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slavewithoutlife
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sub2mold
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| Female-led relationship.
NO PIC NO RESPONSE!!!
If you wish to have My attention at all read ALL of My journals(they go back several pages) to get to know Me a bit.
I am real. Dominant is who I am. I have recently found the man/sub of My dreams. (challengingsub) Currently exploring O/our first full time lifestyle love relationship. he is My priority at this time. I should be clear that I am bi-he is not-yet ;-)
W/we are traditional on the outside-I am cute, Southern, very sweet, bubbly; he is outdoorsy, very alpha. Behind closed doors I own him completely. I am Boss and I make the decisions. I run the home.
Currently Seeking Only: Other D/s couples in the San Diego area, passable(tits a must) trannies, slave/sub bi females, bi Dommes. For Me to use any of you sub/slave boys, you will have to be exceptional for consideration.
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You know, here's the reality. I have a genuine life. Nurturing new relationships, building a new life takes alot of time and energy.
I'd love to have other play partners. Reality is you'll have to fit into OUR life in a vanilla sense as well. If I could have play just for play, I'd be pro and making big money,lol. I want someone willing to help with projects around the house, or go shopping with...someone I could have at the family bbq without concern.
I'm not interested in advertising My lifestyle.
I feel at this point like a female would suit Me better. Or maybe there are other couples with similar thoughts?
Input certainly welcome. |
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6 months in and I LOVE MY LIFE!!
I love how traditional we are. He goes to work early and I get up every day to fix his lunch and see him off. He works a manly, physical job while I stay home cooking, cleaning and keeping in shape for him. When we hang out I am that cute, sweet little gal that loves and takes care of him; a sassy, cool chick. How I love watching him hang with the guys knowing there are panties under them jeans....
But, as the old song says, "when we get behind closed doors" I am Boss. The Ruler of the house. I take what I want when I want it. If I wish to be pleasured, I give no regard to what's on tv or how tired he may be. He is My furniture, My bitch, My little boy. He has not stroked that cock on his own since we met-and had no desire to, for he knows his place. He cums as he does everything else-for My pleasure. The restraints are always on the bed. He never knows what or when; only that he will be used over and over again.
Ahhhhh...life is good. I would wish this bliss for everyone.
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Life is funny. And not necessarily ha-ha funny.
I was wrong about a couple of things. I certainly have learned a LOT! I honestly thought it would be impossible to find all things in one person. I also thought that any real loving relationship would develop slowly. WRONG! on both counts.
I have the one for Me. Alpha male outside-all sub for Me. More than I could ever have dreamed could be reality. We have the most synchronistic, natural relationship ever. My life is changing for the better daily. I have put the cigs down and begun a life of love.
My profile is changing...here and everywhere. I have been offline and scarce as I focus on building a balanced foundation. I look forward to what the future holds.
If you are feeling I have neglected, mislead, disappointed, or any other negative feeling- I truly am sorry. I have always done My best to be open and real.
I wish this feeling of love and happiness for everyone!! |
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THANKS A BUNCH, VERIZON!!! Due to some glitch in their system, all of My contacts/texts have been wiped from My phone as of 2 weeks ago. I have retrieved some bits, but not all. So if you've not heard from Me and feel you should have, send Me a text so I can add you once again. |
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Ok, so now I've been dating within the lifestyle exclusively for a few months. I've not settled down with anyone, but I recognize the need to examine what I truly desire as a realistic situation. I mean, suppose I actually find that connection? What do I really want?
This is where I realize once again what a bag of contradictions, a conundrum, I amsigh For as clearly Dominant as I am in My sexual role, the rest seems a bit confusing to explain. I want to be there when My man leaves for work and when he gets home. I want to clean and cook and keep Myself pretty for him. (this btw is no attempt to avoid working, I am certain I will always have a part time job-I'd volunteer if i won the lottery) I've never wanted any career. I want to make a home and support the man that battles in the world to make a good life for Us.
Now, I am sure I am going to hear how unFemdom I am, and I would politely remind you that I am Southern; and in Dixie "Mama" runs the show. Politely. Softly. Every bit as powerful as any Amazon wielding a whip-perhaps at times more so, as Her subjects are forced to follow "just because."
It IS how I feel, though, and have all My life. It's such a contradiction, it seems in so many ways; and I've found it difficult to sort out and resolve this conflict.
