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When you ask for attention, I’m going to evaluate you. If you’re looking for an experience, I’m not the one for you. I’m entirely too selfish to care about what you want. I don’t want a play toy. I’ve discarded more of those than I can remember…. Literally. If your personality drives you to be selfless, to do whatever it takes to make me smile. I might want you. If you are someone who can be my knight, arm yourself with a scrub brush and pine sol to protect me from dust bunnies and dirt… I may call you my hero. If you live for turning me on without needing reciprocation… you may just get me.
Some men on here think they understand what a Domme is or what means being in a FLR. They imagine a leather clad Dominatrix with a crop leading them through humiliating or painful experiences. I own a crop and plenty of paddles. I use them because sometimes causing pain turns me on. It has nothing to do with you. Now if experiencing pain turns you on and makes you feel very devoted… then you might do well with someone like me.
I lead a busy life. I get caught up with my career, my family and friends. Which is why my free time is precious. I’ll only make time if I think you’re worth the effort. And by that, if I think that somehow you’ll make me happy. If I’ve described the person you think you are… then feel free to message me. I don’t promise to respond… but I just might. |
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I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I've been busy, but also because my vanilla life has been pretty fulfilling. But now I'm feeling that old feeling again. The thought of finding someone who can fit comfortably into my life. A journey though life is always better shared with someone who "gets" you. |
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I watched the Bruce Jenner interview with great interest. It explained a lot to me regarding many in our community who cling to the role of “sissy”, of those who want to be forced to wear panties and hose and of those who want to be “taken” by a strap on. I have always attracted those who are strong on the outside but who want to be the woman behind closed doors. If the greatest athlete in the world hid his femininity for decades… how many others are there? How many find refuge in the shadows of our lifestyle? I hope that they find acceptance here and some measure of peace. |
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Being a Domme comes with perks. The best being that we can be ourselves completely. This is especially true within the D/s community.
A Domme has choices. I can’t think of anyone else who can pick and choose more than she does. For some strange reason, there are not many Dominant women in the lifestyle. If you cut out the professional Pseudo Dommes, we are indeed a rare group of creatures who have the ability to create the relationship we want.
A true Domme is at home in her own skin. She knows herself, acknowledges her strengths and weaknesses. Where others may always try to show themselves in a favorable light to lure someone, a Domme lets her expectations be known, knowing there is a plethora of subs wanting to meet those expectations.
A Domme is not ashamed of being a sexual being. Sex and pleasure are important to her. She isn’t bashful about what turns her on. A man never has to guess about what pleases her. Once she chooses her sub, she tells him right off what makes her pussy wet. Sexual fantasies are easy to make reality and she has indulged all the legal ones…. Maybe some of the shady ones… over and over again.
When searching for a relationship, a wise Domme looks for a sub who doesn’t have to be forced. There are thousands of submissive men available. Find one who gets pleasure from pleasing. A sub who requires a constant diet of being forced or humiliated becomes boring quickly.
A Domme teaches. The most important aspect a sub should cultivate is a willingness to be taught. This goes from how he brings her pleasure to the more mundane vanilla aspects of their relationship. It’s not important for a sub to have mad skills as long as he works hard in learning what she teaches.
A Domme rewards… A sub needs to feel appreciated for his effort. Let him know when he has done well. If he does especially well, an imaginative way to make him orgasm makes a great reward.
A Domme is rewarded for her selfishness and her willingness to go after her desires. What she gets out of the lifestyle is only limited by her imagination and ambition.
"Its GOOD to be a Domme!!!.... No, I take that back... It is fricken AMAZING to be a Domme!!!!!
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I'm always amused when a sub/slave says unequivocally in their profile... NO FINANACIAL DOMMES.... then proceeds to give a laundry list of what they want a Domme to do to them. I read one this week that said that he wanted to experience a strap-on. But he doesn't want a relationship. He wants a one-off experience.... All I can say to that is stop being stupid and cheap... Go pay someone to put up with you.
Come on guys.... what Domme worth the title is interested in what a sub or slave wants? Its up to you to become what we want.
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A Domme is Born...
You never forget your first sub. The one that initiated you into Dommedom. Mine was a man that I met at a mini mart. I knew I wanted him the first time I saw him. Over six foot tall. Thick dark hair, an engaging smile and an ass and thighs that were rock hard from his passion for playing hockey and basketball. Somehow we ended up talking while in line and the conversion continued out into the parking lot. He asked for my number and we parted.
