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Pan Female Mistress, 58,  LA Areaish, California
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MistressRavenson - Dominatrix

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Friends:
ashleypowersChasteHubbydarkknight2782recycHumblepie46
mino17

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Im a female Switch with 20 years in BDSM. ....just settling in comfortably to being whatever I want or need to be in the moment. Doesnt make me any less Dominant, nor submissive, although its easier to bring out my Dominant side, than my submissive side. If you attract my submissive side, its usually with words....and the rest is negotiable.

I have a lot of experience and know how to use all the cool toys....but in reality, it isnt about that. Its about human connection. Its about circling each other until we truly see each other, and connecting until trust is established and then...uncovering all the layers. Its fun, its exciting, its joyous, its heartbreaking, its intense, its disappointing. Its all that and a bag of chips. And we need it.
My Ideal Person I love tall men (and I am only 5 ft so most of you are tall) and I dont mind if you have a little extra meat on your bones, I prefer that to skinny. I love men who work with their hands and are creative. If you can make me laugh, you can probably make me do a lot of things. I adore communication, so if you are the quite, silent type, we probably wont click. (just saving you some time). Hair color and eye color do not seem to matter to me, but I do enjoy a huge, quick smile

Men who know how to dress, will always catch my eye. You dont have to dress in a suit and tie, I appreciate a man who just knows how to go at least a step above jeans and a T-shirt (though that has its time and place!).

A person who smells good.....Mmmmmm, you will catch my scent fetish and wake up my Primal.

Experience has taught me that if you are a super sub or are a passive person, you are NOT an ideal mate for me, but we can be friends and maybe play partners.

Im SUPER affectionate and look for the same. I am also a total romantic and a Disney land lover. If you fit that last sentence AND are kinky....I want to talk to YOU!

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 MistressRavenson

 Dominant Female

 LA Areaish 

 California

 58

 Pan

 Caucasian

 12/23/14

 01/20/21

Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

A Poly Household

 Lives For:

 Blues

 Jazz

 Loves:

 Chess

 Historical Shows

 Cuckolding

 Lifestyle BDSM (Expert)

 Classical Music

 Country Music

 Eighties Music

 Nineties Music

 R&B

 Rock Music

 Basketball

 Likes:

 Polyamory

 Blue Grass

 Industrial Music

 Pop Music

 Seventies Music

 Buddhism

 Christianity

 Wicca

 Football

 Tolerates:

 Veganism

 Curious About:

 Swinging (Beginner)

 Victorian Household

 Druidism

 Reiki

 Taoism

 Hard Limits:

 Cybering

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Journal Entries:
9/12/2017 9:38:59 PM
Day 4 Training slave x  (not posting the photo's here, can't figure out how)

I texted him earlier in the day with his chore list....sweet the patios for me, mow the back lawn. I'd also asked him to pack a pair of shorts to wear in my backyard, but he'd already left home, so I gave him directions to a store near me where he could pick some up. He did. He's such a good boy. 

When I know he's coming over to serve, he's in my head all day at work, which is a hazard because I'm trying to maintain a zero percent error and I need my entire brain to be focused on the task at hand. He kept popping in....I text'd him and told him to stop it. He wasn't very compliant. LOL

When I got home, and pulled into the driveway, I was already grinning. I knew what I was going to see when I opened the door and I was already happy. He did not disappoint, there he was, kneeling, naked with his tray with the collar and my glass of wine. I put my things down and had to say hello to my dog or she would have been a tremendous pest. Slave x was very understanding. He'd spent the afternoon with her, he knew how needy she was.

Then I walked over to him and I'd missed him so much that I planted a kiss on his lips and hugged him. He was still wet from the shower I'd instructed him to take when he was done in the yard. I then helped him took my drink and helped him up, and we went into the kitchen where I instructed him to pour himself a glass of wine too so we could go downstairs and relax for a bit and catch up. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks, it felt like months.

We got caught up and finished our wine and then I took him back up to the upstairs living room area, remember it's a Tri Level home....and had him kneel. I then put his collar on him and reminded him that it was time to call me Mistress now. Then I left him kneeling there and went upstairs to get my purple rope! 

I was a bit out of practice, so it took a bit for me to find a tie I was happy with, here is one of them....

I really hate that they load sideways, does anyone know how to fix that??

I then took the extra rope and tied it to his collar so that his cock wasn't flopping around while he mopped my kitchen floors.....Here is a pic of him in my Kitchen mopping while tied....

I will learn to manipulate these photo's later...

Anyway, I enjoyed watching him mop while I filed my nails and talked a bit with him.

After a bit the head of his cock was swollen and purple and he was concerned. I removed the rope and let him know that rope can stay on a cock for about thirty to forty minutes, so he was fine, but I didn't want him to stress the first time he was tied. He will learn to trust me over time, but it's all new to him right now. 

I took him upstairs to show him the room I'd cleaned out over the weekend. I'm fluxuating between turning it into a home dungeon room, or a crafting room...hmmmmmmmmmmm......what to do......

More on that later.

Then we went back downstairs and I sat on the couch and he sat on his pillow on the floor and did some amazing and sensual oral foot worship on my mouth, Whichever foot was not in his mouth, was gently rubbing against his soft chest hair....or his cock....or his nipples.....pretty much everywhere. 

As we did that I told him the story of how my oral fixation got started. I'm not sure if it's a story I can share on alt, as I was grossly underage, but I found myself sharing it with him. We had a really good conversation about that. He's so easy to talk to.....I really enjoy his company and having him serve me.

I keep finding myself kissing him. I try not to do that too early in training....sometimes never, but with him, I keep wanting to kiss him and so I've decided to allow myself that. We are beginning to share intimacy and that is needed if we are ever going to get where I see this going. I want him in my intimate space. I want him in my intimate space when I'm with someone else....I want him there when it's just he and I.....I just picture him there, serving in whatever way I see fit.

Eventually the kissing led to more touching and kissing and then I told him it was time to go. It is always hard to send him out the door.....but everything in time. The timing of every step, has to be perfect and make sense. 

Thank you my pet.........you are doing beautifully......

9/10/2017 1:59:25 PM

Recently I received yet another offer to won a true "Financial Slave", or money slave.

I have never understood that fetish. Why don't they just get married and have a family....you are a true financial slave from then on, right????

When I worked at the Pro Dungeon (I was a manager there, not a Pro Domme). I actually saw a couple of instances where it was real. There were a couple of the Pro's who had packages sent to them almost daily. One of them had a huge Amazon list and one of her financial slaves made it his goal to buy here EVERYTHING on her list. It seemed to feed her ego tremendously. I guess it would, right?

I have an Amazon list......I have had ONE thing bought for me, and I'm fine with that. I was completely caught by surprise and it never happened again, but it was really sweet.

I have to be honest, I have replied to those pleas for being my "Financial Slave", in the past. It never really works. It was yet another in the hundreds of different ways in which a slave cleverly gets Dominants to dance to his tune. I caught on to that quickly, as I am not easily maneuvered. Eventually, I'd just respond by sending my Amazon link and say "Buy me three things off my list and THEN we will talk about how serious you are about this". It NEVER happened, not once. (the one purchase was from a random slave who got my list off of Fet Life). It's laughable to me. I try REALLY really hard to not laugh at a persons fetish no matter how ridiculous it may seem to me, but that one....the money pit, it's laughable to me.

Thoughts? Want to be my money slave????? Cmooooon, you know you DO!


9/10/2017 12:36:53 AM

Somebody sent me an email, which seemed to be some sort of a slave contract. It was out of the blue, no previous contact, no introduction of any kind, no other type of conversations or contacts. It was quite long and detailed.

I feel sad for people when they do that. I've been around this Lifestyle for a long time and it is such a rookie move. I get it, people get all excited and caught up in the "Slave Market" series mentality. (I loved those books by the way, not knocking them!).

But that is fantasy people. It isn't in ANY sense reality to be in a contracted slave position WITH A TOTAL STRANGER. When someone sends me something like that, I immediately feel exhausted. Subs that need that sort of attention and "clarity", are too needy. I've had them.....they want the Top to tell them what to put in their mouths at the dinner table, what to wear, what time to go to the bathroom, to ask for permission to go to the bathroom......when to breath. It's topping from the bottom with the shield of "submissive" in the contract. They are in sense saying "Do this for me in exactly this way". Ugh. No thank you.

New Dominants who fall into this trap (and yes I was one of them!!), soon learn that it is very tiring and that you have lost all power. They will struggle to "fulfill" the needs of their submissive, only to end up feeling drained themselves and not getting anything out of the "exchange". Over time, a new Dominant learns what they truly need from the whole experience and they become more discerning in choosing who to spend their D/s time with.

It took me about 3 years of floundering about in my Dominance, to finally start to figure out what I wanted and needed from the experience. I had been going only to a mainly male Dominant club, and suddenly found myself working at a Dungeon filled with Female Dominants. It was VERY eye opening. I learned that Female Dominance is quite different than male Dominance. Once I was immersed in the female Dominance culture, I finally began to come into my own as a Dominant. I learned to call my own shots and only then can ANY Dominant really Dominate.

So no......don't send me your "contract" of what you will and won't do. When I choose someone, it's based on what I will and won't do. And I won't do that.


9/8/2017 10:58:23 PM
(remember this is copied and pasted from another site I blog on)

Okay, so I have to say that I am really kind of grossed out by the "flash" films they show on the right, when I'm on the main pages. UGH, guys with HUGE cocks slamming them into tiny girls who weigh about 80 pounds. It's not something I want to see and makes me want to run every time I am forced to see it when I log in here. They must make money off it, or it wouldn't be here, but EEEWWWwww.


I watch some weird porn too, but to me, that crosses the line of underage people being brutally abused. It's like barely legal stuff. I get it, many men are into that....yada yada yada, but I really resent it being forced on ME visually. Oh well, you hang out on adult "porn" sites, you are going to see porn and you aren't going to like some of it. On the other hand, if they chase the women out of here.....then it turns into something else here, doesn't it?

Okay, rant over. *shudders*

I tried to go out tonight. I was bored, and it's Friday night and I work hard all week. I wanted to do something.......but the person I wanted to go out with, is home sick, so I just drove around, listening to music and cursing this town I live in, for it's lack of culture and good music and places to go that are not just crowded bars. This town rolls over and goes to sleep by 10pm most nights, including the weekends. Well, maybe 11 on the weekends. Ugh. I ended up going through Del Taco for a quick bite. Their "fast food" took 40 minutes in the drive through. I was watching the poor young mom in the care behind me, trying to manage her young kids trapped and hungry in the car, everyone was fighting, grouchy....she was yelling, and it sounded like, at the end of her rope.

As I paid for my dinner, I asked the cashier how much the bill was for in the car behind me. It wasn't really that much for a car filled with people....I paid it. I remember someone "Paying it Forward" for me once and it meant a lot to me. 
I was a young mother and was at McDonalds drive through with my kids, pretty much in the same situation....and it was the monthly night that we even had fast food, because I couldn't afford to take my 3 small kids out, with a single Moms salary. I had to watch every penny. A guy in the car in front of me, paid my bill....I cried. I wondered if he had ANY idea how much that helped me and touched me and helped me remember that there were kind people left in the world. Kind men.......I'd had enough of men who were unkind, to be sure. That man made my DAY. It felt good to do it for someone else and know what a difference it would make in the car behind me. The Mom would be shocked like I was....very touched, and the kids would see an example of human kindness that touched their mothers heart. I bet the fighting stopped. It did in my car when it happened for me.

Please do that some day.....look into the car behind you and think about how it might change that persons day if you did a kind thing like that. It makes your heart feel SO full, trust me. I was having a pretty crappy night and I came home feeling pretty great. Lets do more of that in the world please.

Now I am pretty tired and going to get an early night. I'll probably write tomorrow. I hope YOU went out and did something fun tonight! 

9/7/2017 10:02:48 PM

I am SO tired. I hope I am not getting sick. I am just SUPER tired today. I worked in my yard when I got home, swept all the porches and thought about how slave x should be here doing all that......but he will be here soon. He gets back to the US on Sunday, and we are going to see each other on Tuesday. We are both missing each other, so it's going to be super nice.

I am worried sick about this hurricane heading strait for Southern Florida where my oldest son lives with his wife. He can't evac because he is Military and has to be there for the aftermath. He served in the Air Force, then got out, finished school and worked a few years and then decided to join the Air National Guard, so now he is gettin ready to be part of the force that helps put Florida back together after this disaster. I worry....I'm a Mom, can't help it.

Maybe it's the stress from worrying about that.........I am just so wiped out.

I'm off to bed now, I hope I fall asleep early! And I hope my dog doesnt' wake me up, she was acting weird last night. I was worried we were going to have an earthquake -- you know how sometimes people say that their pets act all weird right before one? Well with the natural disasters happening all around us, this would be the perfect time, wouldn't it??

Ugh........I really need to get out of my over active imagination!

Stop laughing at me. No really.....stop it.


9/6/2017 10:27:33 PM

Possibly training slave x on webcam.....hmmmmmmmmmmmm

So a friend of mine mentioned in a comment here, that he'd like to see some of the ties I will do on my slave...like HOW to do them I think.

That got me thinking...maybe I'll go live with my webcam once in a while while I'm doing things with slave x......not sexual things, but putting the cam on him while he's cleaning....going live on webcam if I play with him.....stuff like that.

Thoughts??

slave x informed me tonight, that his project in Canada is wrapping up early and he is coming home. YAY! I miss him and I look forward to seeing him ASAP!

He and I have a lot to talk about....and plan.

Another follower on my blog gave me some great thoughts about martial arts. I was thinking that maybe I'd ask slave x to take the classes WITH me. That way we can practice together. A little healthy combat could be fun........erotic....primal even. It could be a really good bonding experience. Another thing to talk about.

You guys (and gals) inspire me.....thanks for your amazing responses, the private emails and all the support and love. You are the reason I keep coming back.


9/5/2017 5:35:29 PM

Had to cancel tonights webcam fun.....dammit....

My pet had to work over, so we are both very disappointed and have to schedule our time for another night. Yes, it's very disappointing when things like this happen, but life has a way of getting in the way of play sometimes and while that is disruptive, it is not the end of the world and can happen another time.

Some Dominants would decide that this happening, should mean punishment for the slave. But I live in BOTH the fantasy world and the real world, and I am very understanding when it comes to jobs and family putting a twist on things sometimes. He won't be punished, it was beyond his control and trust me, he'd MUCH rather by under my spell, than working.

So now.......what to DO with my free time........hmmmmmmmm........

Maybe I need TWO slaves...........or three......


9/4/2017 10:42:28 PM

This post is from tonight, I copied and pasted it from the other site I blog on, so sorry, there won't be any webcaming on this site tomorrow night!

My pet is in Canada until the middle of September on business. I miss him, so I'm going to find ways for us to interact while he is gone.

I decided that tomorrow night at 6pm our time, he is going to go into the webcam area of alt, and edge for me. If you don't know what that is, look up "edging" and I don't mean, your lawn. LOL If he does well, I may let him cum, if he messes up and cums before I say he can....he will be in trouble and I'll find a way to punish him that he will not enjoy. Yes, even long distance, I can get into his head and make him want to do bad things for me. That is the easy part. Finding ways to punish him if he messes it up, will be fun for me, but not so fun for him. I already have ideas on that.

He's so adorable. I'm not going to let him show his face, which is really sad because his face is GORGEOUS. But, this isn't about him, it's about what I want him to do for me.

Feel free to tune in and watch him tomorrow night. I'll let you know what his profile is, but please do not send him private emails. You can contact him while he's doing his little "show", but he will be under strict orders not to interact with anyone except for Me. Also, if you contact him privately, he will not be allowed to respond, so do not bother. As long as he is under training from Me, he won't be allowed to interact with anyone except for Me on alt.

I will be looking forward to tomorrow night. The next time he comes over to serve, I am going to teach him some cock and ball ties that I Like to see....that way, he can do them for me on Webcam also. Maybe I'll make him wear some of the rope under his clothing at work....on his cock and balls.

