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SheBear
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Not ready to post pictures online yet, not high profile but my employment depends on some degree of discretion in my private life.
Right now, everything about me being here comes down to being new and curious about exploring a rabbit hole in my psyche. Im not sure where, it will lead me, it is a complete mystery, but I find myself suddenly unattached and free to explore it.
Trying to get inside of my own head a bit.
My exterior life is kind of boring, I play a great game of looking like a completely normal, stable guy who is in control but it is a hell of a lot of work for me. Its like what they say about ducks, mostly serene on top, paddling like hell under the surface.
Im fascinated by the idea of being restrained and giving up control within agreed upon limits in the hope that I wont have to paddle so hard under the surface for a while. Ive always identified with the one being tied, shackled, chained, always wondered what it would be like to switch places. These thoughts have existed for as long as I can remember.
The ideas are partially a turn on, it would be a lie to deny there is anything sexual involved in the thought process but I dont see it as a necessary component. Ive read about the idea of sub-space and how some people, with the help of a skilled dominant can give up control and reach a blissful state somewhat like meditation. Ideally for me, this would involve giving over the entire decision making process except for some hard limits and a way to bail out such as a safe word if things get to be too much.
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I'm back looking around for a bit, wishing there was another community lacking the obvious scammers. Trust is low but I'll take calculated risks of all else seems good. The profile is still accurate, still seeking. No interest in men at all, no interest in pay to play, just interested in meeting a meeting a female dom I can connect with more intensely than a financial transaction. |
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Haven't updated in a while, things are going pretty good lately so I'm waiting for the 10 ton hammer to drop.
I'm starting to feel less mentally fragile, it's time to get the physical side of things going better too. |
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Took some time away from almost everything for a while because all kinds of shit went wrong for a few months. I did learn that I'm still pretty resilient and can still take a proverbial punch, as well as a physical one.
On the ropes, but not out of the fight. |
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I don't idle well, idle time is when the depression and anxiety set in.
I'm stuck at the house waiting on a repairman to come and slowly crawling out of my skin. They will generously call 30 minutes before they get here, but I'm not exactly in the big city where I can find distractions 30 minutes away. The bad thing is that when I get in this frame of mind, nothing really helps. Nothing I want to watch on TV, nothing is catching my interest on Nextflix or Prime despite a lot of scrolling.
So the CS experience so far:
I'd say 99 percent of the messages I get are spam, maybe the occasional findomme is real (did I spell that right?). I've sent a couple messages after reading someone's profile because she said some interesting things that indicated that perhaps she thought on a deeper level than the norm. Collarspace is consistent, I'm 3/3 on getting boilerplate replies that may appeal to someone with money to spend on gift cards who likes being abused in email (nothing wrong with that, it's just not me).
I'm looking for a connection, not a business transaction, If I wanted to get verbally abused and spend a lot of money, I'd vacation in New York, at least the pizza is good.
IRC is a different story, I've met some amazing people on there! Some pricks and trolls, but also some pretty damned cool, very real people. It's not all bad around here, the whole profiles and messages thing just seems kind of pointless. |
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| Age: 23 |
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Florida |
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