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Hetero Male Submissive, 43,  San Francisco, California
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I am a 43-year old European male. Pentalingual, well-travelled, something of an old-fashioned romantic and self-exile. There are probably drops of Sephardic blood in me.I have been into female dominance (serving and being controlled by a woman, specially in sheer black pantyhose) for as long as I can remember. This was much deepened 8 years ago, when I discovered hypnosis. Since then, I have often been hypnotized online or over the phone by a dominant woman during the trance, she would implant new fetishes and the need to serve Her, as well as trigger words or images that She could use later on on me, even after making me consciously forget them.This fetish is quite important in my life, and it has made me realize that I need to be regularly exposed to a woman who enjoys having such levers of power. Power one order of magnitude greater than in usual Ds, because it is based on access to the subconscious, the truly ruling part of our Selves. When that door is opened, the bond created becomes the central part of the subjects life. And it adds a new dimension to the Dominants.Hypnosis doesnt imply a loss of will to me. On the contrary, it is the fulfillment of the submissives will, because it brings it completely under his Owners.If these words resonate with you, I hope you wont leave this chapter of your life unexplored.











Last Online:


 Submissive Male

 San Francisco 


 5' 10"

 169 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Switch Women

Femdom Couples

Friends Only

Online Romance

 Lives For:

 Body Worship

 Foot Worship


 Mental Bondage

 Pantyhose Fetish



 Anal Play








 Role Playing



 Curious About:


 Obedience Training

 Rubber Fetish

 Vacuum Stimulation


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Journal Entries:
5/14/2017 2:57:56 PM


I thought I would share some thoughts on my experience with poppers as a straight male submissive. Everything for the sake of science...

As a preamble, for those who don't know, "poppers" is the popular term for a family of legal chemicals calle nitrates (Amyl, butyl isobutyl...) that's traditionally being popular among the gay community, but is now becoming more and more used in BDSM milieus. They produce a temporary rush (~2 minutes) by increasing heart rate and reducing blood pressure. As a result, the user experiences:

1) The relaxation of involuntary, soft muscle tissues (including vagina and anus)
2) Increased sensitivity to touch and other physical stimulations
3) feeling of pleasant warmth throughout the body
4) feeling of head "rush" and lightheadedness as a larger-than-usual amount of oxygen-bearing blood enters the brain.

Poppers are sold in sex-shops in small vials, and used by inhaling the fumes (never drink the liquid; it would be lethal). They are in a legal grey area, in the sense that they are sold as "tape cleaners" or "room odorizers", but everyone knows they are used to enhance sex. They are considered non-physically addictive (although they may be psychologically), and although most people say they are inocuous if used in moderation, some think they can affect vision and, long term, brain function.

Now, in the last few years, and as with other practices (e.g. piercings), poppers have began being used by "experimental" straight people (like myself). If you look at femdom videos these days, you will find quite a few where the Mistress uses them to produce a much more submissive state in the sub.

Which concludes this longuish preamble. Now, for my personal experience with them (remember, your mileage may vary).

I find them incredibly powerful for several reasons:

- Poppers give such vividness to your current experience that it becomes intensely real - to the point that, watching a video, you may feel the person speaking is there in the room with you. In other words, it makes 2D into 3D - a natural virtual reality effect. And of course, if you are already having real sex, then the effect is magical - time seems to stop, you feel not just lusty, but - dare I say it - as if struck by thunderbolt with your partner.

- The increased blood flow awakens your limbic system - the most primitive part of your brain, ruling lust, appetites, etc.; this drowns away the neocortex, making thoughts of past or future vanish and strongly anchoring you -again- in the now. That constant background inner monologue of worries, regrets, fears, or planning just disappears. This has a very liberating effect, specially for analytical people.

- The added oxygen pumped into the brain intensifies whatever you are feeling - if desire for your mistress, it becomes longing and absolute devotion. Depending on your personality, it can reach the transcendent or mystical (mistress -or lover- as goddess).

If, as some say, our instincts are our gods (inescapable, eternal, ruling our lives), then taking poppers brings them alive in a way regular people may never feel.

Of course, this is just my personal experience. I'll be interested in hearing from others'.

3/30/2016 8:08:45 PM
Lovecraft and BDSM

“Fear is the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind.” H.P.Lovecraft

The first time I read this, I dismissed it - fear, i.e. mental suffering in the face of danger - how could this be our first and most intense emotion?

But the words wouldn´t go away. Like the face in the mirror whose eyes always follow us, it seemed to pierce through illusions - to bring home an uncomfortable truth. Just like when you first read Freud, and all the masks of society seem to fall.

And just like with Freud, after the first dazzlement I felt that something was missing - that it wasn´t as simple as that. Fear. Libido

. There was more moving in those murky waters. But what?

We live in an enlightened age

 - in the sense, at least, that we face towards the Light - towards a brighter future that will bring us closer to a certain ideal of ourselves - be it raw physical power through computerized machines, or a higher ethics, through inclusivity, multiculturalism, and tolerance.

I will not discuss its benefits - but as they say, light a candle, cast a shadow. Walking like the Tarot's Fool

), breezily onwards, we risk missing the abyss that has been there all along.

