car (Mandy has it all during the week, taking it to school) - on Saturday, I'm going to go take those violins to the pawn shop and sell them.  I also have a portable DVD player that maybe I can get a couple dollars for along with the violins.  Hopefully those things will give me enough to catch up on my bills as well as give me enough money for food til my next social security check comes in on the 3rd.  I'd like to get my hands on this thief for 5 minutes - I'd take a horse whip to him and he wouldn't get any safe word.         

Several of You have commented about my experience with my abuser.  Thank You all for Your kind words.  I've written over and over to tell a few of You about my last experience with him so in order to save me some typing I am going to put it down here - relive it one last time so that I don't have to keep reliving it over and over again.  This is the one tiny little thing that set that monster off the last time.

The last time - he had given me instructions the night before that he wanted his breakfast at 10:30 a.m. so I had it in our bedroom at precisely that time and I attempted to wake him but he wouldn't wake up.  I gave him 5 more minutes and attempted to wake him up again but he wouldn't wake up so I gave him another 5 minutes and tried again.  This went on until 11:00 when he finally got up and was raging mad wanting to know why I wouldn't let him sleep.  I tried to explain that it was at his instruction that I had brought him his breakfast at 10:30 and that it was getting cold.  He came over to the table and chairs that we had in the bedroom and then went off again because the chair wasn't pulled out from the table for  him.  That was when he started what led to his being arrested that day.  He grabbed the front of my robe and began hitting me in the head while flinging me back and forth, all the while yelling at me.  My daughter and my mother were in the house while this was going on - my daughter heard everything.  Finally after beating me about the head and shoulders for about 15 or 20 minutes he flung me into the bathroom to my knees where I was forced to remain while he used the toilet.  While he was doing that he was telling me what a stupid sub I was and how I was so stupid that he should just slit my throat and be done with me.  He carried a knife where ever he went, and as he told me he knew how to skin a deer so he was totally capable of doing this.  When he finally let me up and let me get dressed to take the dog out,  had my cell phone with me.  My daughter was telling me that she heard all of the yelling and that she was so scared that she almost called 911.  As we walked down the block I told her what happened and then I called the police and had the police officer meet me a block away from my home.  The officer took my report and then went and arrested him and after they took him away I finally felt safe enough to go back home. 

Because of what he did to me I can no longer have a man touch me because I have flash backs.  Any time that a man touches me I get panicky, violenty nauseated, and want to run out of the room screaming.  I know that I need counseling but I can't afford to go to a counselor.  They cost an arm and a leg and my insurance won't cover it.  But at least he isn't on the streets any more to do this to any other woman.  I saw his obituary notice in the newspaper about 18 months ago.  I wasn't his first - he used to beat his ex-wife alll the time.  But I was his last. 

I am having such a rotten month so far!    On Friday I got a call from my banks fraud division asking about several charges on my account that they considered suspicious.  Two of the charges were in fact mine and were legitimate BUT the third charge was NOT.  Some how someone had stolen my debit card number and used it to buy something in FRANCE and in so doing just about wiped out my account.  Because my bank caught it right away the thief was only able to use my card once.  Apparently there has been a rash of debit card number thefts here in town but so far they have all originated from the beach and I haven't been to the beach in forever.  I avoid Panama City Beach like the plague. So I have no idea how my card number could have been stolen.  So Friday the blocked my cards and had to order me new ones which will take about up to 2 weeks, and I normally pay my bills today (I get paid today) on line using my debit card which I can't do now.  I'm going to have to see which sites take checks - those I will be able to pay today. the others that I have to have a debit card for I'm screwed.

But on the brighter side I met a nice guy on line 3 days ago. He is an attorney and when I told him about the debit card theft today he offered to send me some money if I need it.  I told him that I really really appreciated his offer but that I didn't want him to think that I was the typ of lady that went on web sites to meet men just to get money from them.  He said that he didn't think that and made me promise that if I needed money that I would tell him. 

UPDATE: I met this guy on a 'nilla web site but it turns out that he is a DOM! 

Several of you have congratulated me on "having someone now" - but I DO NOT HAVE SOMEONE.  He and are just "talking".  That is ALL.  If anything there is a really really really sweet dom that emailed me here that is absolutely wonderful.  God bless You Richard Sir.