He called me a couple of hours later. You have to realize that when met each other, it was before the internet was common. There weren't any sites like ALT to initiate someone to the lifestyle. The lifestyle was mostly grown through word of mouth.
After that initial meeting we spent the next week or so talking in the phone. We spent hours talking late into the night getting to know each other. Our conversations were an eye opener to a good catholic girl who was brought up by a devote strict mother and a father who was a preacher’s son. But I’m also a woman who comes from a very long line of Matriarchs. And judging by the sheer amount of children spawned from these women, I also come from a long line of women who love sex.
One of the things that I liked most about him was his honesty in knowing who he was. He had been in a two year relationship with a Domme who had passed away. He knew that he wouldn't be happy again until he found another one. Something drew him to me. He said that I had an aura about me that said that I was a women who could take charge.
On our first real date he came and picked me up. I barely got the front door shut when he grinned at me and swooped down for a toe curling kiss. As soon as I got into the car I grabbed his bulging crotch and smiled threateningly. “This belongs to me. I decide if it gets used and when it gets used so you can just forget about trying to seduce me. This relationship is going to be on my terms.”
He smiled at me, gave me a kiss on my nose and drove me to a great little restaurant near the beach. I’m sure that people stared at us in bewilderment. Here was a smoking hot man, tall dark and handsome with a full figured woman who could fit under his outstretched arm. But we clicked and the chemistry was palpable.
After dinner we went back to the car and he drove a little way down to the beach. He pulled a blanket and guitar out of his trunk, grabbed my hand and he took me down to the sand, spread out the blanket and we spent the next couple of hours singing and walking to the water to get our feet wet. It was pure fun and about as romantic as it gets. He told me that he was on a mission to woo me.
I invited him in when we got home. My roommate was there with her boyfriend and son. She stared at him so hard that her boyfriend poked her in the arm. After introductions, I dragged him to my room, shut the door and locked it.
The silly man took it as an invitation to grab me and tug at my blouse. A swift hard slap on the face sobered him up immediately. I took his unresistant hands and told him to put them behind his neck. He obeyed instantly. I told him not to move without permission.
I unbuckled his belt and tugged it through his belt loops. It was about two inches thick and made of well-worn brown leather. I unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them down to his knees along with his boxer shorts. He stood there quietly looking at me. Obviously aroused. There was no disappointment in his size. It was impressively large and obviously proud at being noticed.
I know that he thought that he was going to get some. It was obvious in his demeanor that he was confident that we were going to end up in bed together…. But I had other ideas. After all, I was brought up to be a good girl. And good girls did not jump into bed on a first date. On the other hand, I had all the makings of a very bad girl and I had under my control a man who wanted to give up all control. I had to show him who was boss.
I turned him around and shoved him face first on my bed. His arms flailed as he fell. After a bounce or two he looked back at me with a shocked look on his face.
“Put your face in my pillow. I don’t want you to make any noise. They might hear you.” He obeyed without a sound. I folded his belt into two, hissed at him that he had better keep quiet and I proceeded to whip his cute ass with his belt.
I must have gave him 20 smacks before stopping. His ass and thighs were a mass of reddened marks and welts. I caressed them with my finger tips before telling him to get up.
Amazingly he was still hard. I gave him a little kiss as his arms wrapped around me, with his pants still pooled past his knees. The kiss turned passionate. It was a dizzying experience…. The power and the passion. I knew that I had found my true calling. A Domme was born.
It was getting late, so I told him to pull his pants back up. He reached for his belt but I smacked his hand... no no.... that's a souvenir. It's mine now.
I walked him out to his car past the knowing eyes of the others. When we got outside his whispered in my ear…. ‘ I wonder if they heard the smacks.” I laughed and patted his sore ass.
“Can I see you again tomorrow”, he asked?
Absolutely…. |
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What I love best about this world is being able to say exactly what I want in a man. I want someone intelligent, good company... who really gets turned on by a woman who enjoys taking advantage of him. If I tell you to pleasure me, you know exactly how to turn me on and satiate me. If I want my bathroom scrubbed, you know where the cleaning supplies are and you're happy to clean while I take a nap. If I'm feeling sadistic, you know where I keep my paddles and crops... you bend over willingly if a bit intimidated knowing you're going to get severely disciplined. Afterwards you know to kiss my hand and offer me a massage to relax me. If I feel like spending the weekend exploring a museum, going to a game, visiting a winery and hitting a great breakfast place... you know how to be fantastic company and treat me like I'm the center of your universe. I don't just want someone to play with... I want everything...
