Had a wonderful visit with the woman I had mentioned before and was she ever prepared.
She actually brought with her a complete pedicure kit and gave me one of the most amazing foot treatments I have ever had. A foot massage with scented oils while drinking red wine. A perfect Friday night.

Today, an early morning to take one of my cats to the vet to investigate some disturbing symptoms. I thought for sure it was cancer and that I'd be looking at a terrible prognosis.
Glad I went when I did.
I'ts not cancer.
It is a rather grave, but treatable malady requiring surgery.

My little girl is going to make it.

: )

I'm meeting one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen tomorrow.

It's actually quite remarkable we have never met before.

I don't know what to expect and yet I am excited.

: )

Music can have such a tremendous effect on one's mood.

I'm curently working on another session playlist and am really excited to play this mix as part of my next scene.

I want to be Cher when I grow up - at least my own kind of Cher.
That woman is the ultimate FemDomme.

64 years old and look at her.
In terrific shape, disciplined - how can someone be that skilled and successful without hard work? - and not afraid to speak her mind.

I feel it's important for people to have mentors. I've never really had one from a-near, but if someone can be a mentor from a distance I suppose she must be mine in having set such a tremendous example.
I truly admire her.

I find it interesting the amount of writing I've seen and talking I've heard about the amount of work a solid slave or even submissive must engage in, but there's little writing or talk about the work a domme must engage in to be an example of excellence.

Calling oneself "MistressXYZ", demeaning others and finding those weak enough to take it might make one a domme, however engaging in a disciplined lifestyle enabling personal empowerment and achievement as well as being a positive role model to others could make a woman a Goddess.

About to work on a new playlist for sessions. It is quite incredible the effect that music will have on the spirit. On our mood.

The effective use of carefully chosen sound - or even no sound at all - will  have a tremendous effect on a scene.

While driving home from downtown today, I played some music, rather than playing the usual audioboks - I listen to them a lot as self-improvement has become a large part of my life.
The music really inspired me to get home and play at creating some new soundscapes.

It's good to feel inspired.

: )

Cliches often occur for good reason, but sometimes they're simply ridiculous.
The one that comes to mind right now...
"To be a good dominant one must experience what we do to our submissives".
Are you kidding me?!?!?
I am not at all into receiving what I do to my playmates.
I am into the giving of it.
Very much so.

I'm into extreme play. Being an extreme dominant sadist, this means I am into being in *total* control and I am delighted to deliver a lot of pain.

I am not at all into being controlled.
I left my family's home just before my 16th birthday because my parents were obsessively controlling.
I am not into pain.
While I can tolerate more pain than many - I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome, which causes pain every minute of the day and I have sat through lengthy tattoo sessions - I do not like it, let alone love it.

I do love being in control and delivering pain.

There have been many submissives and switches that have asked me if I have been on the receiving end of what I do to my playmates.
When I tell them that I have zero interest in being on the receiving end, I have been mostly faced with someone arrogantly telling me that it is only right that I "should".
"Should".

One thing those of you of this opinion have not considered...
A dominant sadist can NEVER experience what a submissive masochist does.
Why?
Because we are not submissive masochists.
The exact same levels of bondage and the exact same levels of pain will NEVER be experienced the same way.
Submissive masochists LOVE bondage and pain.
Dominant sadists do not.
Therefore what I put my playmate through can never be experienced by myself in the same way as we could never perceive the experience the same way.

The argument often is "You will be a better dominant for it".
I emphatically disagree.
Does a brain surgeon need to have undergone brain surgery to be a good brain surgeon?
I know a very gifted midwife who has opted out of motherhood. Does this make her any less gifted?
One can empathize without having had to endure the experience.
Simple.

An experience I endured today brought this matter to mind.
I had a PET scan - I won't get into the reasons.
I had to be in this device for just over an hour.
The technician explained to me that my head would have to be perfectly still and so it had to be secured into position.
A net made of some sort of polymer was warmed to make it soft and flexible. It was applied to my face and smoothed over me in such a way that it would conform to the contours of my face.
It solidified as it cooled and dried.
The tech then locked either side to my headrest and I was drawn into the device down to my shoulders.

I panicked in the first minute. It was awful.
I knew I had to undergo this test and forced myself to go through some deep breathing exercises.
I managed to control the panic response, but just barely.
Although my body was free, my head was encased in this now hard net locked to my headrest and then in this very close, hard cylinder.
There was no way that I knew of to get out of this on my own.
If I was somehow forgotten by the tech or she suddenly had a heart-attack, there was no telling how long I could be stuck in this predicament.

