I havent spoken much about myself or my boy, so decided to post this here as this exchange with my boy amused me somewhat.


"Go To The Bedroom and Get One Of My Crops Behind The Door boy!"

This is what my boy heard after he requested to play with himself, and I teased him somewhat about where HE was going to play.

Originally he had reqested to play with himself, and I found this all good. I felt that it would be nice to watch him casually sit back and stroke for a while so I could appreciate that little ol piece of property of mine that lives between his legs.

So I was moved a bit to surprise when he seemed so confused as to how to go about playing with himself. In fact I was moved to quiet astonishment when he suddenly flopped down on the couch and told me he changed his mind and did not want to play with himself after all.

O.K.    I am thinking to myself. Did I not just provide him with permission to stroke his seldom used member?  Did I not grant him his ticket out for a nice tasty orgasm? Sure as shit I sure did... and there he was sitting on the couch looking like someone took his friend away and was beside himself with doubt as to what to do about it...

So. O.k. Time to shift my sweet little dark haired dark eyed slut into another zone and turn whatever was brewing around in his brain to another topic that might just mess with him a bit and take him to a different place.

"Go get ready for bed." I tell him very calmly. (It is just after 10PM and he doesnt generally go to bed before 11:30.

"But I dont want to get ready for bed."  I am sure I quirked an eye at this comment from him. With a few moments silence I was back with...

"I didn't ASK you what you wanted to do - now get your slut ass into the bathroom and get ready for bed!"

Eyes down and body in motion - I hear 'Yes Ma'am." as he heads to the bathroom to do what he was told originally.

With teeth brushed, and all other bathroom requirements attained, he heads to the bedroom, and then back to me sitting quite peacefully on the living room couch.

It wasnt long before I realized he thought get ready for bed meant get into bed. Tsssk. My boy sometimes overthinks things.  Part of me smiled at this, while another part considered that he was feeling shitty about his request because assuming that Mistress understood that 'touch myself' meant PLAY with Mistress, and having her directing him to play with himself. (of course I knew this, but really wanted to see where he would fly with his request... surprise surprise to me that he seemed quite lost with what to do with the moment of reprieve granted to him. Even more of a surprise that he was going to give up a perfectly good opportunity to get an orgasm when it could be days or weeks before the next opportunity should arise.. (I am thinking WOW to myself though not voicing this to him in any way. Definately time for a shift in the tides.

Thus the comment "Go To The Bedroom and Get One Of My Crops Behind The Door"

My boy doesnt like pain. In fact, shy of his sashaying his very adorable slut ass at me when he is opting for a little slap and tickle, and some nice twisting of his nipples when he is getting excited, pain is not on his favorites list. So I can well imagine what he was thinking when after declining his request, I send him off to get this crop. I must admit he was very good on this occassion. There would have been a time where he would have considered he was going to be punished and would have had one heck of a sour look on his face by this time.

He actually took a few minues in the bedroom before he came back with my very nice cat of nine tales. With a little discussion and my thinking I really needed to pull these particular impliments out more - he once more went back to the bedroom to bring back his choice of crop to me.

He had about 3 choices, and I was interested in the one he chose. A nice slender crop with just a small leather tail at the end. (Later he would tell me he chose this one because he felt it would make less noise. Now was I to tell him that this one would probably actually inflict the most pain should I desire it? LOL )

We have played with floggers before, and I am sure that at some point he has  experienced a few of my crops, but we have have not had play that was specifically directed towards an impliment of pain, and he had no clue just how much pain he might feel.

I wamed him up to the crop, teasing him with it on different areas of his body, once in a while tickling his feet, and tapping on his balls, before returinig to warming his body to my firming of touch with the crop Then I ordered him to start playing with himself and if he did not get hard, I was going to use the crop on his dick next.... surprisingly enough, that did the trick and he progressively started getting hard.  With erection in place, I started to focus the crop on different areas of his body getting him used to having an erection and feeling pain. This went surprisingly well, and I have to admit that perhaps my 'flower' was more of a painslut that I had considered.

