"You cannot do what you want until you know what you are doing." - A Therapist.

                                                   **Prologue** 

I had my first scene with my new sub (playmates only) and she really loved how I treated her versus other Masters (her Mistress is not considered in that comparison). Granted that is one sub's opinion and she is rather new to BDSM as am I. I do respect her though. So I wanted to share how I Dom with the rest o) FL. Not because I am something special or different, but because writing helps me process, and may encourage other subs to seek me out if we are a good fit. Would be even better if it encourages other Doms to contact me about my opinion or share their views. Note: I am new to being OPEN about my kinks, and have limited experience with scenes outside of the forums, a rape play scene, a rather silly scene (my first ever was laughable) and now the scene with My newest playmate. That being said: I had a wonderful online Mentor. She helped me develop EMOTIONALLY and learn how I wanted to Dom. This emotional development let me lay the foundation for the Dom I have become and am growing into. Also, I do not do the "punctuate everything in BDSM format" well. I do not always capitalize the "My, Me, Myself...etc..". I have a thing against poor grammar/spelling and format. I hope I am not a bad Dom because of this.
                           **Enough prologue: The Dom I inspire to be.**

                                          **Care/Compassion**

I have always been chivalrous, my grandmother (God rest her soul) had instilled this into me by age 7 and it never went away.  I treat My subs with the same chivalry I would any other female I meet. I open doors, I pay attention when they are talking, I validate their feelings and more importantly I see them as human beings and not objects. I truly care for every woman I play with either in vanilla or BDSM, I believe that when a woman feels cared about, she will give herself up more willingly. I mean, yes a woman may trust you, but if she feels CARED for and not just "I'm in safe hands", I believe she will give even more, push herself farther and the healing process after will be more meaningful. This takes a little time. That is why I do not think I could ever have a scene with a woman I just met. I like a little time to know her and her to know me. The more she feels heard and caressed by my words and the sincerity in my actions the more care she will feel in general.

                                             **Goals/Rules**

I believe in nurturing and building. I want to know My sub's own personal goals. I never understood (and it could be my complete newbieness) why a Dom or Master would set rules for the sub to follow that they just create out of their own wants. That is foreign to me. I like to create rules that are in line with some personal/spiritual/conventional goals My sub already has for her/himself. For instance: My sub wanted to quit smoking, but feels the need for some oral fixation. After our first scene, she has not smoked another cigarette (of course it's only been 17 hours so far, but you get the idea). I still receive great pleasure from her following the rule I set in place. I still love punishing her when/if she breaks it. I feel even better if she actually quits, I helped someone quit smoking that is an achievement (if it works out that way). That is awesome to me. My sub also gets an added incentive, because the punishments are harsh and compliance is rewarding to her own personal needs. See, I care. I do love to punish though, as she learned last night.

                                          **Punishments/Rewards**

I believe  punishments should be hard, if not severe, but deserve care and aftercare. I will give another example: My sub smoked a cigarette while we were out dancing. So when we got home, I swatted her really hard first with a yardstick and then multiple times over my lap with my hand (mind you we had done a swatting scene early and she was welted). My sub took the punishment so well that I wanted to give her something of an reward. My sub had earlier (the day before) mentioned she wanted pussy/clit spanking. She explained how a previous Master would choke her with his cock and then masturbate her, when about to cum, he would then slap her pussy repeatedly as she came. I see nothing wrong with this and this is in no a slam on that Master. I just do things differently. How I approached the scene was to: as I masturbated her, and while doing so I would give pause to swat her pussy. She would react, and if the reaction was not deep enough I would swat again, harder. The WHOLE time I am holding her close to me. I have an arm around her, and I am gently kissing her. When i felt we had reached her soft limit, I then made her orgasm, it was awesome to make a long story short, I also smacked her pussy 3 hard times while fucking her ass missionary, which brought on more orgasms and she fell asleep right after I pulled out (which reminds me of an Ice Cube song). After I woke her, and she came to lay in my chest, I held her and comforted her and just let her know she was safe and cared for. I believe punishments are to be fierce, and rewards should be high. If a sub can handle their punishments like champs then they should be rewarded as well.

**Summary**

In summary, I am not the best Dom, fuck the only person who thinks I am a good Dom is my current sub (of course not many people know me as of now). I inspire to be a Dom known for his care/caress and sincerity in building a sub and treating her/him as if they were a precious flower and not a piece of meat. I want to be the best Gentleman Dom, I can be. I will be attending classes, workshops and meets in order to be better at the scene plays, but I know who I am and want to be.
All my opinion statements are my opinions and should not be taken as slants or as facts. I am a person before I am a Dom and that person knows he is prone to mistakes and imperfections. I also know I am far from being a "Pro Dom" or anything that could give advice on Dom'ing. I do believe I can give advice on the treatment of those who entrust us with their feelings and safety :)
Also, I cannot express this enough: Just because I would not Dom/Master a certain way, or the way other people Dom/Master confuses, or shocks me does NOT mean I looked down at them in anyway. I just do things different and am feeding and growing the Dom in Me. I am no egomaniac.