Then I started to think about some of the more hard-core bondage enthusiasts I have played with.
I thought about how some would just love to have their entire bodies subjected to what my face and head were going through and for considerably longer.
To them, this would be a sweet surrender and a welcome vacation from the everyday mundane.
To me this was something to be endured for a practical reason and I wasn't sure how I could manage the hour and some odd minutes.
Not the same experience at all due to the perceiver of the experience.

At times I could feel the panic starting to rise again and again I would put myself through my breathing meditation.
The minutes dragged and this was one of the most challenging experiences of my life.
I heard someone in the room and convinced her to sit with me and chat.
The knowledge that there was now someone close who could release me should some emergency occur comforted me and now the last 20 minutes (I asked her) were easy.

For the record, I would never willingly pursue such an experience.
I hated this.
The only reason I consented to this was because I had to.

An experience is much more than simply what is happening.
It is very much about its perception by the person undergoing the experience.

While I can empathize with my playmates and understand their joy in what I do to them, I will never fully know their experience any more than they could possibly know mine.
I am a dominant sadist.

A few weeks ago I promised a follow-up to my last story and am pleased to say I have been too distracted to write “Kink Engineering Part II” and the other pending interview.
*That said, recent events have brought me into contact with other interesting lifestyle characters, so my own selfish reasons aside, I have even more material to share!*

The day after the Spring Equinox I found myself in a session with a beautiful and fascinating man who’s aura was so powerful it led me to perceive him as a giant!
Seriously.

He asked me to consider him as my slave.
There was a strong and powerful attraction that I could not ignore.
After a considerable number of emails, nightly phone calls lasting up to 5 hours, his assurance that he can visit me often to build the bond (he does not live in my country) and that he can relocate to me, it was time to plan a visit.

Our first visit was brief – 3 days planned together.
While it was a bit awkward at first – a certain element of “too good to be true” led me to being reserved on a level that is unnatural for me – I was introducing him to my cats in no time.
Then he missed his flight out – I feel somewhat responsible – which was the best thing that could have happened as it meant he “had” to join me at a group dinner with some of my dearest friends and it gave us another day.

We then discussed a longer visit.
When he suggested a week (10 days, actually) I was a little nervous at first.
I’ve been living alone for almost 3 years now and spend most of my time in solitude and silence by choice.
Still, when considering the scope of what could be a lifetime bond, sharing space for that length of time was a realistic next step and so I agreed.

He’d shared with me that he’d never been to Montreal and would love to explore it.
I expressed my own excitement about sharing his first taste with him.
He asked me how I’d feel about making the trip by motorcycle if we did it in stages – breaking it down to a couple of days both ways.
The motorcycle idea was sexy as hell to me (straddling a big, rumbling machine, leaning into his strong, masculine back with my arms wrapped around his broad, muscular chest!!!) and the plan to do the trip slowly was practical.
I agreed with enthusiasm.

Prior to this trip I had also advised him that I wish for him to escort me to the Torture Garden event in Toronto (http://www.torturegardentoronto.com/) and that this would mean ensuring he was appropriately attired.
A visit to Ewa of Latexworks for a custom catsuit (a body like his cannot be clothed off the rack) was essential and the measuring would have to be planned for this visit to assure his suit would be ready in time.

During our many emails back and forth we shared with one another some of our fetish wish-list items – a delightful way for a new couple to determine if their kinks are in sync.
I told him about Max Cita and his work – inescapable restraint systems for bondage enthusiasts.
I sent to him the direct link for a heavy rubber straight-jacket that I would love to see (and use) him in (http://www.maxcita.com/latexsj/latexsj_HD/latexhd.htm).
He loved it!

We initially thought we could order the straight-jacket online and have it ready for pick up on our way to Montreal, but after some correspondence, Max advised me that he could not have it ready with such short notice.
He suggested that we come into Ottawa regardless, meet him and his partner for lunch, he would take my boy’s measurements to get the job started and would give us a tour of his facility.
Now a plan for our trip was beginning to flesh out.

We knew we would want to play and while an enthusiastic and creative couple can play anywhere, having access to play-space is even better.
I placed some posts among different groups on (www..com) and learned of a bed and dungeon that was on the way from Ottawa – about 2 hours away.
The same name was recommended over and over again by numerous users.
After a considerable amount of correspondence between myself and cassie to determine that our needs would be met, I instructed my boy to make the reservation for a night at The Warmbuns Inn.

We wanted access to a play-space in Montreal as well.
I had recently reconnected with my old friend MistressNoire – a domme friend I had known in Toronto years ago who is now living in Montreal.
I contacted her to arrange to meet (we had not seen one another in perhaps 15 years!) and asked her if she could recommend a play-space for our use.
She recommended Domina Erzulie’s space without reservation as being well-equipped and very clean.

