In case the Dutch Floridian who has deleted their account in the last couple of days creates a new account and sees my profile:  I have been swamped at work and didn't reply to any messages for about a week. Sorry to have missed you.

Are there any architaspects out there? I did my first project with an architect but it turns out the drawings are conceptual and the builder can't use them without measurements. My plan is to do the measurements myself and put them on graph paper. Did I miss something in what I expected the architect to do? I already knew what I wanted in terms of layout.

Since the journal seems to be working?! Here's a bit of an update rather than editing my profile. Factual and to the point:

I turned 55 in May. Crazy. Yesterday I was 39 and worried about turning 40.

The pandemic has made me very comfortable with my own company.  That means I'm even pickier than before regarding who I interact with.  I also work a lot more and don't have as much free time.  I love my job so that's a big part of who I am.

Omg is the journal working???

P a y p a l is the worst!
I have been in a dispute over a $140 item I purchased that was defective but the seller wouldn't pay for the return shipping. P a y p a l said in the dispute that I would be reimbursed the shipping once the company received the item and that I needed to send it with tracking. I paid $61 to ship it and submitted a copy of the receipt.

About two weeks ago, the case (which has been open for a couple of months) disappeared from the "Resolution Centre" in P a y p a l. I've asked where it went but not had an answer. I am trying to obtain the $61 I was told would be refunded to me (the $140 was refunded last week). Today P a y p a l sent me a message stating "In keeping with our P a y p a l Buyer Protection program, we ask that you return the item to the seller so that we can issue a refund to your account. Without return delivery confirmation, we will be unable to issue a refund. P a y p a l does not cover the cost of returning the item." Of course, I'm unable to prove that they said shipping would be refunded because they REMOVED THE CASE (not archived; disappeared).

All this over a defective item I purchased as a gift in March (and of course, I purchased another gift in its place). Altogether $250 and five months for a $140 gift.

Email exchange:

Slavex: Miss X, I am what you seek to own

... So, like a logical woman, I read his profile, which is about cages and cuckolding and milking and leather and latex.

Me: your profile doesn't sound like what i'm seeking.
Slavex: and what do you seek??
Me: Feel free to read the 20 pages of my journal.
Slavex: slaves DONT read, Mistress Stupid....u are a wannabe Mistress

I reply about how funny he is - and he's blocked me. I guess he was serious.  Shame on me for expecting literacy.  

Gender equality is not only a women’s issue, it is a human rights issue that requires my participation. I commit to take action against all forms of violence and discrimination faced by women and girls.

This is depressing on so many levels: that guys are losing out on education, that they are identified as having more behavioural problems, that they STILL OUT EARN females and have more professional opportunities than women do, and finally, that underperforming males ultimately have a negative impact on women and families.

“The Guys Crisis" (The Province

- BC newspaper)
Some facts (2011 data):
- 14,185 BC males aged 20–24 had no high school diploma, compared to 9,435 females.
- 76,015 BC males aged 24–34 had a university degree, a significantly smaller number than the 106,660 females.
- Nevertheless, females continue to earn just 80% of the salary of a male, and are less likely to hold a “top job” with a large Canadian company.
- In spite of the education gap, males benefit from a stronger “opportunity structure” - men have better access to a wider spectrum of jobs than women have.

Some quotes:
- Young men and women underestimate the grades it takes to succeed at school and are misinformed about the skills and education demanded by the labour market. But men are more unrealistic than women.
- A 2011 Canadian Council on Learning report says boys rank behind girls “by nearly every measure of scholastic attainment.” The same report adds that boys are “also more likely to be picked out for behavioural problems, more likely to repeat a grade and to drop out of school altogether.”
- Men’s academic stumbles can have an impact on women, too. Poorer outcomes for men lead to poorer families. It was wrong to ignore women’s educational needs for so long. But neglecting boys’ educational needs now is in no one’s interest.

To clarify: this is not a jab at anyone in particular; just how the letters in my inbox sound after a while.

Dear potential employer,

Please hire me for the job you have advertised because I will be perfect for it. I have dreamt of doing a job like this all my life, although noone would know because I have kept it a secret. I haven't done this kind of work yet, but if you will only give me a chance, you won't be sorry.

Your office looks very good and I would enjoy working there. I would like to know what amenities you provide. My favourite benefits are: extra time off on holidays, a fitness centre, and a free cafeteria.

