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MatterOfTime - photo 1

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I consider myself submissive. With a lot of experience and knowledge, having participated in, observed, discussed, explored and debated most aspects of the BDSM scene and dynamic, with all of its flavors, and every day, i continue to realize that i am still only scratching the surface - limited only by limits not expanded or pushed. No matter how long i stay away, or how frequently i partake, the core needs of surrender and exchanging of the power still have to be sated. Why am i here? I am here to continue this journey, but in a more limited way - to find a Domme who understands, can explore during the daytime, may or may not be a professional Dominatrix, and wishes to help push those limits as trust is built and established.

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1/4/2022 4:16:39 AM

Testing, Testing, 1 - 2 - 3.  I see the Journal is back.  How cool.  Happy 2022 and may it be way way better than 2020 and 2021 in terms of, well, you know, that pandemic thing.

3/14/2018 9:37:11 AM
Happy Pi Day!

8/21/2017 10:13:49 AM
Wow - a total eclipse today -- I love the phrase, "Path of Totality".

5/4/2017 4:26:20 AM
May the fourth be with you!

3/14/2017 5:50:27 AM
Wow - Another Pi Day!  Whoot-hoot

1/1/2017 3:35:09 AM
A new year - may 2017 be way better than 2016

11/9/2016 4:55:01 AM
I am in a surreal place -- seeing that Donald Trump is our next President. 

9/19/2016 9:27:20 AM
Just love playing inside when it is raining outside.

2/19/2016 6:46:53 AM
An unexpected day off -- whoot-hoot

3/14/2015 11:00:49 AM
Happy Pi Day!!!!

12/31/2014 5:48:53 AM
As the year draws to a close.....

9/22/2014 5:01:29 AM
To match my updated profile:

Ever since the switch from CollarMe to CollarSpace, I have noticed a difference in the type of folks who are still active here.  Not sure that I can quantify it, but it just seems different.  So, I thought I would try a new profile (keeping the older ones below):

I am: submissive, in a vanilla relationship, male seeking a Dominant Woman or Couple for occasional daytime play.  Must be discreet, healthy, and have a Dominant desire that cannot be satiated.

9/10/2014 9:03:34 PM
Remembering lost friends from 13 years ago today -- I am feeling very sad.

9/9/2014 9:31:40 AM
As I guess we all do, I wanted to practice some of my rope skills, and used myself as a practice dummy -- well, that started down the road with some self-bondage, and now I find it is getting ever more complex and intricate.  Anyone find this happen to them?  While it is interesting to do, and play with, it is, I am finding, ultimately unfulfilling since there is no contact/involvement of another person and the need to exchange that power with another is not met.  Not the result I Would have thought. 

7/8/2014 5:53:04 AM
It was time to update the profile.  Thank you.

4/28/2014 8:12:04 AM

Finally feeling like spring is here.  New season, new feelings, new explorations.

4/17/2014 6:00:03 AM

I am not changing any of my profile settings, but I am increasingly feeling the urge/need? to take the Dominant role in a session.  I had explored this many years ago, and was good at it (because I was able to put myself into the mind of the sub), but found it didn't do anything for me, nor did it help my inner desires.  Now, however, I find that I am fantasizing/day dreaming about taking charge, taking the power in an exchange, and seeing what happens.  If you are a switch or a Dominant who is having the same feelings/desire/need to explore that is complementary to my budding interest, could we chat?  Might be interesting.  I do have enough toys and other tools to explore.  I wonder if this all has come from my recent explorations in self-bondage?  Hmmmmm.

2/14/2014 5:48:22 AM

Happy Valentine's Day!

2/2/2014 5:21:54 AM

Ground Hog day already?  Where is Bill Murray?

1/13/2014 1:14:54 PM

I can't believe I am doing this, but I am actually having some fun exploring self-bondage activities.  Who woulda thunk it.

1/8/2014 9:50:25 AM

I haven't figured out why folks seem so against seeing a professional dominant.  Ah well.

1/1/2014 4:52:02 AM

Happy New Year everyone!  May you all have a wonderful, magical, and energy filled 2014!

12/26/2013 8:35:18 AM

You gotta just love that exhausted feeling after a session that went many hours.  <sigh> Can we go again?

12/15/2013 6:23:43 AM

A snowy Sunday -- a perfect day to play indoors <hehe>

12/9/2013 5:53:45 AM

Setting the stage:

I am summoned to the home of a Dominant, who suddenly was free for the day, and instructed me to clear my schedule and come to the house. We had agreed that whenever I was to be summoned, it would be for a minimum of four hours and up to eight hours.

Upon entering through the front door, I see a finger pointing at a chest that is just to the inside of the door, it's top open. The instruction is clear - strip off all vestiges of my outside world, my clothing, whatever I brought with me, and to put it in the chest. Once so stripped, I descend to my knees to await a further inspection. As I drop to the floor after placing my clothes in the chest, the top of the chest was shut, the hasp brought over, and a strong combination padlock clicked shut locking all of what I brought inside. I glanced over and noticed the chest was solid, appeared to be bolted to the floor, and there would be no opening it without something close to explosives. I inwardly sighed.