I have some wonderful hemp rope that has been colored specially for me. Purple, that is my favorite color of rope, and it is a very deep, plumb, purple. I adore it and I can hardly wait to see it wrapped firmly around his cock and balls, making them almost purple to match my rope. Lovely......

He's going to be so embarrassed that I'm letting you all know he will be on cam, being my own personal slut. He reads my blogs, so this will be the way he finds out you may be watching.........


9/4/2017 10:29:34 PM
I write a blog someplace else, and thought I'd start sharing it again here.....so I just posted a few to get you guys caught up on what's been going on in my life.

Just to catch you up.....I'm single again.  Dating a few guys...well really it's more like friends with benefits stuff, but that's okay for now.  I am also training a new slave and will be sharing those adventures here also.  

Having fun with life and going to keep it that way for now.  I answer to nobody but me.

9/4/2017 10:24:53 PM
8/28/2017  Day 3 of Training Slave x

Today he was here when I got home....kneeling, naked holding his tray with the glass of wine and his collar around it. (note to get a pic of that, without his face showing). I was so happy to see him, it felt like it had been too long.


I thanked him and took the glass of wine and sat it on the stairs next to me. I then took the collar and went to put it on him, but he was too hot and sweaty. He'd been working outside in the heat, sweeping my patios. That's all I wanted him to do outside because of this ridiculous heat. He then rushed to prepare the tray for me to have it waiting when I got home. 

So, I decided we should have our ice cold wine together and let him cool down and we would sit and chat for a bit. I let him sit next to me on the couch. I'm not going to do that again, it's breaking protocol and I need to be consistent. It was good to catch up and get to now each other more. After we finished our wine, I showed him how to clean ceiling fans, using a pillow case first, to atch all the dust. You slide the pillow case over hte blade and when you pull it off, it takes most of the dust and dirt with it. Then he wiped the blades clean with cleaning wipes. He got all of the ceiling fans in the house done and then went right to my bathroom and took care of that. (note to go to each room and do an inspection, as he kneels, this would give me a chance to make suggestions if he is missing anything that is important to me). 

While he was cleaning, I sat and wrote him a note in his notebook. He had no idea I was doing it and hasn't seen it yet.

Have I mentioned how incredibly cute this boy is? It makes me grin just looking at him...he has a look.....I just like looking at him. 

After he was done with that, we went into the kitchen and got some of the salad that my room mate had made. We don't do heavy meals at night. 
Then, I led him upstairs to the other living room so we could be alone, and had him sit on the floor and give me a foot rub. It was getting close to time for him to go, and he was getting a bit anxious. Finally, I told him thank you and that he could get dressed to leave now. But first, we had to do the collar removing ritual, which is that he kneels, I stand in front of him and he kisses my feet to thank me for allowing his service, and then he kneels up and I stand behind him to remove the collar. I then hugged him from behind and moved slowly to the front and kissed him. Just a few soft kisses. He was highly responsive, and to be honest, it moved me a bit. I didn't expect to feel that. Than I moved away a bit and offered my hand to assist him in standing and he looked down and said "Ma'am, just one kiss and look what you did to me". he was semi erect. I grinned and told him that he'd had the same effect on me, but I'm better at hiding it.......

He told me tonight that he's going to be travelling a lot for work for a while. We won't be seeing each other much. I told him the importance of not breaking the bond now.....so we'll see how important it is to him to keep this going. If he fades out now, he will be just another among the many who think they desire to serve, but really just desire to get laid and it isn't happening fast enough. And it won't happen fast enough and that is exactly WHY. 

If a slave wants to truly serve, they will serve without expectations, and will be truly dedicated. If they fade out and claim later that they were "bored".....well, then their heart wasn't in the right place. When you work for something that has great reward later, you have to suffer the mundane until your Mistress or Sir, knows that your heart is in the right place. Only after that, can the rewards truly come. 

Oh......I took a pic of him cleaning the ceiling fan in my room mates room......I'm going to post it so that you know he is real and not a fictional fantasy. Trust me, if it were fictional fantasy I would have already written the sex in....lol But real time slaves, have to truly BE slaves and it isn't fun sometimes. It's hot, sweaty, dirty and not in the fun ways that those things can be. But if I truly have a gem.....and I think I do....he will work through the mundane to find the profound. If his slave heart is real.......he will stay in service and not be ABLE to break the bond.

We will see..............

9/4/2017 10:23:26 PM
8/27/2017  A sexual trigger shared...

Saturday night I went to see L. He cooked me dinner and we drank some wine. We both knew why I was there, and I think it is sweet that he made it so nice, he had prepared a tray of cheeses and crackers and grapes and nuts. We sat and sipped our wine while we were chatting. He began to talk to me about something that had happened a few months ago, something that changed everything between us. Not for the better. That "something" hurt my heart and made me see that he and I don't want the same things. I've vascilated back and forth since then, about what to do with he and I. I'll stop seeing him at some point because I know we don't want the same things, and also because I've begun to realize that there are certain things I want, that he will NEVER want in his life. It's hard still.....to let him go. We bonded in grief, having met shortly after his wife died and my relationship ended. We helped each other through some really tough stuff. We have cried in each others arms, and we have shared a real passion for each other. We helped each other to slowly wake up again, and now I am wide awake. I'm not sure where he is anymore, emotionally. I had to stop concerning myself with that and just put this relationship in the "friends with benefits" box, because that is what he turned it into. I had to learn to be fine with that, so when he began to discuss this other woman with me, I told him that I had no desire to hear or discuss how he is handling things with her. We are not committed to each other and I told him what he does is on him and what I do is on me. I don't care to discuss our relationships with others when we are spending our time together. 


So anyway, all that aside, I greatly enjoy spending time with him and I am okay with what we have become. I feel such a comfort level with him, and that is so important to me so that I can be ME when I'm with him. After we ate and I'd had some wine, we were going to try to watch a movie. But he took so long deciding and getting it set up that I fell asleep on the couch, while I was waiting. 
I was awakened some time later, by the delicious sensation of him nibbling at my toes and sucking them. He was kneeling next to the couch and he adores my feet so he was just getting into his fetish of having his mouth all over my toes and I was enjoying it so much I nearly had an orgasm. Then he moved over so that his mouth could reach my arm pits. I dont wear deodorant when I know I'm going to be with him because he loves to smell and lick and suck my arm pits. I've never been with a man who is into that, before I met him. It's not so much what he is doing there, but how he REACTS that helped me to enjoy this fetish with him. He literally gets weak in the knees and his breathing becomes SO labored and his cock gets SO hard. Seeing his reactions to enjoying that part of my body, has become a huge turnon for me. Then he stood and pulled his cock out and put it to my mouth. I am very much into oral worshipping of a mans cock. I really enjoy how it feels in my mouth, the warmth, the silk covering all that harness. It's amazing and I can do it for a very long time and not be bores for a second.

Eventually, I needed more, I needed to feel his face between my legs and other things that we could not do in the living room, because his daughters had come home and were in thier bedrooms, so we needed to be more private. 
I got up and led him to his room. I threw all the throw pillows onto the floor and pulled back the blankets and laid back on his bed, pulling him down with me. He raised up and pulled my bottoms off and buried his face between my legs. I was SO turned on by then that I don't think I ever stopped cumming, once I began. He had to stop and run to get a couple of towels, so that I didn't soak his bed. He licked and sucked me and drank from me and it was exquisite. Then I stopped him and turned over and he pulled my hips up and licked my ass and pussy and then paused and suddenly I felt his cock at the entrance of my pussy and he teased me with it for a minute, but the second I began to squirt, he had to be inside me. He plunged into me and fucked me.....slowly and teasingly and feeling my pussy clamp down on him with once climax after another. Finally, he asked me if he could cum in me and I said yes, so he let go with a long, and very wet climax of his own.

We woke the kids......(they are grown young women in their 20's not little kids) and they told us to hold it down. LOL He told me not to worry about it because he has to listen to the with their boyfriends all the time. So then I didn't feel so bad. 

What was really cool about last night was that without even knowing it, he touched a sexual trigger for me, and that is why the sex was SO amazing. My trigger of being woken up being touched in sexual ways....it's a very deep trigger. It started when I was 15 and I used to spend the night at my best friends house. I slept on one of the couches in their living room whenever I stayed over, but on one particular night, they had another guest. My friends Dad had a hunting buddy over and that man slept on the other couch. At some point, shortly after everyone else went to sleep, he came to my couch. I'd had a hard time sleeping because that man was HOT and my 15 year old raging hormones wanted him. But I never expected anything to happen. He was an older, married man. 

I'd been dozing.....and was in a twilight sleep when I heard him get up. I didn't open my eyes, I thought he was going to the bathroom, but he came to my couch and he stood there......and he was naked. His cock was just hanging there......slowly getting hard. He knelt down and asked me if it was okay that he was there......I was kind of shocked, but TOTALLY turned on, and the next thing I knew, he was kissing me, touching me, putting my hand on his cock and then he stood and pulled me up to a sitting position and put his cock on my lips. My instincts took over from then, I wasn't a virgin, but I'd not had a lot of experience yet. 

That night happened more than once......I lived next door and every time he came up for hunting, I'd just happen to be spending the night. It was a huge secret because of our age and him being married and such, but he always would wait until I was almost asleep or pretending to be asleep because I quickly learned that it was part of the excitement for him. So, I learned to pretend to be asleep....and he did whatever he wanted to me until I couldn't pretend anymore. 

It has been one of my triggers too, ever since. I shared that story with L, after we were finished and so he would understand why that was a trigger for me. Being awoken by anything sexual, is an instant orgasm for me now.

After I left L's house and came home at about 3am, I thought about slave x. I wished he was there to have turned down my bed and straitened my room and made it nice to come home to....and him kneeling, naked by my bed, waiting to see if I had any further need of him. If he had been there, I would have pulled him into my bed and told him to clean me orally, because I could still feel the cum seeping out of my pussy. What an incredible turnon that would have been for me. So much so, that even thinking of it, made me have to masturbate before I could then pass out into dreamland. These things are going to happen in the future, but I need him to be in the right headspace with me before I begin that type of interaction with him. We will need a lot more time together first. 

9/4/2017 10:21:55 PM

8/22/2017  Day 2 of Training Slave x

I spent some time on the phone with, and then text'd slave x to let him know what was expected of him on his first official day of service in my home. He was to work in the back yards until I got home. He had access to the house, but I hadn't yet shown him where the cleaning materials were, or given him any direction there yet. So, he was just to work in the back yards. I say yards plurally, because I have a tri level home, so there are two levels of back yard. One is tropical with a small lawn that I almost killed this year. The other is mostly swimming pool. Both need a lot of work, because I just can't keep up with this house AND the yards and my room mate isn't much help at ALL unless I nag him, and if I wanted to do that, I'd still be his wife. Insert laughter there, but I mean it. Being with someone who will literally sit and let the house rot around him, is not foreplay.

So anyway, this is why I decided I needed someone else to help me, someone who would WANT to do those things and would take pleasure in it, knowing it would make me happy. Enter, slave x.

He arrived around 3pm, and he must have worked SO hard. And, when I got home and opened the front door....there he was kneeling in his nakedness.....offering himself in service to me. It was very touching because I hadn't asked him to do that part. But, he's following this blog and he read the part that said I wanted that.....so he took it upon himself to surprise me with it. It was a sweet surprise. Some may call that topping from the bottom, but I never consider an act of gift in which is it all about ME, topping from the bottom.

I wonder how he will do, following this blog, when I mention things that I many be displeased with. Because I intend to share the real and honest story, and there are always things that need tweaking or go awry.

Oh I digress......back to the naked, kneeling boy in my house!!!! So there he was in all his cuteness -- and seriously people, he is ADORABLE! I mean like really handsome and just the right amount of sex appeal. Sigh..........................oh wait, I'm writing! FOCUS. The first thing I think about as I see him kneeling there, vulnerable and I'm sure, feeling a bit shy, is that he is missing something. He is missing a collar. I just so happen to have a brand new one sitting just around the corner, waiting. So, I walk over and hug him, then have him stand and lead him over to the living room carpet and have him kneel again. I reach for the collar and fasten it around his neck. It's been a while, so I didn't say the things I normally do when putting the collar on a slave. Mental note to not leave that out the next time!

So I put the collar on him and then he is excited to show me the work he did, so I tell him he needs to at least put his shorts on in the upper backyard. (the lower yard is very private!). He puts them on and then we go into the back yard and he shows me all that he did. I was truly amazed, as he had mowed the lawn, swept up and cleaned all the patios, organized all the junk, and just really done an INCREDIBLE job in less than 2 hours! I was VERY pleased.

I praised him for a job well done and then we went into the house so I could train him on how to serve me a drink. He had already learned how I liked it mixed, but now he needed to learn how to serve the drink. I have always been big on serving trays when a slave is serving a Dominant. So, I got out a small silver tray and a paper doily, because I'm fancy like that. He was instructed to always have the doily, as it is part of making the service beautiful, it should always be a part of the protocol. I then taught him the body posturing I wanted, and he served me the drink beautifully. He truly catches on quickly and I can feel his desire to please, in his every movement.

He was instructed to pour himself a drink and then we went outside to have our drinks and chat some more, as we are still getting to know each other. We both marvel at how comfortable we are together. We talk about a range of topics and I am beginning to teach him a bit about the bird too. The dog already loves him, but the bird is a bit pickier. Eventually I'd like for slave x to be able to handle her and clean her cake. She is a Lorikeet and very loveable once she knows you, but at first she bites and it hurts a lot.

Eventually I decide we should move inside, so I can show him where the cleaning things are and go over what things I would like him to clean and with what. There will be more training on that later. My house isn't horribly dirty. I have heard nightmare stories from slaves who have shown up to clean someone's house and then discovered that the Dominant is a hoarder and lives in filth with 20 cats. There is nothing like that here. I will still do some of the general cleaning and my own laundry. It will take a long time -- if ever -- for me to trust anyone else to do my laundry. I have so many clothing items that have to be done a particular way, and many that cannot go into the dryer. It would take being with me for some time, to learn how to handle that.
I have a black leather covered folder that I've given slave x to take notes in. So we sat in the living room, me on the couch and he on a black pillow I placed on the floor for him. He will never sit on the furniture unless invited to do so. We went over a few more things and then it was time for him to go. I didn't want to over work him, he does after all, also have a full time job and a bit of a drive home.

It was hard to say goodbye, I would have loved to have him longer, but we both were tired. I definitely look forward to seeing him again.
Today while at work, I had a fantasy of him helping me to prepare for a date. Brushing out my long hair after my shower, rubbing my body down with lotions and oils....maybe even someday...to shave my pussy to prepare it for my lover. Then, if I'm going out, cleaning up everything from the preparations and then having my room ready for me when I get back....and pampering me after my shower. Maybe clean me up orally first, before the shower .......hmmmmmm, so many uses for this boy. And then a nice footrub and cuddling with me while I tell him about my night, and I share all the times I wished he was there, being of use during my sexcapade. Yes......he is a very good boy and I am going to enjoy this.


9/4/2017 10:20:37 PM

8/20/2017
Day one of training with my new house boy, begins tomorrow. We just got over the phone so that I could instruct him on some things to do before I get home. He isn't yet familiar with things inside the house, having been here only once, so I am having him sweep patios for me and work a bit in the back yard until I get home.
It will be nice to come home and have that done, and not have it on my to-do list for ME to do. This is part of what having a house slave means to me. He gets to do things for me that make my life easier and better. We will start with easier...and work up to the better.
I feel such a warm connection with slave x. I will have to proceed with care to be sure that it does not go awry and into boyfriend/girlfriend land. I REALLY want to experience this, the house slave experience. I've had boyfriends before you know, been there and done that. But this....this house slave thing...this I have never sucessfully done. I've tried twice before, but I quickly learned with the other two that their main goal was to get into my pants and not to really serve me, but rather, to service me. If I want sexual service, I can get that any time. Women do not have problems finding sex if they really want it.
What I really want, is someone to be here for ME, with a slave heart and a deep desire to SERVE a Dominant woman who will treasure and appreciate his service. I want to train him to know my every need, to anticipate them so beautifully that I rarely have to even say what needs to be done. For most women, the fantasy of having a beautiful man waiting for her at home, naked, kneeling and holding a tray that has two things on it....his collar and a glass of her favorite beverage....that is just a fantasy. But in my life, I can make that happen, and I am going to!
I am definitely looking forward to day one of trainging with slave x! I'll be blogging about the journey,
Oh, still seeing J, and dating others.....slave x knows that I am single and out and about. We are both on the same page about how ugly jealousy is and he is super open minded just like me. I think I may have found my Unicorn......whaaaat??
Time for bed, I am super tired after a long weekend to the central coast for family stuff. I'll write more in the next day or two!