I contacted Domina Erzulie, who communicated with me promptly and efficiently, had quickly sent me photos of a tastefully decorated and well-equipped space and offered a very reasonable rental rate.
I informed my boy that the choice for a play-space in Montreal was settled.
We were really building an itinerary now.

In the end we determined that it was still too early in the season to do all of this by motorcycle and decided to take my car.
The abridged version of our last visit together looks something like this:

I picked up my boy upon his arrival in town on the evening of Saturday May 1st.
*What happened when I got him home is private.*
~grin~

Sunday May 2nd we had a “double date” with my best friend rubberraccoon and his Lady over brunch and a visit to The Royal Ontario Museum.
That was very cool.

Later that evening we visited Ewa to have him measured for his new catsuit.
Although she must have been inundated with orders for outfits timed for Torture Garden, she was kind enough to be quite flexible with us due to his residency in the U.S.
She informed us that she would have something ready for a fitting upon our return from Montreal to assure the suit would be ready for the event.
Later that night we packed for our trip – and it was particularly fun to pack my gear!

On Monday we went to the gym together (I am delighted that he is so serious about fitness!), loaded up the car and made our way to the Warmbuns Inn – a bit outside of Kingston.
Master Joe and cassie were very responsible hosts, taking their time giving us an orientation of the play-space and the equipment within.

Understand that I am not known for being a morning person, yet I awakened early and we explored a particularly fascinating piece of dungeon furniture with gusto!
We then had a killer scene that extended to both playrooms – and I do mean KILLER!
All of this in my nightie and bare feet – ok, it was a sexy nightie – AND before breakfast.
*Rise and shine!*

I made us some swiss and asparagus omelettes, which we enjoyed while having a wonderful conversation with Master Joe.
I cannot over-emphasize how hospitable and gracious our hosts were.
The space was also super clean, well-equipped and spacious enough to swing a flogger AND a whip.
We will probably be back.
My boy then loaded up the car and off we went to Ottawa to meet with Max Cita.

Our arrival in Ottawa was timed for a late lunch with Max and his partner.
We were greeted with a smile and a joke and then led to a nearby Vietnamese restaurant.
After a great meal and a conversation that revealed we have more people and interests in common than I knew, we returned to Max’s home to look at some different designs.

Max showed us a number of different prototypes and certainly stimulated an interest in at least one other item, but ultimately it is the heavy duty straight jacket I want now and so my boy was measured for it.
We added a built-in lockable posture collar to the design.
Awesome.
Again, there was more generosity and hospitality here as Max gave us a tour of his facility and welcomed us to join him and his partner for dinner so we could avoid rush-hour traffic.

There had been a number of delays already along the way so my boy suggested we stay in Montreal an extra day to allow for more relaxation.
He also found us an amazing deal at the Hyatt Regency – downtown, close to Chinatown and Old Montreal, had a 24 hour fitness facility, a dedicated yoga room (!!!) and co-ed steam room/sauna so we could be together while relaxing.
Not just another pretty face, my boy.
Of course I agreed to the extra day and the hotel.

The next day (Wednesday May 5th) we did something a bit out of the ordinary for me.
My boy convinced me to take a bus tour.
Really!
What’s more, it was totally worthwhile as we now have a list of places to visit next time that we may never have considered.

We got in contact with Domina Erzulie regarding booking our time at her facility, had a light dinner at a local brew pub (tasted some very nice beer), made a dash to Priape’s Montreal location, drooled over an exceptional spreader bar design and went to visit MistressNoire, who had generously set aside some time for us in spite of having just moved!

Now, it is impossible to catch up over a 15 year period apart within an evening’s visit, but we did what we could as an abbreviation and will certainly fill in the gaps over time.
It was great to see my old friend and check out her new space.
She had a boy present who served us attentively and she played for us some music she had collaborated on.
I know some very creative people.
It was getting late, however and I wanted to return to the hotel in time for catching the sauna before it closed for the night.
The serving boy drove us to our hotel.

The next day, we did our daily yoga and steam and then packed for our play-date at Domina Erzulie’s facility.
We were greeted warmly by the lady of the house who then gave us a tour.

My goodness.
I have to say that the glutton in me ambitiously thought we could use 2, maybe even 3 of the rooms during our time there.
Not only did we stick to one room, I kept my boy on one piece of bondage furniture throughout.
LOL!
Well, I did change his positioning, but the suspension in the other room…
*sigh*
Next time… and we will be back for sure!

