I try and pay attention to my dreams as they can tell a person a lot about what is going on with them in general. Well, last night's was interesting and while I won't go into much detail here, I think I know what it means. Running around, trying to find a way out of a location. There were people at some of the exits, but I didn't go to any of those. I went to an upper floor and found myself with a small group of people, one in particular, a blonde woman, paying specific attention to me.

There are many ways out of any situation. It is a matter of finding the right one for you. So it is obvious that I am seeking an escape from my current life, or lack thereof, but the blonde is different. For the most part in my life, I've "dated" brunettes. Not really a matter of selection, but just how it turned out. Could symbolize change. That's the only part of the dream that has me wondering. Even understood what the knives meant...but not the blonde.

Check back later, folks. Gonna see about getting woke up. lol

Wow, didn't realize how long it had been since I had a chance to hop on here. :( Well, going to be traveling for the next few days, upto the next few weeks. My mother has been really trying to spend a lot of time with me lately, so going to spend a couple days with her and then off to Texas to spend some time with a couple really good friends to have myself a vacation and some fun times. 

The both of my friends are saying that they want to find a friend to hook me up with so I'll stay there, but don't see me clicking with someone that fast. Never know, might be an adventure. Will be outside Dallas, so who knows, maybe I can meet someone from on here while I'm there.

It's been an exciting couple of days. I have been working on the book I'm writing, but another person has approached me with an idea for a story, potentially a book, that I am really liking the sound of, so will likely start working on that today seeing as I've been given a few ideas for it from her. 

I was talking to a submissive I know and we were discussing my search for the right girl for me and I stated that I am not really known for my patience, which I have been working on, however, she brought up the situation with my last relationship and said I have the patience of a Saint for putting up with all the bullshit I did. I guess in one regard, I am still putting up with that same bullshit, with the same girl, but now just not as a relationship. 

Have a couple appointments today, but I am hoping that I get to spend a good deal of time on here. I've met a couple of really great women in the past couple days, or at least they seem really great so far(yes, darlings, you know who you are). Are either right for me? Who the hell knows. I'd rather find out if they are good friends before finding out if they are good submissives, or even slaves, for me. Am I saying I want to have more than one? I doubt it, but never know. I've "owned" more than one at a time between online and real time, but never had more than one real time at a time. No offense, lovelies, but women can be a handful, to be polite. 

Met a submissive male that has some potential to work with, however, we seem have a little trouble connecting for any length of time. It would not be my first time working with a male submissive, or even training one, however, this one is different and wants something other than how I am used to dealing with a male, so this should be a good experience for me should we get a chance to work together. Currently, it is only in an online format, but if it not functional online, it will not be functional offline. No, it's not a sexual aspect.

If nothing else, the past couple of days have taught me that Nike says it best, "Just do it!" I have, over the past several months, kind of put myself in a funk and keep saying to myself, "I need to get back out there and be sociable," but have always made one excuse or another not to. Coming here was a good thing. I feel more confident than I have in awhile and feel alive again. Good feelings...good people...good times. For those that are still trying to figure out the meaning of life, it's very simple. Enjoy the time allotted to you in this life. If you are miserable and intolerable, then you will find that life is one chore after another and you'll only be more miserable...which makes for a very bitter and unfriendly person. Who wants to be around someone like that? 

I am sure I will have more to put today. Just figured since I didn't write yesterday, I should at least put something down and say "good morning" to everyone that might read this. 

Well, folks, I've decided since I'm checking in here frequently anyhow and wanted to start keeping a personal journal, guess you guys get to hear about my day...will definitely be leaving out some of the comments that I might put into truly private journal cause I do know some friends that it wouldn't be unheard of them surfing through here. ;)

Will give you guys a little background into my recent history before I go into writing and all. My living situation has been...shall we say...unique(maybe not literally, but I am trying to be a little polite in my terminology at the moment). It's been my former submissive, her former Domme, the submissive's son and myself living in a two bedroom apartment. CQB just trying to get to the bathroom type deal, you know?

Well, back in December, the females of the house were in a car accident. No, they weren't at fault. But it was pretty messed up how the accident went down and all that. Anyhow, my former submissive went to the hospital by ambulance and the roommate(as we, collectively, called her..if not just "her") drove the car to the hospital and checked herself in after dealing with the cops. Sorry, folks, won't drag this part out much longer, but it is relevant to what I'm going to say below. 