I like to have an employer who pays well and does not expect overtime. I expect my employer to be strict but fair. I need to have specific directions which I will follow exactly. I will not do anything without being told to.

I should let you know that I can only work part time because I will be continuing to work for my current employer without them knowing that I am also working for you. I will be 100% available for you at any time, night or day, so long as it doesn't interfere with that.

Also, I won't do any photocopying or sales calls. I am strictly interested in filling the position you advertised.

I am available to start as soon as possible and will be relocating to your city soon.

For those that don't get it, substitute "potential employer" with Mistress, "office" with photo, "amenities" with various BDSM practices, "current employer" with wife, "photocopying and sales calls" with hard limits.

I think the term FLR is much more prominent here than it was in 2005 when I joined (holy crap, that was a long time ago).  Back then, I rarely spoke to anyone here or elsewhere who knew what it meant.

As well, I feel like there are more sincere men approaching me now than online fantasists in the past.  

Completely anecdotal, but it's encouraging.

Sometimes I'm shocked at how a sub/slave behaves - things that would be unacceptable from a friend or vanilla partner, let alone someone who is supposed to worship women. Anger masked by a thin veneer Is a clear signal to steer clear. Lashing out is never okay.

Julien - of course I do :P

Merry Christmas!

Another great article: "What about leadership?"

The author starts with the traditional system of someone at the top issuing rules and consequences. She calls this "rulership" rather than leadership. She goes on to discuss compliance vs commitment and the shortcomings of simple obedience, which sacrifices creativity and initiative.

Her answer? "Commitment is the source of engagement and dedication." That's circular; I know. However, the obedience I see/experience from subs who are doing what I say because I'm a Domme is not what I'm looking for. This is why I have no interest in micromanagement or "obedience training." Serve me because you're committed to me, because you admire me, want to make my life better, respect me, are dedicated to me - NOT because I have a flogger, black thigh high boots, a mean backhand, or a sharp tongue.

Don't expect me to put a carrot in front of you to "make" you obedient; I have no interest in issuing meaningless tasks followed by punishments if you don't comply. There are Dommes like that, and that's fine. But if that's what you're seeking, then please pass by my profile. I want to be inspirational as a person, not defined by my label.

http://groupalchemy.net/2013/12/what-about-leadership/

The argument that orgasm denial is bad for men because of prostate cancer is one that I've always wanted medical evidence for. Look at this: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15069045?dopt=Abstract

Summary:
Research Paper: "Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer"

Subjects: 29,342 US men, aged 46 to 81 years, who provided information on history of ejaculation frequency every two years from 1992 to 2000.

Outcome: "Our results suggest that ejaculation frequency is not related to increased risk of prostate cancer."

Please show me medical research that proves the opposite rather than argue this point based on opinion; otherwise, it seems like there's no need today for me to stop being an orgasm control girl ;)

One more project closed :)

Ok, so, I'm back again and mostly caught up.  I lost track of several conversations, so if you still want to chat, drop me a line.

Deadlines met.  Time to recuperate ...

Too.  Much.  Work.

I really hate questions about "what kinds" of humiliation I'm into.  Humiliation is a tension - a highly personal, psychological interaction that builds on an individual's sensitivities.  It's not a set of activities.

One of my periodic disclaimers:  things are VERY busy for me at work right now.  I do usually answer all email, so if I haven't replied, message me again; it may have gotten lost.

Pet peeve: Receiving an email asking "can you tell me a bit about yourself?"  My profile and journal are super long. Read them and pick a topic to open a conversation.

My sister gave me a plaque.  It reads:

If it has testicles or tires, it's going to cause you trouble

This looks like a fantastic book: http://www.johngerzema.com/books/athena-doctrine#.UXQdCStDpm0

"We live in a world that’s increasingly social, interdependent and transparent. And in this world, feminine values are ascendant.... traditionally feminine leadership and values are now more popular than the macho paradigm of the past. The most innovative among us are breaking away from traditional structures to be more flexible, collaborative and nurturing...."