The next day was Friday May 7th.
We opted for the later check-out time so we could squeeze in yoga and a steam bath prior to the long drive back to Toronto.
We made a pit stop on The Plateau for lunch, coffee and cake – swearing that we’re back to a clean diet for the next while.
*Latex looks best on healthy bodies.*

The drive back to Toronto was long, but it gave us time to talk a lot.
We shared more of ourselves and we talked about us as a unit – giving each other feedback about the time we’d had together and discussing ideas for future times.
I revealed to him my long-time fantasy about touring the fetish scene around the world with someone special – with my partner.
He smiled at me, saying that we had that in common.
~grin~

We hit a rain-storm once back in Ontario.
*Thank goodness we didn’t take a motorcycle!*
The visibility was so poor that we missed the exit to Ewa’s place, but we made it there safely and not terribly late.

During our last time there she’d told us that her and her husband have been experimenting with making wine.
She now had a bottle set aside for us, which was very sweet – the lady, not the wine.
My boy’s catsuit was mostly completed – just enough to see if all was fitting properly.

My jaw dropped.
There were some minor adjustments to be made, but it looked amazing on him.
He’ll be perfect arm-candy for me at Torture Garden!
*Yes, some women do think this way, boys.*
Ewa assured me that it would be ready on time and that she would deliver it to us the day he returns to me – the first day of the event.

The next morning, I was due to meet a potential new client at Northbound Leather for a shopping trip.
I directed my boy to my favourite cafe (The Jet Fuel) – the best coffee in town and free wi-fi so he could attend to some business while I was busy.
I left him with my iPhone and would call him when I was ready to be picked up.

The gentleman I met was very sweet and generous.
We were attended to by Anna herself, who knows my tastes and my build.
She quickly found me the perfect item for something off the rack – a floor-length leather gown, with a backless halter-style top.

Later that evening, we attended my dear friend KardynylSynysTyr’s birthday party.
His partner (and my soul sister), Lady J, informed me that their friend (and perhaps now mine) Master Windsurfer had completed the whip I had ordered specifically for play with my boy.
This was an amazing surprise as I didn’t think I’d be seeing it until the end of the month and I almost felt like a 4 year-old on Christmas day.
I suspect he rushed the order as he did seem moved when I expressed to him my excitement over this new relationship and that this whip was intended for one man only.

Matt and Archean from Kink Engineering were in attendance – somewhat tired from a demonstration the previous night, but engaging company as usual.
My boy and I got on the subject of shackles as we very much want a set made for him.
Matt told us about a friend who apparently does beautiful and effective work.
I have recently contacted them and will keep you posted.

Lotuslilly was also present with her partner and told us about her scheduled self-suspension performance on the last day of Torture Garden.
Sadly, my boy will be on a plane headed home, but I will try to make it and have made arrangements for a photographer if I can.

There was more cake and wine after many days of much indulgence, but it was good to be able to introduce my boy to more of my community and see him so at ease among people who are important to me.

The next morning we made it to the gym (wow), prepared for his departure and had much to talk about.
The day after that was time for his return home.

So, technically the last 10 days were our third date.
Not bad, huh?

Other exciting news?
Torture Garden in Toronto is afoot (Thursday May 20th – Sunday May 23rd) and I will be there.
I am currently swamped with making latex gear for myself and friends for this event – yes, I have taken the leap!
I promise to let you know all about it.

Contacts and urls for characters in order of appearance:

Ewa of Latexworks (latexworks@gmail.com) – The best custom latex tailor/designer I know. Located in Toronto, Canada.

Max Cita (http://www.maxcita.com/) – Serious bondage enthusiast and creator of quality bondage wear in canvas and rubber.

The Warmbuns Inn (http://www.warmbuns.ca/) – A sweet and cozy bed and dungeon. Clean, very well-equipped and operated by two of the warmest and most hospitable people I have ever met.

MistressNoire (http://.com/users/42493) – Montreal-based dominatrix who’s been at it probably as long as I have. Bilingual (English/French), creative, an artist, singer, poet and more.

Domina Erzulie (www.dominaerzulie.com) – Also a Montreal-based dominatrix, offering sessions and play-space for rent. Well-equipped, very clean, great rates and a lovely lady.

Lady J (http://www.theladyj.com/) – One of my best friends and perhaps the most skilled domina I know. *She was in the military!*

Master Windsurfer (http://www.whipmaker.ca/) – A whip-maker who’s reputation for quality and value precedes him. This gentleman is very busy – and with good reason – so it may take a while, but his whips are worth the wait. He is also a patient instructor to those he knows to have a sincere interest.

Kink Engineering (www.kinkengineering.com) – Known primarily for manufacturing custom vac-beds – and the best design I know of – but expanding into other forms of rubber/vac perversions and distributors of latex sheeting. This is who I go to when I need sheeting for my work.

Lotuslilly (http://.com/users/123817) – A remarkably talented self-bondage/suspension performance artist and rope bondage educator.

Woke up early, thinking of my boy.