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When you're in a relationship with someone, whether D/s or vanilla, there are certain expectations. A relationship is a relationship.... it's not just regularly scheduled play time. You have to be interested in what's going on in my life, be able to talk about something other than our D/s lifestyle and work together to build something real.
I know that I want the needle in the haystack. Someone to be my partner as well as my sub/slave. I may be a Domme... but I'm also a woman who wants to be appreciated and adored for the wickedness in her..... smile. |
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Just because I'm not a financial Domme doesn't mean that I'm interested in bringing you into my home for a session to fulfill your fantasies. If you are just looking for a cheap thrill and an experience... shell out the money and pay one of those women. |
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There are times when you want a massage because you just feel like being pampered.... then there are times when you come dragging into the house after a 14 hour work day where you put at least 5 hours of driving in.. meetings on opposite sides of southern CA.. hours on your feet talking to people and ending it with an hour or so of dancing.. then the long drive home... and you would kill to have someone waiting to massage the ache away. |
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I had a perfect birthday weekend.. Napa was gorgeous and a fun time was had by all.. especially me. Great time, great wines, fantastic food and even more fantastic company. The birthday season is almost over... just a couple of more dinners and a Dodger game to finish the celebrations... |
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Heading out in the morning for my birthday weekend... I love Napa! |
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Spent over two weeks on jury duty determining a criminal case. It was fascinating to me to see the court in action from the inside and participate in the deliberating. What surprised me was how I was able to disassociate my personal opinions regarding the suspect and judge the case merely on its merits. I always suspected that if I didn't like someone that I'd find a way to convince myself to find him guilty.... it's nice to know that I have better ethics than that. |
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Got to love earthquakes.... |
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Fun is fun... but is it possible to find love, passion, romance and mind blowing twisted sex in a long term D/s relationship? |
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With my birthday coming up, its always a time of reflection for me. I think about what has happened in the last year of my life and my hopes for the next year. This last year was pretty tough and one of the things that I'm most proud of is that I made it through without too much whining. It helps when you have fantastic friends and people around who love you and who beg to share the load. I am a very blessed person. The year has ended on a high note and I have every expectation that it will continue into the next year. I'm happy... What more can I ask for than that for my birthday?
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My birthday is coming up. I'm planning a great get together with those closest to me. I'm in a good place in my life... but wondering how I can make this coming year more meaningful and enjoyable. I want to concentrate on the important things in life.
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I know that I'm not the only one who goes through cycles of being in the lifestyle. It feels as though the last few years have been all about changes. I hate that unsettled feeling of not knowing .... I need a decade of comfortable boredom. |
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Dancing with my best buds. Celebrating Halloween. I love having fun!!! |
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I went to my high school reunion this weekend. I saw men who I used to date or liked and for a moment I wondered what life would have been like if I had I had married one of them, instead of taking the journey my life took. Life before I discovered D/s and embraced it. These men don't know the woman that I am now... they remember the girl that I used to be. It was very sweet and I enjoyed the journey back in memory. |
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Three hours to my birthday.... I wonder how I should celebrate?... hmmmmmm |
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I just read Fifty Shades of Gray tonight... now that's a writer! |
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True Story
I had dinner the other night with the owner of the company. We were kicking back and relaxing, well into the second bottle of wine. She is a beautiful, mature, successful woman, former actress and model... who hasn't dated in the past 10 years because she said that she finds it more peaceful not having to deal with demanding men. I confessed that I have dated a variety of really great men.
"Don't you ever have issues with them?"... she asked? "You're this incredibly powerful woman running this company. Don't they ever feel threatened or intimidated by you?"...
"Not really", I replied..... and smiled
"I should really take lessons from you. How do you do it?"