It goes beyond who makes dinner as well. Again, as Dominant as I am and passionate it is obvious that in order to have a romantic relationship that works at some point I will have to be vulnerable. The conundrum again. I want him to lead, to pursue as far as romance goes. Lol..forget diamond rings! Now I dream of being presented with chastity and asked to hold the key. sigh I don't ever dream of demanding it. hmmmm
On the other hand, I have been independent and quite happy on My own for so long I wonder if I have the ability to adapt even if I met someone perfect.
And yes, before you say it, I know that emotions change things and lots of things have a way of just working out when they're meant to be-I get that. I also know that I'll be perfectly cool if I never find that "one."
Still the conflict remains unresolved.....
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MY Definitions..
*Let Me be clear...as the title says, these are MY definitions. I speak for no one but Myself;I speak only based on My own personal knowledge and experiences. Anything I write here I welcome feedback on and is posted in the interest of allowing others insight into My philosophies. I do not claim to know what is right-only what is right for ME...*
**Switch** Is generally submissive but can at times tend to want to take control or can handle control in certain situations.
**Sub** enjoys putting the pleasure of others first. Has input, preferences, ideas for themselves as well.
**Slave** lives to please with no ideas or agendas other than being used for pleasure.
I believe when emotions and love come into play, there can be a tendency for nature to drop a level. In other words, a switch or sub may easily become slave in love. |
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I like your pants around your feet.
And I like the dirt that's on your knees.
I love the way you still say "please" while you're looking up at Me..
you're like My favorite damn disease...
Been stuck in My head all day..I dunno...hmmmm |
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From one of My fave movies ever...
....There's no escape
To need a woman
You've got to know
How the strong get weak....
......We're the restless hearted
Not the chained and bound
The sky is burning
A sea of flame
Though your world is changing
I will be the same......
Bonus if you know any of this without googling..;-) |
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It's been awhile since I wrote anything of substance here; I figure I'm due.
So, the question is: How are things going here on CM and in the lovely land of Femdom?
Over all, very well, I'd have to say. I have met some fabulous people through here.
As a wise lover of the rubber says; It's all the complications of dating vanilla PLUS our own realm of twists. It's just that we get to skip the awkwardness of feeling out a partner's receptiveness.
Mostly it's the same.You meet and
the attraction level isn't mutual
schedules don't match
distance is an issue
family obligations arise
on and on and on.
And if you get past that, then sometimes you get blindsided by a work opportunity or someone from their past reappears and everything comes to a screeching halt.
Regardless, it all takes time to develop. And there all sorts of surprises along the way. Sometimes the one you thought would be just a friend captivates you, sometimes the one you think has it all turns up empty. or gets quickly stagnant.
As I said, not much different. Life is always has ups and downs. It's all a learning experience. I have certainly made My mistakes(and will again, certainly). I am savoring the journey. All of it.
Hope springs eternal here, pets.... |
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Got them pretty little straps around your ankles...
Got those shiny little chains around your heart.... |
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On my knees
Hot tears caress my face
On my knees
The hunted at the end of the chase
On my knees
Submission sweet as a kiss
On my knees
Trembling at the edge of thåe abyss
On my knees
Whip marks like tongues of fire
On my knees
Torn between pain and desire
On my knees
The universe turns in Mistress eyes
On my knees
We are past the place of lies
make Mistress happy
there is no need to cry
On my knees
you can touch the sky
**By nudeslutm. Thank you for this, I adore every line.(***nudeslutm and I have never met, btw) |
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Through the Glass
by Stone Sour
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah
Who are the stars?
Who are the stars that lie?
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Made My first visit to Passive Arts this past Saturday night. It was interesting. Before you ask, no, I didn't participate. My observations?
A nightclub is a nightclub. Regardless of theme, there is always the regular clique you can tell is always there and then the random guys that patrol the area in that creepy kinda way. lol
The performance was twists on Broadway classics and quite well done.
I am definitely NOT into knife or needle play. At all!
I am apparently a more verbal type of Domme. I noticed a definite lack of conversation. I heard safe words. But I never heard a "thank you" from a sub receiving discipline, nor did I hear any scolding or humiliation from the punishers. I gotta say that really really surprised Me.
All in all, I can see it as a useful tool on occasion, but for Me, personally, I think that's the extent of My interest. |
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I REALLY REALLY feel the need to set this straight..
PLEASE NOTE:
Often I log in from My cell phone. When I do this, I do NOT bother to log off each time!!! Sometimes I read My mail when I am out and answer later when I have computer access.
Not that I owe anyone an explanation, but the quips about how often I am here are beginning to annoy Me.
ALTHOUGH THIS IS MY LIFE-MY LIFE IS NOT ONLY THIS!!!!! |
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It seems like every story told about us isn't meant to be
you fly on wings of gold all the way back home to Me
But what I'm thinking of just this time....
