updates:

So we have gotten all moved into our motor home and settled into life on my friends property. we ( my hubby and I) are part of lifestyle household.  we as a house hold are looking for a nice boy or girl to put into hobbles and watch vacuum the floor. someone to use as a foot warmer and if we all get along we could string you up or tie you down and find more interesting things to do. but first the floors and dishes.

been afk for months now. thinking about coming back... once upon a time a very nice older submissive offered to mow my lawn and do some cleaning for me... really wish i could remember what his SN is... 

.... there are those days... the ones where you just kind of wanna be pushed up against a wall and then fucked till you've forgotten why you where stress'in to began with... and then beaten till your brain is so far into sub space that all you can do is giggle... and then fucked a few more times and you watch yourself twitch from that warm safe fuzzy place.... It was a long week, is a long week... i would love to have that headspace right now.

looking forward to a new year of learning fun and random things, working on my house and business, and loving all the wonderful, eccentric, and heartwarming people in my life.  I Hope everyone is blessed and motivated in the new year!

the rain is trying to make my house colder then it should be. i'm torn between wanting it to rain all weekend and wanting it to stop Right Now so that my house warms up.  Maybe i can get it to stop right now and then rain again before my parents come up to help on the house so that i don't have to do anything this weekend. i'm sooo lazy, but it's a lot of work to be vanilla for 3 days in a row.

so i found my zen this afternoon.  headphones in, me first and the gimme-gimme playing... paint brush in hand and all of a sudden i found that happy quiet space in my head. i love it when that happens... lolz i'm looking forward to painting again tomorrow and seeing if i can find me zen again while i finish painting my house trim.... now if i could only find someone to climb onto my roof and fix the leak we found yesterday.... it's too steep and too old for me to feel safe up there. would even be willing to pay with food and a good beating :)

i love when i find a new intelligent people! 

So I felt inclined to explain my view of ploy to someone and the email turned out good enough I wanna share.

Poly, I think like so many other things, it just something that is or isn't in the nature of the individual. the issue is that so many people are not willing to look and really see the nature of their true selves. I have been poly as long as I can remember. I have always be comfortable caring about the people around me. I have always be able to care about More then one person at a time. In highschool i could cuddle up next to what ever friend needed comfort and normally be able to find the right words... I am selfish in many things and have no pity for anyone ( i don't think i have ever had pity lolz build without it for some reason) but i have compassion and try and help people help themselves when i can. I have so much love, that sounds silly, but it's a close statement. i know that caring for Gavin does not diminish my Love for mark, and Loving My Fav Brat and her Boy does not diminish their love for each other. My joy comes from seeing the happiness in their eyes when i look at them and when they look at each other. I Don't understand how some one can see a person in love and not feel joy... and then, for me it's knowing that the look in their eyes for their other person... <smiles> is sometimes the look in their eyes for me. I am rapped in warmth wherever i go, because i am almost always with a cherished one. Lolz and it's not about sex, cause as i said sex is secondary to so many other things for me. It's about closeness... It about the willingness and ability to take that dear friend, that best friend, that person you've know for years, that one you tell all your shit to, that one who has told you all their deep dark secrets... it's that willingness to take and put your arms around them at the time they need it most and tell them you love them and let them cry... or scream and  hold them in your arms as they grow into something new.

i see so many people interacting every day at my dayjob... all on the surface... hell i have to do it too an extent myself. but i see them going out being social but it never goes deeper then the outside surface. i don't do social well... i don't do large groups well. I care about the people in my life down to my toes. Even the ones i just call my friends. i would curl up with any of them and feel safe. I would drive 8 hours to save them without thinking twice. These are my people, my loves, my family. None of them are perfect but then i'm far from perfect myself. But each of them fills a part of me that no one else could ever fill and i find that regardless of how many people i have or don't have in my life, There is always space in my heart and soul for someone new and there is always going to be something special about them... 

i am sure this is not everyone definition of poly... lolz i am sure that a lot of poly people would laugh at me because i'm ploy but i've only has sex with one man in the last year. i'm sure a lot of people use ploy to really mean fuckbudys. it's their loss because they will miss that deep understanding that comes from truly loving people and rejoicing in their happiness.

i'm rambling... cause while i have always been poly, i have not always defended myself as poly ( that took time and growth on my part and a helping hand from my late because he understood me better then i understood myself) and so this would be the first time i have ever tried to explain my view of poly to someone else. I don't expect my views to change yours. Just giving you insight into what it means to me because it means different things to different people.