11/11/2016 12:50:07 AM

Haven't written for a while, I've been trying to keep myself busy. I have been going to the gym a lot and working out at home too. I"m seeing a difference, it is nice to have my waist line back! I am fit for a corset again!

I have been dating a bit. One guy....three times. We haven't even held hands yet. I told him I wanted to take it slow, and he is a British gentleman, and a Dominant. We have been out to lunch for the first date, then the gun range which was a GREAT time, as we both love shooting. The third date was Disneyland with his little 4 year old daughter. She is precious, and kept holding my hand. So innocent and accepting....I love that about small children. They have no judgement so whomever Mommy or Daddy brings round is unconditionally accepted for the most part.

After each date, I thought it was the last, because there seemed to be a lack of "spark" between us. I am attracted to him, but he does not act like he is into me at all. But...he keeps asking me out. He asked me out for Friday night, but I am sick with a terrible cold, so have to stay in. We have been talking more and more about sexual things though, via texting, so now I feel a bit better.

He is REALLY into women who squirt, and I am a profuse squirter, so we have been talking those scenarios. No, I won't give you details, but the conversations we have had, made me feel a lot better about there being some sort of sexual attraction. We have a lot of common interests, the main of which being looking for an OPEN relationship that is strong enough to handle being open. I have wanted that for SO long and never been able to successfully have it for very long.

An open relationship is the "Unicorn" of all relationships. To me, it's two people who are deeply committed to each other, who have established enough trust to open their relationship so that each partner can explore things with other people too.

I wasn't sure, after my last relationship, if I'd pursue it again. But he was a man who lived out of integrity and he could not handle the total honesty needed to make it work. He had a need for shame, so he created it, for both himself and for me, until I could take it no more.

But I don't want to give up what I want and need, based on the failure of a past relationship. I know what failed in that and what failed was the transparency needed to make an open or poly relationship work. And it didn't fail on my part, it failed on his and tore down the fibers of the entire relationship. I won't make that mistake again, I hope! It's so hard to tell at first because people say that they feel one way or another, but when it comes down to it, they weren't really honest. Sometimes a person doesn't realize how self destructive they are, and you can't have the "Unicorn Relationship" with that.

I have been told for many years that what I seek, doesn't exist. That is why I call it the "Unicorn". But surely there is ONE man out there who is secure enough in himself and able and wanting to love ONE woman.....without giving up the pleasures of others. Sounds like every mans dream, but it is NOT an easy dream to obtain. Especially as we age......and I am not a spring chicken anymore. But there are not a lot of women out there who are younger and have enough confidence in themself, to handle a "Unicorn" as we as to be one.

I am a Unicorn. I am a myth.....something that isn't supposed to exist. And I fear that the mate I seek might not exist either. I fear it because I really don't want to be alone, I highly dislike being alone. But I'll be alone unless I find my Unicorn. I have "settled" in relationships before....all my life in fact. If I have another one, I don't want to feel like I am "settling" again.

Where is my Unicorn????


10/25/2016 2:55:22 AM
I got a message from OKC tonight.....ya, I have an account there. Why? Because I want MORE than kink and sex....and basically it comes down to moving away from Kink sites to find MORE. 
Problem with going OFF of kink sites, is that at some point, when you are talking to someone on a Nilla site, at some point you are going to have to bring up the kink stuff.
I've written about this before, about how once a man from the nilla sites finds out I'm kinky, they start treating me differently.....and not in a good way.
But tonight.....tonight was different. Tonight I started talking to someone and we couldn't stop talking....it took us over an hour to get to the kink part....and it went REALLY well. It turns out he is a male Dominant, and HE is looking for "more" too. Once we started talking, we could not stop. I had the biggest grin on my face, it was so incredible to have such an unexpectedly GREAT conversation with a really attractive and intelligent man. 
We have a date on Saturday night. We would have had a date on Friday night, but I already had set one up with another guy from OKC earlier today. When I decide it's time to GET OUT....I mean it's TIME....and it's time. I wanted to cancel my Friday date and meet him then, but he reminded me that I needed to be in integrity and keep that date. My respect for him grew when he said that, and he was right. But can I just say, I feel sorry for Friday night guy.......
I keep telling myself to not get too excited, because every time I do, something happens. But then I have to remind myself that I am trying to be POSITIVE, so I shove that away. Did I mention he has a 4 year old daughter and THEY LOVE DISNEYLAND????? OMG, Disneyland with a 4 year old girl who loves princesses????? Are you kidding me? Oh and ya, her Dad seems like a catch too....lol
I ....am.....so......excited. He is SO open minded and thinks a LOT like I do, and people have been telling me for YEARS that I was never going to find a man who thinks like I do....but he DOES. We have SO much to talk about, Saturday will not have enough hours in it..................

10/10/2016 12:02:31 AM

My Club WICK event was last night. It was a great turnout as always, but it was really difficult for me, because I let my ex come. Ya, the one who recently left me and broke my heart. Six months ago. It's been six months and yes, I am recovering, but....

Yesterday I gave him permission to come to the event. I knew that he had recently gone to Folsom with some "friends", and he told me he was sleeping on the couch -- which I seriously doubted anyway, and I'm not even sure why he felt the need to say that. He has consistently acted like he is not really seeing anyone or doing anything and I see stuff online because...well, we have a lot of common friends.

I've seen him play with other people, so I figured this would be no big deal, maybe a bit tough, just being around him, but nothing I couldn't handle.

What I was not prepared for.....was that he showed up with Her and by the end of social hour, I saw them lip locking. I was shocked. I was more hurt that they were so blantant in front of everyone about it, and it was humiliating to see that and not have been warned that there was even any relationship of that kind going on. I was blindsided. It was hurtful and cruel.

I was kind to her....and I don't know why I went out of my way to be so nice about it, maybe the shock. I was shaking by the time it was time for me to go onstage and manage the party and get things going. I was literally shaking and dreading the rest of the party and what I was going to have to endure.

As the night progressed, so did they. They all but fucked in front of me and everyone else there, completely oblivious of my pain and the fact that people were not coming up to me asking me if I was okay with them doing what they were doing.

At one point, I turned and she was holding in her hand a flogger I had given him. I broke at that point, I could not take any more. It was too much too soon. I thought I was going to be okay with it, but I was not prepared for the disrespect and cruelty of my being forced to watch this show the FIRST time he comes to MY event. Discretion and compassion should have been shown and there was NONE of that.

I left early, I didn't want to be there when they both tried to come up and hug me later. FUCK that.

I've not spoken to either of them about it. I have learned from YEARS of experience with him that he is oblivious when he hurts people and he is incapable of thinking ahead as to how his actions will hurt me. And now, I just feel hurt and angry and I just want to forget it and move on. I think he wanted the drama and I am not going to give it to him. I am done giving him ANY attention and I'm done letting him hurt me.

If he comes to another party, I'll be prepared. I will never be blindsided by his ignorance again. He can do whatever he wants because I would NEVER want him again anyway and he just lost all ability to hurt me ever again.

When someone breaks your heart because the choose to leave you, they have already moved on. He had moved on the day he left. I was left behind to handle the love alone. After months of crying, it is easier now and I no longer fantasize about "what if" or "maybe". I was trying be be FRIENDS with him. But friends don't treat each other like that. I would never be friends with someone who treated people like that. So we will not be friends, we have gone on different paths and I'm okay with that.

I am no longer fooled into thinking there is an ounce of compassion or honor left in him towards me. He was heartless.....and I will no longer be surprised or shocked by anything he does, he is no longer a part of my world.

Thanks for listening, I had to get that out. I am okay now, and moving forward. Easier every day.


10/8/2016 2:16:26 AM

I opened chat for alt on my phone tonight....and I was just appalled at the way men speak to women there. I GET IT that this is a kink site, but JESUS can you say hello and find out a few things about us first?? He would have then discovered that I expect to be treated with respect, but I don't demand it, as he did of me.

Second message from another guy....a nice long paragraph about how he was stroking his cock while looking at my pics and all the things he was going to do to me. He didn't say hello at all.

Men like that, wonder why they get blocked, or why we sometimes just can't take it anymore and tell them how we feel.

Sigh. Disappointment reigns tonight.

Don't be THOSE guys......be gentlemen until you are encouraged to be otherwise. See where that gets you.

I was out with my best friend, Master Grey tonight. We went out to dinner and then just drove up in the mountains for hours, talking. I was talking with him about his remarkable luck in getting pretty much any woman he conversed with to talk back with him, and MANY to play with him. His play partners come back for more. His play partners stick around for YEARS. Want to know why?

He treats them like Ladies.....he takes them out for a meal and he spoils them with his TIME. He makes a play bag for EACH woman who becomes a play partner with him. She has her own custom hand crafted cuffs, collars, toys, etc....all in her favorite color, all just for HER. Nothing in her bag, is ever used on another person.

He has class....and he earns his respect. He earns their trust and eventually they know and trust him enough to share all their kinks and desires. It's a win win...he can't go wrong.

Yes, it's work. But you get what you give, and he has a lot of love and respect in his path. I admire him more than I admire any other Male Dominant I've ever met. It's an honor to be his friend, to share secrets and time with him, and to have him in my Pack.

So when I log into this site and am met with such disrespect and lack of any kind of class....it sickens me. I am worth more than that, and to be treated less then I deserve is NEVER going to go well for any man.

For the few that have actually taken time to get to KNOW me.....thank you, I value you.


9/30/2016 12:51:32 AM
Meeting people online........OY 

 

I don't know how the rest of you are doing with meeting people here, or on other sites, but I am becoming convinced that the instant gratification of the internet -- and I mean cell phones too, because, texting -- has ruined dating.

When I first became single again, I naturally came to the kink sites to look for people to talk to. But that was really all I could do was talk, I was still recovering emotionally. Then I moved over to vanilla sites, because I was so SO tired of guys wanting to go immediately into talking about sex, or sexting. On the kink sites, it was more understandable, because...well, kink. At first, on the vanilla sites I felt like it was refreshing that they didnt treat me like a sexual conquest to be met.

But, eventually, I had to tell them to see if I would even be able to take things to the next level, but the minute I told them...and told them that I hadn't put it in my profile on the vanilla sites because I wanted to be treated like a Lady...not put in the slut slot...so to speak....well, it happened with them too. I don't think they even realized that they changed towards me, but they do. It's a turn off to me when men want that instant gratification of sexual interaction, before they even attempt to get to know ME....as a PERSON.

It just keeps happening..........so hey guys, if you thought we were going somewhere and all the sudden I disappeared, go back and look at where we went in the conversations. Oh and I'll admit, sometimes I get sucked into it, but then I realize and then I'm out. I'm not investing that kind of communication with someone I barely know.

Can you slow your roll, long enough to get to KNOW someone? Do people even CARE about getting to know someone, or is it all about "meet and fuck" now? 

I am not in my horny early 20s anymore.....I am a woman, not a girl, and I've BEEN around the block. I'm not desperate for a hookup, nor will I be "grateful" that you pay attention to me. I have no problem getting attention. 

I just want to get to know someone for a bit before I decide if I want to meet, and if I do........it's NOT going to mean you broke me down and NOW you get to fuck me. It will mean, I want to know more....in person. I LOVE SEX......but with the right person, at the right time. I get emotionally invested when sex happens, and I want to be sure that you are worth my getting invested in. 

Oh and a series of one liner messages back and forth.....is not going to last either. SAY SOMETHING......WRITE something........SHARE something of yourself. Words are a powerful thing and I need to know that there is intelligence out there! 

So anyway..........that's my rant. Sometimes you just have to rant.

9/28/2016 2:10:01 AM
Are we "God" worthy? 

 

So, tell me if you are a believer of "God"...any God, or religion, and are involved in BDSM -- have you ever been made to feel that you are not "God Worthy"? 

There have been a couple of times when I have been talking with a vanilla person and when we get to my Lifestyle and religion, they say something along the lines of "YOU believe in God?" It always takes me aback, because I forget that when I was vanilla and a church going type, I would have thought what we do is pure SIN and that BDSM'ers were going strait to HELL.

But now, I am on the other side...the dark side, and LOVING it, and I understand how things are and aren't and I dont' see what we do as "evil" at all. Maybe some sin...but I believe that sexuality is part of us that God installed, so as long as we live with integrity, why would we NOT be God Worthy?

I was raised in a "Holy Roller, Pentacostal" church, the judgiest of all churches. I remember when my parents divorced and I was living with my Grandmother, I'd still go to church with my Step Mother, but one day, they had this coffin up front and everyone was walking up to it and looking in and then they'd walk away crying (like they do...they LOVE to put on shows), and I was forced to go up there. I was terrified, I was about 10 years old. There was a mirror in the coffin and when I looked in and saw that, I was SO annoyed. I thought it was mean and stupid. When I went home, I asked my Grandmother if it was okay if I didn't go anymore. I told her about what happened, and she asked me why that made me not want to go anymore. She wanted to know what I thought....well, I thought that I didn't want to worship a God that would send people to Hell....just because they worshiped at a different Church (true, they say that!) If a person goes to the church their parents go to, WHY would they go to Hell, for doing what they were raised with? Even at age 10 I knew that I didn't want to worship THAT God.

Over the years, I developed a relationship with God, on my own. I went to different Churches and liked some of them, but what I really learned, was that I did not need to be IN church to have a relationship with God. I could talk to him every day all by myself, and I always have.

I haven't been to church at all since I became a member in this community. Not because I don't feel worthy....but because I just don't NEED It, and also, I am a SUPER honest person and I don't think that there are many churches out there that want to hear what I REALLY DO on my weekends. 

A while back I went to a "Spiritual" event AT a Dungeon. It was FABULOUS and we all walked out feeling great and feeling accepted and loved. God Worthy....

I recently became an Ordained Minister -- you know, that thing on the internet that you do.....so now I can do weddings and funerals and such. But, I did it because when I have my own club, I am going to host spiritual events every week...and I am going to invite the community and remind them that we ARE all God Worthy, and within our own community, we can build that up. I don't care if people don't go to "church", we'll create our own church, where we can talk about what we did on the weekend, and not be made to feel like we are "less" than other people, for it.

Within this community, we have amazing integrity and communication. We educate and protect each other whenever possible. We gather to share our energy and we CARE and LOVE each other. No, it's not ALL great, there are always bad apples, but most people will try to protect newbies from landing in the clutches of those bad apples. There are amazing people in this community who give SO much.

Yes. We ARE God Worthy.

Goodnight Kinksters
xoxo

9/26/2016 3:11:18 AM

I've been terrible about putting my blog here lately!  I write on a few sites, and I keep forgetting to update here too!  

So, update, the Reality show is a GO, we are just waiting for the paperwork shuffle to end.....ugh,  Hollywoods, "Hurry up and wait" game!  I am very excited, great stuff is going to happen this next year!

and now for tonights blog.....

Can't sleep.....so I turned on Pandora and was listening to music and that only made it worse. My brain has such a hard time slowing down and letting me relax. I really REALLY miss sex on nights like this, because I can always sleep like a baby after sex. It's been about six months now......GAWD I hate being single. LOL

I changed my profile on here, after some missteps in dating. I keep finding myself adding more and more, as I begin to talk to men and realizing I should have said this or that in my profile.

