I was in love

with Denise,
(She sat behind me in the third grade and
moved away in the first few weeks of the fourth),
but it was Tasha,
(who sat next to me and was the
best friend of Denise),
that I would fantasize about.

I would wait in some bush
for her to pass by and then
leap out
wearing a black ski mask and
armed with a rag drenched in chloroform.

The part of the fantasy that would
constantly change was
the way I would drag her back to my trailer.
Sometimes
I would have a Tasha-size duffle bag and
other times
I just dragged her by her feet
or grabbed her by her arm pits.
I often thought it would be smart
to bring my little red wagon.
except that I didn’t have one.

These fantasies always took place
during the daytime because
that’s when my mom wasn’t home.

Once I had Tasha naked in my room
I would tie her hands with a rope secured
to the ceiling.
I would pinch and poke and rub Tasha’s body
everywhere.
She would be blindfolded but
I would leave my ski-mask on
just to be safe,
in case Tasha’s blindfold fell off,
you know?

My fingers would dip inside her
I would spread her open
I would spend hours exploring her every part
(some parts more than others,
of course).
She would squirm and writhe and
wiggle
but soon she would change a little
and she would start to moan
she would gasp

and eventually
she would beg for more.

And then more Chloroform
and I would drag her back
so that when she woke up
she would maybe think it was
just some dream SHE had.

When I dreamed of Denise,
We just rode bikes and stuff.

I was in love with her.