I'M BAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     I got the computer back from HP repair late yesterday.  They had to put a new hard drive in it which means that I lost everything that I had on the old hard drive.  Fortunately I had the fore thought to do a backup before I sent the computer in for repair.  Now I just have to do the time consuming task of restoring everything to this hard drive that I had on my old hard drive.  I'm starting to hurt badly after sending out a couple of emails though so I won't be doing that right now.

Today is the day that I take the computer to FedEx to send to HP for repairs.  I should have done it yesterday but yesterday was my birthday and I didn't want to be without the computer on my birthday.  It will be gone for about two weeks              That makes me very unhappy - I don't know what I will do without my laptop.  I do have a very old desktop computer but whether or not I will be able to get on line with it is problematic.  There is my daughter's computer but I doubt that she will let me use it.  I will just have to sneak on line when she is at school, but that doesn't start back until Thursday.  This laptop is only just under 5 months old.  I purchased it on 8/8/10.  I shouldn't be having the problems that I am having.  It is doing a blue screen physical memory reboot.  It is also locking up any time I go into one program - I come out of that program I can't get into another program without rebooting.  I asked HP if they would send me a loaner while this is being fixed and they won't.  In a bit I am going to try to find if anyone in the area rents computers for the two weeks that this will be gone.  If it doesn't cost a fortune it would be worth it for me to pay for a rental.  I should make HP reimburse me for it.  Oh well, time for me to go.

NOTE:   Very soon I will be going off line for about two weeks as my computer will be going in to the shop for repair.  This is a brand new computer - only 4 months old and for about 3 weeks now it has been doing a blue screen then physical memory dump.  For the last two days I have been in touch with the HP tech support people and we have tried several different things that they hoped would fix it, but to no avail.  So they said that I will have to ship the computer to them.  they are sending me a box to use to ship the laptop to them.  They said that it will take about 8 business days to fix the computer so that means about two weeks total by the time you figure in shipping.  At least it is under warranty so it won't cost me anything.  We do have my daughter Mandy's computer in the house, but I doubt that she will let me use it.  As soon as I receive the shipping box from HP I will make another journal entry.  I am VERY unhappy about losing my computer for two weeks.

About a week and a half ago I turned in my notice at work.  My boss has been on me for the tiniest thing and I just couldn't take it any longer.  On Monday I started training my replacement.  The girl he hired to replace me is on "speed".  Not speed literally but a drug that is designed to keep her awake during the day because she has a condition that makes her fall asleep during the day - not naarcolepsy but something like that.  I am SO GLAD that today is Saturday.  By yesterday I was ready to beat my head against the wall.  She just isn't getting things - I mean simple things like remembering to initial the patient's chart after posting the charge into the computer for the service so that you don't post a duplicate charge.  Real difficult to remember that one, huh?  And I haven't even begun to teach her Quickbooks yet.  I've only touched on teaching her the insurance portion of the job so far.  I still have to show her the part of where you receive a payment from the insurance company and have to figure out the write off.  I am ready to scream.  I am only supposed to be there another week but I told Doc I won't leave him in the lurch so I figure I will have to give him at least two more weeks.  But that's ok, I haven't found another job yet.  I know with my skills that it won't be long before I do.  I still have my monthly social security income to back me up, so we're ok.  That's why I quit before I had another job - having the social security income - I knew we would be ok if it took me a couple of weeks to find something - because it wasn't worth what it was doing to my blood pressure having my boss on my back.  My ribs are finally feeling better after breaking them a couple of months ago.  I still can't do some things like wear a bra because it puts pressure right on the broken ones but at least I can finally lay down to sleep.  It took one solid month before I was able to lay down flat on my back to sleep.  I had to sleep sitting up for one whole month which meant I didn't sleep for more than a couple of hours each night.  I've had pain from a lot of things over my life but I have NEVER had pain from anything like I had from the broken ribs.  I could take a morphine and two percocet and it still wouldn't dull the pain.  And then it turned out that I also ruptured my spleen when I broke the ribs but fortunately the spleen healed by itself.  I didn't have to have surgery.  I hope that I NEVER break my ribs again - that was the worst time ever almost.

