I will not be on collarMe much this weekend 2 BDSM events I am doing

How to be My pain Pet  

     To become My pain pet, pain slut or pain pleaser training is a must.  No one and I mean no one can take My infliction of pain for long periods of time without some sort of training. At least for Me the more pleasing subjects have had some sort of training.  Breathing and the Art of body/muscle Relaxation takes time,  Lamaze for child birth is an ongoing training for almost 6 months so remember Rome was not built in a day both the pain pet and the Dominant must practice to the point is becomes second nature to B/both......So practice Breathing in though your nose and Out through your mouth and if you can learn Diaphragmaticbreathing that singers use is the best in My opinion.  I have how to do docs. on that breathing technique just ask and I will be glad to send them to Dominants or sub/slaves as long as the sub/slaves have permission from their Owners to receive this info.....Now for Me a dominant should want to hear the pain pets breathing why because if the Dominant hears a change in the breathing then They can remind the pain pet to breath and to focus on relaxing the body’s muscles.  How, by slowing the force of the infliction of pain or changing the touch completely like using finger nails or the gripping of the hand across the body, rather than floggers.   I call it bringing the pain down and allowing the pain pet to regroup, so I can build the pain up again and maybe stretch the pain pet’s limits even before there is a yellow is even said.  I find there is a longer scene when I do this, which I love of course.......The art of relaxing muscles during a pain session needs to be practiced, by the pain pet, without pain first, either standing or laying in bed.  Starting with a deep inhale with the nose and exhaling through the mouth you tell your toes to relax even wiggle them, same with the foot, then calf, thighs, manhood, arms, fingers, chest, back, neck, even the hairs on your head, face: mouth, eyes.  There are parts of the body you can stretch or lightly shake such as neck, fingers, legs, arms and other areas of the body you may stretch to help relax.  It takes time, but if you do it in bed before you sleep it will give you a better night’s sleep.  Then the pain pet needs to stand and practice relaxing.  Last but not least the Dominant should practice with the pain pet using a commanding whisper of a soothing voice and as the Dominant touches the arms lightly or hands or neck, face and so forth down the line of the body, saying relax, breathe. Some pain pets who have practiced for months have felt the body relax at just the touch of their Owner or hearing Her voice.....Remember Dominants, taking the time to train your pain pet to relax and breathe will help a pain session go longer and it can become very erotic and the power exchange can become so unique between the T/two of you, not to mention the bond you T/two will share.....Along with Relaxation and breathing Training Techniques comes a very unique skill I train a pain pet to do automatically. Body Present Training during a pain session….Many slaves have been trained to do the kneeling or standing Present position but this is an extension of that position.  It is a simple skill and should start while the pain pet is in the standing position, later in other positions.  When doing a scene and the Dominant touches the buttocks, with or without a toy or bare handed, the pain pet should stick the buttocks out for the Owner to have better access to that part of the body.  Same if a toy is being used on the pain pet, if the bondage allows even the slightest of movement the pain pet moves toward the Owner never away. Even in most bondage you can arch your back for the chest to be exposed or arch the back for the buttocks to be easier to access or squat and open the legs for better access to the genital area or round the shoulders to broaden the back for the blow.  Most sex slaves are trained this way, but when any slave presents their body, especially for pain when they are not a lover of pain, to Me shows the need to fulfill the service of taking My pain for My pleasure and I love it!!!  Any person who lets Me put them in bondage whether, physical or mental gives a lot of trust, but to see a person actually arch their body for more pain for My pleasure is so fucking erotic It gets me wet just thinking about it!!!  Which for Me makes for a Hell of a good scene.

MiLady

I have been asked what My process is to fine the slave for Me.  All Owners seek different skills in a slave.  My interview process shows Me if a potential slave possesses characteristics I want in a slave or if he is just submissive to only his fantasies.......... Many Dominants could care less if a potential slave has any intelligence NOT true with Me. I like lively conversation with tact of course remembering I am always in control.  Clearly certain roles require a slave to have special skills.  No one would hire a cook who burns water same with a slave.  This Dominant love to mold and teach a slave many skills which will help in serving Me.  In turn giving Me pleasure whether  it is domestic task as in cleaning the bathroom, learning breathing techniques to handle the pain of My toys, to foot, back and/or erotic body massage all  are things a slave does in service to Me and pleases Me therefore the slave’s focus on service is making him feel complete.  A slave should be sincere, loyal, discreet, clean, modest, honest, graceful, intelligent meaning being able to learn what is required for his position as MY slave.  The slave should always be respectful of others as well as to himself, he should be very observant, attentive and above all ethical.  If you are looking to be a slave and focusing on what you want and like to do in life and not what your Owner wants and needs then you are not going to be a good slave for anyone.  If a slave puts SERVICE as his first Love then the rest will be simple.  I did not say it would be easy, but with service first commitment to the lifestyle second and devotion to the Owner third it is a win, win situation.  Regards, MiLady