My brother reconnected me with one of his oldest friends, a guy I met way back when....when I was married. He's a great guy...but SO vanilla. He's already starting to form an attachment to me, just from texts and phone calls. But there is SO much he doesn't know about me and I find myself unwilling to share my more intimate side with him because I feel like he's just going to judge. It is really impossible to try to explain to a Vanilla person, why we do what we do and what we get from it. If they have never experienced it for themself.....how can they possibly relate to anything we tell them??? Anyway......I'm not going to put to much energy into that one, I just don't have the heart or desire to educate someone on my lifestyle choices.

On the flip side of that coin, I met someone on a well known vanilla dating site that I'm on, and when I mentioned BDSM, guess what he did? He GOOGLED it.....and then he asked some questions, and when I used terminology he was unsure of, he Googled that...and then he came back and asked intelligent questions and I was SO impressed. He didn't expect me to educate him...he educated himself. How refreshing that is! Now that guy.....I could at least meet for coffee and have an intelligent discussion with!

Heading down to the downtown LA area tomorrow to look for seasonal things. I'm decorating my home for halloween soon, and decided to use the "Nightmare Before Christmas" stuff that I already have, and just do Halloween and Christmas at the same time. Yep....just going to keep it decorated from Halloween through Christmas! I'm such a HUGE Disneyland fan and the Haunted House at Halloween and Christmas, is AMAZING. I'm going to do that. See this is why I need a club.........SO into creating special spaces that make people want to stay and never leave!

Well, I'm off to blog on my other spots too. I don't get many responses on my blogs, I know that they are kind of boring , especially as I was going through the breakup, but things are getting MUCH easier now. I am over the hump and on the mend now. Ready to explore a bit and see what's out there now.

I hope you all had a great weekend! Goodnight Kinksters!


9/8/2016 11:29:25 PM
Today was so amazing.......at first it was just another day. But tonight EVERYTHING changed. You see......a while back I filmed a sizzle reel for a reality show...and tonight I got a text that there is a chance it will get picked up tomorrow! WOA! WHAT????? 

There is NO way I am getting any sleep tonight.........................my brain is on overload. I drank two rum and cokes to try to calm it down, but nope...didn't work.

What. The. Fuck.

I honestly never thought anything would come of it..............I thought it was buried and forgotten, but the producer told me that it could sit for a year or even two before anything came of it. Now........woa. 

I might be getting ahead of myself....but just let me enjoy this for now okay, because moments like this do NOT come around in life very often. I have a weird feeling that this....might....happen. Or not.........I'm trying not to get my hopes up now, see that right there? But I am enjoying this feeling, even if nothing comes of it, it feels good tonight.

8/7/2016 10:37:52 PM
My event last night at BOD was incredible!  It was the first time I'd been there, and we will be having Club WICK there for a while now.  Everyone was happy with the venue and I could not have been happier.  

I met an adorable fem to male Transgender, and he served me all night and gave me an INCREDIBLE foot rub at the end of the night.  We are definitely keeping in touch!

The person I'd met here on CS didn't work out...just rather disappeared.  People I talk to on these sites, seem to do that a lot.  But still, I don't give up because I have met some very REAL people on the internet too.  You just can't get your hopes up too much or invest too much, until you know if they are going to be REAL or not.  It is what it is!

I am glad to be back from my trip, but it actually took me all week to recover from the lack of rest.  Not sure if I had a slight bug too, but I am just now starting to feel better.  

Good things are in the work, I am reading "The Secret" and it has really given me an "attitude adjustment" on life and people in general.  I feel like I am getting to a good place finally, since the breakup and am moving forward and having fun again.  I am very thankful for that.

Well I am going to turn this thing off and begin "War and Peace", not the book, but the mini series which is on British TV.  I love period pieces and this one seems right up my alley!  

Goodnight fellow kinksters!

7/28/2016 12:52:05 PM
I am on vacation and visiting family in Arkansas. Really.  I met a brother that I had never met before.  That was very cool.  While I love family - maybe because mine was so split up when I was very young and I was separated from siblings - sometimes it is good that they live far away.  I really feel sad that I didn't get to grow up with them, maybe things would have been different for us all, who knows.  Maybe we would have all been messed up in different ways, like we are now.  

Our Kink community is filled with so many broken people.  My heart hurts with all the stories I have heard from people over the years.  But I don't feed into that it is the ONLY place that broken people exist.  I believe that broken people are everywhere.  We just tend to meet a lot of broken people because they are part of our kink community and we tend to share deeply in this lifestyle, so we learn more about each other.  

Sitting there with my brother and his wife, I saw a lot of broken.  I know that we can never be really close because he is involved in things that I simply would not trust nor want to be a part of myself.  But I will keep in touch with him and see how things go.  One thing that dealing with finding each of my brothers over the years has taught me, is that you truly can't pick your family, but you CAN choose how close you allow them to get to you.

So, on another note, I have been talking to someone that I met here on CollarSpace.  Yep, we have been talking since just before I left on my vacation.  So far, so good.  We haven't met yet, we are just texting and haven't even talked on the phone, but mostly because I'm travelling with my daughter and I don't get a minute to myself.  

Here's what I like about him so far....he is kind and seems to have a good healthy vanilla life too.  That is important to me because I think people need to be well rounded, and not just drown themselves in the fantasy of kink, in order to be mentally healthy.

He told me that he loves art and museums and even goes alone to enjoy them.  I also love them and sometimes go alone just so I can go at my own pace and really enjoy it.  I love picturing a man walking around enjoying the same things that I do.

He loves music, and does not mind that I like country music, even though he doesn't like it.  I also love other types, except for hard Rapp, but I Like hip hop Rapp.  I adore live concerts, especially if they are outside, like the Santa Barbara Bowl, or the Hollywood Bowl.

He is world travelled.  He has been to a LOT of places and I always find that people who have travelled a lot have learned a lot about people and human nature.

He is a single Dad.  The main reason that I am happy to find out that someone is a parent at ALL, is that they truly have learned to love someone more than themself.  They learned how to sacrifice and work hard to take care of someone they love.  Also, kids help us learn and keep a sense of silliness and wonder.   He raised his daughter alone, which tells me that he put her needs FIRST and that is a wonderful character quality.  He is still close to her, which means he did a great job.

He is VERY handsome.  He sent pics to my phone while I was driving, and my daughter was checking them out -- she was freaking out over how handsome he was.  I didn't get to look at first, so I saw them later and ya....he is yummy.  He takes VERY good care of his body, which is important to me because it inspires me to take good care of mine.  I think that if you put two people together who sit around eating all the time, then they have a higher possibility of becoming unhealthy together.  If you put two people together who take care of themselves, they have a higher possibility of a happier and longer life together.  Your partner should inspire you to be the BEST you can be.  I have learned from experience that if that does not happen, things slowly fall apart.

He has lots to SAY.  He had a well written profile, which was what made me write to him.  When we text he has more than one sentence to say.  

I think he could be a good partner....even if it ends up just being play partners.  He could possibly become more, and the possibility of that, is fun and exciting.  In any case, I believe I would have met a quality person, no matter what ends up happening or not happening between us.

So see....reaching out on sites like this is NOT a waste of time.  You get what you give, and you have to always TRY.  Once in a while it won't be a waste of time, I promise.









7/17/2016 11:13:14 PM
It's been a long time since I wrote in my journal.  So much has been going on and it's been overwhelming.  I won't go into detail because tomorrow could change EVERYTHING.  Just wanted to check in and let certain people know that I am okay, just super busy and....and...omg I can't say anything yet.

More later!

6/29/2016 11:52:48 PM
This heat in Southern Cali, is killer...ugh!  I was painting the front office at Studio X today and it was SO hot.  Days like that give me a real respect for all people who work outside, rain or shine, but ESPECIALLY those who work in the heat.  

I have been on a dating app called "Tinder" lately.  I have to say that so far, it's pretty much the same way it is here.  Nobody wants to put EFFORT into getting to know anyone, but they all say they "want" this or that.  Do people think it's just going to fall into their lap?  

Tinder is shallow....swiping left if their picture or profile does not attract you, swiping right if it does.  If they haven't even bothered to share ANYTHING about themselves on the site, then I swipe left.  Too lazy to write a profile on a DATING site?  Really, then why on earth are you there???  Well, I guess those people are looking for hookups.  I'm NOT about that.  I'd rather go out in our community and find people who are like minded and make friends and see where that goes.  At least in our community, there is one hurdle already crossed!

The one common thing, vanilla, OR kinky, is that once they get you talking about your kinky side, men just seem to want to take it strait to sex, or they start trying to treat me less like a Lady.  Honestly, at that point, I just lose interest.  Why are people too lazy to be friends first and then see where it goes?  Maybe the internet instant gratification has something to do with that.  But, I'm just not interested in sex without strings.  

I am way more interested in honest and intense passion with someone I love talking to OUTside of the bedroom as well.  Without the intellectual connection, sex is so empty to me.  I had those days....I am over them.  If you are still into one night stand and meaningless hookups, then we are NOT on the same emotional maturity level at ALL.  Don't waste your time or mine.   

A man of substance and maturity is what I seek, and I'm not settling for less.  I'd rather be alone.  I like my company, I'm funny.......



6/27/2016 10:06:42 PM
Homefires Burning...

It's been a really rough week.  I grew up in the Kern River Valley, where a wildfire blew through and left over 200 families homeless.  Only two humans died, but that was a story in and of itself.  Many lost pets....cattle and horses perished because the fire was SO fast nobody could get to the pens and let them out.

It has been a thing of beauty, from the ashes of this disaster, to watch my home community pull together and help each other out.  The outpouring of supplies from outside of the community and being brought in has also been amazing.

So many emotions, and thank goodness for Facebook, where we all kept in touch and learned slowly, who lost their homes, who was missing and then found.  Facebook was invaluable.  

I've been crying for DAYS now and I don't even live in that area anymore, but my family is there and many many childhood friends.  All my memories are there...many of them destroyed now.  When the dust settles, I'll go home and I'm sure there will be more tears.

It really puts what is important in live in perspective.  ALL that is truly important is people.  People and LOVE.....that is ALL that is truly important in life.  All the rest is just icing.  

Be kind to your people.  All the "stuff" will exhaust you.
 

6/20/2016 12:04:43 PM

Fetish #3 Energy Exchange....

I fell in love with Energy work, early in my BDSM journey. It was accidental really, because nobody had told me about working with Energy, or that it even existed in BDSM. Now, I can only truly say I had a good time playing with someone if the exchange of Energy has taken place. Here is a true story of Energy Exchange, so that those new to BDSM can understand the what/why of it.

She was the perfect body for caning...lushious curves, flesh in all the right places. I prepared the room, low lights, relaxing music and my massage table with a soft towel on it.

She disrobed except for her panties. The most adorable pair of panties I had ever seen, by the way. They were pink, with a corset of pink in the middle back, with the laces showing a tease her her beautiful ass. I grinned every time I looked at them. She giggled at my delight.

I started by rubbing massage oil into her skin. Not a lot of oil, I didn't want to get my canes all greasy, just enough to moisturize the skin and to be able to massage without pulling the skin. I needed my hands to be able to glide into the flesh, as easily as the canes would.

I began to massage her....digging gently but firmly into her flesh and easing out the knots of tension, feeling her body relax as I worked her body over slowly.
As she relaxed, I took my rattan canes and began to slowly and rhythmically cane her, starting with a firm but gentle tapping.....up and down her body, avoiding all the areas that could cause harm.

I continued with the rhythmic caning, and switched alternately from caning to massage.....at the end of the caning, before I switched to massage, I would cane three or four times, sharply and firmly -- enough to get her attention and open her Pain Gate to send the rush of adrenaline. Then, I'd put the canes down quickly and rub the pain out with massage until she relaxed again.

With each rush of evergy with the sharp strikes, I could feel both our bodies expell the rush, and this created the energy exchange. Over the course of the hour, as each caning span increased in intensity of impact, so did the intensity of the adrenaline rush, and it began to spill from her to me, from me to her. This was the energy exhange....it happened over and over, like the tease and denial of an orgasm.

Digging into her flesh with my hands, then striking into her flesh with the canes...as time passed I could see her body squirming, begging for more, harder, without words. Intense orgasms began to happen to us both, building until they spilled over at the last THWACK THWACK THWACK of the cane strokes before I quickly moved in to stroke her flesh with my hands again.

It became almost Tantric, the passing back and forth of energy which expelled itself in the form of orgasms, and it was HIGHLY erotic. At the end of the hour, I struck her HARD with the cane with my final strokes and she moaned loudly and came intesely....she tried to hide that, and I found it adorable.

It was sexual without sex, pain turned into raw pleasure, and boundless trust. It was everything one can hope for in a session of BDSM.....raw and real.

So, thank you my Alina, for sharing this with me. It is bitter sweet as you move today from So Cal to another area. Although I will see you often, I will miss you being around, at my fingertips when needed, and being there for you whenever needed -- although you know I will ALWAYS be here.

I wish you well on this next leg of your journey and I hope you find the happiness you SO richly deserve. You are special to ALL who know you.

I adorz yew,
Your Mama


6/17/2016 8:37:36 PM
I was asked this question today here on CollarSpace and it got me to thinking, so here I go.

"Do you believe that if two Dominants join their forces together they can be very successful ?"

My answer to that is yes, very successful.  I think that if two confident and powerful people join forces in LOVE....they can do anything.  This may sound like foolish female wishing, and yes I am a total romantic.  But this is my answer based on my feelings.

I believe that if love exists between a man and a woman, especially if they are BOTH Dominant, then something extremely powerful can form.  First, if they are completely committed to each other and have clear and honest communication, then nothing and nobody can come between them.  
The first thing that happens when people meet a couple like this, is that they want what the Dominant couple has.  This creates a clear danger  if one of the Dominants is being sought after by someone intent to destroy the relationship.  It's important to know that someone trying to work that angle, will seduce and finagle themselves into a place of power if you let them.  They'll use subtle sentences that can cause damage, such as, "I'd LOVE to play with you, but as long as you are with "her/him", I can't do that".  It's a phrase intended to place longing for the new person and see the existing relationship as a roadblock to getting what they want.  It's subliminal and strong if the Dominant is weak to that sort of thing.  

However, if you are truly together and love is what unites you as a couple, you would clearly see that subliminal kind of talk as manipulative, and it would be wise to call that person out on their bullshit and then not see them again.  

Dominants face this test again and again in poly situations.  Love will only stand the test of time, if the primary relationship always comes FIRST, and both are committed enough to know when the submissives are destructive versus an enhancement.

Under the right conditions, I believe that a Female Dominant/Male Dominant ruled poly household, could be the perfect situation for all involved.  Slaves and subs with true service hearts would flourish in a strong Dominant led household.  But only if the Dominants have the strength to be consistent and clear with the slaves/subs.  Clear rules, boundaries and goals have to be established to create emotional security for all involved.  

It is SO much work and with so many different types of personalities and so many emotions, it can be draining.   I think a huge mistake poly households can make, is wanting it all too fast.  It would be wise to first establish the base relationship, which should take at least a year, then meet other people together, and bring in only ONE new slave at a time, and nobody new again, until that person is established.

I compare it to how I learned Biology in college.  It was a subject I thought I'd really struggle with -- so many terms and words to remember.  So, I decided to include the flash card way of memorizing.  I started with five terms, when I had all of those memorized, I'd slowly add in new cards until before I knew it, I had them ALL memorized. It took time and patience, I did not memorize all of them in a day, or a week.  But when it came time for finals, I got strait A's.  Slow integration....gave me time to learn the words and terms as I was also learning the subject (and my other classes too!).  This created, habit, ritual and consistency.  Three things essential for successful D/s in poly relationships also.  

So yes....I think two Dominants working together with love, can create a beautiful poly household.  Yes, these feelings are based on experience, on failure, on glimpses of success, on seeing how it could have been.  I believe it's elusive, this kind of household.  But WOA, right? What a thing of beauty it could be.