This prompted from me the 'game' He was to stroke only to the beat of my crop. He was a bit awkward at first, but soon had the idea, and it wasnt long before he was acquiring the look that all boys get when they are getting VERY hopeful that a release is soon. I let him beg once or twice to cum before I finally allowed him release with a resounding spanking of my crop all the while.

The look in his eyes as they sought mine during his orgasm was wonderful. There is so much to see in that moment that one never sees at any other time When a submissive gives totally all of himself to that moment. 

Yes. One more orgasm completed and a reminder to my boy that saying 'I want to touch myself' and 'will my sweet and wonderful Mistress take her toy out of the box and play with him' are two VERY different things.

And... One more thing for me to consider more seriously when playing with my boy.  The arts of pain and pleasure..

 What does the lifestyle mean to me…

 
Years ago I could put that answer in a nutshell, and tell you that it meant "everything."

Years ago equates to aprox. 10 years. Time flies when you are living it - yes? Oh to be 20 again and KNOW what to do with that special time.

Time teaches you few people feel about the lifestyle exactly as you. Also, finding that next to perfect fit for your circumstance is next to improbable if not impossible these days.

Originally, there was a time when my explorations/curiosities allowed room for online experience, and understandings. In fact. I gained a vast amount of information about the lifestyle, and human nature during this year phase. It was actually online where I experienced my first taste of the BDSM lifestyle community and became enthrawled with a point of view that was so new, but absolutely felt like home for me.

I craved to understand the dynamics of what draws an individual to need validation, as a sub, Dominant not necessarily through sex, but 'sexuality', and validation... power exchange. I learned the Pro's and con's of power exchange, how it differed from a simple fetish, and I grew as an individual, and had no problem feeling my comfort zone as a dominant. Time progressed, and it was obvious to me, that online was a great learning ground, but it was no longer enough. I did what all serious lifestyler’s do. I took the plunge to real life experiences. Good and bad was generated from this choice. This was no small decision for me. Many things compiled my decision, but in making it, I sacrificed MUCH for the lifestyle that is me.

I admitted that who I was, wasn’t who my husband was, and we moved forward and away from one another. Big decisions in taking my life to where I believed destiny awaited. In time, you realize, destiny isn’t always as obvious as it sometimes eludes.

As with all living things, I have learned that the years have been a friend AND an enemy. Who after all likes to look in the mirror and see where time is taking you and taking FROM you? Reality is what it is, and if you are motivated, it will make you stronger for it.

Such personal revelations moved me to consider moving closer to solid goals, and much more introspection. My lifestyle walk has never been a meek journey.

This lifestyle isn’t painted with simply a free ride for a dominants. One is not instantly all knowing in a scene, or how a sub think. One needs to experience yourself to truly understand SOME of what those under you will begin to fathom under your hands. How interestingly delicious is the open mind of a beautiful submissive as they yeild all to try to please you best.

I have learned this lifestyle is so vast, that the road traveled, is paved with concessions, deceptions, bullshit, disappointments, and just once in a while - a hopeful, scant, clearing, emerges of blue skies, in which one might find personal validation from someone. Each time this occurs, the moment should be considered precious.

Today, I am harder, funnier, and more discerning that I have ever been. I expect that any applicants prove they are worth my time, and thus worth my investment into their future. With this I have been learning many things recently.

1. Most subs stop responding after the initial second letter unless they feel that they are going to get a real life contact immediately. They seem to think that if there is no indication of a meeting after an initial Hello, My name is, they are wasting their time. (unfortunate that they have such little patience or security in themselves to fill the bill)
2. Subs are not willing to back up their experiences, prove they are for real. How many have disappeared when after their claim of long term submanship, they are unable to provide even a sub friend to acknowledge that this person has been serious for any amount of time. They don’t even have the smarts to realize they can reply that they have no actual connection to vouch and that this might be overlooked. They simply slink away. Do they not realize that if they slink off, I believe they are not for real regardless of what true sincerity may be in their hearts? I am not about to invite Jack the Ripper into my Domain... Dam RIGHTS I want to know about that person if I am going to let them in my home! Also. If they have the slightest sliver of respect for themselves, and their safety, I would expect that they ask ME questions as well.