I just got "hit on" on Facebook. Total stranger. He asked me what I was looking for. I said, "on Facebook??" Seriously. (And can you imagine if I'd actually told him!? :) )

I recently had a great experience with a "task slave" who did several hours of research for me for a work project.  He did quality work, communicated regularly, followed through, expected nothing in return, and thanked me for the opportunity to serve.  It restored my faith that some subs sincerely do wish to provide service.  Thank you; you know who you are :)

FYI: my age is my real age. I have manually updated it every year I've been here.

I've uploaded a pic to answer the question, "are you a sadist?"  I tend not to think so, but judge for yourself.

Tired of telemarketers?  This is brilliant:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23869462

I've thought for a long time that the focus on helping girls excel academically and in the sciences would have a detriment on males. Here's an interesting article on how to engage boys in the classroom:  http://canadaam.ctvnews.ca/mobile/making-school-work-for-boys-book-offers-6-tips-to-better-engage-them-1.1417185

I know that I want a man who is well educated, attentive, and smart. I want that for women in the next generations too, but with the rate of post-secondary education graduation numbers by males continuing to decline while females continue to increase, the disparity between the sexes could be swinging too much in the opposite direction.  A reverse 1950s household is a neat fantasy, but I don't want someone who is unequipped to do anything other than manage my household.

It's nice to have welcome back greetings from people I've chatted with here over the years.  Thank you :)

I've just posted a personality profile from answering 1000 questions on OKCupid ... the questions are written by members and not scientists so take it for what it's worth.  

PS  Maybe the results explain why vanilla men aren't messaging me? ;)

An experience this weekend with a local sub backing out of meeting me reminded me how important it is for subs to understand this:

What you are willing to give, and not what you get, is what makes you a sub.

I'm interested in men who get pleasure from serving a woman, not from getting things done to them.

Interesting article about online dating.  The part about form letter, splattershot messaging applies to this website as well.  The section titled "The Desperation Feedback Loop" in a nutshell explains the following:

• The more you don't get answers to your messages, the more messages you send to increase the odds of response.
• The more messages you send, the less time you spend on each one.
• The less time you spend, the less personalized the message.
• The less personalized the message, the less likely it is to get a response.

http://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2011/02/Why-You-Should-Never-Pay-For-Online-Dating-%C2%AB-OkTrends.png

After nearly two months of not being as active as I was I guess I should update this from "not chatty" to "not looking".  Feel free to say hello but the mood rarely catches me these days to post long replies.

Happy Holidays to all.

MsX

I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday :)

Just had laser eye surgery today on one eye - feeling pretty ok (and am wearing a pirate patch!  Is there a fetish for that? :) )  A sweet local boy is taking me to the doctor for my check up tomorrow.  Thank you, blam :)

Still not feeling chatty. Since I'm known for answering all my email, please consider this a blanket apology if I don't respond to yours.

MsX

London:  Dec 11-Jan 8 ...

Edit:  Ontario - I always forget to clarify that ...

Reasons to support same sex marriage :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Be8LnuG3U&feature=share

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-YCdcnf_P8&NR=1&feature=endscreen 

Back but braindead.

Conference and work deadlines this week ... if I don't answer you, write me again after the 18th.

So, someone asked me if my name was after the band "The XX".  Having never heard of them, I was naturally intrigued.  I really like them and am now streaming their album.  Thanks, pumpkin :)

Interesting: https://twitter.com/ianthegeneral/status/264794299357605890/photo/1

There's a small community online called mensubmit dot com.  I have just joined there and am delighted to be meeting other lifestyle Dommes. If you are sincerely interested in FLR and NOT in trying to make a kinky online connection, go sign up.  Since it's so small, it has a very welcoming feeling.  No, it's not a cam site or a pay site.

I saw this in another Domme's profile.  I like it :)

I don't need your money or gifts.

This is so inspiring!  http://dvice.com/archives/2012/10/ethiopian-kids

One Laptop Per Child Project

What happens if you give a thousand Motorola Zoom tablet PCs to Ethiopian kids who have never even seen a printed word? Within five months, they'll start teaching themselves English while circumventing the security on your OS to customize settings and activate disabled hardware.

Another great cartoon :)  http://tmblr.co/ZiTFkuV5aASo

I am a "kink-optional Domme" (not to be confused with a "vanilla Domme" - an otherwise "regular" woman who is sexually aggressive in the bedroom).  Kink is much less important to me than relationship and personality.  Domme is my personality, not my sexual preference.  Kink is not my interest.