Sore from a heavy workout yesterday and hard work in the garden. Decided to visit my good friend Lady J instead of going to the gym today.

Had an interesting conversation with a sub boy over tea about the complexities involved in making the right D/s connection.

Back to work in the yard - digging up sod, moving armloads of bricks (no wheelbarrow!!!) to border flower beds with, mixed in composted sheep manure and top soil, planted assorted herbs (chili peppers, sweet red peppers, basil and sage) and threw in some seeds (columbines, foxglove, sunflowers and morning glories), more work at digging up the stinging nettles!

Finalized choices of places to stay and visit during my mini vacation with the boy - Brunch with rubberraccoon and his Lady, King Tut exhibit at the AGO, visit to Ewa of Latexworks to order something for the boy to wear to Torture Garden, WarmBuns Inn for overnight close to Kingston, visit with Max Cita in Ottawa (lunch, tour and custom order for my beefcake), staying at The Opus in Montreal, visiting MistressNoire while there (we haven't seen each other in about 15 years!), booking time to play at DominaErzulie's space and staying at The Enchanted Garden Inn in Kingston on the way back to Toronto.

Yoga with my best friend, rubberraccoon.

iChat with my boy - poor thing stayed up late to see me. We haven't missed a night in a few weeks now!

Friend dropped in to correct my Magic Jack issues. Again!

Hot rose bath waiting and then crash hard!

They say that music soothes the savage beast, but it can also inflame it!
Nigh impossible to not speed while listening to this and driving.
Infected Mushroom not only craft amazing music, but they write highly intelligent lyrics:

"Sa'eed"

I feel ashamed, again and again
Nothing to give and no one to blame
During the day, I guess I'm okay.

At night, I sleep by your side
Waiting for you to give me a sign
I'm counting the days
and there's nothing to say.

I hope I can feel and see the change
Stop the bleed inside and feel again
Cut the chain of lies
You've been feeding my veins
I've got nothing to say to you

I hope I can chill and stay the same
Stop the bleed inside and feel again
Cut the chain of lies
I've been beating and beating and beating myself...

I feel ashamed, again and again
Nothing to give and no one to blame
During the day, I guess I'm okay.

At night, I sleep by your side
Waiting for you to give me a sign
I'm counting the days
and there's nothing to say.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
I hope I can feel and see the change
Stop the bleed inside and feel again
Cut the chain of lies
You've been feeding my veins
I've got nothing to say to you

I hope I can chill and stay the same
Stop the bleed inside and feel again
Cut the chain of lies
I've been beating and beating and beating myself...

Last Saturday night Northbound Leather celebrated their 20th anniversary with a stellar bash at Revival, here in Toronto.
This is a particularly significant occasion as Northbound Leather were the vanguard of the fetish scene, having hosted the very first fetish events, thereby bringing fetish out into the open and enabling our existing freedoms in our expression.

Let me first say “Wow, what a bash!”

The three story club was equipped with a playroom in the basement, a lounge on the second floor and a large dance floor on the main level lined with a bar on one side and seating on the other.
The  beats were hard and pounding in a venue that was once a church – and there were those of us being worshipped!

A number of us had been anticipating the event since George from Northbound had announced the date and venue.
I arrived with my good friends rubberraccoon – one of the founders of “Fetish Night” – and his lady Wintermute, having prefaced the event with a “getting ready” pre-party at my home.

We encountered Lady J (local dominatrix and one of my best friends) and KardynylSynysTyr (her partner, another great friend and writer for “von Gutenberg Magazine”) shortly after a perusal of the space.
Our party was then complete with the arrival of my good friend Baroness and her three boys – all on leashes!
Mistress Katina – another good domme friend of mine – even joined our little group for a while. It’s always good to see her.

The layout of the venue was not exactly conducive to conversation among groups as the seating was linear – only enabling conversation on either side.
That said, there was a tremendous amount of eye-candy featuring a surprising number of attendees in latex!
Our numbers are growing here in my home town.

While long latex gowns, stiletto heels and absinthe (consumed at my home and not available at the bar!) may not be the wisest combination, I somehow made it back home without a single rip!
Whew.
What a relief!
*Apparently I hadn’t really thought that one through, however everything worked out just fine.*

As this was a particularly special occasion, the folks at Northbound also arranged for some performances, featuring Lotus Lily artfully demonstrating her self rope bondage skills (and what skills they are!) as well as Baron Markus darkly crooning his gothic-flavoured tunes a la 2010.

Rumor on the street has it that this may become a semi-regular event.
I will certainly keep you posted.

And so the day has finally come for me to uncollar the man who was my boy after just over two years of my only real taste of what loving, sexy D/s can be.