Well, today is Sunday.  My weekend with Mike is over.  It was one of the very best weekends of my life.  I am now officially "taken".  Mike and I are committed to each other.  He and I will chat with friends, but that is all, just chatting.  There will be no dating anyone else at all.  Friday he picked me up and we went to dinner and saw the show.  Then we went back to his hotel and just stayed there for about 4 hours, talking and holding each other and kissing.  My God can that man kiss - so tenderly.  He finally brought me home at around 2:30 am - even then we didn't want to separate, but being so early in our dating relationship, it wouldn't do to spend the night together even though we both wanted to.  Saturday, I awoke, had tea, a fast shower, put on my makeup and called him to tell him I was ready for him to come and get me.  He had been up and waiting for my call.  He picked me up and took me to breakfast.  We then went back to his hotel.  I had brought my camera along with me and took some pictures of the beach - it was the very first time I saw the beach despite living in Panama City for 6 years.  Mike and I spent the entire day just talking, touching and holding each other and kissing.  It was magic.  I told him I thought I was falling for him which kind of took him aback.  I told him that my caring for him - I didn't expect anything from him, that my feelings were a gift and that I intended to spoil him, to show him what a wonderful man he is.  He had told me how his ex's always expected him to do all of the giving - I told him that it would not be like that for us.  Dinner time drew near and since I used to work on the beach he asked me for recommendations for dinner.  I told him what I remembered as being on the beach that I had enjoyed eating at.  We decided on a pizza place that I had loved and went and got pizza.  After dinner, we were cuddling and he took my face and looked deeply into my eyes.  Faith he said - I want you to be mine - all mine.  I don't want you dating anyone else.  I don't want to date anyone else either.  I want us to have an exclusive relationship - true to each other.  How do you feel about that?  By the time he finished asking me I was in tears.  YES YES YES I said! So, I am now going steady! I am so happy!!!!!! He is getting ready to do some jobs that will be taking him away for quite some time, but I will have to be patient.  First he has to go to Tampa, then down to El Salvador for a month, then up to North Carolina for 45 days, but such is the nature of his job.  I just hope he can get his laptop working so that we can at least stay in contact while he is away.  I am one very very very very very happy lady today!

Well, after buying the kids all kinds of things they wanted, yesterday I went out and bought something for me .... I saw a sale on a great laptop computer .... a Toshiba, with 2 gb of Ram, and a 250 gb hard drive for only $399, so I went for it.  I thought it was time to do something for Mom.  I am seriously thinking of taking a trip up to New Jersey this summer .... going to see my "aunt" ==== she isn't really an aunt .... more like a cousin 9 times removed.  I haven't seen her in like 35 years.  She and my mom were very very close - like sisters.  It broke her up badly when we lost Mom last October.  She is 84, and I'd love to see her before anything happens to her.  So I may just check into prices of a quick trip up to Toms River NJ.

On Wednesday April 8th I had some kind of blackout and wound up 30 miles from home, lost and had an accident.  I had some kind of blackout as I had no idea where I was or even that I had totally missed the appointment I was going to. They are going to pull my license.  :-(

Thursday I went to the doctor, had another blackout and was hospitalized until today.  I also had the surgery today to remove my teeth which had been scheduled to be done last weed as an outpatient.

IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HOME!

I hope everyone had a blessed wonderful Easter.

I saw my Doctor on Saturday - he only has office hours on Saturday as he work in a private clinic over a hour from my home during the week.  I told home about the 3 months of nausea I had been having and the Emergency Room visit I had had to make on January 10.  He's getting those recores and prescribed a medication for me.  He thinks it sounded like food poisoning for that night as I have nausea regularly since the aneurysms.  After he gets the hospital records he will look everything over and let me know if he feels we should do anything like an endoscopy of naything.  At least I'm feeling MUCH better since then - no more episodes of nausea.  I over the counter bottles of anti-nausea pills I purchased at Walmart are waorking perfectly!  MUCH better even than the prescription stuff I used to get from the doctor!  YIPPEE!  I do admit - I wish I had found them two months ago - then I could have saved the relationship with Sir I was supposed to meet. - Cuffs4Ladies.  My losing him was my own fault and I know that.I just wish it could have been different.