6/16/2016 11:17:12 AM
Fetish #2  Men in Suits
There is just something extremely powerful about a man in a suit.  I think because it is the ULTIMATE of maleness to me, like a man loves seeing a woman in a form fitting dress and high heels.  You can kind of see what you are getting, but there is still much to the imagination.  
I am sometimes attracted to a man JUST because of a picture of him in a suit.  I once wrote to a Male Dom on Fet, because I fell in love with his profile pic.  He was sitting at a bar, wearing a nice suit with a Fedora on, and was holding a glass of Whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other.  I detest cigarettes, but cigars are SO different.  That picture was the epitome of maleness to me.  He and I ended up meeting, going on a few dates and ended up becoming great friends.  I am friends with he and his slave to this day.  Two Doms don't make a right, as they say!  
I used to love watching my ex get dressed when I knew he was going to wear a suit.  Watching him stand at the bathroom sink, shaving, then choosing his clothing - sometimes I chose for him.  All the details...and I love shirts with cufflinks, they are classic and timeless.  The finishing touch for me, is always the cologne.  But that is a writing of another fetish.  LOL  
I am completely wet by the time my man is finished dressing, and sometimes want to rip the entire outfit off immediately.  I enjoy that feeling of pride in being with him when he "represents" in a suit.  Our eyes lock several times over the night, and he KNOWS it drives me crazy and I WANT what is under that damn suit!!!  Yes, the ULTIMATE in maleness is a man in a SUIT.....it shows a class and sexiness that is irresistible and seductive and it doesn't matter to me if the man is submissive, or Dominant....the clothes make the MAN, but they do not define who he is.  How he behaves while wearing that suit, defines who he is.  A charming man in a suit.....who can make me laugh...PRICELESS.
I started a contest in one one of my event groups, challenging the boys to change their profile pics to a pic of them wearing a suit, and to be very creative about it.  The winner gets a 15 minute play session at the next event, with multiple women, all of us on him.  We will strip him, and have our way with him.....it is causing quite a stir in all of us I think.

It's funny, at the WICK event, the one where it is Women in Charge....I cringe when I see a man strip and just toss his suit aside.  It HAS to be folded neatly, or hung neatly across a chair.  I can't stand to see a suit mistreated!  Please don't mistreat my Fetish.

Use it Men....learn to use a suit to your advantage.  It may be the best life skill you ever learn.

6/16/2016 1:52:59 AM
I just finished a book on my Kindle Cloud.  I won't say what it was, it was a silly romance novel, but there was a line in it that punched me right in the gut, "No man gives up a woman he wants."   I realized...it is really over.   I was having SUCH a hard time letting go of him, but it is SO true, if he wanted me, he'd not have gone and left me to hurt like this.

Tears have fallen...lots of them.  But I am not falling.  There is something for me, I don't know why I know that, but I just DO.  I feel hope when I know I shouldn't.  I know that I am a great catch, I am a loyal and passionate partner.  I am fun loving, I am not afraid at ALL to be silly and I am a very open person...open to so much.

Perhaps my being so open has made me lose many times.  I trust where I should not, I give when I should not.  But I believe in people that I love, I Need to believe in them.  I am consistently let down by those I love, but for the most part, I always take it as a learning experience and a growth spurt in the relationship.  Naive....yes, I guess some would say so.  I don't protect myself, because if you hold onto your love instead of GIVING it, then what is it really?  

This relationship left me living in fear.  Fear of losing all that we had together.  I didn't want to live in fear anymore, so I let it go...I let him go.  I had to.  It was hard, the hardest thing I've ever done.  But don't they say "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it is yours, if it does not, it never was"?   He isn't coming back....so he wasn't my One.  

When you find your One.....they will never choose to leave you.  They will choose to STAY, no matter what.  They won't be lured away by pretty shiny things.

It's SO hard to find it, no matter if you are in the vanilla realm, or the realm of kink.  But in my heart, I believe that in the realm of kink, the bonds are SO much tighter.  Having a relationship with a Switch....who neither served me, nor was served by me, it made all the lines blurry.  There was no D/s bond,  it didn't have a place to form.  

But oh, how I loved the strength of the Switch.  He was not a passive, "yes" boy, nor did he try to rule me with Dominance.  He gave of himself, and he was strength when I needed it.  At times, that was beauty enough.  At other times, it was confusing and stressful.   It brought a lot of turmoil.

For now, I am having a hard time figuring out what I want...what I need for myself now.  So I am seeking peace and spending time learning to know myself again and taking time to heal my bruised Dominance.   Dominance always takes a beating at the end of a relationship.  Most Dominants hide that, especially male Dominants because everyone expects us to be the stronger.  But heartbreak is heartbreak and you have to FEEL it to move through it and past it.  

There is so much more I could say tonight...but I already laid my soul open here.  It helps to get it out, and I know that there are others who unfortunately, go through this pain and it helps to read that you are not alone.  You are not alone...and that person was NOT your One.   Tonight I send out love and healing energy to anyone who reads this and needs it......

6/14/2016 11:55:04 PM
I just realized that I'd written an entire entry while at my event the other night, (I was working the door/desk), and apparently I never saved it.  I'd started getting dizzy and feeling sick, so I took over the desk once most of the people were already in.  I didn't have much to do, so I wrote an entry about how the night was going.  I'm sad I lost it.

There was SO much play going on, and I got a lot of comments about how great the energy was. I love to hear that.  Without great positive energy flow, a party just falls flat.  But we have such a wonderful group of people that attend and many of them are consistent.  Our Ladies who attend consistently, have gotten a knack for helping make people feel welcome, and for inviting new boys in to play.  It makes me feel proud to see that.  

It truly is the people who make the difference.  But this group, these people....they are special. I have attended many many events over the years and this group truly has some kind of magic when we get together.  There is a comfort level and comaradarie  that happens, and it creates something....special. The boys quickly get comfortable running around like naked children, and once we do the collaring ceremony, they all know their place.  Women feel empowered and in charge and that is how it SHOULD be.

It takes a while to create just the right "feel" for a BDSM event.  My first WICK party had only 8 people there. Now, I have to deny people tickets.

My newer events have started slowly too, but with the right people assisting, and finding the right "feel" for each of these events, they too will become successful.  It is SUCH hard work, but it feels SO great to get it right, like I have with WICK.

Other than that, I am on the tail end of this cold, and ready to hit the gym again.  It's funny how I get horny when I am sick....I wonder how many other people get that way.  Something about being in bed too much I guess.  LOL  I also get really silly when I get a fever, so if anyone got a strange text from me on Sat night, well that is why.  I didnt' see any on my phone though, so I think I am in the clear!  

We are going on Thursday to look at cars, time to replace the Ford Explorer with something newer and with more tech savvy toys in it!   




6/8/2016 11:36:41 PM
Been doing a lot of thinking....is that ever a good thing?  I am really disappointed in what I am getting from these sites.  What I get from Kink sites...are men ONLY really looking to hook up with my kink.  Gee, so surprised, eh?  You probably wonder, why then, do I look here?  I'll tell you why.  I am also on Vanilla sites.  Yep, I honestly am.  But on THOSE sites, when I read most of the profiles, I am concerned about how THOSE men will feel when they find out what my life is like, and what I'm into that I can't put on "those" sites.

But here....even when I finally find people who actually have something to say other than "Hi Mistress", it is still ALL about kink.  

A few weeks ago, I finally went out on a date with someone I met on a kinky site.  Well, not sure really if he saw it as a date, maybe he saw it as a first meet, but it was dinner.  It was a really nice restaurant, with a man that I found charming and engaging.  We had a lot to talk about.  If course our kinks came up because we found each other on a kink site.  Dinner went so well that I actually wanted to spend more time with him, so I suggested we go to another place and just have a drink and talk more.  We went to a little bar, and before we even had gotten our first drink, he grabbed my hand and put it on his cock.  Really, I swear he did.  I was shocked and DISAPPOINTED.  I didn't say anything, I just removed my hand and then our drinks came and I sat there trying to talk with him, but honestly, I'd lost interest by then.  By the time I finished that drink I made my exit and drove home.  

I thought about it all night, and the next day I wrote him a letter and told him how I'd felt and why.  So now let me share those thoughts with you....

Dating in this realm, is really difficult.  Men...kinky men, LISTEN TO ME PLEASE. Women who are kinky are GEMS, we are what you want and NEED or you would not be here.  There are so many more of you than there are of us...of quality women who are REAL and are really what we say we are.  When we finally trust you enough to meet you, PLEASE for Gods sake....treat us like women first.  We are women first.  We want to get to know you and we want you to care enough to get to know us.  MOST of us feel this way, and when you take us out and try to get right to the kink,  it makes us feel that the kink is ALL you want.  Which is okay if you are just looking for a play partner, but if that is the case, say it on your profile and be upfront about it.  Don't put anywhere on your profile that you are looking for an LTR.  

When people start texting me saying "I want to feel your whips".....and we have not even MET, I am going to assume that is all you really want, and I am moving ON.  You can find plenty of women who will JUST want to beat you.  I wish you luck and all the bruises your kinky heart desires.  But understand this...YOU ARE NOT FOR ME.

I am looking for someone.....I want LOVE and it is important to me.  I would be JUST play partners with someone...sure, but that means we only contact each other regarding play and that is ALL that is going to happen.  I'm not going to fuck you. Play partners to me, get ONLY play.  

When I am in a relationship with a man who loves me, which is where I am happiest, then what I do with my body is OUR business.  Meaning if we choose to have another partner in, that is a MUTUAL decision.  But other than that, I am not a one night stand.  I have had my share of those and while they are enjoyable in the moment, the give nothing in the long term.  

A play partner and a sex partner are two different things to me.  Sometimes it gets fuzzy, and sometimes it gets close....but I can't merge the two unless feelings are involved and just because we are both kinky does not mean that we are alike.  Your kink might not be my kink and mine might not be yours.  If I don't feel a real energy exchange, sex will never happen with us, and play will probably happen only once if that is the case too.  The exchange of energy is incredibly important to me, be it during sex OR play, but it just has to BE there.

So......as of right now, I just feel disappointed in what I am finding and not finding.  I know that men go through the same things too, does anyone want to share with me, their feelings on this?

Does anyone even read my journal, or are you just looking at the pics?


















6/8/2016 12:12:37 AM
Just arrived on the central coast. Everyone in this house is sound asleep, but I am all wound up from the drive.  Very tired, but wound up.  Sex would REALLY help right now.  Sucks to be single right now!  LOL

I'll try to journal while I am here, I thought I was going to right now, but I think my brain is fried from all the deep thinking during the drive.  Going to try to sleep.

Ventura was lovely....I stopped there for food on the way here.  So many memories there...I couldn't get away from memories no matter where I was today.  Maybe I need to drive further......

6/4/2016 1:00:20 AM
Wow, did summer ever come at us all at once today!  It was hot as hell here today!  I wanted to work in my yard, but it was insane to even think of it.  I ended up working inside on my events most of the day, and working in my yard tonight!  That's right, outside yard work at night....now I am trying to think of how to rig up more lighting out there so I can do more of it!  

Tomorrow, I am going to do an interview at Threshold on "Ted Talks", then I am staying for the play party.  I will probably just socialize, but you never know.....

My daughter is into BDSM too.   She is 34 and she hangs out at Threshold a lot, she works the door often and her boyfriend is a DM there.  I love hanging out there when she is there and having talks with the great Ms Diana!  I'm definitely looking forward to that!

My ex boyfriend is coming over tomorrow to put in a ceiling fan in my sons bedroom.  My son runs 3 monitors on his desk, for gaming, and his room gets SO hot.  I guess it's also bad for his computers, so we need to cool it down in there!  It will be weird having Zeus here, it is still very hard for me to be around him.  I'll be as casual as I can and avoid contact.  The last event we worked together, he came up to hug me twice and both times I felt like a deer trapped in the headlights.  It's too sad for me...it's such a casual thing to him but it breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart that I am now just a casual thing to him, after almost five years.  

But anyway....as I keep saying, it is what it is.  There are some things we cannot control, and the feelings of others is one of them.  All I can control is how I handle it and I try to do that with grace and dignity.  

Well kids, it's late, so I am going to put on episode of "Home Fires" a new series on Amazon Prime, and relax and sleep......... Goodnight.

5/30/2016 10:44:58 PM
Life has been crazy busy now that I'm getting all four events going. It's taking a lot of my time, but it's going to be worth it in the long run.  It's emotional, mostly because I thought I'd be doing these things with Zeus, but now that we are no longer together, I have to rely on help from other people.  Other people are not as organized as he was, so I find myself REALLY missing him when it becomes SO evident that his skills in organizing and being reliable at times like this....well, they are missed.

My next Event is the BOW event (Bitches of East WICK), it is for Women playing with women only, and this next Saturday will be the Grand Opening of that.  I just sent out my first series of Invitations which have the automated PrePay ticketing System included.  I am super excited about that, and am using it at all my events now.  

The events are Private, Members only events, and the Venue can really only hold a max of 80 people, so the ticketing system is set to cut off there.  I can also set it to sell only a certain amount of tickets to the men (at my other events) and only a certain amount of tickets for the women.  That helps keep the female/male ratio more even.  

I'm so excited to see all these events grow!  This week the club is having a professional Lighting person come and set that up.  Excited to see what he does!

It was REALLY hard being around Zeus on Sat night.  I think I will not be at the next event, other than for setup.   I still have a lot of feels for him, and when he walked up and tried to hug me, I found myself giving him a half hug and I know it hurt him.  I didn't mean to be like that, I wasn't expecting him to hug me.  Men are so dense sometimes....he honestly has no idea how much this still pains me.  I can't hug him, I want to, but just knowing in my heart that he can hug me and for him it's like hugging everyone else in the room, but for me...I don't want to let go of him.  It is a painful reminder to me that things are over for HIM, even though my heart still aches for him.

So, I am trying to stay busy with work and working on my PERSONAL self.   I have to find a way to purge my heart of these feelings so that I can, eventually, become a good partner for someone who truly loves me and is capable of real commitment.








5/26/2016 12:47:12 AM
I am SO tired as I write this.  I get SO many emails from guys here and on other sites.  The majority of them look like this, "hello Mistress".  Wow.......that really draws me in guys.  Honestly, I am so touched that you take SECONDS out of your day to devote to me, to convince me of your intentions and desires.  

Where are the guys who can WRITE?  Where are men who have something to SAY?  I mean, I get it that you aren't sure if anyone on here is worth your time, but I am a strong believer that you get what you give.  If you write me two words or less, you will get the same from me.  Where will we get... nowhere.    If you come on strong and then disappear, I will disappear too.  If you write to me sporadically, I am less than convinced of your ability to put anything into getting to know me, therefore I am less interested in getting to know you.  

I am dating now.  Not because I really want to, but I guess it's what single people must do, unless they want to be single forever.  I hate being single, I am a relationship type person.  I love having a partner.  I miss having someone to share things with.  I miss having someone....

But, I'd rather be alone than waste my time with people who seem so disinterested in putting themselves out there.  I want to be with someone who is engaging, don't you???  Or, is this just about sex?  It won't be about that for me...not for a while.

I am worth getting to know.  I am a quality person.  I love to laugh and be silly too, and I WILL Make you laugh.  I'm easy going....I hate drama, and I run from it, I am tired of it and I don't want it in my life.

I want an old fashioned guy who isn't afraid to live in a modern world.  I want a gentleman....who is a TOTAL slut in the bedroom...with ME and ME only.  Unless we BOTH decide to share someone else.  I want to be so in love and secure with someone that we CAN share someone else without it destroying what WE have.

Partners.....that is what I want to be.  Whether partners in crime, or partners in pleasure, or partners planning how to landscape a yard (I love to work outside).  I deserve a good partner, and if I feel that you will be even slightly less than that, you will be put in the friend zone.  Are there ANY honest, devoted, sensual and kinky men left out there, or are all the good ones taken and the bad ones broken???