Unfortunately, the flip side of that coin was that his life choices forced this relationship into the closet and the "Facebook Fiasco" that many of you are already familiar with forced it deeper into that damned closet.

To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing that can live and grow in a vacuum. His life choices didn't change so the relationship had to end. This happened just over a month ago.

I thought I'd be devastated and I was - for about a day. The next day was easier. The day after that I was struck by the irony that in freeing him, I would be freeing myself to connect with someone with whom I could share in that beauty, but in a relationship that exists in the open. One that can grow and flourish.

I wrote my current profile that day, but determined to not post it until the uncollaring had happened.

Due to the distance between us I would not be able to physically uncollar him until last week, but he called to postpone. We arranged for today.

I won't get into the specifics, but it turned out it was much harder for him than it was for me, although it was his choice. I found myself in the unexpected position of having to comfort him. My love for him remains and its outlet has shifted to that of a loving friend.

I am so very grateful. With him, through him I evolved profoundly as a Domme, learned how truly beautiful D/s can really be and what I need to make that real.

I am excited and look forwards with wonder to the mystery that will unfold of where I may find myself and with whom.

While over for tea my good friend RubberRacoon said to me "There are two types of people who use Tool Dip - Electricians and perverts!" I am not an electrician.
: )
I have found myself surrounded by friends over the last month or so and have to say out loud I know myself to be blessed.
There is much more I could share right now, but feel it more appropriate to wait just a little longer. My profile will be changing soon.
After some changes and the associated introspection I know what to say - just a little later.

Hmmm...

Can barely see straight anymore.
Have spent hours in from of my computer.
I have spent the last week learning how to use my new iMac and am very excited about this tool/toy!

I hired someone to tutor me for a couple of hours earlier in the week so that I can be more familiar with Harageband - audio editing software that will not only allow me to manipulate audio, but will actually allow me to create music!

This enabled me to to correct a major problem. I had my performance at the NYC Miss Rubber World pageant recorded, however not only had I not been allowed to soundcheck I had been promised at an appointed time, but the people in the soundbooth (where my camera was stationed) talked all over my performance!
It was useless with the existing audio.

After my tutorial, I recorded myself singing the song and figured out how to layer it over the video and how to manipulate the levels so that the talking was not included!
Whew!
I have learned a lot of one week.

I have also just selected a portion of some footage of my boy and I playing at Pandora;s Box in NYC.

I thought I'd surpise him with a session while we were there and brought my camera.
The sapmle I created for youtube is a bit of a collaboration between us as I asked him to select the music for it.
He was so bang on.
It's perfect.

I'll be investigating the music software over the next few days to see what I can come up with for the remainder of my video work.
I have several hours' worth of content to edit and must include personally created music for it.
That's part of my trip.

I figure by the end of the week I may have at least 2 more videos up there.

He put away his luggage and came to me - sitting at my feet, resting his head on my thigh and wrapping his arms around my legs. How I love it when he does this. He had seen my brand new transparent latex catsuit hanging behind my bedroom door while he was putting away his things and seemed very excited about it. "Wow!" he said. "That suit is quite something." He grinned up at me.

The day was spent going for a drive and eating out.

I asked him to join me in some yoga upon our arrival back to my place and he had actually brought his yoga pants! How wonderful.

We cuddled into bed for a nap to energize even further.

We got up together, I had him mix us up some cocktails while I went to the bathroom to change into my new transparent black catsuit. I decided to put on my HW Designs heavy rubber corset over top. Wow. I felt like a cross between a super hero and a fetish icon. I felt amazing. Charged.

I went into my bedroom and found him waiting for me in one of his black latex catsuits. He'd laid out an array of gear he would be needing my help with. I found his HW Designs men's heavy rubber corset (matches my own), a plain black latex hood, black rubber ball mitts and his new HW Designs neck corset/posture collar at the foot of my bed.

His eyes grew large when he looked at me. "Wow" he said (I get that a lot from him). There was a huge grin on his face.

"Which boots do you think I should wear with this, pet?" I asked him. "Boots?" he replied. I laughed. No boots then. Sometimes that just keeps things simple.

I helped him on with his corset. He zipped on his hood. I had him polish up my catsuit - his hands felt so good rubbing silicone oil all over my body. I laced on his posture collar and had him lie back on my bed. He looked up at me while I put on his ball mitts and tightened the straps. He could not longer use his hands.

I lay next to him and touched him all over - my beautiful, black, shiny rubber lover. You can imagine what happened next - this s just a blog entry and it's getting long already. I'll save the details for a story. What comes next is quite wild. After making love and showering the lube and sweat off of our bodies, we actually slept together naked - for maybe the 2nd time in over one year. I have to laugh and shake my head as I write this.

We wrapped ourselves around each other and drifted off to sleep.

