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Not Available - On this site very rarely and when I am here, I am wandering arround the message boards. |
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Dreaming of having fun with pain....I could be available to others who have simular interests, especially with beeswax....one of my favorites. |
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I am here rarely as I am having fun and getting what I need.
If all you want to do is send insults and be rude...then send it to someone else. |
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10-9-09 I am not on CM at all these days. I probably should delete this account....I have kept it incase my situation changes and I want to use it again. There are also a few things that need to be pointed out: I send to the bulk mail all people who are out of the country, all people under the age of 40 and if those two items define your circumstances, it is likely that I will not see anything you send me. Additionally, if what you send looks like a form letter, I will not respond. |
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Its time again to make a journal entry about one liners and ability to articulate. I hate one liners, if you can't make a decent email to someone that does not sound like a form letter, why bother? And while I am not the spelling police, still not being able to spell the basic words and not being able to put a sentance together...well it just does not inspire confidence in me that you can play in the extreme.
Really, would you like me to write like this...Its ime agin to make a jeurnal aentry about 1 liers and abiliiity to articculaete. I hate onee lineaers, if you can't make a deeccent eemmeil to someone that dose ont souund like a forme lettter, whey boother? An whil I am ont the spellinging policee, stillll ont beiing abal to speall the basic words sand ont beeing abel to put a senteance toigether...well it just dose ont inspireier confideince in me theat you can playay in thea exxtremeeeeme.
It is especially important in an introduction email to get it right.
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11-12-08 A friend of mine is ill and dying. He has been in this community for 20 years, has given to the community in so many ways and he will not survive AIDS. I am so sad and can not comprehend a BDSM community without his presence in it. And I will forever miss him and everything he brought to our world. |
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10-14-08 Ego. I run into this as a subject all of the time. Having a healthy ego vs being so much more attached to the ego than is healthy. The Grand Poo Bahs of play time, the people who are big fish in a small pond, the people who can't see the forest beyond the trees infront of them. I think its all about ego and how attached someone is to that ego. For me its important to step outside of that and be able to play in ways that are amazing. Everyone should ask themselves what is more important....the people they play with or what the people outside of that relationship think or say, some social group you have membership in or the person you share pain with, your ranking on the BDSM social registry or your bottom (insert any variety here). The only thing left is to make sure that it is shown when you are tested. Afterall, life offers us many opportunities and tests us all, showing who and what we really are down deep inside. And isn't that the real purpose of going to that edge... |
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10-9-08 Someone I am corresponding with just gave me a nick-name that I love.
DtDS.
Much Thanks CNU |
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9-28-08 I believe that everything occurs for a reason. Even when I am stumped about how something could occur, the reasons eluding me are just another process I must accept. So I am now back on my search for a match that works for both and wish that needle in the haystack well. |
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9-22-08 New adventures await me. I will find out in the next few months if I have actually found that needle in the haystack. In the meantime, if you are a Bear who likes singletails and/or consider yourself an expert with that singletail, feel free to write me. Mostly I am hanging out here from time to time inorder to talk with my friends and enjoy the message boards. |
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6-30-08 I think its time for a new Masochists are...entry. So this one is Masochists are a bit crazy. Other people tend to look at a Masochist and say...are you nuts? You aren't really gonna let that top beat you with a single tail wet? Using just plain water or a friends usual combo of salt, vinegar, lemon juice, alcohol and water. How could you? Well, its simple really. Its all about the pain, the experience and that burning need to go to that edge. So would you have the cajones to soak the tip of your single tail in salt water and use it just to see what it would feel like? Could you knock clothes pins off a Masochists back with a single tail just to experience that extreme pleasure? Would you do a wicked combo of a cargo net zipper, beeswax and use that rod or single tail to knock some off before ripping the entire thing off? Just for kicks? If you say yes to doing any of these you may be a sadist. Hell, if you say yes to any of these, you are invited to email me. |
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6-25-08 Simply put...seeking pain and experts at delivering creative painful conditions for mutual satisfaction. You can keep those rose petals, I like the thorns. |
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6-4-08 I'm moving to a new home. The new home is great. The moving part is way too difficult. I am not going to be on CM very much for the next few weeks. I hope to get my life and stuff together soon. |
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4-27-08 A truly weird thing occured today. A person viewed my profile from Texas and when I looked at her profile it read...Lesbians are bigots and all have been blocked. Now why would a person who believes that about Lesbians want to look at my profile? You just have to wonder about things like that... |