5/23/2016 11:13:21 PM
I haven't been on for a while because I had problems with my laptop, had to reboot the whole system and all my saved passwords got lost.  Ugh.  I know that passwords are a necessity, but it's hard to remember them all.  Now I keep notes....

I missed being here, and will write soon, but it's late and I am tired now.  

I hope you are all having kinky good fun!

5/16/2016 11:39:57 AM
I decided to start sharing more of my Kinks....so here is the first writing in that line.

Fetish: Textures

While at Club WICK the other night, I indulged in one of my Fetishes, TEXTURE. We do a spanking line and I was spanking this new guy. Now this new guy arrived in a suit, and he was very handsome. He was standing there with a tray in his hand which was filled with chocolates and licorice. He was very open and personable, trying to engage but not being at all pushy. He was a class act and he caught the eye of ALL of the women.

So there he was in the spanking line, in the "Light" room, which meant he was only into light play. At first there was only two guys in there and two Dominant women, so she and I kept switching back and forth between the two guys and making jokes about passing them back and forth, so that each of them would feel less significant. 

When I was playing with this guy, lets refer to him as "candy boy", he was wearing panties with a garter belt and stockings. I was wearing a cocktail dress and black sparkly heels and panty hose, as they are one of my texture fetish items. So, early in the spanking with him, I began to caress his long stockinged legs, and he immediately would go into "head space" when I did so. It made him weak in the knees. So then I put one of my legs up on the bench he was holding onto and told him to touch my stockinged legs too. We both were weak in the knees then! It was SO incredible.

Of course we aren't supposed to do ANYTHING but spank in the spanking line, so I was breaking my own party rules....so every time a DM or anyone else came around, I would say to the other Fem Domme, "So, this is what you are NOT allowed to do" and she was playing along with me. It was really fun.....super hot and really fun!

I have been a texture fetishist for a long time. I didn't even realize it until I got into the Lifestyle of course. How could you know that textures were a "thing"? I love to touch silky things, slick materials, fur, things that just feel different. During the spanking line at Club WICK, if a boy is wearing underwear or has skin that just feels amazing...I have to caress it and enjoy the texture. They definitely get extra attention from me, if their apparel has a sexy texture. 

Sometimes, if I walk past a total stranger and they are wearing something that has an interesting texture appearance, I will make small talk by complimenting them on the clothing item, and then ask if I can touch it. It surprises people, but not one person has told me no, so I definitely am indulged. I think people might find it more creepy if they knew it was a fetish, so can we just keep that secret between you and I please?

When a woman or a man wear "pleather" a fake but very shiny and smooth fabric, I always want to touch it.....its almost uncontrollable. I love to do makeout sessions with someone covered from head to toe with that.....its thin so to the wearer it is almost like being naked and caressed (I love to wear it and be touched also). It's like latex, but without the messy lube. 

Studio-X, where we have our events is going to have a pantyhose/stocking and garter party soon. I am going......I want to touch everyone that will let me....and be touched! My ex boyfriend and I once covered our bodies with pantyhose and made out and had really wild sex. It was super hot and we had cut out the crotch area so that we could fuck when the fetish overtook us. One of my favorite memories....I wonder why we did not do that again? 

Another thing I love to do with the pleather, is wear black gloves made out of it....black, shiny tight gloves. I have small hands, so gloves like that which are small enough for me, are hard to find! But I love to put lube on those and give my partner a hand job....just lube everything up and then slowly insert fingers into his ass too....it's SO fucking hot.

I also have large pieces of silky fabric, which I love to cover a body with and drag across the skin......that is like a whisper of touch caressing you, try it sometime with your partner, it is highly erotic also!

Do YOU have a texture fetish? What is the kinkiest thing you ever did, that involved your texture fetish?

5/15/2016 1:30:53 PM
Last night's event, Club WICK, was AMAZING!  I was SO nervous because it was the first time we all met in the new location, but it just came together beautifully and I could not be happier.  I learned that CW is not about the location, it's about the PEOPLE who attend and make it what it is.  We are going on four years now, so it is very well established and the love and support shown by the community last night, was amazing.

I am exhausted and my body hurts from moving so much furniture and such, but it was ALL worth it, so it's a good kind of pain.  This evening I'll go to my gym and work out and STRETCH, and will keep to my gym schedule.

Someone I met at Collarspace was supposed to show up last night, but he was a no show, without even a text, but I always expect that kind of behavior from people I meet online. So few are authentic.  I met a few guys last night who were very interesting, and I think I'm going to follow up with that....why not?  At least I know they are real, right?

So, off to work on next Saturdays' event "Non Con LA", it's being held because of DomConLA, and the over crowding that happens at their parties during the Con.  We are going to play some really fun and funny games and the club will be open for play too, but it's going to be very casual, and will be super fun.  It's in Chatsworth, so if you want to come, email me at ravenhouseevents@gmail.com, and get on the door list!  

Have a beautiful Sunday everyone!!


5/12/2016 1:36:01 PM

I don't know why I'm even on these sites right now. Maybe I should close my accounts and just take time to heal and get stronger and BE ready to meet people.

Honestly, I am blogging for ME. It helps to get things out. I also have a private Blog on a different site, which nobody has access to. That's where I talk about how I am FEELING and what is going on with me emotionally. I can't post those things here or in any other public forum. Truth is, nobody wants to hear your pain, especially on adult sites, they just want to hear your KINK and what you want in bed.

Everyone keeps telling me to leave the past alone...but the "past" they are referring to, to me was my future. It hurts when someone suddenly says "I don't love you anymore, not like you love me". Rejection on that level from someone you thought you had a FUTURE with, is painful in ways that take you to your knees.

Thinking about meeting anyone "new" right now...it causes all kinds of anxiety inside me. How does one who is suffering from rejection, put themself out there for possibly MORE rejection? It can't be healthy to do that. So why AM I here? Nobody wants to be "Friends", nobody joins an adult site hoping to be put in the "Friend Zone".

I am a gold member on alt, not because I pay, but because I'm a woman, who put up pictures and blogs and answers (some) emails. That is ALL they care about. If the women are here, the men will pay. I don't pay to find someone, because right now that would be ridiculous for me to do so.

I look at profiles, try to see who seems real, I like to see who takes time to blog, who has something to SAY besides "I want to serve you"...or "Good morning Mistress". I NEVER respond to those emails because if SO little is put out in the INTRODUCTION, they are never going to capture and hold my interest.

The right words said to me....can be highly effective. But most people don't want to "waste their time", so they waste mine instead with empty emails like that. Unimpressive.

So now, I am going to think about just blogging here and on the other sites and deleting most emails. I'll keep only the ones I find interesting, and maybe go back to them later. Some days I feel stronger and I reach out.....but is it wrong for me to do so while I'm feeling like this? Maybe it is.

I guess I thought I was "Moving on" by joining sites and reaching out. But no, I'm not moving on, I'm stuck in cement again. I need to free myself of that so I can be my authentic self and have something to OFFER again.

Business is moving forward for me this year, and today I got a really interesting phone call from a woman who wants to work with me on a new project. I talked to her about my current projects and the ups and downs of those and we came up with some really great solutions together, which will help business to grow and bring in additional streams of income which can help MY dreams grow. THAT is what I need to focus on right now. Forget the personal life and focus on the professional life.

Each of these sites has a few great guys......but meeting anyone right now, rather than later, could really tank anything that could possibly have grown.

I am in love with my ex. He doesn't love me back, but that doesn't much change how MY heart feels. I KNOW it should....but right now, it doesn't. Which is a bad place to be, for anyone.


5/11/2016 1:04:37 AM
The days are getting pretty busy now, with the Re Opening of my events at a new club.  I went there today and will probably go tomorrow, and, well every day between now and Saturday.   It's going to be a lot of work getting the place to have the "WOW" Factor that I'd like it to have.

Tonight, my son who is 19, read my Tarot cards.  He is fairly new at it, so he used a phone app (Yep, there's an App for that!!), to decipher what they said.  I could not believe how right on and accurate they were about me.

There was much emphasis on letting go of the things of the past, and focusing on what is right in front of me and making it successful.  I am pretty sure it means the events I am coordinating and running.  The cards said that if I put my focus there, I will be met with MUCH success.  I was pretty happy with the reading, but not happy about being called out on "Not letting go".  It's not so easy, that letting go.  I'm trying though, and focusing on ME and making things better in my life and feeling better about ME.

The stress of my past relationship, caused a weight gain of about 25 pounds.  On a short person, that is a lot of weight.   I am back at my gym now and shedding those pounds with the relationship.  It isn't easy, but it is much needed and will help restore my confidence.  I can't believe how slowly weight like that can creep up on a person.  It's not fair.  I am also in menopause now, so that contributes to it also, and makes it harder to lose the weight, but I'm digging in.  I want to bellydance again, so I need to get back in shape for that.  I got this, I can do it and I will do it.  My body HURTS, I've been punishing it for about a week now, but I know that the pain will be worth it, and I will be glad I started hitting the gym again.  

I am slowly opening my eyes again to the world around me.  I am remembering what has been missing.  I am starting to long for the things that have been missing.  I think that is a sign of moving on, isn't it?  

I want summer to arrive already!  I'm tired of wind and clouds.  I want the sunshine...but I hate the heat.  At least I have a pool to cool off in though, so I am grateful for that!  I want to go outside and play in the dirt and grow things and make all the spaces around me feel good, look good and provide comfort.  I need that sense of serenity at home.

When I go out....I want something else.  I want to feed the darker side a bit.  I want to feel excited about meeting someone, and be nervous and feel that sexual tension.  Sexual tension is amazing.....it is almost sad to break it and lose it.  I guess that's why I love tease and denial with slaves.  I get to keep sexual tension there...and I love that.  I rarely have sex with a slave or sub.  I need primal sex and most slaves/subs are not capable of that, they want to be taken and controlled sexually by their Dominant.  I can do that too, but if that is the ONLY way they want sex, then I am left without getting my PRIMAL needs met, which is very unfulfilling to me.  Many female Dominants feel this way, so pay attention to that, boys!

Well, it's late and I have a busy day tomorrow, so off to bed I go!  Goodnight kinksters!








5/8/2016 11:08:39 PM
Today was a wonderful day.  It's mothers day, so I got spoiled by my kids and my sub.slave.husband.  (No we are not "together", just best friends).  It really warmed my heart that one of my sons and one of my daughters...the two kids I am closest to, gave me cards that said that I am their best friend and the person they respect the most.  It's the most that any parent could possibly hope to ever hear from their child.  I think I did good there!

So anyway, I ate so much at the fabulous brunch that they did for me, that I had to hit the gym.  Don't get all excited, I haven't been to the gym regularly for MONTHS, so today was the day I started back, so I am really out of shape and needing this. 

So, I did the treadmill for 30 minutes, and then the weight resistance machines, which I love.  I noticed this very handsome Asian guy kind of watching me and he started working out nearby me.  He began to say encouraging things to me, and he complimented my "form", saying that I really knew how to use the machines and how to move.  I am often complimented on the way I move....maybe I should record it to watch someday.  Anyway, I was telling my daughter that it's been so long since I was single that I wasn't sure if this man was flirting with me, or giving me some encouragement. I am so out of the loop, I'm not sure I'd recognize flirting anymore....

I've told you all that I collect Asian things....so this Asian man really interested me.  He was taller than most Asian men are and VERY fit.  He was sweating and looked SO sexy when he worked out.  Of COURSE I began to watch him, and look away whenever he noticed.  Usually, I don't really notice people at the gym.  I work out with my ear buds in and I focus on what I'm doing, it's ME time.  But I REALLY noticed him -- well, I guess he kind of made sure I did.  I think he was flirting....in any case, I look forward to seeing him at the gym again!  He kind of made my day........

We watched Game of Thrones tonight.  I have a friend who comes over every Sunday night to watch with us, because his family is not into it at all (how can that even be true???).  I made fried chicken and Potato Salad and watermelon slices and we all ate while we watched, and then we did chocolate and wine paring.   Chocolate and red wines go really well together when you do the right ones!  We didn't eat much chocolate, because we are all on sugar restrictions and trying to lose weight, but it was a really nice meal and a great time.  I can hardly WAIT to see what happens next week!

So anyway, I am off to bed, this is going to be a very busy week, we have to get the Club ready for my first event there this Saturday night and I have to make sure that there are enough play stations and get the good and drink situations taken care of and make sure that everything is perfect!  

I hope you all had a great weekend and have a lovely week!  

5/7/2016 11:26:08 PM
I am amazed at the profiles on this site as well as other sites I am on.  I think that a lot of people get off on just having naked photo's of themselves everywhere.  Men seem to think that if a woman is kinky, we have no standards and we do not need romance or any of the things that come with a relationship.

I really dislike it when someone has naked selfies.  You know what I love....a man in a suit.  A man who takes time to dress and can show me that he knows HOW to dress.  I like to know that I will be happy to be seen with you in public.  I can always make you wear panties under your suit or make you serve me naked at home...but I want to see how you present yourself in public before I decide if I want to see you in private.

Where is the mystery?  So you have a big dick....who cares, honestly, you can't use most of it on me anyway.  I love to be surprised when I unwrap a man or make him strip slowly for me.  I can tell with your clothes ON, what shape your body is in, but I want to sit with you and have a drink with you while I wonder what is under that suit.  I love the tease....I love to take time, to experience the sexual tension for a while.  Sexual tension is HOT and you only get a short while to experience those feelings with someone before both people have to tear into each other.  I ADORE that part of the courtship.  It makes for REALLY good play too, to play with someone a few times before we actually fuck.  I get turned on just writing about that....

So hey guys, you want my attention, how about posting a CLASSY picture? How about a FACE shot?  How about a sexy photo of you with clothes ON.....and ya....a suit makes me HOT.




5/5/2016 11:47:16 AM
So it comes to this again.  Men on this site who come at me with such intent, and seem to lure me into conversations and emails and then.....they disappear.  I think that they must have many others that they talk with too and then they chose whomever meets them first.  Not sure.  But anyway, I think I am done with trying to get to know people here.  I'll keep journaling because that is for MY benefit, but don't expect much else from me right now.  

I am going to focus on business and the people I KNOW already and make my connections there.  People here are so fickle.

5/5/2016 1:20:01 AM
Well, it's after 1am and I can't sleep, so I decided that maybe I should put something in my journals that is more personal, and less day to day...

I have always been kinky.  I used to scare the hell out of men when I was young.  I wanted to do wild, crazy things, I just didn't quite know how to cross over into the dark side and I didn't know anything about BDSM, or what to do with all the power I felt as a young woman.  Looking back, I guess that was good, I would have been out of control if I'd known how much power a woman can have, simply using the art of seduction.  I think that there is a reason that most women don't realize it until later in life.  Young, powerful, seductive women would rule the WORLD, but most men would hate us for it.  Men are brought up to believe that they are supposed to be the leaders and the women the followers. You know the drill, most of you are men.  I love men, I think men are sexy and they provide the primal needs that women have, and their primal side has always been SO sexy to me.  

I remember belly dancing for someone once, and seeing the change in him as I danced, he leaned forward like he was going to lunge at me, and I just smiled and pushed him back and danced away.  It was powerful, feeling that seduction and visually seeing it work...he wanted me and he'd have me, but on my terms, and when I decided.  Sex with him that night was incredible, the foreplay had been intensely drawn out.

 Most of my power as a Top comes from my Primal side and the energy work that I do.  I specialize in caning....but it is like no caning that most people do.  I start with massage and waking the skin up, bringing the blood to the surface of the skin with my hands, then I cane lightly....to music, as the person lays there on my massage table.  Then I stop and massage a bit more, then come back and cane just a TINY bit harder....I work in that way, using various methods to get the body used to the contact until by the end of an hour or so, the person I am working with, can take a LOT.....WANTS a lot....the energy created between that person and myself, will have by then, given me at least four orgasms.  Women have had orgasms from my caning, and men have had internal orgasms at least.  At the end.....we both feel like we fucked, so it's ALL good.