3. Subs DON’T READ the profile, of the person they are applying to serve, and inspite of clearly stating, this is what I want, and this is what I don’t, and if you are this…. Etc… I don’t actually even mind that a non compatible sub messages, so long as they acknowledge that they are aware of the inconsistencies between themselves and what I am looking for. Show some intelligence and ownership in their quest for ownership. Otherwise put in what you want to get back. Simple isn’t it?
4. Subs these days seem to be looking for the instant answer to get their fetish fix. Advertise their fetish and move strictly towards its sole accomplishment. Do they not see that by this, they are really seeking to serve themselves, but don’t actually want to be responsible in taking the initiative to accomplish it, thus the look to find someone to lead from the top to do it for them? As a one off or a play buddy, this is fine, but for someone looking for a full term posting to ‘serve’ a Dom, this attitude falls dramatically short. (I am sure I have burned many bridges with perspective subs with this attitude in the past)

When it comes to SERVICE, I don’t care about hearing that it’s a sub that leads the way, in directing the lifestyle relationship, as this is incorrect. A sub will define limits. They will NOT lead a Dom by those decisions.

I want to always hear a subs limits, goals, personal failures and accomplishments, to make them better at what they were destined for, protect them from what hurts them, and challenge them to grow beyond themselves, to be everything they can be, personally, lifestyle-wise, and in the vanilla world. THIS makes for a balanced lifestyle, and long term relationship. That is why they come to me as they won’t find that by themselves. Service is how that will occur. Not by exploring just ONE aspect of their persona, but by a balance of many things.

I feel that Dominance and submission by many degree’s has been re-defined by so many people looking for their niche, that the art of ‘power exchange’ is to some degree lost. Perhaps that is simply myself seeing this, but by the emails I get on a daily basis, I have to wonder.

So as time progresses.. (yes finally back to ground zero,) I realize I want some very specific things from a submissive..

1. To be of the attitude that our getting to know one another is about exclusivity for them, and that there is no others they serve, unless I deem it to be so. No non consensual wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, sideline Doms, or pet gerbils that might object. Our time is precious. Let’s use it wisely.

2. To absolutely believe and understand, that it is I that is the nurturer, leader, teacher, and object for obedience, and that the mind, soul and body are the tools by which validation will come.

3. leave your preconceptions of what you THINK I want, on the other side of the door as I will be the one that defines that for you, as well defines your walk/destiny on the OTHER side of that door.

4. Be yourself. Open, honest, and above all reaffirming OPEN.. wide open for change and influence.

5. Finish what you start. If you decide you are not a match for the Dominant you apply with, then award them the respect of stating your realization of this. They have taken the time to respond to you out of MANY responses. You should firstly feel honored you were awarded that attention, and secondly make a good impression as you never know, when your paths might cross real life, and wouldn’t it be nice to think that they saw you in a positive light and could compliment your owner on your exemplary etiquette?

6. Not to be mistaken as least important to its number on my list, honestly, fairness, realistic attitude, strong ethics.

7. Submission is an act of trust followed by a variety of mechanics which solidify the mindset. E.g. The act of kneeling is nothing unless it is posed before one who understands exactly WHAT is surrendered when a sub has made themselves vulnerable to that other person. Same goes for the sub that kneels. Their act is simply that, unless they are sensitive to their owner, craving for that presence,. To know that when bid to open their eyes after long minutes, that it is THEM that will liberate, or incarcerate their souls to their just place. Such is a submissive that is committed SERVE and not luring, demanding, expecting to be served instead.

8. I look for a sub that understands the difference of reality and fantasy, and is committed to putting themselves out for the ‘full meal deal’. The BDSM lifestyle can be the prize at the bottom of the cornflakes box – cool for a few minutes until it is lost or breaks, or, it can be something strong, and meaningful.

 
There is a lot to be offered in my household for the right person, or persons…