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Pan Female Slave, 30,  New York
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MyLesson

MyLesson - photo 1

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Friends:
MsRJUSTICEBRINGERhangman06

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Creating this profile is part of my punishment.

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 MyLesson

 Female Slave

 New York

 30

 Pan

 Caucasian

 03/11/11

 03/25/11

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Journal Entries:
3/22/2011 12:25:44 PM

Please, Sir... I am begging for an orgasm. I am so needy and desperate. I can feel my clit throbbing and aching. Every part of me belongs to you and you decide when and how much pleasure I am to receive if any at all. I know I am probably not very deserving but I am begging for you to please have some mercy and let me cum. I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I am going to dehisce from all this pent up pressure inside of me. I am begging as a humble slavegirl to please have an orgasm. I would offer you anything you like but anything that is mine is already yours, so all I can do is beg and hope you find it pleasing enough to allow me an orgasm. 


3/16/2011 3:30:51 PM

Little slut seemed like she needed a little taste of humiliation.  Be sure to check out the new photo and let her know exactly what you think.


3/16/2011 7:34:00 AM

This morning I was able to admit that my desire to feel Sir's control over me is greater than my own desire to cum. 

 

I suppose for those who don't know me, it may seem rather obvious but for an orgasm addict like myself, it was a bit more difficult to come to terms with.

 

I crave the way I feel when I am under control. I crave that feeling of powerlessness, to know that I am controlled, dominated, owned. The problem is that when I feel that way I also get extremely aroused and want to cum. As soon as I cum that feeling is temporarily lost.

 

This morning I was brought to the edge, until I couldn't stand it any longer and then I was asked what I needed. Well thats easy; I need to cum! Nope, wrong answer! But.... I really do need to cum! I am on the fucking edge! I REALLY need to cum! But what do I need more than cumming? What is more important that my orgasm at the moment? What can I not live without? Sirs control over me. That aching, longing and needing. That all-consuming feeling that would be lost if I had an orgasm. Yes, the feeling would only be lost for the briefest of moments but even that is too long for me. I need continuity. I can't afford to lose that feeling for anything in the world. 

 

So when forced to decide between what I needed most, I ultimately ended up begging for my own denial. I begged to be an eager, wet, horny, needy and denied slut who lives to be in service for Sir. I begged to forgo the exploding pleasure of an orgasm for that dull, constant aching feeling of being owned and controlled. 

 

I did get pleasure out of begging to be denied. Even though I didn't get to cum, I felt closer to Sir and I knew that my denial pleased him and pleasing him means more to me than anything else.


3/13/2011 11:00:27 PM

I begged for an orgasm within my first 24 hours. Of course I was denied. This denial has been incredibly difficult for me. As someone who is used to orgasms 2 or 3 times a day every day, it is definitely an adjustment for me. Every time I feel this ache I am reminded of my poor behavior. Of course that didn't stop me from begging like a slut. I can't help my needs! I am counting the seconds until Sir allows me to cum again but I am also glad that I was denied and that he isnt relenting. I seriously need to feel his control and understand that what I did was wrong and I cannot just smile or cry and get my way like I am used to. I am learning to adapt and be more pleasing. 


3/11/2011 3:23:02 PM

My punishment for the behavior depicted in the journal entry below is

 

1. To create this profile to learn a lesson in humility

2. Losing control of my orgasms for an entire week - I must ask for permission each time.

3. No orgasms until at least Monday morning


3/11/2011 3:14:30 PM

"Life as a slave isn't fair" I must have said that phrase hundreds of times as a domme but as a slave, I seem to have an inability to grasp such a simple concept. For some reason it just seems to be inapplicable. My arrogance wants me to believe that I am unique and my situation is always special and different. I need to understand and be reminded that it isnt true. I made the decision to be a slave. In fact, I begged to be a slave--your slave. Yet, when put to the test, I flipped out at the thought of possibly doing anything that was even slightly distatesful. I hate that about myself. I never had any discipline growing up and now I am left lost and craving it and responding very poorly to it even though I know its what I need. I need it to be able to function as a normal human being. I need it to feel like I can't get away with everything I want to. I don't want to feel out of control. I need structure and discipline and boundries and I need to learn, to understand that I cannot escape that no matter how hard I try. I need to feel it and know it.

 

My behavior was completely disgusting and inappropriate for any adult in any relationship let alone a slave in a D/s relationship. You were correcting me for being smothering and treating you like a child and not respecting your decsions and telling you whats best for you and then sulking and behaving like a child. I then realized that I behaved poorly, even though it was borne of concern for your well being and apologized. Your method of discipline, writing lines, was completely appropriate given the situation and fairly generous considering how overbearing and annoying I was. 

 

As soon as you told me that I was to be corrected I flipped out. Insisted I didn't deserve punishment and writing lines was something fit for a child, not a respectable adult. I refused to do it and the proceeded to behave like an insolent child for over an hour. I disobeyed you and messaged you after you told me not to. I sent numerous rude and hurtful texts and pictures and even tried calling a few times knowing that you were at work and busy only to yell at you. I was completely out of control.

 

When you finally messaged me back I continued with my insulting messages and refusal to comply with your discipline. You quickly reminded me of my place, of who I am and why I was doing this and I immediately felt horrible. I am your slave. As soon as what I had done sunk in I immediately started writing my lines and sending you the picture. It was a bit humbling to do that but after my awful behavior I felt like I deserved so much more.  

 

You reminded me that this was not some game we are playing. I have given over actual control over my life to you and I did so with careful consideration and for many reasons. I do not decide when or how I get disciplined and I do not decide whether or not I deserve it. You reserve the right to do as you wish with me. I gave you that and I need to stick by it. If you decide that I need to be punished for something then I will be and even if you desire to punish me because you may find it amusing or any other reason you wish, I will accept that as well. This was my decision to enter this type of arrangement and I know that it is what is best for me. 

 

I am glad that my behavior didn't cause you to leave and I am also glad that I was unable to dissuade you. I needed to feel your control. I needed to feel that no matter what I say or do, in the end I must acqueiesce.  

 

Sir, I am begging you for your discipline for my behavior. I feel guilty and ashamed and I hate myself right now and I desire nothing more than to be your good girl again and be absolved. There are no excuses for my behavior. I was wrong and completely out of line and you have been nothing but wonderful. I need to understand that I cannot ever behave this way again and I will gracefully accept whatever discipline you deem to be appropriate.  

 

Humbly, 

 

Your slave


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