"I don't know... just been fortunate I guess"
There are some things that you should NEVER share with the one who employes you. |
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I'm a pretty upbeat, optimistic person.... but sometimes I wonder if I'm an idiot for thinking that I might be able to find that perfect D/s relationship with someone who fits into my vanilla life. |
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If the vanilla woman doesn't find you interesting... neither will the Domme. |
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I'm feeling devious, mischievious and naughty... |
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I know that I'm a Dominant woman... and I can be more than a bit sadistic, but there is nothing I hate more than having to fire someone. I'm pretty understanding about most things... but I've never been able to tolerate either a thief or a liar. |
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Why is it so hard to find someone who appeals to me on multiple levels? |
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It's my birthday... I wonder what this year will bring to me???? |
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Nothing is better than when you make a connection that works... The chemistry is there, both mental and physical. When you enjoy his company, both in sub mode and in vanilla mode. And when the kissing and touching turns you on.... Mmmmmmm.... yummy! |
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It's hard balancing my vanilla and D/s life. On occassion they meet up. |
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Been away on multiple business trips for most of a month... now I'm home!!! It feels so good. |
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Being a Domme is a powerful feeling. Especially when you have a sub under your thumb. I know that I'm not typical in the lifestyle... I'm no raving lunatic bitch who wants to make a man's life miserable. What I am I think is more natural to Dominant women out in the vanilla world who don't have a clue to what D/s is. I've always been Dominant. Being the eldest of a large family, I grew up as the second mother. Our mother was very strict and quick with the paddle, she taught me well. Growing up controlling and disciplining an unruly group...honed my skills at a very early age. I've always given the orders with the confidence that I would be obeyed.
I love the feeling of spanking. It's such a wonderful stress release. To see him struggle but know that he won't try to get away, because it would displease me .... it feels powerful and wonderful.
Using a man for pleasure, without thought of pleasing him, fulfills my selfish side. Controlling his pleasure... knowing he gets none without my approval... just makes me smile.
Seeing a man do my chores. Not because he enjoys it... but because he knows that it will make me happy... I can be very fond of a man who does that for me. |
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There is something very relaxing about spanking a willing ass. The sound of a wooden hairbrush... or the sound of well worn leather... a paddle... a crop... all of them are lovely to wield on willing flesh. |
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True story... prior to the company Christmas party today, Santa came up to talk to me. He asked if I have been naughty or nice... being a truthful girl, I said... Naughty of course. He then tried to tug my hand... saying come with me and we'll talk about your naughtiness. I looked at him and asked... where are my presents??? He said... "oh I've got lots of presents for you.... and I'll even supply the batteries." When I looked at him in amused disbelief and pulled away from him, he pressed his business card in my hand and said... "If you change your mind... give me a call!"
One of my co-workers who witnessed the exchange teased me... "Do you want to sit on his lap???"
All I could think was... If he had been cuter and younger... I might be tempted... as it is, I think I'm rather horrified....LOL |
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Two business trips coming up in March.... Vegas and Chicago... |
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Back from Vegas... all work and no play.... |
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Heading to Vegas for a few days on business... |
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Controlling a man using sex.... or not allowing sex is a wonderful thing. Using a man for your own selfish pleasure... it's a truly wonderful thing. |
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Sadism... it lurks within me. I control it, it doesn't control me. But it's there and looks for an excuse to emerge. I'm not someone who hurts someone just to hurt them. They have to enjoy it for it to be a turn for me. Fear doesn't turn me on, however a healthy dose of respect for not pissing me off does... *smile* I sometimes think that I'm too nice... that I get too close to those who would serve me. I think that a lot of submissive men don't desire that kind of intimacy. They like being lost into their own headspace. They like the energy you generate, but they don't want to get too close. This makes it difficult for me to find the perfect sub for me. I don't like "do me" subs. I'm very sensual and he must enjoy providing the experience for me to enjoy myself. I enjoy spanking, flogging, light bondage, etc., etc., etc. I like buying toys to try out. But they are more for my entertainment, rather than his. I like seeing how well he submits, how devoted he can be, what he is willing to endure for my enjoyment. Hopefully he's someone who gets turned on by being over my knee getting paddled firmly... *smile* Am I asking for too much?
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What will you do to me? .... That question makes me cringe for some reason. Especially when it comes from someone I've never met before. How do I know? Until I am in that moment, I rarely pre-plan. I don't see someone with any agenda other than enjoying myself.
Until I have met you, established chemistry between us and I know what your talents are, I don't know how I am going to use you. My profile states my interests. It's bound to be some combination of those. If you don't like what's on my list, then don't message me.
If our lists are similar... then why worry about what I'm going to do to you? I'm sure that we'll both enjoy it. |
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I wasn’t sure where I should put this blog or if I should even write it. However it amused me, so I decided the best place to put it was here and not in one of my other blogging mediums.