I hear a soft voice, almost a whisper, explaining that the three numbers to the padlock that holds the chest are somewhere in the house, and if I do an exceptional job cleaning, I will likely find the three numbers. I am also expected to find a key that opens a locked drawer in the bedroom - a draw once opened cannot be relocked (I know from the past that I must put on or wear or use whatever is in the draw - it could be good, or it could be evil. That draw will almost always have some toys, tools and other clothing for me to put on. And suddenly I am alone.

When the Mistress of the house returns, the cleaning job must be immaculate, and I must be accoutered in what she has placed in the locked drawer - a draw I must unlock, with a key that I must locate.

I must locate three separate numbers - somewhere in the house, find a key to a locked draw and use what is in that draw (and I must have it one when she returned, whenever that will be.

The day begins . . .



11/12/2013 7:38:34 AM

Wow - today is 11/12/13 - how cool is that.

10/31/2013 7:19:16 AM

Happy Halloween!!!!

10/29/2013 12:25:48 PM

Halloween is almost here.  Yeah!

9/11/2013 5:38:05 AM

Such sad memories

8/23/2013 10:51:37 AM

Interesting -

7/15/2013 12:57:30 PM

Have made a couple of new friends here in Boston who are scene-friendly, but haven't yet found anyone to play with on a regular basis.  But the search is, so far, a lot of fun.

7/4/2013 7:39:10 PM

Happy July 4th America

5/31/2013 7:59:58 AM

I just learned that if I am logged in and in the Message Boards, it looks like I am on the main collarme.com site.  Didn't know that, so it looks like all I do is read profiles.  How interesting.  So I post this as a public service message in case others were unaware.

5/22/2013 12:28:58 PM

I would like to engage in a conversation with a Domme who may be seeking a submissive and let Her know of my interest, my experiences, and what i would bring to the encounter so that She can determine if there was a certain compatibility, a synchronicity of desires, and if so, to see if starting down a path made sense.  There is much to be brought by this submissive, and the desire to make the Domme's experience easier to embody, easier to envelope Herself in, and able to reach a higher plateau is what i offer.   I await Your invitation to speak with You. Most humbly, -gene

5/21/2013 4:41:56 PM

Seeing a woman in one of those fuzzy, angora sweaters today, and wanting to immediately drop to my knees and submit to her.  What a strong impact that had on me - amazing the strength of a fetish.

5/5/2013 6:31:03 AM

Always looking for something to do on Monday through Thursday evenings in and around Boston - any ideas?

4/19/2013 11:33:38 AM

Such a sad and tragic week -- and my first "shelter in place".

3/27/2013 7:56:49 AM

Relocated to Boston.  Goodbye New York -- It has been fun.

11/5/2012 11:45:37 AM

What a long week last week was - Thank you Superstorm Sandy.

12/30/2010 6:26:36 AM

As the year draws to a close, I find myself thinking back upon scenes and sessions and play that cause me to smile. 

10/15/2010 1:19:57 PM

Ah, the cooler weather means it is time for more bondage - anyone up for some fun?

10/10/2010 1:21:42 PM
Happy 10/10/10 day.

7/16/2010 10:46:41 AM
I tried something interesting over the past couple of days in the CM World - I decided to hide all profiles that indicated that they were pro-dommes that appeared in my search criteria (I narrowed it to within 5 miles of my locations).  When I was done, there were only a couple of profiles that had logged in in the last 5 months.  That tells me that either I totally screwed up in selecting profiles to hide, or, that most of the active users here in CM are professionals. 

A disclaimer: I do like visiting professionals, and do so somewhat frequently when I don't have a steady Mistress, but this is not the place I expect to find them - I know where to look for the pros.

6/29/2010 10:31:22 AM
I have adapted this, but it says it so well:

I seek a Domme who has no formulaic approach to domination; a Domme who seeks to understand the mind first and to ultimately arrive at what constitutes complete submission for each unique person She trains. This goes well beyond standard notions of D/s. It becomes an intense and often difficult journey quite apart from everyday life.

6/7/2010 7:22:20 AM
I have always wanted to give up physical control of my limbs in such a way that they could be moved without my involvement - much like a marionette is moved.  I've been trying to think how such a scene could be created.

I have already thought of, and have been, in full immobilizing bondage -- so the lack of use of limbs is complete, but the movement is not.

I have had ropes and chains at each joint, and by pulling them, those joints would move, but the opposite movement was not possible -- so you could pull an arm or leg up or in a direction, but getting it to go back, on demand of the puppet mistress, was not met.

Thinking more, i have begun to look at braces and other items used in physical therapy.  These do seem to provide some mechanical movement. 