I have to shake My head at the last few male creatures who wished to become My slave.  When you stop communicating it shows the need to serve someone is not very high on your priority list.  If you is more important than communication with your possible future Owner you sure would not make a good slave.  Remember  devotion  and  commitment to serving means everything to an Owner.  Remember it is not a fantasy it is real to be someone's property

MiLady

Thoughts on Training Where to Start!!!!    So you found a potential slave and want to start training him in your way of service. There are many things to consider. First, what is his experience at being a slave or submissive and second, what is Your experience at being an Owner? Those are strong considerations when setting up training parameters. However, here are some basics. Most important, create your standard from the very beginning and stick to it......   Trying to break you new boy emotionally has proven that unless you are a highly trained or well experienced trainer, it can work against you and in many cases be damaging to your slave, so I do not recommend. Do not forget he is a human as well and he has feelings, desires, thoughts, fears, strengths, weaknesses and anything else that make any human being so difficult to know everything about. I do recommend setting your standards and holding him to them......  Consider how you wish him to present to you and what your protocols are concerning speech.  How he will addresses you? Is it going to be the same way in public and private or will be different when you socialize? Will he be restricted to the floor? How should he be dressed and how or why should he have to be naked at your presence (for non sexual reasons). Where will he sleep if it is not with you and is that something to use it as a punishment.  Nothing the potential slave writes should be held against him or be punished for what he write even if he calls you ever name in the book... A journal helps let any aggression out or misunderstandings out in the open and also to let any joys be shared. Another thing to think about, will he be in some form of bondage for his first visits if you don’t live together. (Collar, cuffs, ankle cuffs that sort of thing)  If the slave in training works or is out with Vanillas for some portion of the day or week, how will you have him transition from the vanilla work world to Your slave in training BDSM world...... These things, whether his visit is short-term or permanent, may seem tedious but if he is looking for a strict Owner and you are looking to train him, the best results come from first being clear about all of your expectations or at least the basic ones......  And remember he is not perfect LOL, first off he is a male creature and thinks different than a Female (no way am I saying he is not smart just does not think like a woman), second he is a submissive and does not think as a Dominant so he will make mistakes, and will be even harder on himself than you would be with a cane.  Testing the potential slave regularly during the training process will help to measure the achievement of set goals within the scheduled training period. The dominant does not need to notify the potential slave that some skills will be tested but should communicate the results to the potential slave after the test. Treats I do not use (rewards) should be given for good performance and discipline for weak performance.

Slave training, can even begin online before a face to face training begins, it may include written assignments. It is a worthy, well-used training way that not only helps B/both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he will need to focus when it comes to training face to face and what issues are panic buttons for the future slave. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment...... To have an Owner get to know the slave in training better,  a daily journal is a great way to achieve that. Remember, as an Owner you are ONLY as effective as your knowledge about your potential slave. You need to know him, explore his mind as well as his body and the journal is a great road map to achieve that knowledge of the mind. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events that should be discussed and that way help B/both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on  his life and his service to his Owner. It helps the slave in training to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the slave in training has that could impact the communication process later on...... The slave in training  needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the potential slave is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the Owner what the potential slave is leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant’s response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match......  When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the potential slave ate and what he did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed. It is important for the sub to understand he has to provide this to his Owner as it is the only way to overcome the distance barrier of an online relationship. An Owner is more effective when they are patient enough to observe His potential slave in real life and the only way to achieve the same online is through pictures or video.  Observing your slave is essential, there are many things that body language can say that your potential slave won’t find  easy to say with his voice...... Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person’s life very effectively.

Hi E/everyone,
I had someone call today and ask Me what I thought was more important an Owners’ needs or a  submissives’ needs or a slaves’ needs
First  I am going to paraphrase What a wonderful Dom said while he was leading a MAsT discussion group.  A submissive focuses on his/her own wants and needs and slave focus on the Owner's wants and needs.  I would like to add something to this… in My opinion The Owner's needs must be met, but all 3 are unique assets of a BDSM relationship.  I happen to be looking for a 24/7 slave who needs to serve someone to make his life complete, so to Me the slave gets his wants and needs met by serving. If you look at it that way then the slave’s and Owner’s wants and needs are both fulfilled and are both just as important.  And the submissive and the  person  who is topping the sub even if it is a limited type of power exchange, B/both have agreed to this arrangement thus B/both are getting their needs met, so A/all are important and A/all needs are being met.  It is when a communication breakdown happens that causes problems so I always allow a specific time for the slave to have free speech whether it is in a journal or a certain day of the week to just feel free to voice their feelings.   I always listen, sometimes I even answer with another question for them to ponder, but it is up to Me as the Owner to let the lesson be learned without or with an explanation.  For an Owner should always have the well being of their slave in mind and in doing so I feel all needs will be met Owner as well as slave or submissive.  MiLady