Being a woman, and not a lesbian, I’m not an authority on the taste of a woman. I did have a conversation with someone who is a bit of an authority. He claims to be a connoisseur of taste and smells and since his career utilizes those senses, I won’t argue the fact.
The conversation started out by him saying that I tasted sweet.
“Don’t all women taste sweet?” I asked.
“Not even, they all taste different. Some are unsavory, some taste like steak tartar, some like Asian spices, some like pinot noir and some like horse shit. It’s all different, generally good but sometimes not...but you have a strawberry preserve quality…sweet and fruity.”
The conversation went on to other subjects after that, but I had to write this down for posterity. I taste like strawberry preserves… *smile*. |
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A small critique on pics being displayed by potential subs... or others.
Am I the only one who evaluates pictures that have been posted? Since I advertise for a guy who looks good in an apron... the inference is that I'm going to want him to do a bit of housework for me... amongst other things. If I'm going to use him... I want to use him and he'd better be good. Now... if he applies for the position but has pictures posted that show a house that looks like a frat house... I'm going to pass on him. Unless of course he is so gorgeous and persuasive that he can get me to change his mind. But really guys... use the crop tool on your pictures. Only show your best assets ... and i'm not talking about cock pics.
On that additional subject... DON'T! ... really... just DON'T! If I'm interested, I'll have you send me one. And if you happened to be under endowed... do you really have to let me know if your first letter to me? Is the first thing that you want me to know about you is that you're 3 inches when fully erect, you have fantasies about being locked in a chastity device and being cuckhold? Would that turn any woman on???? |
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I love it when you meet a sub who is worthy of attention. When he first greets you and falls to his knees to honor you and gently kisses the tips of your toes. I love it when you see something in him that attracts you. Subs are easy to find... subs who you actually want to keep are much rarer. When you see his eagerness to serve, it's a huge turn on. When he follows your instructions, showing instant obedience... you find yourself feeling quite fond of him. Those subs who you want to strip naked... and the sight of him pleases you... it makes me smile. When you know it makes him happy that you find pleasure in his service... this is an unexpected gift.
So many subs just want the selfish experience of serving to fulfill their own fantasies. Their Domme's satisfaction is secondary to their own. These are the unworthy who need to spend their money and time with a pro domme who may or may not be a true Domme. But at least she's paid to put up with their selfishness. |
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If you truly want my attention and you have no picture on your profile, attach one to your first message to me. You have no idea how many messages I ignore because they don't have a picture. I am not necessarily looking for a pretty boy, although I do enjoy gazing upon them. I just want a man who appeals to me. He may not be in perfect shape and he may not have a full head of hair and I may still find him incredibly appealing. He must be self confident enough to approach me openly. |
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I have to tell you that there are two types of men on here who irritate me when they approach me. One is the sub who is looking for an "experience" rather than a relationship. I'm soooo not into providing entertainment. Subs like this should go to a professional Domme who gets paid for putting up with them.
The second type who irritates me is the desperate slave who wants to be owned by ANYONE. It doesnt matter who it is. They offer themselves completely after a couple of exchanged emails. This prior to even meeting each other to know if there is any type of chemistry. It's so pathetic.
Now the sub that I want in my life is one that I actually like, whose company I enjoy and who'd I want to be around for awhile. The longer you spend with each other, the more your sub learns what pleases you most. It takes time to learn that. I eventually would like to find someone that I'd be happy to have around in the vanilla part of my life but who knows that behind closed doors, he's on his knees before me waiting my pleasure.
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I adore men, they were born to make me smile ... I'm not one of those Dommes who hate men. how could I? They are these wonderful creatures put on this earth to entertain me. Even those that I torment. As I spank them, humiliate them, beat them, use them and completely dominate them... I do so almost with a sense of affection. I dominate because it is who I am, down deep to my core. I'm not a game player, role games bore me. I don't wear leather or belong to a club. I don't associate with my fellow lifestylers. What I want to do is to find that one perfect sub for me. Someone who I want not only to be my pet and toy but someone that I want to be just as home in my vanilla life. When we are at home, he is naked at my whim and he lives to please me or suffer the consequence and out in the world he is perceived as an especially devoted pussy whipped man. Until I find him, i'm perfectly content in the hunt. There are thousands of subs and slaves to go through to find the one that I want to keep... it's good to be me!!! |
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