I have also been thinking about counter-ropes; for example, if a rope is pulled straight upward, there is another rope tied going straight down so the limb cannot move up or down with either rope being pulled/slackened.  I imagine a pulley to keep the tension.    But even in writing this, I thought of two more things that would not work.

Ugh.  If you have done such a scenario, or have had such a scene, I am very game to try it or work it out. 

4/29/2010 12:48:20 PM
Professional Dommes certainly have a place within the scene.  I would have never been able to work out certain scene play or experiment in certain ways without a professional.  They also have enabled me to find things that I like and don't like (in case I am ever asked).

But for some reason, unless I have developed a consensual non-consenual relationship with a professional Domme (something I have been able to do twice), then I always find that I can never 100% surrender, because there is always the underlying current, whether conscience or subconscience, that it is the sub who can stop things if they need to -- whether with a safe word or some other signal.  Without the ability to fully surrender, I am not able to get to that deepest of places.

4/22/2010 7:48:00 AM
I have always found that a tens unit adds a certain level of anxiety to scene play.  Unlike a situation where, say, the Domme is paddling or using a single tail on the sub, and the Domme varies the intensity, can be, unless the sub is gagged, influenced by the yelps or cries or pleasing moans. 

The tens unit, on the hand, is unflinching.  Suppose the Domme sets up the unit, whether on something steady or pre-programmed.  No amount of begging, pleading, crying, moaning or otherwise will get the unit itself to vary from what it does.  And that can raise the level of a scene a notch or two - because the sub knows that once started, and if the Domme is not listening (either not in the room, or the subbie is gagged), the tens unit will just keep on plugging. 

I would imagine this would be the same with an automatic spanking device, or a strategically placed vibrator. 

4/19/2010 1:42:18 PM

Regardless of what some people think, trust is probably the most critical aspect of play.  As a submissive, I need to get to a point where I completely trust - as in 100% trust - the Domme with whom I am scening with.  For if 100% trust is not present, then I cannot fully submit or surrender.  As noted, I have very few hard limits.  I do want to keep on living and to experience the surrender I am giving.  I want to experience the joy and pleasure of submitting, and provide pleasure through that avenue.

But I also want to be totally free to surrender -- to engage in the safe, sane and consensual activities that can occur.  I don't want to have a safe word, and that can only happen when there is full trust.  And I also believe it goes both ways -- that the Domme needs to have trust in the submissive, that the sub will speak when something horrific is happening, or that the sub will respond appropriately.  When both trust each other, then anything is possible.

There are some that believe that trust is irrelevant, and surrendering oneself is the true act of a submissive.  I respectfully disagree. 

4/13/2010 6:18:23 AM
Hard Limits:  I view these as lines not to be crossed, ever.  Other than these, anything else goes, subject to the building of trust and pushing of limits.  Just because something is not a hard limit, it doesn't mean we can jump right in and go fully at whatever it is -- for example, you can't go the largest size butt plug without working your way up, or you will cause damage.

What are my hard limits?  No breath play.  No intentional skin breakage (except for needles) (hey, accidents happen and that is not what I am referring to here).  No blood play.  No electrical play above the waist.  No scat.   That's it.

As to everything else, there are things that I like, and things that I don't like, but ultimately, it is about the how the interactions take place between the Domme and me.  Something I have disliked in the past may be very wonderful with someone different, and so on.

Next time, how does trust work and figure in.

Let me know what you think? 

4/10/2010 9:06:40 AM
It is difficult to describe what one seeks and it is only after you get to know someone that you can begin to understand.  It is along this vein that I will try to update this journal; for I don't know exactly what I am looking for; but if I put "myself" out there, then perhaps it will find me or vice-versa.

I hate scripted play.  The idea of exactly orchestrating what should happen, in what order and when is not for me.  I don't like to know what is coming.  It is the chemistry between the players, between the Dominant and the submissive.  Much like an improv group operates within the confines of its theatre, the Domme and subsmissive operate within the confines of limits -- both hers and his.  But beyond that, the scene should move dynamically, with a purpose, building toward a climax and a dénouement and to be repeated. 
The actors in the scene are engaged in a power exchange - the purpose of the exchange perhaps having a different reason for both -- for the sub to find pleasure, perhaps, for the Domme to feed her need to control and be pleased.  Regardless of the reasons why each is in this dynamic, the reasons for each balancing the other is what makes the BdSm relationship or scene work.  Each gets what they need out of it.

I desire to reach for this dynamic, to find someone who can begin to understand, complement, and push the limits that exist.  

Next time, I shall begin to articulate my hard limits, and see what may come of that.

Make sense?  If not, let me know -- I need the feedback to make my thoughts clearer.

Thanks for reading.

5/3/2009 9:24:31 AM
Over the last 6 months, I took a bit of a hiatus, and I am now returning to the scene.  I am hoping to find a Dominant woman who is seeking a male submissive.  Someone who has their regular vanilla world firmly in place, and has this D/s side to indulge, and with both, she is complete.

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