Collarspace.com

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Hi there. Please, think twice before contacting me until you've read all of what I've written here. For those who don't, who go right ahead & message me, there may be something here which brings to light for you the fact that we're not going to be a good match - ie. dealbreakers, looking for different things, limits...those sorts of things. I've tried to make things pretty clear about myself; who I am in general, & what I'm looking for - & I want to allow anyone who is interested in connecting with me to have all the public information that would normally be fair to know about someone before beginning to communicate with them in a more personal way, in order for them to be able to make a more informed decision as to whether or not they'd like to really put the time into what it takes to seriously begin getting to know a person, & not waste both their time, as well as my own.

I've been on this site for a few years, now, & I'll admit that even though this is a long read (for most), I don't feel as though it's an unreasonable amount of time to ask someone to spend, to find out about another before committing to the time it takes to type out many messages back & forth to each other. I've found it very disheartening, spending significant amounts of time communicating with another, only to find out there are vast differences between myself & them on the most basic of levels that which, had those things been known before taking the time to try to get to know each other, would've prevented me from ever have become involved in talking with them right from the start. ~Some may disagree, & have actually contacted me regarding how long my profile is, & made complaints to me about it, saying it's so long, most males won't even finish it. To them I say, if someone can't take even that amount of time, then I'd have to ask myself if I really wanted to waste my time on them, & my answer would be no, I wouldn't. I'm a communicator, & don't want to be closely connected with someone who isn't interested in communicating with their partner except in short sentences. I don't want to be with someone who can't effectively express themselves, won't talk to me - someone who won't share their thoughts & how they feel about things. I want to understand them as well as I'd hope they'd want to understand me. ~Some may not disagree with me, & have said they appreciated the read.

I'm not new to D/s relationships/lifestyles and/or BDSM at all. In addition to having quite a few years of experience in those things, & having definite opinions of how I'd like to have them play out in my own life, I've done plenty of reading & talking with others regarding other people's opinions of it, so I can be well informed on the matter of how others feel, also. I approach this entire idea with an open mind, knowing what I will & won't do, personally, & what I do & don't want to have done to me by someone else, depending on the partner I've chosen to be with, (because let's face it, what one will or won't do with another, or allow another to do to them, is absolutely dependent upon the connection/relationship had with the partner in question) but respect other's choices also, even when I wouldn't choose those things which others might do, for myself. I believe that we can respect other people's choice to do what they want with WIITWD, without treating them with personal disrespect. I completely understand the intricacies of this type of relationship, & am not afraid of it - in fact, I actually relish in it. There is a certain depth of connection required in this kind of relationship in order for it to be healthy, & I'm more than willing, with the right partner, to commit to it. I'm not looking for a mere online relationship. If you, however, are looking for only an online relationship, for whatever reason you choose to keep it only there, & not make it something that's incorporated into your physical life, please don't bother contacting me with the intention of trying to change my mind or sway the way I think about involving myself in that kind of relationship. For me, online relationships leave me feeling empty, lacking on the inside, emotionally, & even if it wouldn't be a waste of time for you, it most certainly would be, for me. They are completely unfulfilling to me, as is phone sex, so please - just ..don't. I'm looking for something real, with only someone local to me with whom after, of course
1) talking here in messages a little to find out about each other & who we are as people,

2) exchanging g-rated photos with each other to find out whether or not there is a physical attraction present (a simple basic of a relationship),

3) having a short face to face meeting take place (WITHOUT ANY KIND OF SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT, WHATSOEVER) to find out if there might be chemistry beginning to brew between us (another basic), & then

4) sitting down & having a talk about the kinds of things we'd like to share with one another in more intimate detail (needed for a good D/s relationship),

I'd hope to have the kind of well rounded, all inclusive relationship which involves many of the wonderful things two people would want to share - involving warm, skin to skin contact, among many other interesting & exciting types of encounters, eventually & ultimately evolving into a full-time, long-term loving & healthy committed relationship. That's what I'd like to have happen. Now, I understand that that's not what everyone is looking for, but it is what I am looking for, & hope to eventually find. I know that those kinds of relationships don't just come along automatically, without the time & work spent to make something like that grow between 2 people - I wouldn't want something like that which didn't grow slowly & deeply over time to be thrust upon me anymore than the next person, because you can't have that kind of a connection with another without taking the time to get to know them both inside & out, & the only way you can get to know another in that way is to actually spend time with them - there's no short cut - so, that's my ultimate. I'm a complete romantic (sappy, I know), but I don't think I'll ever give up hope that a person who would like that kind of relationship with me is out there, somewhere. I believe that it can come true, eventually, with the right person who's looking for the same thing.