Reflections of 2013…. This past year I have had many a potential slave who fantasized about 24/7 slave hood, but have never actually been 24/7 for more than a weekend or month.  This is a big step for both parties and it is work on both parties.  I have learned a most valuable lesson and am passing it on to all Owners as well as potential slaves.   Make sure as an Owner you do not compromise what you want in a slave. I am sad to say 3 male potential slaves fell in love with this future Mistress this year or so they said, even before they met Me face to face.  This is a wonderful compliment and you may ask How, well easy I take  a lot of time with the potential slave, with phone calls and emails and get to know them pretty well.  If they have not had this type of attention in a long time, then the need for kindness and trust and getting to know someone may make the person feel they are in Love.  Love is well and good, but first and for most, I need a potential slave to have the need to serve someone,  stronger than the need to find someone to love.  Love many times fades or the excitement of attention is like when a vanilla first dates it may fade in time.  But if the potential slave bases slave hood on their commitment to serve someone, because  their need to serve completes their existence,  for that need will never fade.  In fact a good Owner will let the slave know how much She appreciates his service. Then a true and loving bond will be built. Some even say stronger than a vanilla Love is an Owner/slave relationship.  So don’t come to Me because you search for Love or because you feel you are not worthy to live free or you feel your just a worm … Come to Me because you are so willing to serve that you are going to give all you have to make Me happy by your service… Come to Me knowing I value the gift of service you are willing to give to Me….. Come to Me because as My PET you will be well trained and taken care of as a well trained champion in a dog show.  Knowing I am in charge of every aspect of your life.  MiLady

Wishing all a very Happy New year, May 2014 bring to all  sub/slaves the Mistresses or Masters of their dreams and May all Mistresses and Masters Live up to their responsibility as Owners. MiLady

Hi Everyone,  This post is not to discourage anyone who wishes to become My slave and I am posting this so you do not waste My time or yours.  In the past 6 months I have had 3 different men who wished to become My slave, who before even having a face to face meeting with Me, said they were in love with Me. And because they thought if they were in love with Me I would be so engrossed in them that I would be willing to change some of My standards for a slave. That will never happen!!! They are My standards for a slave, these standards are told up front, so if you think this Mistress will compromise them, think again.   A potential slave MUST love the very act of service whether it is cleaning My toilet, doing foot, body or pussy worship or taking pain, it is all for the sheer delight in pleasing Me, not for loving Me.  Now there will be degrees of Love as Lassie the collie dog loved her owner Timmy and was devoted to him and I am sure I will love My pet as Timmy loved Lassie but not as a Husband and wife that is not and never will happen.  If your looking for the 16 year old love affair STOP turn around and look elsewhere.  This is a TPE relationship I am in control and it is My way or don’t  apply. Regards, MiLady

Thoughts of Happiness...Many sub/slaves that have come in contact with Me become concerned or have some type of anxiety when they find out I am a Sadist. LOL a sadist is one who has sexual gratification by inflicting pain…. the definition never has said inflicting Harm. But that seems to always be in the back of their mind. I feel no one is born loving pain, but many can be taught the fine line between pain and pleasure. A sub/slave who is so much into their service that they give their body and life over to their Owner simply for the Owners pleasure in My opinion gives a great gift to their Owner. This gift of service is something I have come to understand and it is great if one is a sub/slave but for this Dominant it is something I do not enjoy doing. This does not mean I can’t serve for I served My first husband when he was so ill and took care of him until he passed away, but did I enjoy the service No! Even now My present husband, whom I have been with since 2001 and he is someone I dearly love and care deeply for, I don’t even enjoy doing a small service of getting him a cup of coffee. There is no joy for Me at all, so I am very happy he has, slave kate, who has been with Us since Dec 2011 and I see the joy she has in doing even the smallest of service for her Master. I have always said to slave kate, If you make My husband happy you make Me happy and everyone knows in a Vanilla or BDSM marriage a Happy wife makes for a Happy Life
As it was with past slaves and subs, it will be with My new slave, My joy is twofold first I love to see My husband happy and slave kate happy. And when I find the right slave to fit my personality and our family then there will be even more happiness in that O/our family is complete. My second part of joy will be to have a slave who first loves service and then loves and is totally devoted to his Owner, MiLady. I will relish in the control and training of My slave, I shall take pleasure in the domestic task he does for Me, I shall be totally delighted in any pain he can and is willing to take for My pleasure not to mention My enjoyment of erotic worship he shall perform for My amusement and happiness. I will also feel like a puffed up proud peacock when Others in O/our lifestyle see My slave’s happiness as My slave by his devotion to his one and only Owner, MiLady.