Three cartoons were just removed from my profile.  I received three emails entitled: "Reported Photo Removed on collarme.com" with the text "Reason: The photo you posted may contain copyrighted material and, for legal reasons, it was necessary for us to remove it."

There are thousands of images people have posted here that are not their own, so I wonder who had such sour grapes to waste the admins' time  by reporting me for posting:

1.  Edit:  I found the artist of this cartoon and have uploaded the image again with permission as outlined in his blog: http://www.snotm.com/2010/06/blog-post.html

2. this list of tongue-in-cheek rules:  http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0p9k2kz3c1qc1o12.jpg

and

3. a (G-rated) graphic someone made for me.

Go figure.  

Relaxing ...

This made me smile:

A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"

I haven't seen this video in a while but a friend wrote a blog post about slam poetry which reminded me that "Pretty" by Katie Makkai is amazing:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0

Yesterday I was talking to a sub I've known for a long time.  In response to a comment I  made he said, "we know that your definition of a Domme and mine are very different."

This got me thinking about what, exactly, my definition is.  In the context of the conversation we were having, I'd summarize it as "a Domme is a woman who expects and inspires others to obey and serve her."

What's your definition?

Why is cuckolding such a common fantasy???  And honestly, how many happy cuckold relationships do you know?

Thought of the day: 

Being attracted to strong women doesn't make a man a sub. 

I mentioned I was getting some house painting done a while back.  After six weeks it's still less than 50% done and every room in my house is a disaster zone.  Excuses almost every day, painters coming three hours later than I was told they'd arrive, contractor sick, painters leaving for food and not coming back (leaving open paint cans, paint in trays in the middle of the floor), you name it.  After six weeks it's really started to take a toll - was supposed to be a 5-8 day cosmetic finish to top off years of renovations, with a couple of small projects (some plumbing for example, which took about two hours, ripping out a closet, which took half a day).  Juggling too many jobs, not enough staff, cash flow issues (I'm guessing), medical issues (if true), terrible communication skills.

Summer is officially over - business clothes and nylons ... sigh ...

But it also means boots soon ;)

Fantastic quote from a friend of mine today:  "You could not be more full of shit here if someone reversed the polarity on your enema bag."

What's with the chat requests lately?  I keep getting requests from people with blank profiles - much more frequently than in the past.  Send an email before a chat request.

The chastity devices I've had experience with are CB2000, CB6000 and the ClubFem MCD. Didn't like the CBx000s much.  Loved the MCD:  http://www.clubfem.com/mcd1.htm

.

Next I want to try a Birdlocked.

Ahhh, another two weeks with my family and friends in London:  Sept 21-Oct 8.  Some fun things lined up :)  Blam!

Edit:  London Ontario, sadly.

Bittersweet seems to be a theme these days: 

http://buttersafe.com/2012/08/16/the-seasick-squid/

Thought of the day: It's quite easy to seduce a man. It's finding one that's worth seducing that's the challenge ...

Addendum: *some* men are easy to seduce.  I don't want to sound quite so obnoxious in my claim :)

Today I saw my ex's naked body covered in cane marks at the top of my stream on FL.  He had told me that he had reconnected with and was going on holiday to visit a Domme I had let beat him when we were a couple (so I wouldn't be surprised if I saw something on FL).  

However, even with the warning and a few weeks to process it, it was entirely surreal and more than a little sad.  We have been broken up for almost two years but I still feel that I own that body and soul, even though in reality I don't think I ever did.  

I know with the benevolent and objective part of my mind that they make a good couple - they have a lot of similarities and I intuitively know they really "get" each other.  I also know that I am glad my relationship with my ex has become a friendship rather than the very stressed and unhappy D/s couple we ended up.  And I'm even happy for him, and especially that he seems happy for the first time in a couple of years.  But still, bittersweet.

I haven't posted anything about chastity for a while.  I've been meaning to mention this little known, simple, inexpensive, easily wearable, unobtrusive, but brutal toy:  http://www.clubfem.com/mcd1.htm

.  I had my ex in one off and on for a couple of years ;)

PS  I don't do permanent denial, just orgasm control with a bit of chastity thrown in when the mood strikes.  Nothing to be scared of, boys ;)

Simultaneous contractors and work deadlines.  I'm feeling swamped again.  Short or delayed answers are not intentional.