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4-19-08 Why is it that there are so many people who can't find what they need in our comunity? Do they truly know themselves and what they desire? Are they jaded and bitter after years of searching only to find that what they said they wanted is actually something they conformed to inorder to feel like a part of the overall group? Sort of like a bunch of cattle being herded by the powers that be? Do they spend time envious, angry and not fullfilled? How is it that when you started playing you got so high on just the idea of being in an alternate lifestyle and now you are not as happy, not as energized by the whole thing? Could it be that everything you based your desires upon is not as real as you thought? Is your view of reality true to its actual nature? And how was it that you figured out what your desires are, what you are actually searching for, & what will be the most fullfilling for you? Have you actually spent the time it takes to figure it out? How can so many people play in a world that should open up all of the opportunities for exploration and yet play in the most limiting of manners? Or is it that CM is just a dating site for people with a few kinks? A little slap and tickle for people who own a paddle or two. A friend has been suggesting that I travel to the East coast to find what I need. I am not sure that I will be able to locate any true edge play in CA and will likely have to travel to have what I need. It is sad to realize that I live in a truly progressive state where most of the people just want to be like everyone else and not explore themselves more fully. Recently in an introductory email a man wrote the following to me: "If you are a man pretending to be a woman so you can get off on others imagination. I will expose you to the rest of the site for what you are and have you banned." I wrote him back with a way to verify that I am a woman. If he was involved in his community, he could easily ask the very public person I refered him to for this verification. And still, its sad that we have not come any further than this in our ways of existing both online and in the community. |
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3-4-08 Masochists are Wild! There is a growing trend for people to say they want to tame what is wild in their bottom. They want to have all of the wild go away unless they allow for it to exist, but then only in limited ways. They want calm, always controlled behavior with someone who follows every rule. But for the E Ticket ride it is the Masochistic pain pig you really want. They are the people you ride hard and put away wet. They are the zero to sixty bottoms. They can go there with you, bounce back and do it again in a few minutes, days, or weeks. Masochists are the rough and ready bunch, looking for the thrill of the chase. I mean really, who else are you going to chase through your house with some wicked toy? Who could you beat without the benefit of the warm up portion and have them beg for more? Who else would stand still while you do wicked combinations to them and then hear then talk about how much they liked it? Masochists are the Wild ones and there is a place for that in our community. BTW, most of the Masochists I know look and sound kind of normal except when they are talking about their need for pain.
Its just something to think about... |
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2-24-08 This entry is titled 'Masochists are Fun Too' So, did you ever wonder why some people play with bottoms who are not submissive and have so much fun? Its because you can do things with your masochist that you just can't do with your submissive. You can play really nasty games with your masochist and they bounce back, you can drag them around by their hair and they may not even cry, you can hit them hard and they will beg for more, you can ask them what they are thinking and hear them say 'Is that all you got?'. Masochists are just all around the ones to beat and send home. You don't have to be responcible for many of them 24/7. Infact they can be pretty responcible even when playing. Masochists tend to be the people everyone relys on for the best and nastiest toys. Masochists provide Sadists the most adrenaline and the huge highs from playing. They make you remember what being alive really feels like. They help you fly, with or without a license. And while they are the most misunderstood of all of the people who play, they are still in our community, still searching for those experienced people who truly appreciate what they have to offer. |
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2-15-08 It finally occured...a person emailed me and right after I responded he closed out his account. I guess that everyone gets one of these sooner or later...LOL |
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12-30-07 Its almost the new year and time for an observation. From time to time I see other profiles that say things like 'no time wasters' and they express their frustration in not finding a perfect match right away. My answer for this concept is that playing, no matter what kind of play you do, is creating a relationship with another person. It takes time and real effort on your part. Then once you get that perfect match, it takes even more time and effort. Its not a free ride, its not easy and nothing worth having is effortless. There is always a price to pay for those precious things in our lives. I don't see any efforts I have made as wasted as I believe all of my work towards meeting the tops who play with me is creating the relationship and bond in play that I crave. |
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12-14-07 Extreme biting is such fun. I am still bruised from last weekend. LOL |
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11-8-07 Definitions are so important in the BDSM world. Everyone assumes that we share the same world view, the same realities and the same definitons. But this is not the truth. With the people I am meeting comes a whole new set of definitions for the terms we use. It never fails to amaze me that we do not even have consistency in our words and their use. |
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11-1-07 Its time for a fun play thing to appear in my journal. Can you play with a large number of toys in a progressive? In other words, the first toy used 1 time, the 2nd toy 2 times, the third toy 3 times...building up to toy number twenty is used 20 times, toy number thirty is used 30 times, etc. Since I have more than 50 rods, crops and canes I wonder how far I could get before I hit my limit. Oh, for you number people 50 of them would be about 1300 actual blows. |
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10-22-07 I had so much fun this weekend and then came home to the city burning. Right now its not a pretty picture here in San Diego. So many homes destroyed and lives altered by Mother Nature. I am luckier than most as I am a ways away from the fire, but I fear that some friends homes are in its path. And there is nothing to do but wait and plan for a possible flight from my home. |
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10-18-07 I have not put an entry in here for a while because I have been busy playing and traveling every weekend. Last weekend My girlfriend and I went to Magic Mountian, this coming weekend I am going to LA for some fun and the next weekend I am visiting family in the bay area. Its been a busy, fun month. |
