I remember over the years how easy the words 'feeing lonely' were so easy to say. It hasn't been until the last two years when I've learned what lonely and being alone are all about.

I moved to the country, quite a way out in the country, expecting to get my car fixed and to be close to family. Well, my car was done, it was old and it just wouldn't go anymore. My family, although not that far away, seem to have forgotten, for the most part, that I exist.

So for two years, this one bedroom mobile is my home or my prison, or perhaps both. I go out once a month, one day a month. The neighbor takes me grocery shopping, so it's to the store and back home until the next month.

So folks, next time you're feeling lonely or alone, remember, it could be worse.

Emily Dickinson said:

I finally left Oregon behind me and moved back to Northern California. I have a small, but nice place. I can listen to the birds in the morning rather than the sound of traffic. At night I watch the quietly grazing deer.

I still sleep alone in my double bed, but perhaps some things are just meant to be.

My voice is sheer temptation and wanton need
I call to you, my insatiable darkness to feed
Twisting and turning with the ache to please
I listen to my heart and fall to my knees

For not only in my body do i kneel
For my heart and soul does and this you will feel
Depravity and darkness going hand in hand
Across the realm and the land

Listen to the soothing ache within
Heed the crimson stain of sin
Lick the blood of pain
And Do it again and again

Pleasure and pain personified
Where one lives, the other will reside
I walk the night alone with this need inside
Bring me to life ....my secrets confide .....~

Unleash Your Darkness.
Speak in a language only i understand.
Ease me down into Your need.

make me do the things i love to hate to do.
Expect and appreciate my obedience.

Please, Sir?

This is from a poem titled "What Is A Slave". i don't know who wrote it, but for me, this day, the very last paragraph speaks my words for me....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But never destroy her adoration for you by withholding your own.
Never give her cause to doubt it,
because if you do, she will exact retribution and it will be the greatest agony you have ever known.
She will withdraw from you.
She will take her love and walk away without hesitation,
because she is enslaved only by her love for you,
and without that love, your power over her is gone.
She will leave you cold.
And when she does, you will finally know that all along, you needed her too. -

standing outside, under the midnight moon..listening to the quiet. Looking up at the full moon, dropping my gown to the dew covered grass and lifting my arms upward as my head tilts back...waiting...waiting..

Breath held as i feel His presence swirling around me, His voice, the whisper of the breeze...His arms wrapping around me, hands covering upraised breasts, pinching hard nipples...one hand sliding downward, tracing fire down my flesh...Manly hardness pressed against rounded cheeks...warm breath whispers against my neck....."My Own"

and He engulfs us both in flames...

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda - Love Sonnet XVII