Keren Ann |
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WHY haven't you heard from Me? When you are so willing and eager?
Because I AM real, and I KNOW I am responsible for My rose! Read the following excerpt and if it makes no sense to you, then we certainly will never work.....
***************************************************
The Little Prince
written and illustrated by
Antoine de Saint Exupéry
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a very long time.
“Please! Tame me!” he said.
“I want to very much,” the little prince replied. “But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.”
“One only understands the things that one tames,” said the fox. “Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends anymore. If you want a friend, tame me…”
“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
“It is the time I have wasted for my rose–” said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
“Men have forgotten this truth,” said the fox. “But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.” You are responsible for your rose…”
“I am responsible for my rose,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
***************************************************
A lesson I refuse to forget or even temporarily lose sight of.....
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Officially going on record here to say I cannot believe HOW turned on I get watching the FIFA World Cup!! |
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I LOVE LAGUNA!!!
A most fabulous time spent near the ocean in a room with a jacuzzi tub and a fabulous clit-licker!
Everything was handled perfectly, he is absolutely delicious-I wanted for nothing. EXACTLY the way it should be; and I dare say he was rewarded appropriately.(evil smile)
Take notes, children.
And to those of you who have no luck on here, might I suggest you alter your approach? |
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Was feeling a bit under the weather for a couple of days last week...
To those of you who respectfully expressed genuine concern, I deeply, deeply appreciate you.
To those of you who pestered Me and got offended that I didn't give you enough attention, thank you also, for showing your true colors..Now, kindly FUCK OFF!! |
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I am still searching for that special one.
The one not only desiring, but ready.
Not only can; Does.
One that I don't want to send away ever.
I love what I have.
There's another level I wish to reach
With one. |
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Corporal Punishment/Spankings
I get asked about this regularly. I realize I have very little marked on My profile. I really prefer for you to read My journal or ask Me.
As I state always. I am real. My relationship with each sub/slave is unique and runs very deep. There is no set program and no limits beyond safety. That being said, here is My general way of being:
I do not get off on wailing on someone for the sake of wailing. Or to release My frustrations. No. There is a purpose. A lesson for you to learn; whether that be correction or endurance.
The first time is always with My hand. I want us to both feel the sting, the heat I can create on your ass.
I am progressive with My strikes. They are given in series, with a rest in between. you will be spoken to calmly, quietly. Strikes will resume with increasing force until I am satisfied.
I will know you and what you can take. you will be taken to that point every time. It will increase or it may not. Whatever is most effective. Abuse does not pleasure Me. To simply dish out a lashing without passion and desire is offensive to Me.
When done correctly it deepens the bond. The will is broken, not the spirit. The tears are offerings of tribute, not resentment. Squirms and struggles become a dance....
And the moments after are the sweetest. Strokes and caresses; tears kissed away and words of praise spoken tenderly.
It should increase a sub's desire to serve, not cause hesitation or reluctance. |
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Monday. First day of summer.I had a lovely weekend, as usual. Well, Saturday night tanked, but that was due to circumstances beyond anyone's control. We'll file that one under "Shit Happens."
Friday night was spent having dinner and shopping with My bitch. Positively delightful. he spoils Me properly; and a consistently impressive conversationalist as well. A cunning linguist, indeed!
Last night I went to see My pet monkey. he waits on his tire swing for Me to come see him. I love the way he performs for Me. A wild animal. Pure. Happy to please Me and do tricks for My amusement. Gorgeous to the core.
It is My favorite...the taming of the wild animals. How amazing to see them move under My control. How well I know the strength these creatures posses. They serve Me from desire; not weakness.
It is My gift that they become helpless under My power. Weak under My scrutiny. Surrender to My control. The gift of true freedom through submission.
Tomorrow I will test the lion. It is time to face the Queen of his jungle...and kneel before Me. |
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So...I made it through all of those messages. Deleted many, answered the ones that appealed to Me. I'm really glad that's over!
I could not possibly individually answer every response I got regarding My journal, so to ALL of you who wrote such sweet, supportive feedback..THANK YOU!! I love reading them, even if I don't respond personally.
I suppose I need to be plain that I am interested in real time only...I have the great privilege of living in LA and having many subs locally available. I just do not have time to be pen pals or cam buddies. Nor am I driving all over LA and OC to meet with you.
I am extremely selective. I will take only those who are fit. Physically AND spiritually. I do NOT do drama! If I want you, you will know it; and odds are I will have you. you must be willing and ready. |
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OK REALLY REALLY PISSED NOW!!