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9-26-07 I was telling a friend recently that the intensity of edge play for a bottom is like chasing a dragon, grabbing on to its tail and going for the ride of your life. Sometimes its a long ride, other times it is a short painful ride and you can always count on getting a bit singed from their fire. But it is always good when a dragon peers over that edge at me... |
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9-14-07 I will not accept chat invitations from people that I have not previously talked to through email. |
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9-10-07 I go away on vacation and then my whole play world changes. I guess its true that shit happens when you are not around. I recently changed my profile again to deal with these changes. I suppose that searching for a new top won't be as complicated as the last time... |
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9-8-07 I went to Santa Fe, NM for a vacation and had such fun with my girlfriend. We saw Zozobra, the pagan ceremony of burning a giant representation of 'Old Man Gloom'. The art was wonderful and getting away for a while was excellent. |
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8-21-07 Everyone has a rant sooner or later, so here's one of mine...Why do you call a submissive a 'subbie'? You would not want to be called a dommie, massie or a toppie. I think its disrespectful and we really need to make sure our language shows respect for all 'tops' and 'bottoms'. |
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8-15-07 I saw a quote I liked today so here it is..."Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire |
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8-9-07 It is amazing how having regular pain makes a masochist so very happy. The bite mark bruises on my lower legs are fading now...perhaps I will get more next week. |
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7-27-07 I have had so much fun in the past few months that I have neglected this journal. I actually bought a toy tonight. Its the a toy that interested me and that I don't already own. Its a cross between a paddle and a cane, made out of wood and tapered. The artist who made it gave me a taste on my already bruised butt. It really is good to be a masochist. |
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7-8-07 Its been a while since I put an entry in my journal. I have been busy playing and making new toys. I even took some time off from work to spend with my girlfriend. I went to 2 parties, 2 plays and 1 street faire this week. And I get to play again on Thursday. Tomorrow its back to work. Perhaps that is good for a well balanced life. |
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6-23-07 I had fun Thurdsday night. Clothespins on my feet/toes, tongue, nose and nipples. Being controlled from the nose or tongue made my head explode with endorphins. The bite marks left massive bruises. The singletail marks and cane/rod stripes are extensive everywhere. I am still enjoying the high today. |
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6-16-07 I just love the journal part of collarme...I get to put any sick & twisted thoughts in it that I want. You just gotta love that feature. |
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6-15-07 Do you know how to take someone apart with pain? |
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6-11-07 I had a fun weekend with my girlfriend. Today its good to be me... |
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6-3-07 Can you use rods wet? Do you know what take downs are? |
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6-2-07 Last month felt like I was standing in quicksand and other people were pondering whether they should throw weights for me to catch in order to see if I sink or swim. This month is already better, more interesting and the potential for pain is expanding. |
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5-26-07 My girlfriend is working with the new computer this weekend, so I am kicked off except for brief times I can squeeze in...so its a Toy Making Weekend. |
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5-25-07 Ok, its friday and my frustration did not end, it really helps to have self control... |
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5-23-07 Can you tell I'm a bit bored this week...that boredom will end on Friday;) In the meantime, here is another fun one, can you play an old fashioned game of connect the dots with the cuts a whip makes and a sharp blade. Do you like these kinds of spider webs? |
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5-22-07 Here is a test of self control for all of you pain mongers...The bottom and top agree to not touch each others bodies with any part of their own body. Use toys only. The rule is that if either of them touches the other, it is a safe word and the play ends. During the play the bottom then starts begging to be touched... |
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5-16-07 Do not send me short story intro's, especially fictional accounts about submission... |
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5-13-07 Whats with these one line intro's by email? Is that your definition of respectful? Try putting some effort into it, after all you get out of something what you put into it. |
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5-11-07 I went to Catalina Island yesterday and it started burning. This week I feel like a train wreck on fire in a fish bowl where the people are standing around, pointing at me and pondering if they should piss on me to put me out. |
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5-4-07 Do you know how to play backwards? Do you like unusual combinations and mixing different kinds of pain? Can you play without the flogging warm up portion? |
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4-28-07 When you open my profile completely, do you see something not expected? Why is that? Did I neglect something or do I have other reasons for what is lacking? |
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4-27-07 Who's afraid of the big bad wolf....not me says the pain piggy! |
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4-23-07 I had a fun weekend. Lots of thinking to do though... |
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4-21-07 Do you know what the Old Guard is and the protocals? |
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4-16-07 I have been corresponding with a woman who has questions about Masochists and how pain alone can be erotic. Its good to know that there is curosity about the different ways we live in our community. Are there any other black hankies out there in cyber-space? |
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4-15-07 A submissive soothes the savage beast in a sadist. A masochist inflames that beast. Which do you prefer? |
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4-13-07 Do not send me poetry. If you want to talke about Edge Play or BDSM then thats OK, but no prose about kissing. |
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