You Want a Comparison Well Here’s a Doozy!!!!  Many people of the Lifestyle are not into the God figure and that is great I happen to come from a religious background which was very liberal and was taught to try to not judge people for their way of thinking and their Lifestyles. I know, that’s not your typical way of looking at things, but My parents were not typical thinkers. So I base My BDSM Ownership of property and Lifestyle family on two different Ideologies A Pride of Lions and religious based God figure. I was  taught how the God figure wants His Christian followers to worship Him, but this is not a,  are you saved sermon I do not go there and this is not blasphemy but just a comparison. I will write about the Lion’s Pride in My next entry.

Let’s look at an Owner as the God

1. Complete control or power exchange. An Owner can only be In complete control,  after the submissive/slave gives the Owner the power to be in control….. In religion the God figure supposedly gives his creations the free will to choose to make him their God and many times I have heard he does not want puppets.  Well many Owners of the Lifestyle do not wish to have puppets without a brain..  I give a task but I do not micromanage how it is done, My slave should be intelligent enough to figure out how to do the task and I never give him something that would set him up to fail. As it is said in the religious world the God figure never gives his followers more than they can handle when they come to the God figure for help or comfort.  If the slave has some difficulty he should understand he can come to Owners with any problem or joy.
2. Obeying without doubt is hard and many find it very difficult to do, but once a sub/slave begins to focus on doing that, trusting unconditionally helps release the freedom to concentrate on what a slave’s existence should be….. pleasing the Owner. Works the same way in the Religious world with the God figure having complete control, but only after the human gives it to the God figure.
3. Worshiping or have respectful devotion for the Owner, the sub/slave must feel the Owner shall always be in mind of the sub or slave’s needs both physically as well as mentally.   Owners must as I feel earn this high esteem by their actions anyone can talk a good talk, but their actions says it all.  In the religious world the God figure states and I am paraphrasing,  I am a jealous God and there shall be no other gods before Me. This not only meant gods that humans made out of stone but things, such as gold, power, homes cars ect and ect..  And a sub/slave cannot focus on worship or devotion to their Owner if they have other things as their high priority.  It in My opinion the sub/slave would be serving two masters at the same time and one would be slighted and I will tell you It will Not be Me who is slighted.
4. Communication Yes that dreaded C word, In the religious world it is called prayer but once answered you must Obey the God figure, no matter if the answer is yes, no or not now.  Same in O/our Lifestyle, as an Owner you should set up a time or way the sub/slave can let out their emotions, i.e., a certain time of the week to talk of joys and sorrows or misunderstandings, or a journal without any punishments for what was written. Here again the Owner listens he can say yes,  no or not now or the Owner may choose to allow the slave to learn from his Own mistakes or accomplishments while learning the lesson within the task.
5. Punishment or consequences for your actions is a hard one many Owners have no communication or give the silent treatment to their sub/slave and one could look at the enslavement of the Chosen People not being heard for many years by the God figure before a deliverer was sent as the same comparison.  Some could say that that sin or bad things a sub/save does should separate him from the Owner.  As for me the worse punishment for a sub/slave is not allowing them to serve Me…. Kinda a BDSM hell. Still in communication but no service.

To Me it is about unconditional submission and service to the Owner who gives unconditional Love and Understanding to Their property.  Owners teaching sub/slaves lessons along the way to make them a better person and ultimately a better slave!!!!

Thanks for reading,

MiLady

Different Roles of an Owner

You know, it would be so much more easier to find the right slave, if one could just contact the so called “Market Place” of Laura Antoniou’s Books and say I want a male slave, 5 foot 9, 180 pounds who is bald, and  has been trained in this or that.  Alas, I have not found that secret society and probably couldn’t afford to bid on a slave of that quality anyway.  LOL!!! So the next thing would be for an Owner to put on some of the roles in Laura’s books!  The first role would be to become a Spotter and then a Trainer (these are Laura’s words from the Market Place books).  My word is simply a Gardener, one who has a good eye for seeing strong but bendable characteristics in a potential slave. To be able to mold and trim the slave into a beautiful slave topiary.  This is not easy and believe Me it takes a lot of time, effort and energy!  The Gardener must be able to weed out some applicants simply because the applicants do not want the same thing out of this Lifestyle and/or Garden of BDSM. 