As I find messages from all sorts of sweet treats I could have been exploring!!
DAMN DAMN DAMN |
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HOLY SHIT!!
I just found the "bulk" mail folder! 18 pages of messages I have inadvertently ignored. I am sorting through and answering the ones I need to today and tomorrow.
I see several already that I was wondering why I never heard from....Geesh! |
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How quickly things change! One of My pets informed Me he will be gone most of the summer for work. I am quite proud of his success; although I will certainly miss our time together.
I will consider a replacement, but only if you are very local to Me and experienced. |
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The search continues, as I imagine it will for awhile, for that special one,as it will take time for a bond that strong to develop properly.
I am very optimistic at this point that I have either already met him or will very soon.
It's an odd experience to begin the D/s relationship with long term including "romance" in mind. As a Dominant woman, it is odd for Me to suddenly care whether I hear back or get a reaction. And it brings to the forefront what a huge order I have to fill. Enjoying Me as your Mistress-easy. Having a blast with Me on a date-no worries. Being able to do both and transition between the two...is that possible?
I'm looking for a mountain of a man made of clay. |
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My pet,
How beautiful you are! Before Me.
On your knees, rock hard and dripping.
Nipples clamped, cock control in My hand.
To hear you moan
To see you strain
Such a delight to see you beginning to submit,
begin to realize My Power!
you have so much to learn
I have so much to show you.
you amuse Me with your enthusiasm, amaze Me with your intellect.
you were a wise choice.
I am proud to own you. |
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My goodness, what a couple of weeks it has been!! I have met some absolutely beautiful souls in person recently! I am very impressed.
Although I did not "click" with everyone(or they with me, to be fair), they are all amazing men. I still have a few I've been speaking with that I will make time to meet soon.
The stable is filling out nicely. All beauties! Each in his own individual way. I will give more details in the future. |
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Restless tonight...can't sleep.
I just got more messages complimenting this lil journal of mine. Very flattering to know. And comforting to feel the support of like minds. It's encouraged me to write more...especially on this 24/7 concept...
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Q: What's your ultimate ideal situation?
A: The moon! lol That's all I'm asking for! Ideally?? Ideally I would meet a man I that could please me in all realms of my life. I can't think of anything better than to see My man that I adore romantically in the "real" world arrive home from work and transition into my pet right before my eyes every day!! OMG! To be able to attend vanilla social functions and capitalize on the underlying current! A look, a small gesture only to elude to our private bliss! For him to come home every day not knowing if he'll be caged or find some other slave chained to our bed.To have no limits to our depth of exploration or walls to hide our true selves behind. Seems it would be liberating beyond belief. The gift of not only submission, but total surrender of control to Me, chastity, cucking and true dedication coupled with an exchange of genuine mutual adoration. My little heart pounds at the thought.
Of course I realize I have a better shot at winning the lotto that I never play, but everyone asks, so there ya go....
UPDATE 6/6/10: I got this response in My email today. I found it very encouraging to know others "get it."
"Reading your latest post and thinking "why not?". Isn't that the point of all this? An ex of mine used to say that if two people are watching a movie together, there is no reason one of them can't be at the other's feet in a harness and collar. If some couples have "movie night" or "gallery night", why can't another have "leash night" or "strap-on" night. Mistress, don't sell yourself or your passions and desires short." |
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Next...
Q: What are you "into?" What do you like for your slaves/subs to do?
A: you'll get no "laundry list" from me. There are as many answers as there are slaves. To me, this is the essence, the beauty of the relationship. This is MY gift...I have chosen you because I can see your soul, your need. I will open you up and find that desire within and draw it out for My pleasure. THIS is how you please me!
Every relationship, every experience is unique. There is nothing scripted, the ONLY limit being health-mental, physical, and spiritual. The only guideline or goal is to push limits, go deeper into bliss. What works with one, doesn't turn me on in the least with another...
I use the puppy analogy quite often. I love dogs(no surprise) and there are many similarities to what I enjoy and my training techniques. Just as breeds differ in their needs, so do humans. I wouldn't handle a poodle the same as a Doberman...think of it that way. On the other hand I don't favor one over the other for reward, either.
I won't waste My time if there's no connection, no love. That's what the professionals are there for.
But ohhh, there's NOTHING more beautiful in this WORLD, more treasured in My heart than the sight of a sub stripped bare in every way with no desire on this Earth, no purpose in Life, other than to please and serve Me well.
It's an amazing bond. The concept of expanding to 24/7 is a concept I am quite enamored with at the moment...what a life THAT could be.... |
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I find I have been answering some of the same questions about myself repeatedly, so I've decided to answer here, officially....
