My username says it. I'm trying to find a middle ground. I've lived in a straight vanilla relationship and I've been a slave. Both had aspects that were great for me. But I wasn't completely satisfied with either. When I lay awake trying to fall asleep I imagine having a great time at a party, having dinner, watching a movie, or whatever fun vanilla dates look like. He watches over me. He's kind of protective. He enjoys it when I flirt with him or even with others because he knows I can't help but go home with him. He's confident in all aspects of his life. He's patient. When it comes time to be alone together, I might push him away, but he knows that it means I want him to pull me back. Maybe I want to tease him a bit, and he toys with me - letting me out a little, reeling me in. The foreplay is all about power. He might be able to seduce me tonight simply with his voice, or I might choose to really resist, in which case he reaches into his bag of tricks for a rope, or maybe handcuffs... Something different every time. And eventually I have to give in.

I've done and enjoyed a lot of the serious stuff. Probably more than you'll ever be interested in and that's fine. It's more than fine, because I can go places you might want to explore. At the same time, I don't need to go there. But what I really want now is that exciting sense of romance mixed with giving up power. And someone who enjoys the other fun things in life too.

My marriage ended several years ago (the divorce was just finalized), and I haven't had the desire to pair off with anyone in a romantic sense until recently. I played around a lot in the lifestyle. I got bored. So I stayed home and started to get addicted to Law and Order. You want a model for what I'm looking for? Watch Stabler. Goren. Logan. Even Munch and Fin. There's a caring, complicated man with a sense of justice. And the confidence to break the rules to get what he knows is right. Or rightly his...

You've got to be smart, you've got to have a successful, well rounded life. Witty, playful, and totally confident in yourself. I'm gun shy in the relationship department. I've been hurt badly by my ex - I was devoted and faithful to him. I couldn't imagine ever getting close to someone again, which is why I went the slave route. There wasn't love or romance there - it was simple submission. It was what I wanted and needed. Now I need more.

You are not a velcro man. You are by no means insecure. You are tired of the desperate neediness of so many subs, you yearn for one that has a positive sense of herself and actually has some power that you will have a challenge in conquering. You are looking for fun, a loose relationship, very few strings, but without the trappings of clinginess and jealosy. I won't be insulted if you say no to a get together, and you won't either. We won't have to give each other a reason. You'll tread lightly on my soul, as it is damaged and I am cautious about close relationships.

My ideal is to spend time doing something very vanilla - a concert, a movie, a dinner, a museum, a party with friends, something else you find interesting that you want to introduce me to. I've been starved for social activity due to the bad marriage, and I want to get out with people! And at the end of the day, a good round of bondage and climax could be the dessert on the cake. And of course, SSC.