New image (pic 5).

I spent a little bit of time today looking at Domme profiles.  I'm not sure whether to be relieved or depressed.  The relieved part is that I am not alone in my expectations and desires.  The sad/depressing part is that so many of us have to articulate everything we DON'T want and are still searching for everything we do ... 

Due to the special nature of the one I seek, my search is not limited by geography.  I have had several relationships (yes: real, flesh-and-blood relationships) with men from other countries over the last 20 years.  If you are mobile, feel we have synergy, and would consider moving for the right woman, contact me.

You know the Nickelback song, "Rock Star"?  Pretty much a standard song on the Top 40 radio station where I live.  So this morning while I'm getting ready for work they're playing it - but they've edited some of the words: "the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap" has been changed to "the girls come easy and the girls come cheap".  

Seems that some smart moral person apparently doesn't want to encourage drug use and thinks that cheap girls are much more politically correct.

WTF.

If you want to approach me but are overwhelmed by the length of my journal, here are the highlights to help you with your message:  2/22/2012, 2/9/2012, 12/21/2011, 11/19/2011, 10/29/2011, 10/2/2011, and 8/31/2011.  

I'm so helpful.

End of a long holiday :(  Had a wonderful time and don't want to go home!

Happy Canada Day!  

What heaven.  Stratford (international theatre festival in Ontario) twice in two weeks; first "42nd Street" last weekend and today "The Matchmaker" -I had a great time :)  

I splurged and bought myself an engraved silver bracelet from the theatre shop that says "We are such stuff as dreams are made on."

Ahhh, to dream ...

Honest to God, do NOT offer me a "tribute" for a "session" as a way to make yourself seem more appealing to me.  There are tons of people (of various genders) on here that expect and demand those.  Go find one of them.  

Also, I am looking for a relationship, not play - and especially not "discreet play" (yes, this means you married guys).  Geez.  

What part of my profile has any sort of reference to, or even implies a desire for, ANY of these things???

I'm in London (Ontario) for the next three weeks.

I think I'm overdue for a journal entry.  Here's something I've rolled around in the back of my mind for a while but have not articulated before:

I separate BDSM from D/s.  Succintly, I am focussed on the dynamic of the relationship (i.e., D/s); I consider "BDSM" to be a label for the activities that attain various experiences, D/s being one of them.  

Consider the logic statement:

BDSM is to Flogging as Sports is to Hockey 

That crudely summarizes my viewpoint.  I do know BDSM is more than that, but I push it hard into the corner because many people are focussed on the "sport" (for lack of a better term; no disrespect intended) rather than the dynamic.  

Tops and bottoms and kinky people (again, no disrespect intended) are included in the set of people who like BDSM; Dom/mes and subs are the subset who are in D/s (ok, I'm starting to describe a Venn diagram here ...).  And then I'm in the subset "Femdom" and the sub-subset "lifestyle" (I should probably draw this ...)

New favourite website:  http://textsfromdog.tumblr.com

Charming, brief email exchange today (charming in that it was brief! ;) )

________ on 5/19/12 at 7:54 PM:  i read your blog and the dude said you were a bitch... i think the word CUNT is more deserving lol

Msxx on 5/19/12 at 7:57 PM: An unprovoked message like yours is never deserved.

________ on 5/19/12 at 7:59 PM: oh but it is .. adn we have talked in the past.. you decided to be a total bitch for nothing... just because i had a spelling mistake... thats rude and thats why you got it... weird really, specially where your a east coaster, like my self.

Msxx on 5/19/12 at 8:01 PM:  Being Canadian is the first and last thing we have in common.

If having standards and pointing them out makes me a bitch, then indeed, I'm a bitch.

Great post.  Not going to explain it - it's just one page long, so just read it.

Straight White Male:  The Lowest Difficulty Setting There is

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/

Two days ago I received a well written but obvious form letter from someone offering total servitude, describing his past experience as being a completely obedient slave, etc.  However, what he had to offer did not match at all what I am looking for as I have described in my profile and journal, so I wrote back:

Thank you for your message, XXXX.  You have put a lot of effort into explaining your history and why you are contacting me in Nova Scotia.  However, I don't think you read my profile at all.  Your very first word, Mistress, is wrong.

I hope you find others who enjoy your form letter more and are willing to give you some leeway.