Q: How long have you been in the "lifestyle?"
A: (I love this one! It reminds me of a job application or medical info form, lol. It's a fair enough inquiry, but still....)
Truth is, I believe I was born with my sexuality. I've heard many say they became the way they are because of the way a parent treated them; I suggest their parent treated them that way because of the way they are, possibly.
But I digress...back to my story.
As I said I've always been this way. I can remember the very first time I got that "funny" feeling as a child, even. I was probably 8 or 9 years old. It was seeing my little neighbor friend that had broken her leg badly in a full body cast for the summer. That so did it for me.
Did I know what that meant? Of course not! But I can look back now and see my desire was always there, whether I acknowledged it or not.
Fast forward now to first dates and boyfriends. I would date these masculine bad boys and when we became intimate, before I knew it they were wanting to lick my ass or suck my toes. I didn't ask or tell them to at that point...it was all them submitting to me. Baffled me.
Was I aware of BDSM? Yes. Give her credit, my mom's really cool about sexuality as I was growing and developing. So yes, I was aware, but in only in the two extremes: the Hollywood whips and chains version, and the "Sleeping Beauty" fantastic fictional world.
It was in my 20's that I had my first real slave. I lived in a resort area at the time and had the luxury of several who would vacation and visit multiple times a year ever since.
I said good-bye to all of them when I moved here from Florida. Mostly because of geographical logistics. Partly out of a desire to start fresh.
I have been single and celibate for the first four years here. Mainly just because I have been so busy adjusting to my new life.
I have always been this way. I began embracing it as a valid part of what keeps me balanced in my 20's. I am still, I will always be, learning, exploring, expanding this part of me as legitimately as any other aspect of my health. |
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So many e-mails! It's taking forever to get thru them all! I had no idea. Apparently I am the only non-pro Domme in the area, or something.lol
I am genuine, therefore I am not for everyone; and everyone is not for me. My selections are not made without great care. I consider being Mistress a great responsibility as well as pleasure. I have great affection for each of my slaves always. I WOULD be a pro if I didn't feel this necessary.
I take my time choosing. I feel that any sincere slave will respect and appreciate this. Communication, trust and chemistry are what makes ANY type relationship work..I proceed with no one on any aspect of my life if I deem these absent.
What has surprised me as much, maybe more, is how many I find appealing. Hmmmmmm |
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I had a Vanilla date this weekend. I have been out with him a few times in the past and very much enjoy his company. It's been nice to go out to dinner and/or the movies.
He had been out of town so I picked him up at the airport. The plan was to grab a bite to eat and take him home.
It was the first time that I drove and he was passenger. I realized as I made my way thru traffic that he'd gotten quiet and was staring at me, so I asked "What?" In a quiet, serious tone, he said : "You drive better, shift smoother, even, than me."
Now ya gotta know that cracked me up. I mean, I know I'm a good driver...I grew up in NC around race car and truck drivers! lol
I forget, tho, how impressive that can be to your average dude. By the time we got to his house I am aware he is totally turned on..
Until this point, there had been minimal physical affections between us, but this night things got more heated. I'm not going into details because they don't matter. What does matter is his communication as we went along that he likes it rough.
Son of a bitch! Of COURSE he does!
Proof once again that this is NOT a lifestyle choice. It is inherent to my personality. It is a part of me as much as my freckles or my eye color. And much the same; as it can be altered or masked for the public...I can deny it to anyone but myself.
Effortlessly I have chosen(or attracted-you can decide) a sexually submissive partner.
I won't do it. I won't take him there. I don't want him permanently, and knowing that, it would be totally wrong to proceed any further.
It seems the Universe has delivered the message to me quite clearly that my public and private lives need not remain as separate as they've been in the past.
Wonderful! |
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Wow! I had absolutely no idea I would receive so many responses so quickly! I joined with the thought it would take awhile. Ha! Was I ever wrong!
And legitimate ones at that! Not just your usual executive "crush my balls please" types, either.( I guess there are enough pros around here to handle that demand.) I have gotten pleas from several wishing to be trained and made of use.
I never would have imagined. Had I known, I would have arranged my life to accommodate this lifestyle better. I have been celibate since moving here 5 years ago and have a room mate now. I thought when it was time to take a slave in Cali it would be the same as before...rare and fleeting. Only temporary from time to time.
Now I am realizing the possibility of a real time permanent relationship and I am a bit overwhelmed with both wonder and joy. My brain's a-whirlin'! |
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| Age: 27 |
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North Carolina |
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