As an Owner, one must become a Trainer (another of Laura’s Market Place words) I still am using the word Gardner, but now as the Gardner your role is to you Nurture the growth by training, how as an Owner, you wish things to be done.  Like Protocols high or low, Breathing techniques for a pain slut to endure more of your pain (I like that one says this Sadistic Bitch), educational training,  ALL are tools to help the potential slave to become the best slave he can be as YOUR slave!  Now nurturing includes Pruning the decaying part of a plant or even pruning some of the new growth!

Decay can be something like bad experiences, or beliefs, or even bad habits that the potential slave has not, nor has any idea how to lay them at their Owners feet.  And it may take a lot of trust before the beliefs or experiences or bad habits can be let go by the potential slave.  A good Gardner recognizes the tough old decay and slowly begins to whittle the decay down and out of a slave.  Now if a Gardener just chopped the plants decay out without nurturing new growth, what might happen?  For sure, the plant is weakened and it might start to wither and unfortunately may die.  So I always a sure the potential slave, that W/we will be taking “baby steps”.  Sometimes though My baby steps seem like GIANT steps to the potential slave but remember the Gardner knows best.

 And sometimes there is new growth where the Gardener does not wish the new growth to be.  Now new growth most would think is a good thing, but in topiary sometimes if left not pruned, new growth will cause a distorted look or an unbalanced look.    Simple example:  An Owner requests the potential slave to shave his underarms, manhood, head and facial hair.  The slave loves the feeling of submitting to the future Owner so much so that, any time he touches the shaved area just above his cock,  the softness of the shaved area puts himself in such  submissiveness that he had begun to touch himself a lot.  This habit if not stopped by the future Owner could happen in public and therefore the potential slave would look like a pervert and could get into a lot of vanilla trouble.  So what to do, simple do not say it is a bad thing (that is stunting the new growth) but use it as a lesson and a reward.  Remind the potential slave, he may not touch himself anywhere or do anything without the future Owners permission.  But be sure you tell him when he may touch as a reward for asking permission in all things.

The best Gardeners/Owners take on many roles and with that come the responsibility of someone’s life and well being.  So We become spotters, trainers and disciplinarians, along with giver of rewards.  I use the three L words Look, Learn and Live:  Look out for your slaves mental and physical well being, Learn from  Your Own and your slave’s mistakes, for the slave reflects your teachings and Live with delightful satisfaction that you have been given the gift of having a slave devoted to you. Hopefully the potential slave will blossom into slave hood and be a shining addition in the Garden of BDSM.

PS.  All should read Laura Antoniou’s Market Place books, they maybe erotic fiction, but if you not only read between the lines, but read within the undertones of Her words Y/you can’t help but become a better Owner and  great slave.  For there are many do’s and don’ts underwritten in such an unique way the knowledge is there, just for the taking.  Read it, know it, use it for it will make you a better Owner and/or slave.  Thank you for reading My humble thoughts, MiLady

Why Power Exchange is a Passion of Mine

As an Owner I love the control of course!!!  But that is just part of the adrenaline rush… To have a human being so devoted to serving Me, to be willing to take pain even though they may not be a Masochist, just to give Me pleasure and someone who is willing to trust Me with the responsibility of their physical and mental well being Wow that is a real Power Trip for this Dominant!!!  To have that human willing to OBEY without question is something I love.  The simple, I command, he obeys and if he doesn’t I get to punish him makes life sweet for this Sadist!!!  Now I never try to set a slave up for failure I always say baby steps!!!!  Another thing I Love as a Dominant I get to set the mood, control all actions including release and not to mention I get to enjoy the prop (the slave) as I see fit!!!    My role as the Dominant is action, the slave’s role is re-action, both are energy …it is that true yin and yang I Love.  For Me that is the rush, but let Me go a bit deeper…. Submitting is something some would say, everyone does in everyday life, dominants as well as submissives. Example: In the Vanilla world All who work, submits to how their boss wants things done or all submits when they stop at a red lights. W/we are submitting to the law by stopping.  These things are done in the vanilla world, here in the BDSM world I would be a very bad or the worse slave of all for I HATE to submit to anyone!!! Even when My 1^st husband was so sick I had to submit to serving him because I loved him not because I loved to serve.