This is the reply I received:

you are a fucked Mistress, you need an attitude adjustment bitch, or should i say a whore

Today I see he is under consideration.  I sure hope she is careful.

Thank you for all the well wishes :)

Happy Birthday to me :)

I have quite long hair (I've uploaded a photo - it's about waist length now, and more brown than red).  I've been talking to a hair fetishist off and on for a couple of years.  How common is a hair fetish?  I had never thought about it before I learned it was his.  I mean, I get compliments on my hair, but for him it is a fetish in the most specific sense. 

geek alert: new phone ... wow it's hard to type on with long fingernails ...

OMG DONE!!!

Wow, so tired.  Made deadline.  One more week to go ...

Does anyone have experience with MS Publisher, Scribus, or Inkscape?

So, I thought I was busy before.  I realized this morning that I'm actually not going to be able to get everything done in the time I have before my deadline.  That's an odd feeling.

You know that oft-uttered sentence that men use in self defense?  You know the one, "I'm not a mind reader."  Poor, poor boys.  

Newsflash:  Although many of us women are psychic, perceptive, intuitive, and thoughtful, we're not mind readers either.  

You have to communicate on a voluntary basis, not expect a Domme to excavate your thoughts out of you with a pickax - coz, you know, that's messy.

Got a nice new little patio table, umbrella and chairs.  Wow, what a gorgeous spring.  I'm out on the deck now with my laptop, listening to the birds and the water.

From Scientific American:

Why Interacting with a Woman Can Leave Men "Cognitively Impaired"

In one experiment, just telling a man he would be observed by a female was enough to hurt his psychological performance. 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-interacting-with-woman-leave-man-cognitively-impaired

Fishy is as fishy does ...

Sorry boys, I am not looking for a 22 year old online toy.  Been there, done that, threw out the T-shirt.

Day 16 of work in a row ...

EXTREMELY busy with work.  Checking email but often not responding.  It's not intended to be an insult to anyone.

subs: DON'T ask for more photos - particularly if you don't have one of your own.

Renovations that have been going on for months were finished this weekend *yay* Contractors paid.  So expensive *boo*  Now it just needs some heavy duty cleaning (drywall dust EVERYWHERE).  *sigh* where's a slave when you need one?

Things I expect in order to "consider" someone:

- Written profile (show you've taken some effort to be here, like I have)

- Photo (FACE pic - email it to me if it's not in your profile)

- Location (doesn't matter where so much as that you're actually willing to say where you are - how serious can you be if you're not even identifying your geographic location?)

- Marital status (BE SINGLE)

- D/s experience (I don't mind if you are inexperienced, but explain what you are drawn to and why)

Seriously, guys ...

A comment on society ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zR1Ykbdaj0

The best Youtube EVER (warning:  cat video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=K4fVsSejI4Q

How is it that people actually write emails like this when it's such common knowledge that we complain about them!? :)  Here's one from today:

hi Mistress,
I've been a very bad boy and I need a guiding hand and the discipline of a Domme. I do like to be humiliated by ass play, CBT, bondage and chastity. I want to please you and entertain You.

thank You Mistress

Ok, new geek entry.  Laptop came and it is divine.

In addition, I had fiber Internet/TV installed.  The installation was horrendous (four house visits in seven days to get it right; about 15 hours total - and each visit was "between 8 and 6").  However, the results were worth it :)

Download:  30.61 mb/s

Upload: 12.41 mb/s

Faster than 95% of Canada

We now return to our regularly scheduled kink programming.

</geek>

Just read an interesting article, Sexuality vs. Sensuality:  The Steady Decline of Affection in America, written by Bethany St. James, who describes herself as a legal prostitute and personal and sexual empowerment coach (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bethany-st-james/sexuality-romance_b_1196610.html).

She comments on how it is becoming increasingly more common for her clients to seek romance, affection, and connection.  One line especially struck me:  "There is a lack of appreciation for tenderness running rampant through our sexual society. Our porn has become boring and, in my opinion, it might have much to do with this unrealistic and unromanticized version of physical pleasure."  

All the more reason to honour and indulge the romance and intimacy of a power exchange relationship (emphasis on 'relationship').  The Queen and her knight.  

I did it - finally ordered the laptop I've been eyeing for months.  I'll spare you the specs unless you really are curious.