I also love to flog and am very good at that....I can dance with my floggers and the music inspires me.  I believe that music is an essential part of a scene.  I love intense, dark music for flogging, but can use classical or any kind of slower music, to Primal drumming for caning.

My bondage scenes have greatly improved over the years as I have learned to work with various forms of bondage such as rope, tape, and saran wrap.  I love to incorporate electrical play with the bondage and throw in some sensory deprivation.

I don't do needles much anymore, I used to do them a lot, but nobody has really asked for that for a while.  I love the energy created doing that too, and my sadistic side loves to do needles on someone who admits to me that they fear needles....

CBT and tease and denial is also one of my favorite forms of play, but I won't go into detail on that tonight.  Maybe another time.....see what I did there....tease and DENIAL...

LOL  Goodnight kinksters, I hope you had an orgasm before you went to sleep.....

5/4/2016 9:25:12 PM
Today was a milestone. For my son.  He is 19 and we had our first road trip where HE was the driver.  He even drove the Kern Canyon which can be daunting for some adults and it was his first time ever and he did really well.  Proud Mama here.  As he was driving, so many other trips up and down that Canyon over his lifetime, came flashing back.  Today, there I sat, trying to not appear nervous as he maneuvered the curvy roads, his mother as his passenger.  A day of life coming full circle.  One of the last of the "firsts" in his life.  I have been there for all of his other firsts (well except the obvious ones that NOBODY wants their Mom there for), and he doesn't have a lot of "firsts" left for me to share with him.  Soon he'll be out in the world sharing his firsts, with other people, and that is okay.  I raised him up to be independent and a good person, and that is all we can do.

It is so weird and a bit sad to see my mother aging now.  The past five years have really begun to take a toll on her.  She has always been so full of energy and life and just going all the time.  She and my step father have traveled the world doing what they love best, golfing.  It's been wonderful watching them experience the things on their bucket list and now hearing them joke about being at the bottom of the bucket.  They have had a good life, they have been lucky and they have enjoyed it all.  I hope to die someday as happy as they are now.

I worked all morning on my Club WICK memberships and lists and put out the invite. I didn't send it to the whole list this time, as I am holding the Event at a smaller venue and have to limit it to maximum of 80 people.  I have been averaging about 120-125.  The revenues will take a hit, but it can't be helped.  Until I get the other events up to maximum capacity, I can't take them to a larger venue, so that is my goal, and then we spread out.  It's a lot of work and now that I will have an event every Saturday night, I am going to be busier than ever.  But, this is how I make my living until Real Estate picks up.  But first I have to find the time to study to get my license back, I don't know where I'll find the extra time, maybe stop journaling and start studying, eh?  

Well off to check the CW email and work on the list!  I Hope everyone is having a great night!











5/3/2016 11:06:48 PM
Been so busy at home with the updates and moving some of my things back in.  It is weird being back here and considering this "home" again, but I am making the best of it.  I am hiring gardeners and a pool guy, and letting them take care of outside, while I do the inside.  It's been very therapeutic, working inside the house.

I am doing the upstairs living room into a Bellydance studio, and it is nearly complete.  Soon, I will have no reason to not go back to dancing.  

I fell in love with Bellydancing ages ago, when I watched a beautiful, seductive bellydancer at the Lair de Sade.  Tribal Fusion is my favorite style because it calls to my darker side, but all forms of bellydance are very erotic.  In the old days, I'd disappear into my studio for hours, sometimes take a bottle of wine down to get rid of that last inhibition, and just dance.....and practice the art of seduction.  It made me feel sexy and it made me LOOK sexy.  I had the most incredible hips back in the day....I wonder if it is possible to get that back again...who knows, but I am certainly going to try.  

Tomorrow I am taking off and going to Lake Isabella for a few days.  Taking my son and going to visit my Mom and he is going to take his drivers test while up there, so hopefully he will be a licensed driver when we return.  I am going to let him drive most of the way -- except for in the Kern Canyon, I am NOT ready for that heart attack.....LOL

So I will be gone a few days, but I'll take my laptop with me and will be back late Friday night.  My daughter's birthday is Saturday, so we are doing a picnic in a park someplace with all her kinky friends.  That should be interesting, she is kinky too.  We have actually topped guys side by side before.....it was really fun.  I think it is awesome that I am hosting Club WICK, which is a Female Dominant, male sub event, and she is hosting Femme Fetale, which is ALSO a Female Dominant event.  She is awesome, and I am very proud of what she is doing in the BDSM community.  LIke mother like daughter, for SURE!

I hope everyone is having a good week, I am feeling a bit better.  I think I'm beginning to accept that my ex and I are pretty much over.  It helps....maybe I can finally begin to move on now and start meeting people.  It's hard, but it is necessary.  Even my daughter reminded me that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.  But I am not ready for THAT.  

Thanks for reading my stuff.  It's nice to hear form some of you who are reading and write to me.  Thanks for that.  



4/29/2016 11:42:23 AM
Another inspiration from the "other" site.  I wanted to share this response and my response to it, regarding my thoughts on all things Asian and how they inspire the BDSM culture.

THE RESPONSE FROM A READER
well honestly the problem with old feudal japan is one could never rise above their station. You bowed because you'd be killed if your didn't If you stepped out of your station you would be beheaded. People had no choice or free will

So technically it paints a pretty picture of what an ideal bdsm society should be..respect and honor for all. In reality the people in charge were a bunch of selfish assholes. Sure the servant males didn't touch the women.. but you know the ruler slept with every woman in the palace and treated them literally as whores.

What you probably should equate bdsm to is modern japan...where there is still honor and respect for everyone ( homosexuality for example is no biggie ..alot of japan's greatest samurai had male lovers..so there is no sticker shock if someone in the family comes out as gay).

The people have a choice. They chose to study hard/get educated/respect their parents. They take pride in their work and get enjoyment from serving others.

You should have to demand servitude from someone...they should get pleasure from it. If you have to beat it out of someone, then perhaps your playing with the wrong people
Ms_Ravensong

 replies on 4/29/2016 11:33 am [Delete Comment

] :

Yes, the old days were VERY hard on people, and the class system was horrible in most ways, I am not ignorant of the fact that many suffered, I was merely commenting on the beauty of how "Service" was depicted. Everything in service was an act of living art, the way they dressed, the way they poured tea, the way food was prepared and beautifully served, every ounce of service was performed with pride and integrity and honor. Also, in the old days and service not always being a choice.....well that kind of gives rise to mixed emotion in me. I have had submissives who were not slaves and it is MUCH harder to train someone to perform beautiful service if their heart is not in it. The best submissives, as far as service, are the TRUE slaves, who are willing to and WANT to do anything that makes you happy...they willingly give up their choices to serve you. It is rare. So many people think they want that, but the reality is MUCH harder than the fantasy. In the fantasy, even if you mess up and get punished, it doesn't "really" hurt. In reality, a good punishment hurts like fucking HELL because it's a lesson in their lack of commitment. In reality, you lose most slaves because their fantasy cannot meet reality at ALL.

In the old days of Japan and Korea, many families were THRILLED, as was the person in their family who was being sent to serve in the Palaces...because they knew that the person selected would live in a better place and have the things that the reality of the common people, would not provide, such as FOOD and protection from the harsher realities of those times. Did they trade that for being enslaved and abused even; you bet they did! 

In the BDSM community now....I see MANY submissives who are looking to be taken care of. Their lives are SO messed up that they teeter on the brink of homelessness and poverty, so being taken in by a Master or Mistress who will take "Care" of them, in exchange for being taken care of sexually, or satisfying their sadism, feels like a fair exchange. In some cases it actually IS, for those who crave that type of treatment -- and some DO. Our community is FILLED with broken people....broken, desperate, lonely people. This leads to MANY of our people ending up much like the old days of Japan and Korea....Asia in general. Trapped in service, feeling like they have no way to get out....yet what they have is better than what is out on the streets. It is sad, it is unhealthy, but for some, that IS reality.

Ms_Ravensong

 replies on 4/29/2016 11:34 am [Delete Comment

] :

THank you for your point of view, it was very inspiring!

4/28/2016 7:13:36 PM
I have my "journal" on alt dot com too, and I was inspired to write this, based on a comment that someone made there.  

I mentioned that I collect Japanese, or really almost any "Asian" style art, furniture and other things.  I also watch a lot of Asian cultural things on TV and the Internet which have become a great venue for me to learn new things about the cultures.  I am attracted to the simplicity and clutter free decor, the beautiful handmade arts, and.....the people.  Especially when I watch the old Korean and Japanese Drama's on my Roku box.  

The old Asian cultures, strike a nerve deep in my BDSM core.  I think that a lot of people relate to the deep respect and sense of service and hospitality in that culture.  We have so little of it in "ours" (America).  I love my country and appreciate being here, don't get me wrong, but America is so much more "self" centered.  The Asian cultures are about doing for others and always being in integrity -- well, in the old days anyway.  I don't watch their modern shows, I prefer the old historical Drama's.  

In the historical Drama's you will always see at the "palaces", people standing and waiting to be called upon.  They just stand there in their neat little rows, slightly bowing in respect and they stand there all day until summoned.  They follow their Master or Mistress around like a herd of ducklings, so that if needed, their every desire can be met.  AND, for the most part, in a palace community, there was respect for everyone in their place.  The men knew that a palace maid was not to be touched.  She may be a servant but she is serving the highest ranks, and she is entitled to respect.

This is what used to exist in BDSM.  Many people still try to keep that alive, but for the most part, service is being lost.  I run events and honestly I see the ratio of service oriented slaves, at about 3 to 10.  Most are there just to play, not to serve and those of us who appreciate service, definitely notice the difference.  The respect and knowing one's place, are also being lost.  I guess BDSM is evolving, and I am not a fan of what it is becoming.  Everyone seems just out to get their Kink on, no real connections, it all seems so shallow to me.  Honestly, I'd rather stay home.  

This is why my events are "High Protocol" and someday, will be even MORE high protocol.  I am still working towards my own club.....we will see!

4/28/2016 3:20:21 PM
Ugh......my phone is DEAD.  NO idea what happened, it just froze and so I turned it off to reboot, and it will NOT come back on.  So.....I am phoneless until I can get it to the Verizon store.  Ugh.  This is the state of my life lately.

4/25/2016 11:33:03 PM
Wow, what an exhausting day!  Unfortunately, I wasn't doing anything fun, just painting my dining room and kitchen.  It keeps my mind busy and helps me focus on something PRODUCTIVE.  I can't be a real estate agent and let my house fall down around me, that wouldn't be good for business!  LOL

Every muscle in my body hurts from going up and down ladders all day.....where is a good massage slave when I need one?  Before anyone mentions it, YES, I could get a slave to come over and paint for me, but I am such a perfectionist, I always think that nobody can do it as good as me.  ARGH!  The Downfall of many Dominants, having to be in control of EVERYTHING.  

I don't think that I've ever written about it here, but I collect Asian things.....Art, fans, vases, lighting.....etc.  It calls to my soul for some reason.  I am going to hire someone to work on my yards to give them an Asian Landscape. I just find the simplicity so relaxing.  I sometimes meditate to Asian music and I watch a lot of Asian Drama's, and most ALL of the Martial arts movies.  The old ones are the best.......

So anyway, I'm just staying busy for a while, no dates, no meeting people until I feel stronger and am ready.  Please forgive me if I do not answer emails some days, I come here to journal and that is my relaxing time before I hit the shower and then snuggle in bed with my puppy.  (her name is Diamond and she is a Jack Russell Terrier, and I adore her).  She isn't really a puppy, but she is a baby to me.  She keeps me sane and laughing when I need it the most!  Everyone should have a pet, especially if you live alone.  Nobody should be alone. 

I can't seem to muster the strength to get off my couch and get to the shower.....but a shower will feel SO good.....so off I go!  Goodnight everyone, I hope that wherever you are, you have somebody to love....

4/24/2016 10:22:24 PM
Today was great...great family time, and relaxation. We all went to dinner, then to see the movie "Jungle Book" which was beautifully made and I was very impressed.  Then, we came home and watched "Game of Thrones".  Game of Thrones started out really well this season, I love how they give the women SUCH strong characters.  There is not enough of that in this world, if you ask me.

I talked on the phone with my daughter, MJ tonight. She is also a Female Dominant, and helps run the Fem Domme event at Threshold, in North Hollywood.  I am starting another event and it is for Female Dominants and female submissive play only.  There is a lot of excitement about this group because Fem on Fem parties are far and few between in the BDSM community.  MJ did a really sweet thing and took a poll with the ladies at her event to find out how they feel about the cross dressers, and trans genders coming to my Event.  I had also taken a poll at the Lovely Ladies of Ventura County munch last week, and we both got the same answers, so now I know what verbage to use and what limits I am setting.

The general agreement is that Women don't want cross dressers who do not IDENTIFY as female, and who have facial hair and want their penises displayed or played with.  So, no facial hair, and NO dicks displayed.  They want the Female energy to be ALL female.

Then my daughter proceeds to tell me that some people are not going to like this, because there are SO many "identities" in the communities now.  My response to that is this....number one, it's a private event, the rules are the rules.  If someone doesn't like them, then this is NOT the event for them.  I try SUPER hard to be sensitive to everyone's feelings, this is why we have been asking around.  I am going with the feelings that were the strongest and that is what I have based my decisions on.  I didn't just "decide" it is what it is....I took time to research.  Having run events before, if there is one thing I know, it's that you can't please everyone.  I have caught flack before about some of my decisions for Club WICK, but as I said....I ASK my people what their opinions and feelings are, and I base my decisions on those answers.  

I am certain that my Bitches of East WICK group is going to be great and I am SUPER excited about it!  

Tomorrow I am going to talk to an AMAZING graphic designer about doing the artwork for all of my events, and I am very happy about that.  She sent me links to her work and she has done the most beautiful art work I have seen for the kink community.  I feel fortunate that she is willing to talk to me about this because I can NOT afford her, but we'll work around it, I have stuff to barter with!  Her work is SO full of sensuality and CLASS, and it is so original!

Well, I am off to get to bed, this is going to be a VERY busy week for me.  I also have to find a pool service for our pool, and a gardener, because now I am just too busy to keep up with our yards anymore.  Damn....I love to garden too!

I hope everyone had an AMAZING weekend, I know I did!  

4/23/2016 9:44:27 PM
Last night I went to Studio X with my slave, craven.  I had a play date with a female submissive friend of mine and her new boyfriend who is a male Dominant, so he and I had arranged to do a scene in which we double teamed her.  The scene itself was super hot, and that poor (ha!) girl had about 15 or so orgasms, if you count the little ones in between the HUGE ones.  It was SO much fun, she was such a brat and he was such a good Dominant that he just took CONTROL of her.  It was awesome to watch a natural Dominant Male at work.....so many times I wished I had a camera just to capture the intense looks on his face, on her face....hell probably on my face too! 

I personally, mostly just did sensual touch and tried to help enhance the energy...my Dominant side is not back yet, but I am making myself go out with friends that I trust, to try to coax it back and heal the damage that has been done to my self esteem recently.  At first I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to play, but their sensuality seduced me in....and it was rather healing for me.  I don't think that they had any idea how hard it was for me, playing for the first time without Zeus.  But I got past that...and I am so glad I did.  Next time won't be so hard...and the time after that will be even less hard, until finally I don't think of him at all.

I am going to be hosting the Saturday night play parties at Studio X (in chatsworth, CA) beginning May 14.  You can check them out on F e t l i f e d o t c o m, Studio-X
Or you can also see my profile there, MistressRavensong   my profile page lists all my events and has all the event links and my group links.  I am going to be SO busy! On top of that I have to renew my real estate license which I stupidly let lapse.  DAMMIT!

Once everything gets running smoothly, I will be able to let my staff run things once in a while if I find someone I want to run away for a weekend with.  That would be nice...eventually.