What is usually a very quiet time of the year for me is being taken up by planning for an event in January and reconnecting with a dear friend who has recently returned from a 3 month trip to Guatemala.

My application to to Miss Rubber World pageant has been confirmed as received.The organizer actually seemed very pleased to have received it and so I feel somewhat flattered.

I want to do something pretty spectacular for my number - I will not share it here as I feel it important to keep it secret - so this is taking some planning.

My friend, tattoo artist and photographer recently returned from Guatemala and has been staying with me.
We've had a couple of late nights with her sharing with me stories of her stay there.
She should really write this down!
What an experience she's had.
She was down there tattooing and it seems that the environment was quite inspirational.

Another friend dropped in last night to bring me his car!
As my recent hunt for a decent and affordable car has not panned out, he was generous enough to take his second car out of storage, have it repaired and insured so that he could do this for me.
WOW!
What a gift.
Thank you!
I have it for a couple of months which should buy me some time to find something suitable.

My boy was in town this weekend,but had to attend an important function so we did not get our usual visit.
We did manage to get in a nap together!
I've been fasting for the last 3 days and went to the gym today.
This left me totally wiped.
When he called today to let me know he was on his way i had just returned from the gym and was quite tired.
I let him know that I'd be leaving my door unlocked so he could let himself in and join me in bed.
How I love snuggling in to him!

He snuggled right in and it felt divine as usual.
We took turns spooning one another until it was time for him to leave for his very long drive home.
We'll be seeing each other again in a few days.

*I can still smell him on me.*

My tattoo artist friend just called to let me know she's on her way back shortly.
We'll be talking about finishing my last tattoo this week.
One of the outfits I'm wearing at Miss Rubber World exposes some skin so it's important that all my art be pristine!

My latex maker (Ewa from Latexworks) is coming over tomorrow at 11am.
I've given her some work.
She's bringing in my new catsuit and that should be finished.
I've also given her an outfit to alter - my time at the gym has been paying off so most of my latex is now baggy on me!

Now I just need to find the right version of the song I want to use for my performance.
This is very important.
Wish me luck.

I've a feeling this will be an interesting week.

There are many misconceptions within this community about gender and D/s roles. I like to expose them when given the opportunity and time permits.
During my search for a female pet I have received a number of approaches and most have not made it so far as to the "coffee stage".
I am not at all surprised as I was here for 3 years before I met rubberallover.
I am neither surprised nor disappointed.
I know anything worthwhile is worth waiting for and working for.
It may surprise some to know that women subs approaching a Domme can be as prone moving too fast as the boys do. A symptom of "submissive frenzy" - a desperation to connect immediately with their dominant that leads them to leaping into expectations and even relationships without getting to know the person.
I had held such a woman under my consideration briefly. She had written to me one of the most lovely and thorough letters of approach. Due to distance and schedulling there was a delay in our being able to meet one another. During the gap between letter of intro and coffee meeting her letters became more poetic and devotional.
While on a certain level this can seem quite lovely, this is the sort of correspondance I feel should be inspired by someone the writer actually knows.
I had determined that this lady was experiencing submissive frenzy, wrote her a polite letter stating this and cancelled our plans.

The following is my reply to a letter she sent to me stating that this had upset her.

"I understand why it would.

I hadn’t seen my boy in weeks.

Not only was he able to see me last Friday, but he was able to come early.

It was so good to see him.

I had missed him so very much.

I was preparing for a shoot.

We hugged, kissed and talked. It was go amazing to be with him again.

My photographer finally arrived with her associate.

My boy was the perfect host, preparing drinks for everyone – we even dipped into his scotch.

The shoot was over and we all retired to my deck to enjoy the cool evening air.

The photographers left and I was suddenly taken by the urge to play with some rope bondage with my boy.

I led him to the playroom and had him sit in the interrogation chair.

We were both giggling and laughing.

I then pulled out some rope and told him I wanted to play.

The look on his face was absolute horror!

LOL!

I knew exactly what this was about.
He knows what an absolute heathen his Mistress can become after a few cocktails.

I urged him to trust me, that I was aware of my limits and just wanted to play with some rope.

We would not get into any pain play.

We had so much fun!

We both laughed very hard as he would attempt to get out of the bondage.

A couple of times he seemed to get close so I would change the rope configurations until I was satisfied that he was secure.

I gave been recently corresponding with a gentleman who stated that he writes BDSM erotica online.
He proidly declared that he does not include what he calls "fluff - that romantic stuff that gets in the way".
Understand that I respect this gentleman as he has so far appeared to be one of the more creative and intelligent people I have met in the scene.
This was my reply to him:

"Now, your reference to "that romantic stuff that gets in the way" as being "fluff"...
I don't believe that it does.
Especially not when well written by someone who understands.
I intend to write such material.
I believe that this "fluff" is what makes the erotica erotic - not simply more disposable pornography and sleaze.