A slave giving up vanilla responsibilities and laying them at their Owners feet helps the slave to be free to focus on the Owners wants and needs.  The slave does not need to fend for himself or compete or even perform well at a job anymore as one must in the Vanilla world.  The Owner is in charged, everything is done as the Owner wishes...... the slave is not responsible for anything accept doing what the slave is told to do by the Owner.  Actually the slave is free to do what he loves more than anything TO SERVE!!!  Inhibitions fall away and the slave will find he has a new depth within him that is fulfilled by the pleasure of focusing on serving his Owner........This is the most wondrous and precious gift a slave can give a dominant.  And a dominant who is willing to receive this great gift should understand that Their responsibility is to mold but not break the slave’s spirit.  Yes mold a slave to become the best slave he can be for that particular Owner.  When this happens a very strong bond develops which some feel is a stronger commitment than the vanilla marriage.  Thanks for reading....MiLady

Had a potential slave visit then move in and here again he could talk the talk but could not walk the walk of slave hood.  Thought he could be a 24/7 slave but decided he was not cut out for it.  So the search goes on!!!

MiLady

I have been bombarded with potential slaves who feel since they have had a few scenes on Saturday night they are ready for slave hood or they have just had fantasies about being a slave and yes the fantasy is where slave hood may begin but fictional books do not tell the real story remember they are FICTION!!!  Some of these potential slaves imagine being trained to be a slave is a wonderful adventurous journey through some sort of magical spell having sensual stimulation from the most common to agonizing torture.  GET REAL People!!!!  There is a lot of work knowing who and what you are, then one must commit to this Lifestyle before any adventure begins.  I have even had a slave state they never wish to have a vanilla moment again… I have to laugh I do not know what Planet he was from but where I live to even go out for dinner is in a vanilla setting.  I am one who does not force the public into My BDSM world, so no kneeling at the airport or no sitting at My feet at a restaurant. At home or a dungeon or club that is a whole different ballgame.  I have other ways of showing respect and devotion and correct protocol in Public.  This is just how I feel, but as a wise lady once asked and I quote “Do you really want some vanilla grandmother to have to explain to their little grandchild why some male creature is kneeling and kissing your boots at an airport? As I thought about it long and hard the answer was simple, NO.  Hell teaching a child about the Birds and the Bees is hard enough let alone BDSM, which the vanilla grandmother probably knows nothing about and would explain BDSM all wrong anyway.  So, I have made My Own set of Codes and different Modes for a potential slave to learn and know by heart: Slave Mode, Relaxed Mode and Vanilla Mode. Those who have received them along with My Oath and did not read and memorize them have shown where their priorities were.....If a male creature who wishes to belong to this Mistress he must have DEVOTION to this BDSM lifestyle and then to Me and what I want in My slave!  A true slave for Me is one who will never be satisfied with their level of capability, they are willing to have their limits stretch and new skills developed.  My slave will follow this Owners lead, quickly with respect and to the best of their ability.  Knowing this Owner will never put them in Harm’s way.  Now it is up to the Owner to help the slave do a task or skill correctly and improve the way he does the task by explanation or teach the slave in order for the slave to have the skills/tools for the task.  One would not give a slave rubbing alcohol to polish a beautiful wooden dining room table, but give him fine replenishing oils.  As I do not expect anyone to become My pain slut over night….No one is born a pain slut, but they are trained to become a pain slut by breathing, focusing, and relaxation techniques and remember it takes time!!!  Don’t get Me wrong I would love a slave who is thrilled by the touch or thud of leather on his body, aroused by the tentacles of a flogger or the sting of the crop/paddle, but I also wish a slave to become aroused by the words Well done when he cleans the house or Good boi or Good job when he finishes a task I have him do.  This may not sound like the erotic adventure written about in fictional BDSM books, but I feel a true Owner/slave relationship is the fulfillment to each other’s needs. I am not talking about “Do Me slaves” do this for Me cause I like it I am talking about the need of a slave to SERVE and the Owner taking that gift of service and using it for what she wants! Dominance and submission at its best, one author wrote it is like balancing on a delicate scale.  This energy may be seen by others but until you experience this energy you cannot understand how Owner and slave can fulfill each other.  It is this true ying and yang I search for and many a potential slave cannot begin to encompass that part of the Lifestyle only part of it.  For Me it is all or nothing!!!  MiLady

I have had many male creatures who contact Me wanting to be My slave.  Many have no idea what slave hood is all about and so when I send them My codes and modes they just vanish LOL and that is ok.  I had a male creature after he was sending Me his journals state he couldn’t be My slave because he could not find it within himself to  ask permission HMMMMmmm TPE total power exchange  is  consensual exchange of power

between individuals as in asking permission before one does something, this is not rocket science.  Why contact Me if you’re not willing to be a TPE slave…I have had many say they are slaves and  have no earthly idea what true service devotion and commitment is and when they find a real Owner like Myself they can’t comes to terms with the reality  I just shake My head.  So Potential slaves know what slave hood is about and be ready to make it a reality if you contact Me.  