To those of you writing to me here, I am SO overwhelmed right now.  Please bear with me and give me a minute to get past my emotional stuff, so that I can BE a good partner again.  I have no interest in relationship hopping or using anyone just to get over someone else.  I think that is cruel. I have met some quality people here, and I will probably lose touch with some who don't have the patience or understanding to accept that I need to work on ME right now, and regain control of my life WITHOUT a partner, before I can become a good one again.  To me, it makes no sense to try to play the "Dominant" and control others, without first having my own life in control.

If you don't get that, we are probably not a good match anyway.  I Hope everyone is out having FUN tonight!  I had fun last night, but tonight I am home, painting my dining room and kitchen.  Sexy, huh?  Funny, I have my hair up, and pink capri pants and a white t-shirt on and my friend who is here told me that I looked "Deceivingly Innocent".  LOL  I do sometimes have that look of innocence about me.......until you see me PLAY.

4/20/2016 4:03:47 PM
Today was good........it didn't start out good, but I am SO very lucky to have the support of SO many people from our local BDSM community.  Many reminded me what I am capable of, and how much love there is out there.  Something happened last night that caused the loss of a friend.  I friend I looked up to, respected and trusted.  I chose the loss, I have cut that person so far out of my life that they will never see my shadow.  It wasn't my ex, this was someone else.  

But, with all the love I was shown today by the community, my whole heart turned around.  I am going to focus on all the GOOD that is coming my way, and make everything amazing again.  There are so many opportunities being given to me that I just have to have a grateful heart and accept these things and make the best of them!  I have waited a very long time for these opportunities and I can barely believe that things are suddenly turning around.

From this point on, no more posting about my breakup, or anything else negative.  There is just too much to be grateful for and finally I can see that again.  Can it be that I am beginning to heal so soon?  I would be grateful just for that!!  Thank you everyone for the kind words, the encouragement and for reminding me who I am.

Now I am off to a Munch in Ventura tonight!  It will so awesome to see some of my favorite Ladies!  If you are a woman and want to join us, we will be at Paddy's at around 7ish, and I just found out that there is Karaoke, so we are all going to be LAUGHING!!!

Sorry fella's it's a Ladies only Munch!  I mean, you could still go, but you'd have to watch us from afar and that would just be too hard on you....you know it's true!!!!  LOL

4/19/2016 11:53:34 PM
Oh and just so it's not ALL negative in today's journal.....I have actually started talking to two different people who seem real.......and have something to SAY.  So two out of a thousand-ish, isn't terrible.  Right?

4/19/2016 11:50:32 PM
Okay, so I'm in a bitchy mood, so fair warning.  This doesn't happen often for me, but Jesus...

I have been online a lot lately. More than usual.  I blog on alt and I journal here, and I run a LOT of things on Fet and in real life.

I see why people get jaded here, and on other kinky "hook up" sites.  I guess that's what these are reduced to now, "hook up" sites.  If you aren't available for kinky chat, or sexting or whatever instant gratification people are looking for, they disappear.  At first, they are all charming, but then....POOF.

The journals and blogging I do are to let people know where I'm at right now in life.  This is not a good place for me, I am NOT relationship material right now.  You have been TOLD this.  So don't come after me with oozing charm and then get insulted when I don't fall over and beg to be with you.  NOBODY is that special right now.  Right now, I am hurting, I am vulnerable and I am not going to lay myself open for you in ANY way.

I don't want a slave from India to "serve me"......I am not an online player, repeat I AM NOT AN ONLINE PLAYER.  In fact, if you are outside of my immediate area, don't write to me at ALL asking how you can serve me when in fact, you cannot serve me at all.
And for now, I don't want anyone to serve me.......I want to play with people of MY choosing -- and I know PLENTY of real people, and I want to beat someone until they CRY, so that we can then be on the same level.  Maybe I'll even get down on the floor and cry with them.....maybe that would be good for us both.

I am so annoyed with the insulting levels of contact on these sites.  One liners.....and omg, I just got a message from someone that just said "Danny".  What.....the...fuck....is that even supposed to mean?????  Trust me, I let him know how I felt.  Because today was a crap day and I'm just DONE with this bullshit.  I am going back to real people that I KNOW.  

Aaaaaaaaaaaand, this is why I hate dating.  

*Deep breath* End Rant.



4/19/2016 12:48:35 AM

I can't tell you how many guys, both on alt.com and CollarSpace, who write to me, from their "Dom" profiles, in which they talk about their need to "Dominate women"......yet they tell me that they yearn to experience their "sub side", or want to bottom to Me or serve Me. Many male Dominants say that they want to experience their sub side......so why post a profile boasting about how "Dominant" you are? Seriously???

Many times, over the years, male Dominants have said "You are only Dominant because you never found the right male Dom". Yet, I see THEM reaching out to be Dominated ALL the freaking time. I don't call them out on it......I just ignore it. I find that SO phony. What, you are only Dominant if that gets you women, yet you are submissive, if that gets you a Dominant woman? Basically, men are becoming whatever it takes to get in a womans pants. It makes me ill. Writing to me, telling me you want to "experience" serving a woman, and I read your profile and you claim to be a Dominant man......that is NEVER going to get a response from me, other than this.......NO. Be real with yourself and with others, STOP BEING AFRAID OF WANTING A WOMAN TO DOMINATE YOU.

And PLEASE............dont write to me to try to discuss my underlying need to be Dominated. IF I want a therapeutic beating, I know PLENTY of people who can do that for me, and Female Dominants too.....I don't need your Dominance, and I won't serve you. It would take a VERY special kind of man for me to serve him AND have my slaves. Odds are.....you are NOT that special. And no, I am not a man hater, I adore men.....I just don't adore fake people.


4/18/2016 1:37:35 PM
Another gorgeous day in Lompoc. If the weather were like this all the time, this place would be another unaffordable California town to live in. It's hot here, even now. I prefer it cooler, the fog rolling in at night, that's what I grew up with. 

Still dredging through the days, my heart feels SO heavy. I detest going anyplace public, everything reminds me of him. I miss him terribly. I miss the "couples" stuff.....it's just....hard. I hate this so much, I wish there were some easier way to get over a breakup, other than getting through these horribly long days. 

I am going home Wednesday, then I can get busy with all the events I have to plan. I dread going home. He took all his things and I will have to take time to make it feel like home again, without him. I am going to paint the bedroom and get new things to make it look and feel different. I don't want any signs that he was ever there, I need those memories to be as gone as possible. Sigh. 

I freaking hate being single. I'm a relationship girl, always have been. Dating freaks me out, I am not looking forward to it, so I'm just not going to do it for a while. I think I'm going to take time, take care of me....maybe play with a few select people.....make some new friends.

Feeding my kink sounds good right now. This way nobody gets hurt, no "rebound" guys, no false relationships. Just be the Dominant I am, and play with people I know and trust. I am taking my power back....as soon as I find it again. LOL

This will be interesting. 

As I was writing this, my ex and I (weird still, calling him that) were texting. I think we made some peace and said our goodbyes. It needed to be done. We are trying to release with love, which is difficult, but can be done. He had a lot of really GOOD qualities, and so do I. Sometimes, things just don't go as planned.....things get in the way, and you get so busy with life, that you let them. 

We didn't work out.........and I am sad. But....it will pass and someday I'll be ready to trust someone again. I will be a stronger and better partner for what I learned this time.

I promise that soon, I will be done blogging about this. Soon I will be blogging about the events I am planning and real estate.....more upbeat things. Even I am getting bored with my own blog, but this is where I vent and get it out, and I am almost done. Bear with me please!

Goodnight Peeps!

4/16/2016 6:43:41 PM
What a BEAUTIFUL day on the Central Coast!  I did retail therapy with the girls today, and it was fun...but hard.  I'd forgotten how hard it is to be out in public right after a breakup. All those happy couples holding hands and kissing....I'd look at a shirt and think "Oh "he" would love this!!", and then remember that there is no "he" anymore.  It was like a constant slap in the face all day.  I fought back tears a lot...but the girls helped me get through it.  I kept grabbing my phone to text him and check in, and then I remembered that there will be no more of that.  I missed him terribly.  I know it will get easier with passing time, but right now it is really hard, he was such a big part of my life for so long.

So, now I am trying to focus on the other things in my life.  I Just posted my Saturday night events for the first four weeks after I start them in May, and I have a LOT to do to get that space ready for us and to promote and get things going.  I will be VERY busy when I get home from this trip, but that is a GOOD thing!

I'll write more later, I have to do down and help with dinner, and it might be time to make a drink........I hope you are all having an excellent weekend!

4/15/2016 11:23:45 PM
I am on the central coast for the weekend. Lompoc. I grew up here until I was 11, so many good childhood memories here.  I moved back here later as an adult, so great adult memories too.

I was here from mid 20's to mid 30's.  Those are good years for a woman.  I was single in my mid to late 20's here and I remember feeling powerful.  I belonged to no one but myself and my children.  When my kids were with their father, I took advantage of that time to "adult".  I was a different kind of woman.  I had no idea yet that I was a "Dominant", I just knew that I was "different".  I could walk into a bar, decide on a man, and then find a moment to walk up to him and whisper in his ear..."When I leave here, you are going with me, I want you".  It ALWAYS worked, even if he was with a woman.  I didn't care then, I wanted what and who I wanted and I wasn't afraid to go after it.  Later in the evening, even if the man had been hit on by every woman in the place, he'd keep making eye contact with me.  I didn't flirt or try to get them to buy me drinks so I could pretend to be drunk to fuck them.  I flat out let them know what I wanted.  It was intoxicating to men, a woman who played no games and stated what she wanted.  They HAD to see what I was about.

I'd go to their home with them, fuck their brains out and refuse to give them my number.  They were a one night stand for a woman who JUST wanted to be fucked.  If they were good, I'd look them up when I wanted them again.  It drove men crazy...men would literally propose. It was....powerful to me, to show men how it felt to be used ONLY for sex and then tossed aside, not even WANTING contact with them again.  

I miss the rawness of those days.  I was young and had the world at my feet.  Now I am older and can still have men at my feet, but it is even MORE powerful....the things I can make them do.  I would have been DANGEROUS if I'd known back then, what I know now, and how to REALLY use my female powers. 

I stopped in Ventura on my way here.  Met up with my friend, a Female Dominant, named "The Baroness", who helps me run my Fem Domme event every month.  We went to a gay bar there called "Paddy's".  We got food and ate there and had a couple of drinks.  I love the place, never knew it was there before, will definitely go back.

The rest of the drive was SO green....I love spring on the central coast, all the ranch lands are so pretty, it almost looks like Ireland.  It was a relaxing drive, listening to music, hoping to catch a whale or a dolphin jumping in the ocean.  

I am getting up early to go do water aerobics with my friends, then to the mall for some retail therapy.  This is going to be a great weekend.

Oh....we were drinking margarita's and watching a movie called, "Hell and Back".  It is quite possibly, THE most politically incorrect movie of all times.  Watch it, you WILL laugh.  It is NOT for kids!

Goodnight Peeps..........today didn't suck as bad as I thought it would.


4/14/2016 8:30:27 PM
The weather here is horribly windy tonight.  It feels dark and angry.  Like my soul tonight.  I am going away for a few days while my boyfriend moves out.  I thought I could be stronger and be here while it was happening, but....it is harder than I thought it would be.  I'm going to stay with a friend who is good for my soul.  

It will be hard when I come back....all his things will be gone, furniture missing  in places, lots of holes left.  I will need some time to make things right again.  There can't be many tears left, I have shed so many already.   The future I thought I had is gone....

So, I make a new future for myself.  I have done this before, my heart has been broken before and I survived.  I'm a survivor, it's what I do, it's what I have always done.  I have a new venture starting next month and I have LOTS of plans to make and things to do.

I just need a few days, to refresh my soul and wash the old out to make room for the new.

The time for tears is almost over.....and then....I will wash the memories from my heart.  

4/13/2016 9:58:20 PM

I am sad tonight. I have been broken up with my boyfriend for about 2 weeks now. It's been very difficult since he still lives here, but he is moving soon. It will be bittersweet. I know it will be hard when he finally goes, but I also know I need for him to go so that I can move forward.

I don't believe in tossing people to the curb when you are done with them. I believe that as adults, we should be able to make sure that they have someplace to go, and that they are okay. Always leave them better than you found them. He will be fine, and I will be fine.

So....now I move forward. Real Estate and now running the BDSM events on Saturday nights, I am going to be a busy girl. It will be great to be busy and focus on something I love doing, like running great events.

The club space is great, but it needs tweaking. I have lots of stuff in storage to bring in and help make it feel really nice. Did I mention I am excited? I have been running a big event for about 3 years now, so I am very ready for taking on more.

As far as BDSM goes for me personally, I have been reaching out. I am talking to several people and beginning to make plans. I can't believe though, how many guys write me one liners, and expect some sort of reply. My feeling on that is, if you can't put out more effort than that, don't expect to hear back from me. I am attracted to words...if you have few to share, then we are probably not going to get along well. I'm attracted to intelligence and witt.

It is overwhelming, the amount of emails that women get in sites like this, but the quality is very underwhelming. So few will catch my interest and HOLD it, because I think they just move on to the next possibility so fast, that they don't take time to really get to know anyone very well.

So anyway....I am off to watch "Lucifer", if you haven't seen that show, it is really funny! I love the quick humor on this show, it is so clever!!!

Goodnight peeps!


4/12/2016 11:45:51 PM
Today was...kind of awesome.  I met with a club owner who is going to let me run my own BDSM events out of his place every Saturday night, PLUS coordinate BDSM education out of there.  I am SUPER excited.  I tried SO hard to find my own club space to rent, but kept running into so many walls that eventually I just stopped looking.  Then...this happened and it was perfect timing!

I can do this, AND my real estate business on the side.  TWO jobs that I adore!  I am super excited, I don't know how I'll even sleep tonight!  The club needs some work, it's super new but it has GREAT potential!  

I really needed something positive in my life right now.  With the breakup of my relationship, this has given me something REALLY GOOD to work on!  Wow.....my whole world turned around for the better!

Now I just need useful slaves to help........anyone out there have SKILLED hands???  Hmmmmm, how skilled???

4/11/2016 1:57:20 AM
Update pic today...my other one was five years old.....

4/11/2016 1:48:11 AM
I am getting a lot of emails, so I thought I'd write in a journal to answer some questions along the way.  First, I need to be transparent and let everyone know that I am going through a breakup of a long term relationship, so this is a very difficult time for me.  I am not ready yet to jump into a relationship, but I do think I need to get out and be distracted.  I think it would be beneficial to the healing process

I think it is difficult for any Dominant, at the end of a relationship, to feel strong, and strength is very important in order for us to fill our role properly. I need time to find that strength again.  

Also, I hate dating.  The whole process in and of itself is awful to me.  Well I guess I should clarify, I hate first meets...that is why dating is daunting to me.  The anxiety it creates is not a feeling I crave.  I actually love dating someone once I know them, I just dread that first meet.  I know that many people feel this way, but for me it is particularly dreaded.  

There have been many times over the years that I spent time writing back and forth to get to know someone, and the way they communicate online is inspiring to me. Some people communicate so well online that "feelings" actually start to take place before you even meet.  Once I was talking with a Male Dominant for about a month before we got to meet.  Our schedules just would not allow it and by the time I met him, I was over the anxiety and was excited to meet him.  However, it ended up being one of those cases where he was using a picture that was 20 years old, and time had not been kind.  I will never understand people who think that is fair, and then wonder why things don't work out.  Also, we met at a BDSM event and someone walked up to me within 20 minutes of seeing me with him and warned me, that he had a drinking problem.  So, all that time and energy wasted online, lots of shared info and "clicking" that did NOT happen in real life, because I felt misled by him using a very old pic.  

I get it that looks are not everything.  I am not everyone's cup of tea either, and my age is starting to show now.  I have gained some weight, my pic here is 5 years old, so I need to update that.  But, I am being HONEST and that means a lot.  It should mean a lot.

So, that is my truth, and I hope to hear truth from people that write to me -- oh, and if you write me one line or less, I will probably delete your email.  Your first contact is your chance to make an impression, so if you can't be bothered, don't expect my reply.

That is all for now, I hope everyone has a great week!

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