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(This is written in English so I can chat with anyone, but I'm Italian; you can write to me in either Italian, English or French, but try to avoid one liners if you don't have a rich profile)
On who I am
I'm trying to find out and, as of now, I only have a few points down.
I'm in my early twenties, but I've been told I have the looks of a teenager, the intellect of 40 year old and the emotional skills of a child.
I contradict myself a lot, but it comes from an honest place: one of confusion and complexity.
I'm an open book that is always misread.
I have very strong passions and the skills to back them up, but I'm in a constant fight with my paralyzing perfectionism. I walk on a bridge between a sense of omnipotence and one of total worthlessness that somehow manage to coexist in my psyche.
I'm in film school; cinema is the love of my life and making-up stories to tell your truth to others is the best cure for loneliness I've ever known.
I also act, being someone else - someone you know everything about - is calming and liberating for me.
I'm a pretty girl, almost unequivocally so; in this society, it’s sometimes that defines and affects you very much, for the good as for the bad. I’m trying to very hard to learn both to recognise and avoid the privileges that come with it, on one hand, and prove the stereotypes wrong so to be taken seriously, on the other.
I often fail.
At times, I’m a social animal, in various forms: I like to party and have frivolous fun, spend entire nights vigorously debating current affairs or simply enjoying an evening with friends: playing cards, drinking wine and catching up.
Other times, I relish being alone and getting into that head-space that allows me to reach an inner dialogue with myself.
I dislike dogmatism, in any of its forms, even when it looks right, altruistic and politically correct. I like people to second guess the things they’re certain of, maybe even to end-up reaching the same conclusion they came from, but with a deeper understanding of why they believe what they believe.
I think it’s ok not feeling ready/informed/mature enough to have an opinion on some key topics; I even think it’s admirable.
I’m dry, too dry for most and the humour I enjoy is offensive to many, myself included.
I can solve the rubik cube in half an hour at most, but I’ll never learn how to drive.
On why I am here
I’ve always relied on this over the top fantasies that rarely match my reality; I feel like it’s time for me to have an exchange with someone about them. I never enjoyed sex unless it incorporated some control/aggression/humiliation dynamics into it; which has rarely happened, as I was to embarrassed to mention it. I still have a massive inner debate on weather this is pathological or not and how it relates to gender dynamics.
I think I enjoy control and humiliation much more than pain for pain’s sake, I don’t have that pure masochist inclination; I like seeing pain inflicted, but I think it’s more about the scenario than the actual physical feeling.
I’m not even sure if I want to act out any of my inclination and fantasies; that’s why I’m here, trying to find that out.
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I always try to be the most courteous I can, with everyone, and I understand it's impolite not to answer messages, I do, but if I were to I'd spent half of my day on this website, which would be ludicrous. So I only answer to messages or profiles that impress me and resonate with me.
If I haven't read a message yet, that's actually because I truly haven't gotten to it, there is no need to resend it endless times.
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