The roommate ended up getting some contrast dye for a ct-scan or some such and lo-an-behold! The bitch is allergic to the dye. They have to intubate her. Something happened between car getting hit and her being intubated, but she had lost feeling in her legs and feet. She ended up having surgery on her neck, one in which the doctor said most patients go home the next day or so...two months later, she comes home.

Guess who comes the same day...the ex's sister..........0.o Seriously? 4 adults and a teenager who's as big as an adult in a 2 bedroom apartment...and I don't like feeling crowded at the store...in the house? Oh hell no. lol

The roommate's parents had the bright idea of offering her to go to Arizona to stay with them for awhile and recouperate. Meanwhile, we'd seen her WALKING around the house, but supposedly she needs a wheelchair to get around. We were discussing, between my ex and myself, if we even wanted her back here. 

Perfectly timed, the roommate is gone for about a week, maybe week and a half, and the ex gets this message on facebook, not even a phone call, saying, "oh, I'm not coming back. Get my stuff together and send it to me." Needless to say this caused quite a stir, and even some laughter.

Now we're down to 3 adults and a teenag....oh screw it...4 adults. lol Livable, but still not quite comfortable. Today, the EX-roommate's brother and sister-in-law come down and pick up what stuff was readily available for her. Now we're getting somewhere....more room for my area and what little crap I do have....of course, as long as I have room to sleep and a place to put my computer, I'm pretty happy. I mean, there's other things...you know, coffee in the morning, supper at night...the usual. 

At this point, it's just myself and my ex paying bills. Obviously, my ex's son can't exactly get a job yet(though we are working on it), but her sister IS working, and perpetually complains about the fact of which, but somehow she's the only one not able to help out with bills. Finally told the ex the other day, "look, if she doesn't want to kick in on the bills, then she needs to just go...period." My ex kinda nodded and we went on about our day. Yesterday, she comes to me and says she's in TOTAL agreement with me about the subject, though we'll see what happens when push comes to shove. 

After they leave, I go and hang out with a friend of mine who lives in the next building before he goes to work, met this pretty cool guy, though probably won't see much of him considering he lives about 4hrs drive away...without traffic. Come back and my neighbor is standing out side and we chatted for a bit. He mentioned the ex-roommate's sister-in-law bitching about having to put the roommate's stuff in her house. I don't get people sometimes...how you are going to bitch about something that's going on to someone you have NO earthly clue who it is just cause they were polite and asked how it's going? 

Unfortunately, a couple hours after talking to him though, my ex comes running in the house and tells me that the EMTs are at his place. :( I'm hoping he's ok. He gets really bad allergies and had been complaining about his allergies kicking his ass all day. They way I saw him on the gurney, I'm VERY concerned. Those that are reading this, please keep him and his family in your prayers, if you would be so kind.

My friend in the next building over got home from work and I headed over there for a couple beers and some laughs. He tells me this one guy called and was talking about coming over...well, the last time the little punk showed up, he wanted to try and fight me, which I think it surprised him when I went to come after him. His friend actually saved his ass that time and the kid started walking away, then decided it was a good idea to talk smack and pull a knife to try and threaten me with it. I found it rather amusing, but really did want to teach that boy some manners. He was a good boy tonight and figured it was a wise idea to not speak to me, or even look in my general direction at that point. His girlfriend said hi and all though. lol That was my excitement for the night...I was really wondering if the kid was gonna be that dumb to try and start up again. He came to his senses it seems. 

So, now I'm back to working on the book I'm writing and waiting to make an attack in an online RTS game. I should be on for at least the next 3-4hours if anyone wants to hit me up for some chat....

After looking through a few profiles, sending out a couple messages, and definitely having a few laughs, I've decided that I am looking for something long term. I want a lasting relationship that is ever evolving, learning from each other and growing as a couple. I don't have time for "games", flings or any drama. Don't need the stress. 

I'm a pretty private person and don't really like to go out much to bars, clubs or the likes. I do like movies and dining out(when I can), but I'm over the party scene.

As I sit here, I ask myself, "what is it I am even looking for?", I don't really have an answer to that..at least not yet. I wonder if I should just look around and see what is out there, but at the same time, I don't like wondering aimlessly. I find it frustrating and a waste of time. 

Then I have to wonder, "am I just procrastinating?" Yeah...that sounds about right. Figure while I look around the site and at least get familiar with it, I need to figure that out. Hopefully I come up with an answer to it.