edit: Back here after... at least a year of total negligence. Profile is probably a tad out of date. Threw up a few random pictures, and hopefully I'll have this more detailed in a tidbit. Also getting 20+ messages in a span of 10 or so minutes. Sorry if I don't get back to you in a super quick fashion.
These profiles always end up being a lot longer than I plan, so I'm going to put the TL;DR up front! I'm 24, living in Maryland, looking to be owned. For far too long I've ignored my submissive tendencies, and now I'm feeling the need to really get out there and search for the right man who will one day own me.
Righto. About me:
My sexuality and BDSM needs are still evolving. I’m a shy attention whore. A self-conscious cuddle-slut. A reserved exhibitionist. Complicated no? In my day to day life I hate being the center of attention, but some of my hottest scenes have taken place tied up and naked in the middle of a very large crowd.
I’ve had kinky fantasies since I was very very little. Some of my earliest childhood memories are kink-related. I used to watch Nickelodeons “Legends of the Hidden Temple”, and my favorite part was always when the girl would be running through the maze rooms, only to stumble upon a temple guardian, who would rush out and grab her! Or the make-believe game my cousins and I used to play, called “Sushi-Man”, and how often I would find myself being captured. Or the old episode of Littl’ Bits where Lillybit gets captured by something, (I totally forget the details), or the episode of Space Cases where Cat is imprisoned in a magical collar… or that time when… I could go on for ages, lol. So many memories tied to kinky awakenings. Of course back then I didn’t understand any of it, but my instant fascination with those scenes or ideas is far too strong to ignore.
I think my main interests in the scene, for lack of a better term, is the mental aspects. I want to be owned. It’s a craving that’s very hard to explain, and even to understand. I don’t know how deep my submissive feelings or tendencies go, but it is certainly a lot further than I’m willing to admit, especially to myself. I think I will be happiest as a slave one day, but that’s a hard idea to sit with, and I haven’t even the first idea of where to start looking. I especially struggle with my feminist side and my submissive side. Part of me is very much for equality and choice for everyone to do what they wish, and another part of me yearns to be conquered and subjugated by a man who will one day be my Master. Trying to reconcile both of those sides really screws with my head sometimes.
When it comes to non-kinky stuff, I’m a total geek and introvert. If left to my own devices, I will hide by myself and not get out nearly enough. I love computer games, video games, tabletop games, etc. I also play guitar, (but not nearly as much as I should T_T), and am very much a metal-head. I’m quite scatterbrained, and bounce back and forth from hobby to hobby, unable to hold interest in any one thing for too long.
Think of my brain as a very powerful computer, but without much useful software installed. And maybe a few viruses. And the keyboard is on the fritz, so it doesn’t always get exactly what you’re trying to tell it. Basically, a very speedy processor, but never really focused on anything productive.
I’m shy and socially awkward, but I am very friendly/comfortable in an open environment. Again, if left to myself, I curl up and hide, but I very much want to get out there more and meet people. Pushing me is appreciated! ^.^;
Oh, and finally: It’s very adorable when boys think they can beat me in Starcraft. It’s cute, really. Even more so when they start stammering out excuses for why they lost. Feel free to challenged me, (it’s probably the most hilarious pick-up tactic I’ve ever gotten), but don’t expect me to go easy on you, lol.
And now, to copy/paste a little writing I did on one day. It explains my wants and yearnings much more eloquently than I can manage in my sleep deprived state, lol.
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When I really sit down and ponder what exactly it is that I'm looking for in this life/lifestyle, I always end up running myself in circles.
What do I want my life to be like? What do I want my day-to-day to be? How feasible are those wants? What should I more accurately be hoping for?
How can I find the balance of love vs ownership in a potential Master? Ia any man even capable of that? If so, how do I find him? If not, how do I even start looking?
Am I even old enough to really be seeking anything like that at my age? It's mind boggling, T_T;
I want to be owned. That much I know. I want to be a slave to a man, with a ring of steel locked around my throat and everything. I want him to be the center of my world. That's all find and dandy, but what does that actually mean? I have no first-hand experience of what it is like to be owned. Sure I know that happy glow that I feel when he's got a hold of my hair or throat, but those are just the icing on the cake. I haven't the first idea of what it would be like to live as a slave on a daily basis.
The idea is fascinating, but often runs into trouble. I'm stubborn, manipulative, and pretty intelligent. I act very peaceful and friendly, but am capable of such deception that I'm not even aware I'm doing it. I can spin lies upon lies, or simply tweak the truth, to influence people into doing what I want them to, or acting how I want them to. It's pretty disgusting, but growing up in my family, it was a necessary tool for surviving, and I became quite good at it. These days I have to catch myself on little things, else I will end up manipulating people in the most subtle ways. And for some reason I always get away with it.
How then, would I react, if my computer privileges were taken away? Or if I had a very large amount of housework or other service which needed to be done on a regular basis? Or if He wanted sex randomly in the middle of the night and I would much rather just pass out on the floor? With most people, I could talk/act my way out of the scenario with ease. There were numerous times in high school where I convinced my teachers to give me A's and B's on projects I never even did. How will I react then to someone enforcing these things? Someone who I want to please very much? I have no idea how I'll react in that situation. It will be interesting for sure. Will I be able to trick Him? Will He see through it? If so, then where is the power really coming from? Head-asplode
I know from past experiences that when I get emotionally attached to a guy, over the course of a relationship, I get really attached. He becomes the center of my universe, and the focus of most of my attention. This has worked both good and horribly for me in the past. I really pour my heart into them. I love them that much. How then, do I ever hope to feel comfortable with the dichotomy of being owned and being loved?
Can any man really love me, but also see me as a possession? Can he see me as a treasured companion, but also as property? Can he guide me and bend me if he cares for me too much? Can he love me if he also views me as a slave? Can he value me? I want him to see me as something worth capturing, worth subjugating, worth training and bending to his will. I know this is probably a very romanticized view of things, but that's what I want in my head. I want to him to see me as important/valuable enough to invest the effort and time needed to really enslave me. Is any man really capable of that?
If so, what the hell would he want with me? LOL. He could do a million times better!
Bah. All of this just makes my head spin. I haven't even the first clue of how to go about looking for that man. T_T; The whole idea just leaves my brain leaking all over the floor.
And with that, I need to go do something mindless. Computer games time, ^.^;
Goodnight, my someone....
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Do please message me. I'm at a point in my life where I can't keep doing what I'm doing, just sort of aimlessly floating along. It's time I really got out there and found what I'm searching for. In that regard, I could relocate. Not much is really tying me to any particular area right now.
No offense to people drastically older than myself, but I'm probably not interested, (though feel free to message me anyway). It's nothing against older folks, but I'm hoping for something long-term, and at the end of the day, someone a few decades older than me is going to croak or go senile a few decades before me. And that's no fun for anyone involved, T_T;
And please don't just send me a picture of your dick. I'll take your word for it that you have one, thanks.
