A kiss is our bid to make a moment eternal Femdom is our mortal attempt to make thunderbolt roll through the years Making the black hole of fears and obsessions Into the radiant black sun of a ritual religion Where we kneel to a real goddess Awakening the Goddess in her.

On The Possibility of a Dream

When I was 20something, I discovered Female Domination like a supernova in the night sky. It bathed my thoughts in a different light, it revealed hidden meanings in the way I felt, and it made it seem like anything was possible. It was strongly sexual - physical. Almost like a drug that charged me and made everything more vivid, more alive. In the center of this supernova was an archetypal vision - Woman, the essence of all I desired, the goal of all my efforts. The embodyment of all good and pleasure.

Impressive as this was, I think it was incomplete. Now it's been 30 years, and with the help of several intelligent and perceptive Dominas, i can see more clearly. i realize that this raw power, the blind almost biological impulse, is made human, civilized, and meaningful by service - from bending to and serving a real woman. Not an archetype. A human being with her dreams, fears, hopes, and yes weaknesses.

Does this mean I think my initial vision was wrong? No - I think that almost primeval response is the natural fuel for a rock-solid relationship. It is the capacity of seeing my partner as the channel, the embodyment of that feminine divine energy, that can charge our whole relationship and add layers of meaning "vanilla" relationships lack. Is this a dream? Maybe. But I know my soul is religious and its dream religion is the woman i would share my life with.

“Fear is the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind.” H.P.Lovecraft

The first time I read this, I dismissed it - fear, i.e. mental suffering in the face of danger - how could this be our first and most intense emotion?

But the words wouldn´t go away. Like the face in the mirror whose eyes always follow us, it seemed to pierce through illusions - to bring home an uncomfortable truth. Just like when you first read Freud, and all the masks of society seem to fall.

And just like with Freud, after the first dazzlement I felt that something was missing - that it wasn´t as simple as that. Fear. Libido

. There was more moving in those murky waters. But what?

We live in an enlightened age

 - in the sense, at least, that we face towards the Light - towards a brighter future that will bring us closer to a certain ideal of ourselves - be it raw physical power through computerized machines, or a higher ethics, through inclusivity, multiculturalism, and tolerance.

I will not discuss its benefits - but as they say, light a candle, cast a shadow. Walking like the Tarot's Fool

), breezily onwards, we risk missing the abyss that has been there all along.

And what is it we are missing? That at the very root of our being, under Possession, under Desire, down under even raw sexual drive, there is something very ancient - the stump of our tree - the place we share with our mammal, reptilian, submarine ancestors. In that depth, way before the first man drew a figure in a Paleolithic cave

, desire is one with fear, love and ravenous hunger are still One - In that ancient age, they don't even have a name. At the root of our being, before the first spark of Reason, presiding like a subterranean god, is the blind urge of Life itself, in undifferentiated suffering and lust.

In other words, not unlike certain practices that some of my readers may, perhaps, have heard of.

I will not claim that all BDSM taps into this, or even seeks it. But I do think that, in its ritualized aspect, it easily becomes a modern Dionysian cult

, and in that way makes us face, perhaps like few things in this banal society, the deeper realities of our nature. Most of us wade only a safe distance into this mare tenebrarum, but the Mare is there - perhaps that is yet one more way BDSM is magical - crossing the ages to make us feel what only our very distant precursors felt.

I myself ponder this, and admittedly have never gone far down that road - but I like this reminder that we are much deeper, darker, and more alive than we think. A little antidote to the growing blandness of our world.

Lovecraft lacked many virtues, but he did have one we all need - the courage to look honestly at his nature - that is ours.

1- Because you have been naughty. Now that we no longer trust priests or shrinks, there is something refreshingly direct in feeling our guilt washed away by some well-administered correction.

2- Because you want to experience again a moment from your childhood. Very popular in Britain, where corporal punishment was liberally administered for many years at a very formative age in the life of the pupils. The creaking of the public school's wooden floors, the birch cane's swishing sound, the calm, authoritative voice of the Principal as s/he promised Six of the best and formally requested you to Adopt the position...

3- Because you are a service sub. You want to prove yourself to your Top. The devotion in your eyes as you are spanked is your way to declare your love and loyalty to Them.

4- Because you are a masochistic sub. You feel directly, irresistibly aroused by the brisk stimulation of your gluteus maximus. Some people are, I imagine, wired that way. Perhaps specially in the case of women, whose internal sexual organs can gain great sensitivity due to the affluence of blood to the neighboring buttocks, and the vibration thereof after each of the "lickings" (lovely English polisemy).

5- Because it reaches you in ways a simple caress wouldn't. We approach a sensitive area here (no pun intended), but it seems to me that some people, specially persons who suffered abuse early in life, grow over time such an emotional shell that it takes a particularly strong caress - one that actually causes pain - for them to actually feel "touched". This is my own personal theory, and it may or may not be true.

6- Because it cheers you up - to the point of being a strong antidepressant. People who like spanking this way do not in the least enjoy physical agony - they just are willing to endure it in order to reach the "afterglow". The sharp pain produces an adrenaline rush and increases the endorphin level (which also happens right after climax). Paula Bowles, the British fetish artist, tells us that once she realized this she didn't need to resort to drinking or antidepressants anymore. As Medicare crumbles under the weight of debt, shall we see experts in this "organic" remedy open shop in hospitals?

A little personal experience that relates to this - I recently started fencing, and I can say that after a few bouts the adrenaline rush produces a certain dizzyness, followed by a very pleasant sensation of well-being, even close to happiness. Perhaps this ties in with #5 - our modern world is so padded that we miss extreme situations - experiences that break with the banal and awaken us from a sort of mental numbness.

Disclaimer - my knowledge of spanking is purely theoretical - I have never been subjected to a serious one.

The Power Issue

Something I like about D/s is that it has taught me to realize how power is present in any relationship.

Power has bad press. Like money, many people think it would be better if it didn't exist at all, and are wary of those who seek it; we all know Lord Acton's saying - "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Pious dislike for power will not, however, make it go away. It is in the raw sinews of life, and a force to which we both respond and owe who we are.

People in the D/s world not only realize this, but also use it. In a way, we like to "ride the tiger."

The thrill of acknowledging our own deep response to power (as dominants who feed on the surrender of others, as submissives who crave the bliss of worshipping it without self-consciousness) energizes any scene, and its glow transcends the walls of the dungeon. We look at the awesome idol in the eye, we dance around it, and we suck life from it.

This is one more of the many doors that D/s opens to self-knowledge.