My top geek interests are technology and chastity.  Both have neat gadgets and both require good brains to work well :)

Ooooh, another elegantly simple urethral chastity device:  http://fantasyleatherworks.com/hischastity.htm  I may like this one more than the last!

To all subs who are "real" and "serious":  please put a location in your profile and write a description of yourself - and preferably include a photo!  No written profile implies no effort on your part. 

Thought of the day: I never get tired of playing cat and mouse :)

PS  Look at my lovely new Christmas image :)

By the way, my name is MsX.  Msxx was the closest I could find when I registered here.  I mention this somewhere in my journal but here it is again.  If you don't address me correctly, I'll know you haven't paid attention!

To be clear:  Call me MsX or Miss.  Do NOT call me Mistress or Ma'am.  Goddess, Mi'Lady, and most others are fine as well.

Looks simple and effective:  http://www.malechastitynow.com/CockTrap.html

  ...

Public response to an email, since the sender has blocked me.  His message (after a brief email exchange, at which point I said I wasn't interested): 

i said i would answer any questions you might have....so you are just another superficial bitch looking for a 20 year old body-builder millionaire type....when you are probably nothing more than an old cow who is afraid to put their picture out there...s.crew you...

My reply:  

I am the director of an organization, own my own home, and, I assure you, am not an "old cow".  I have articulate email discussions with people of all ages, with and without photos. Conversation is the bottom line.  

Ontario again:  Dec 18-Jan 7.

Ok, wow.  

I may regret publicizing this if I get a bunch of crass emails (ie, don't send me a crass email), but this looks like SO. MUCH. FUN. 

http://www.extremerestraints.com/penis-extenders_189/black-mamba-cock-sheath_4009.html

Within the context of a meaningful relationship that is.

For sub men in vanilla relationships (advice, not a rant):

There are sites and books about how to introduce your vanilla female partner to Femdom. Here's a hint: it's not, "honey, will you please tie me up and do what you want to me?" :P  Likely, if you say that to her, there will be NOTHING she wants to do to you at that point other than tell you (either eloquently or otherwise) that you are putting your own needs on her and that she sees no payoff in it.

A quick google of "introducing vanilla wife to femdom" offers this article at the top of the list:  http://sensualfemdom.blogspot.com/2009/08/introducing-female-domination-to.html?zx=a99443c357c36bc1.  I skimmed it and it summarizes a lot of what I would have written here if I were feeling verbose.

Also, if you're serious about guiding your marriage/relationship into a female-led one, sign up to she-makes-the-rules.com.  They have a great forum and lots of sub husbands.  Kink is relegated to one area on the site.

If you think submission is kink first and foremost, I expect the only way you'll experience it is through fantasy or an affair - perhaps "only" online, but still, not with your wife/partner.  However, if your view of submission is broader:  if you want to make her life better and put her first in your relationship, you might end up with some of the kink that motivates you as a spin off.  I'm certainly a lot more flirtatious/sexual/kinky when I'm happy, not stressed, and in love with my partner.  For many Dommes, how you make her feel happy, not stressed, and in love with you is the path to the sex part.  Funnily enough, just the same as for vanilla women :P

Does that make sense?

When I flew home a few months ago, I was so moved by a poem in the inflight magazine that I copied it to my iPad.  I've just found it again.

The summer of my father

Brian Brett

FYI:  I am not interested in cross dressing or forced femme.  My profile says I "tolerate" it - which means I'm happy for others to pursue their interests.  

I like manly men :)

Going to a conference for a few days.  Don't think I am slighting you if I don't return your message promptly.

Note: I am a well mannered and nice person.  For those seeking a cruel, selfish, or bitchy Domme, I suggest in the politest way possible that you look elsewhere.

Ladies, this one's still available! ...

Setting: off and on conversation (months) with an intelligent, successful, attractive alpha sub. Sparks.

The challenge: He displayed a narrow understanding of D/s as ultimately being about what kind of sexual pleasure he could receive, although he did want to also please me (within his definition of what would please me).

Outcome: We decided after a couple of rounds that this was not a good match and I told him to keep in touch.

Punchline: His response: "no thanks. If I wanted a nonsexual friendship with a woman, I'd hang out with my girlfriend."

Wow. Did I mention he's available? Oh wait ... except he's NOT.