I chose not to post a photo of myself on purpose. There was a reason behind it. If you think about it, just like anyone else, I don't want to be judged on my looks alone, good or bad. Sure, getting together with someone & forming a relationship normally first begins with physical attraction - I agree that's normally the first step when meeting someone in the classical sense of the word 'meet', but we're talking about online, here, where we've been given the wonderful opportunity to get to know a person's thoughts & beliefs, & to learn about them as a person/human being first, before seeing what they look like. I agree also that physical attraction between two people is a big part of the chemistry between them, but what comes from inside a person can sometimes have a deeper pull on another person than simply what they look like on the outside, even so much as overtaking the importance of what one thinks of another person's appearance, because of the attraction one gives of themselves from their personality & character having a greater impact upon another. I'd like to find out about someone as a person, first, to see if there's a possibility of having a good connection with them on the inside, without being blinded by whether or not I'm attracted to them, physically. Of course I want to know what a person looks like, but I first want to know whether or not I 'mesh' with a person on the inside, before delving into anything too mentally deep with another, & finding out if that person is someone I'd even like to have know what I look like, before I send them a photo of myself. Let's face it, there are a heck of a lot of really creepy people out there who we'd rather just simply avoid having know what we look like if we're female, especially if we're from the same locale. Besides, I'd rather not simply be judged for what I look like on the outside & not be given a chance for someone to even try getting to know me & who I am as a person on the inside, first, whether they like what I look like or not. I feel that it can be equally unsettling to one being judged on whether or not another finds their appearance appealing - someone wanting to get to know you simply because they find you physically/sexually/sensually attractive - as it is when another doesn't want to get to know you because they find you physically/sexually/sensually unattractive or disgusting. The judgmental reactions, either good or bad, that we get from others, can blindly go both ways, & often does, making people choose another who is a very wrong match for them, personally. I've seen it happen over & over, again, because one was blinded by their physical attraction for another, making them not pay attention to the fact of whether or not the other, as a person, would be good for them. After talking a bit with someone & getting to know a little about them & who they are as a person, I have no problem, whatsoever, with sending a photo of myself. I do, however, expect for a grown male to be a gentleman & to pathe the way, because I've had many times I've sent my photo out first to someone with whom I'd been talking, only to have it received by them without one being reciprocated to me. I've had them immediately cut off communications without even so much as a note from them saying no thank you, I just don't find you attractive/appealing to me & so am choosing to end communications with you. I will not blindly send a photo out to just anyone asking for it from me. When sending me a message, all I ask is that you be a gentleman (if that's how you'd like to portray yourself), introduce yourself - a short polite greeting, mention possible common interests other than sexual...talk about real life stuff, that sort of thing...let me know where you live if it's not already in your profile...tell me a little about yourself as a person - somewhere to begin getting to know each other, you know...regular ole stuff, just like normal people would do, face to face. It's not that difficult; just begin to write, & things will automatically come to mind for you to write about. For the record, with most people, both vanilla & D/s relationships begin the same way, whether you want to admit it or not; getting to know someone as a human being & who they are as a person, first, is just the natural order of things, no matter what kind of relationship it ends up being. That's the basis of what builds a concrete relationship, which is what I'm looking for; I'm not looking simply for a casual sex play partner. I'm a human being, first - part of a family, second - and a submissive woman, third. Additionally, I'm a Christian. I'm not an ultra conservative, but I wouldn't label me as a liberal, either. I'm somewhere in the middle. I have beliefs on both sides of the political spectrum, & the views I do have, are strong. I try very hard to make wise decisions in all aspects of my life, taking my time to think things through & not rushing myself, no matter how much I might want to rush into something with another, & no matter how much they might want to rush into something with me. I have great self-control, & will hold myself back from doing something with another even before that other might hold me back from doing anything with them, when or if I know that the situation probably isn't the best one for me. I'm reserved, in that I probably won't be the one making the first move...I'm old fashioned when it comes to that sort of thing. I wait, & watch for signs around me, but I do & will put out subtle signs of my own, & if someone is paying attention & watching for them, & is receptive to them, then I believe they're easily seen - they're just not big ones that any or everyone around me would find obvious. I'm a very reasonable person & not a 'kook' at all. I'm not one to put BDSM 'protocols' very high on my list of criteria in order for me to call myself submissive, but on the other hand, I hold manners & respect for others, & in turn from others back toward myself, in very high regard. I tend not to use the title of Sir with someone in each & every sentence that I ever use with them to show that I respect them & their position over me, & I believe that those who request or require it constantly from another are (forgive me) more than just a little bit insecure about who they are & want to be, in a relationship with another. If I'm going to use that term toward another, it's because it comes from a deep place inside of me which recognizes that the person I'm addressing has either silently (and unknowingly) commanded, or knowingly & purposely earned that level of respect from me, personally, because of something they've done or simply because of their character when dealing with myself or another that I've noticed. I'm a very perceptive individual, & can quickly sense when someone's character has earned that way of being addressed by me. It's not something I give to just anyone. I'm a person who watches people & most of the time, unless someone is closely watching me, it isn't even noticed. I believe that just as each human being is different from another, each D/s relationship is different from another, & has it's own rules & requirements, made by the two over time & the progression of the relationship, itself, & not by some author who wrote a book expressing their deepest, darkest fantasies they wanted to share with others from a land which simply does not exist in our reality.