To all on CollarMe who went to the Florida Bash!!!  This was My first Bash and I was and still am very impressed. The presenters were very informative and I learned a lot, The Dungeons what can be said, they were outstanding, food was great, both breakfast and dinner, The venders at the Bash were pure class artists with their crafts, the hotel itself was unbelievably clean and so welcoming and I found you, the people of the Bash are very friendly and I made a lot of new friends.  I did have a few suggestions to tweak the Bash and make it better, but they have been covered by O/others already.  A warm Thank you goes out to A/all. I will be back next year for sure!!!!!  MiLady

Hi Everyone,    May 30 thru June 2nd The Florida Bash a wonderful BDSM Event will be taking place if anyone who sees this journal entry is going let Me know and My House of the Pride would love to meet you.  look it up on or thefloridabash.com

Hope to see you there.  MiLady

Hello Everyone,  Just a few words on what I have been pondering on in the last 24 hours. Know that the path for a male creature to become a slave is not always easy, no matter how right or natural it feels for him and it doesn’t happen overnight.  Listen up Dominants the feelings so called “Want a be slaves” have, are the same feelings a “slave at heart’ has. Being a dominant We think differently than a potential slave, not necessarily better but different.  This Domme feels if you contact Me then you are ready to be a slave and W/we do a negotiation as to what W/we are into, and if there is a click then W/we go from there.  I have certain list under the titles of nonnegotiable, possible and Bonuses.  From the first typed message a male creature sends Me to the face to face you are being interviewed…………………………… I have found many potential slaves do something vanilla divorcees do and that is, their fear to trust is based on some type of bad experience, for a potential slave it is within the BDSM lifestyle, something has triggered mistrust they have had to live through. Sometimes they are traumatized, so it is hard for them to start all over and believe the next possible Owner won’t do the same thing to them.  But without trust how can a BDSM Lifestyle be between slave and Owner?  Sometimes a potential slave feels he has failed the possible Owner and they dump all over themselves when We as Dominants might choose, in some cases, to be a bit more patient and give another chance.  How many chances hmmmmmmm at least 1 more chance, but not 3 or 4 I think if you keep giving chances, then the potential slave begins to be the dominant in the relationship and the slave needs to decide if he is going to as the old saying goes, he needs to, Poo or get off the pot.  Remember B/both parties must have Trust in each O/other…….B/both parties must have Commitment to each O/other……..And B/both parties must have Communication with each O/other for the relationship to blossom into the Erotic BDSM Adventure of a Lifetime.  Thanks for Listening MiLady 

Hi Everyone, Many can Talk the talk but they can’t really  walk the walk. It is hard for this Domme  to get Her head wrapped around that sentence. Being brought up to set a goal, work on it and get that goal accomplished without causing stress to oneself has always been My way of life in the Vanilla world as well as the BDSM world. I walk the walk, I planned the BDSM goal and I live the BDSM life I am not knocking fantasy for that is what one starts with when you build goals (vanilla world calls them dreams) but when people get so wrapped up in fantasy that they can't handle reality it is very sad. To be a slave means giving up the focus of one self’s needs to be trained to focus on only the needs of the Owner!!!! And once a slave begins to do this he starts to feels complete. It is a Simple statement but not so simple to do. It takes time to train a a person to become one's slave, and you may never completely lay down all your vanilla freedoms at your Owners feet. But if you CANNOT take the plunge, something always holding you back when deep inside you, you feel the need to be mentored, to submit then I am sad to say you will always have the ravishing hunger but never be fulfilled. MiLady

Hello Everyone, My household attends the MAsT meeting (Masters and slaves together) in our area for wonderful discussions on how W/we deal with different areas of BDSM. I have always put subs and slaves in different categories stating a sub make decisions of what he will or will Not do and how long and so on and so forth. Where a slave makes one decision and that is to become a slave after that he just OBEYs. A few months ago some at the MAsT group added their two cents in and I thought it very profound. He said a “The difference between a sub and a slave is a sub focus is on himself or his needs and a slave's focus is on his Owners needs. Just a Thought to ponder upon. MiLady