Hope you enjoy run on sentences... 

 be well and have a blessed day.

Having an amazing weekend with RLGauvin

. He has found the spots in myself that i do not set free and has let me open them up to him. I know this is going to be the wonderful start to a beautiful friendship. 

That and he's smart too. <grins> and A sadist with a good heart. 

I'm So spoiled. now if i could only find someone to do my laundry.

sleep, lovely dreamfilled sleep.

so this week seem to just be crazy busy, the weekend flow by and monday my computer broke at work and what i thought was going to be an easy fix has turned into needing to work in other peoples space all week long until the replacement comes. i also spent monday helping my friend organize herself for a move and a sale, she needs an editing eye and i'm the organizational nazi lolz, if it's not my space i can get it clean. Have old friends coming over tonight to see my house and just hangout. Helping my friend do the cleaning for her sale tomorrow... thursday i have to pack cause I'm spending the weekend with my new guy.... very excited about that. and then friday I'm driving out to BFE for Him. lolz it's a good thing i really think we have possibilities cause i don't drive this far for anyone except family. lolz well i guess family and the possibility of new family. 

so i thought that i would update. I had a lovely date with a very nice man on wednesday. when i calmed down i enjoyed his company a lot.  

some days i feel soo blessed to have so many people in my life. 

i have my vanilla boy steady and always by my side, excepting of all the parts of me, even the ones that he doesn't completely get. 

My dear lonely traveler who i love dearly and who loves me but we know it will probably never work the way we would like it to work because we want different things from each other. but regardless of that we want each other and we will always be friends.

There is the girl i care about so much, whos heart is huge and whos laughter makes me happy.a girl whos little whimpers make me wet as i chew on her. lolz so dear as we sit on the edge of the fence together waiting to find out what happens next.

i have the boy who is never here... lover to the girl i love. always compassionate with an open ear and a great heart, and the streak of sadist that matches my own

and then there is the new man, someone who fills me with excitement. someone who makes me nerves because he offers me many things i think i want. and many things i know i have been needing and missing. 

so many dear people. so much joy. i am blessed.

today is my late hubbys birthday. I miss him. Last year I missed his birthday.... *smiles* I think it was his way of protecting me from the pain... Today I remember. Today I hurt. I will always love you completely. Thank you for all the amazing gifts you brought into my life. All the parts of me I never would have found without your guiding hand. All the love. So much love and joy and laughter. My existence is so quiet without you. I find spots of color and moments of demention.... But nothing like the falling rains of your passion incasing me, each drop leading to a new path... Each drop full of warth. I feel alone this morning without you. I know that people care but I'm still sitting here alone missing you. i love you but can we move your birthday till i have someone to rap there arms around me and tell me its going to all be ok.

happy birthday my love. my forever.

So, I get to see a girlfriend of mine last night. We had a blast. it's so great to be back in contact with her. I'm thinking about hosting a slumber party with her and a few friends. can't wait to get the plans in the works!

i need a hug

happy birthday to me... and for some reason this is the first birthday that i have ever felt... time is slipping

a little update, i am currently looking for a masochistic demo dummy that i can learn on under the guiding hands of my well trained sadist (docwalkingstick). things that i am looking to learn include but are not limited to wax play ( although i'm pretty good at this one already, it's just fun!) needle play, knife play, one and two handed flogger techniques along with paddles and cane techniques. if you are interested in bottoming for both my sadist and myself for my education purposes please feel free to contact me or him!

i haven't been checking much mail right now. but my mate comes home from the hospital tomarrow and we're both very excited! please keep us in your prayers