This is going to be an evolving profile, & I'll add to it as thought & time permit. It probably won't be long before I'll have close to a short book written for anyone to read. I am a larger woman, so if the outside shell means so much to you that you simply cannot abide being with someone of my size, though I have much to offer the right dominant man, I understand. We all are allowed our personal preferences. I'm not looking to lie about my age, size, or anything else about me which, if done so, would make me appear more attractive or enticing to anyone. I am me, I am simply who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. Although I'm a larger woman (size 26/28) & am in the process of changing that with diet & regular exercise because I'm not content with my outward shell, it does not mean that I don't like who I am as a person. I actually like myself an awful lot, & think that I'd be a great catch! Because of my life experience, I'm extremely cautious, silently untrusting & cynical at first, but I think that any truly intelligent woman would be, because we have to be, anymore, with the way the world has become, what with the 'dog eat dog' mentality that most people out there have, anymore, but I'm also a very gentle, loving, kind, understanding & nurturing soul who is ultimately looking for deep love & complete openness with a dominant, mature man. Because I'll want to make certain that they're absolutely alright with it, if I'm talking to someone with whom it seems to me there might be a spark beginning, I'm going to directly bring up in conversation, the fact that I'm a larger woman. I won't be doing so because I'm insecure about it, I'll be doing so just to make certain that the other person isn't insecure about it - I won't want for either one of us, but especially anyone I'll be meeting face to face, to feel uncomfortable about it because they weren't clear on the matter & thought that they'd be meeting someone who was just a little chubby with a tiny little extra layer. I've put the size of clothing I wear right here in my profile, & if someone is so unclear & passive about it that they don't find out just exactly what they're getting themselves into, well then they probably deserve to be as uncomfortable as they will be if walking into the situation uneducated about it. Of course there are things about me that I'm not going to put out here for just anyone to see & judge me on, because I've no interest, whatsoever, in having judgmental, rude people write messages to me letting me know just how 'unworthy' of them, or how 'beneath them' they think I am because they 1) don't find me physically appealing to them, 2) don't like how I disagree on how to live, or 3) feel a need to run others down because of their disagreement with them or their own insecurities, but if things get to the physical contact stage with someone, I'll certainly be honest about myself with that other person before meeting with them, it's only right & fair.

I'm not your 'run of the mill', wanting a casual play-mate, submissive woman. I'm a one man kind of woman who wants a much deeper connection with a man who wants only one woman, & am looking for mental & emotional, as well as physical intimacy in a long-term, established relationship, involving commitment, devotion, love & loyalty to one another. I've got to begin somewhere...so here I am. ;)

~M

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7/15/2015 6:26:27 PM
Hmm, some "bigdogs" (especially a specific one in Oregon), are complete & utter jackasses.  Much too big for their britches.   ;)

2/19/2014 3:27:42 PM

I guess I just don't "get" it.  What I mean is - I thought that, when a man who, especially one who considers himself a dominant male, wasn't interested in a female, first of all, he would be gentlemanly enough to let her know, & second, let her down gently.  Maybe I'm just expecting more out of males who consider themselves to be dominant than others in society, because I consider them to be above the others.  I just thought that a man who considered himself to be a better man than most others in society would also be a gentlemen.  That's why I'm always disappointed & let down when someone I'm communicating with abruptly stops replying to my messages, whether or not he continues to read them.  I would just expect more from this type of man...that's all.  I mean, have some balls boys...really?

~M


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gemfranie
 
 Age: 57
 Brisbane, Australia