My preference is for subs who are younger than I am.  I will answer anyone who writes politely, and I won't rule you out based only on your age, but I have always been attracted to younger men.  I thought I should state this up front for older subs who contact me.

Thought of the day:  

A sub must add value to MY life, not just the other way around.

The good thing about bad days is that they are only 24 hours long, like any other day :)

Bad day today.  :(

Thought of the day:

Most of the time obedience is not about the exact task at hand.  It's about power and trust.  It's about shared knowledge.  It's about the dynamic between two people.

Thought of the day:

To submit to me, you must first be my equal.

To those of you who chat and then disappear without explanation:  why do you do that?  I don't mean when an email conversation naturally runs its course; not everyone clicks; that's life.  I mean, not showing up for a meeting, whether in person or online, and never explaining why.   I find it very perplexing, particularly because it's so common.   

If we were cybering, I'd take it as a one night stand, heat of the moment, and move on.  But just friendly chat that has left me with an unanswered email with a question in it, or a scheduled time to chat and not showing up?  I don't get it.

Seriously, I would really like to understand this behaviour and I'm open to explanation or theories from anyone, not only people I once talked to.  

My work project from hell is done!!!

If you live in Toronto, London (Ontario), Ottawa, or NYC I am interested.  Boston, Montreal, or Quebec City are also possible, as is Atlantic Canada.  Farther away if the connection is great.

I'll be in Ontario Sept 24-Oct 16.

Someone gave me the perfect video today about a Domme and sub meeting:

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting

I'm sure that every Domme who watches this will nod in agreement, and every sub who watches it will be certain it's not about him.

8/17/2011 8:36:50 PM

I've been thinking I'll add a few comments in this journal to balance out the 5 year old entries.  Here's one:

On Married Men

I always said I wasn't interested in married men or men who weren't able to 100% commit to me.  Either I want more than will be given, or I am second when I want to be first, or I feel bad for it being a secret, or I disrespect the sub for doing things in secret (of course, the last two are irrelevant if it's an open relationship - but the first two remain).  For me it throws into question the whole idea of "submissiveness", the ironic powerlessness of being dominant, and the double standard of a man doing something behind his partner's back yet professing a need to serve and worship women. 

On the other side of the coin, I know that there are reasons for everything (some valid,  some not so much).  There are legitimate situations where married men are looking for a Domme, and Dommes who are happy with married men.  I'm not laying down a hard and fast rule saying that everyone who is married and looking is "evil" or anything. Simply, my bottom line is that being second is reason enough for me that I don't want a relationship with an already committed man, whether he's married, a workaholic, a lifelong bachelor, or something else.  Anyone that can't put me at the top of their priority list isn't going to be at the top of mine.

Wiping away the cobwebs...

I haven't been active on this site for several years; hence the journal entries from 2005 and 2006.  For those who read such things, they are still pretty accurate, although I've now had five years of experience (D/s and otherwise) to temper them a bit.  I think I'm an incurable optimist, though, so chances are my ideals haven't changed that much. 

Oh, and please call me Miss or MsX.  "Msxx" was the closest name I could find when I signed up.

PS  And what is UP with this text editor?  I can't create proper spacing, control appearance, etc.  Not cool for a Domme ;)

Someone asked me for other website links besides the one in my profile of stuff I read about D/s, so here are some.  I am a lot less respectful of the sites that tell you how to control someone through seduction/"sexual manipulation" (my term) than the sites that describe personal experiences or refer to things in a more psychological/objective/observational frame of mind.  The script won't let me post weblinks, so you need to remove the spaces when you paste them into your browser.

Article on strapon from a "vanilla" point of view: 
salon. com/urge/feature/1999/01/28feature. html

Article on positive discipline (not about bdsm at all, but from a parenting website!):
kidsource. com/kidsource/content/positive. discipline. html

Basic overview of stages of power exchange:
ca.geocities. com/ds960/m111. htm

Pretty mainstream (relatively speaking) female led relationshp stuff (It's also commercial, with the writer doing public speaking and booktours, so be warned):
venus-on-top. com

A "classic" - Real Women Don't Do Housework:
geocities. com/ladymisato

Something I want to explore more: 
innerself. com/Sex_Talk/Tantric_Sex. ht

Another page I haven't explored yet:
lilithweb. com