Wow just recieved a message insulting Me by saying what I want is a submissive not a slave. And all he has to go on is reading My codes and modes and not asking any questions, Here is My response:     male creature,    Thank you for your comments, but you have given them in haste, without gathering all the information possible.   I am going to give you some helpful guidance, no debates or arguments from you, just requesting you to listen and ponder upon.   you have made the assumption W/we would be having penetration sex.  The codes do not say this in fact President Clinton could not be charged with perjury when he said he did not have sex with the woman in question, because the law states having sex is when one has penetration with another.  I usually give a potential slave permission to ask questions and I did not That was an error on My part, yes I am human and even Owners make mistakes.   But, with that said, I would expect a potential slave to ask permission to ask questions. Even when a task is given a slave may ask for permission for clarity.  You just assumed big No, No in BDSM and in Vanilla life, when one makes assumptions as the old saying goes makes an ass out of you and Me.......male creature, you also assumed in having to ask permission to go to the bath room that I would make you as you said piss or crape your pants.  Why you would think this I have no idea I said I was sadistic but I also said I inflict pain but not harm.  The act of asking permission to do something is simply one of many vanilla freedoms a slave freely lays at his Owners feet.  Others may be more difficult to do and they may take time but if you cannot do little things like asking permission for water food and using the bathroom how does one turnover and trust an Owner with bigger decisions.   Baby steps first then giant steps.  And if a slave feels he knows it all then the relationship between the two is doomed.  There are reasons an Owner or this Owner would have a slave do certain things to ensure a bond of trust, so that the slave and Owner become wiser, and better.  My responsibility to a slave is to make him the best slave he can be.  My techniques may be different than what you are use to, but there is a reason behind each one of them.  Some I tell a slave some he learns on his own, by doing them..........As far as the code about eyes this is in slave mode during this time you are in a designated area and eyes are on Me so the slave is focused on his Owner waiting to serve Me when summoned by voice or hand signals.

 Some slaves wish to be treated as worms and not feel they are worthy of the dirt they stand upon, these slaves are not for Me.  I wish someone who has enough self esteem that they know what they are, proud of what they are and proud to have me as their Owner.  I do not want a slave who jumps to a conclusion without all the facts it make for an unhealthy relationship......In conclusion I would hope mind you I am not saying this is your basis for your assumptions, but I would hope bad experiences and horror stories did not make you feel all possible Owners are the same, for you will never have trust if it is so.  Have a good life and I hope you find the Owner of your dreams, evidently it is not Me.

MiLady

Hello Every1, I just had a potential here at My house, who is a very nice man, but I think his fantasies about BDSM life seemed to over ride what BDSM actually is or at least what it is expected in this Household.  Listen carefully slaves, when you go for a day or weekend to play that is totally different than 24/7.  If you think your Owner will be in leather and holding whips all the timeyou need to wake up and smell the coffee.   It is not about what you want or need… you as a slave need to understand you are there for the Owners pleasure, to make the Owners day easier, not to think you are going to get something for doing what a slave should be doing.  A slave needs to serve to feel complete not to get some fantasy or fetish kink.  If the Owner is pleased with their performance then of course the Owner may give this fantasy or fetish kink as a reward but the Owner does not need to.  As a slave you give the gift of service as an Owner I receive this gift and appreciate the gift but this is what the owner does and the Owner doesn’t have to pay a slave with rewards.   In fact I take rewards away if disappointed by the slave. Example, a slave has My codes, modes and My Oath before he arrives for a face to face.   All should be read and any questions May be asked at that time. I tell the slave to memorize the Oath because when the slave arrives one of his training task is  every morning come bring Me coffee, put it on My makeup table  then kneel naked be side My bed kiss My hand to wake Me up and recite My Oath.  If the slave does not memorize the Oath, then the slave shows he didn’t think My command was important enough and then I am disappointed, so I most definitely do not reward you with your fantasy or fetish kink, but instead I do not allow you to serve Me as My  human alarm clock.   When I tell you to set up the coffee each night and you don’t, I do not wish to hear the excuse, the next morning that My husband’s slave was up before My slave so she did itI, this makes Me shake My head in disbelief.  All it does is Show that the slave doesn’t wish to serve Me.  This is  shown by shirking off the responsibility of the task of doing the coffee when I plainly told the slave to set the coffee  up in the evening before the slave goes to bed.  It doesn’t take a person to be a rocket scientist to perform small tasks that I set up to prove the need to serve and devotion to this Owner.   But if you don’t do the task for goodness sakes don’t expect  Me to be pleased and  don’t expect Me to reward you in fact I may just stop all training and just use you for My pleasure of inflicting pain only and not caring that you receive any type of reward. (if you’re a masochist then there are other ways to deal with those slaves) So slaves do what is told by your Owner for it  will be pleased the Owner and a Pleased Owner makes for A happier Life for the slave and Owner.   MiLady