And what is it we are missing? That at the very root of our being, under Possession, under Desire, down under even raw sexual drive, there is something very ancient - the stump of our tree - the place we share with our mammal, reptilian, submarine ancestors. In that depth, way before the first man drew a figure in a Paleolithic cave

, desire is one with fear, love and ravenous hunger are still One - In that ancient age, they don't even have a name. At the root of our being, before the first spark of Reason, presiding like a subterranean god, is the blind urge of Life itself, in undifferentiated suffering and lust.

In other words, not unlike certain practices that some of my readers may, perhaps, have heard of.

I will not claim that all BDSM taps into this, or even seeks it. But I do think that, in its ritualized aspect, it easily becomes a modern Dionysian cult

, and in that way makes us face, perhaps like few things in this banal society, the deeper realities of our nature. Most of us wade only a safe distance into this mare tenebrarum, but the Mare is there - perhaps that is yet one more way BDSM is magical - crossing the ages to make us feel what only our very distant precursors felt.

I myself ponder this, and admittedly have never gone far down that road - but I like this reminder that we are much deeper, darker, and more alive than we think. A little antidote to the growing blandness of our world.

Lovecraft lacked many virtues, but he did have one we all need - the courage to look honestly at his nature - that is ours.

3/30/2016 8:08:00 PM
Why You Need to Be Spanked

1- Because you have been naughty. Now that we no longer trust priests or shrinks, there is something refreshingly direct in feeling our guilt washed away by some well-administered correction.

2- Because you want to experience again a moment from your childhood. Very popular in Britain, where corporal punishment was liberally administered for many years at a very formative age in the life of the pupils. The creaking of the public school's wooden floors, the birch cane's swishing sound, the calm, authoritative voice of the Principal as s/he promised Six of the best and formally requested you to Adopt the position...

3- Because you are a service sub. You want to prove yourself to your Top. The devotion in your eyes as you are spanked is your way to declare your love and loyalty to Them.

4- Because you are a masochistic sub. You feel directly, irresistibly aroused by the brisk stimulation of your gluteus maximus. Some people are, I imagine, wired that way. Perhaps specially in the case of women, whose internal sexual organs can gain great sensitivity due to the affluence of blood to the neighboring buttocks, and the vibration thereof after each of the "lickings" (lovely English polisemy).

5- Because it reaches you in ways a simple caress wouldn't. We approach a sensitive area here (no pun intended), but it seems to me that some people, specially persons who suffered abuse early in life, grow over time such an emotional shell that it takes a particularly strong caress - one that actually causes pain - for them to actually feel "touched". This is my own personal theory, and it may or may not be true.

6- Because it cheers you up - to the point of being a strong antidepressant. People who like spanking this way do not in the least enjoy physical agony - they just are willing to endure it in order to reach the "afterglow". The sharp pain produces an adrenaline rush and increases the endorphin level (which also happens right after climax). Paula Bowles, the British fetish artist, tells us that once she realized this she didn't need to resort to drinking or antidepressants anymore. As Medicare crumbles under the weight of debt, shall we see experts in this "organic" remedy open shop in hospitals?

A little personal experience that relates to this - I recently started fencing, and I can say that after a few bouts the adrenaline rush produces a certain dizzyness, followed by a very pleasant sensation of well-being, even close to happiness. Perhaps this ties in with #5 - our modern world is so padded that we miss extreme situations - experiences that break with the banal and awaken us from a sort of mental numbness.

Disclaimer - my knowledge of spanking is purely theoretical - I have never been subjected to a serious one.

3/30/2016 8:07:01 PM

The Power Issue

Something I like about D/s is that it has taught me to realize how power is present in any relationship.

Power has bad press. Like money, many people think it would be better if it didn't exist at all, and are wary of those who seek it; we all know Lord Acton's saying - "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Pious dislike for power will not, however, make it go away. It is in the raw sinews of life, and a force to which we both respond and owe who we are.

People in the D/s world not only realize this, but also use it. In a way, we like to "ride the tiger."

The thrill of acknowledging our own deep response to power (as dominants who feed on the surrender of others, as submissives who crave the bliss of worshipping it without self-consciousness) energizes any scene, and its glow transcends the walls of the dungeon. We look at the awesome idol in the eye, we dance around it, and we suck life from it.

This is one more of the many doors that D/s opens to self-knowledge.

3/30/2016 8:06:27 PM

The Gateway

For a long time I have thought that D/s, or in general kinky people, naturally relate to the superheroes of comics. This is not really an original idea - many gay guys have a superheroe fetish, and it is not just because of the tight uniforms. The typical superheroe lives a double life to preserve his secret identity from his enemies. By day a conventional, perhaps conformist character, he transforms by night to live dangerous adventures in an exciting underground world.

Fortunately, the need for gay people to hide their orientation has greatly diminished, but the dicotomy is still there - and it has its own appeal.

Kinky people are in a very similar situation (complete with tight outfits). Many of us are selective about who can know our interests, and to what degree. And this, I believe, will continue much longer than for gays, because some areas of kink are just harder for the mainstream to assimilate.

So we have a double identity - a gateway that leads to an exciting, sometimes dark world. A world where sexuality and power are both more naked and more sophisticated than in "the surface". A world that is also inside us - the gateway leading not just to others, but to a part of ourselves that is often a surprise. The Great Unknown, right in our core.

It is not a trifle. And it is all a present we receive when we face our inner cravings - and fears.

Sed timeo dominas et dona ferentes.

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