So many refer to the D/s lifestyle as being "a different kind of loving". I don't see many actually living this concept.
It's the love enhanced by the action that makes things truly erotic for me.

My boy recently read to me a very erotic poem during our video conference just a few minutes ago.
It was quite hot.
What made it exceptionally sexy was the obvious adoration, worship and love conveyed by the writer - the protagonist - for the subject of his lust.
Amazingly steamy.
One's complete surrender inspired by total adoration, trust and respect is far more interesting than random play because someone is horny and kinky.
It is quite something."

I can't sleep and so I find myself here writing to get some of this kinetic excitement out of my system.
I have had a very productive day and it seems I may be on the right track for accomplishing some nigh-immediate goals.
I have put out my intention to find a simple and attainable solutions to get a project in motion and The Universe is listening.
My excitement level is so high that I had to get out of bed to jot down some notes.
I'm electric with inspiration.

I've already spoken with my boy tonight and we exchanged stories of our day - having both had a very productive day, filled with good news.
How wonderful.
*grin*

I'll be seeing him on Friday and can hardly wait.
I miss him very much and am so looking forwards to sharing space!
My beloved pet.
My muse.

I count myself blessed.
What a delightful journey I have been on.

Unfortunately my boy and I were unable to spend time within the same space last weekend, but now that we have resolved our ichat issue we have been video conferencing on a regular basis.

We made the best of it and planned a "webdate" for last Saturday.
What a treat!

When we had initially made contact I had just returned from a first edit viewing of a friend's film and he had just awakened from a nap.
We chatted briefly and then I told him that I would be heading for a hot aromatherapy bath prior to changing for our date.

He asked if he may be permitted to continue his nap for a time.
What was perfect was that his webcam was aimed at the sofa where he would be napping.
I was able to see him there, under his comforter, smiling.
How lovely.

I changed into a latex outfit after my bath. Upon my return to my computer I saw him lying there and just smiled.
He must have sensed my presence as he was promptly awakened.
Fascinating.

I instructed him to undress and kneel before me.
What a feast he is for my eyes!
Always.
I do so love looking at him.

I instructed him to dress into one of his black latex catsuits.
My black, shiny, beloved pet.
Beaming at me.
My boy.

I then instructed him to get his PES device with the attachments.
He used the coronal stimulator with the anal plug.
I retrieved my own and plugged myself in.
We were both hooked up.

I'll leave what followed to your own imagination.
This was a first for us and I must say it was one hell of an erotic date.
With my boy, of course.

We are truly living a life that most will only ever read about - the stuff of fetish erotica only better.

I will be seeing him this coming weekend and can hardly wait.
He will be on my leash at the  private event I will be hotessing with Mistress Jezebel Fatale and Kittykat Ritz.
He will, of course, be the perfect escort and ornament.

I find it only appropriate to be writing this today – the first anniversary of when my collared pet rubberallover first sent to me his letter of introduction.

I remember receiving it and reading it with surprise.

It was on the level of “too good to be true”.

So much so that I had difficulty in trusting it - after almost 2 years on this site and being approached by the usual offenders.

He was polite, articulate and properly introduced himself..

He had defined himself as a gentleman both within his profile and his letter of introduction to me – a letter of intro where he actually followed the guidelines I took the time to include within my profile. This alone already set him far apart from most.

I must admit I was somewhat jaded by a number of disappointments – some of them quite deep.

I would find something in his messages to either object to or correct and he would rise to the occasion with elegance and sincerity every time.

He was proving himself determined to win my favour – as a hopeful submissive should, but as most so seldom do.

It was over a month before I agreed to chat and almost another before I agreed to a phone call.

He never once complained or balked, but rather continued to essentially court me online.

How refreshingly unusual - just like him.

I believe it may have been April before I finally agreed to meet him for dinner. I was quite pleased with the boy I encountered. He was much more attractive in person (yes, this does happen), appropriately deferential and nervous, came bearing my favourite flowers – Stargazer lilies – and a copy of The Encyclopaedia of Cruel and Unusual Punishment. He was absolutely charming and indeed the gentleman he professed to be.

We continued communicating online for several months and did not meet again until perhaps July. At this point I had already allowed him to include within his profile that he was officially under my consideration and we had planned this date for his inspection. We had lunch and then I brought him to the dungeon. He was so bashful and sweet. It was delicious. He had brought along the PES device that I had encouraged him to purchase, as this was something both he and I were quite keen on exploring.

It was shortly after this that he had invited me to attend the Montreal Fetish Weekend with him. I saw no reason to refuse.

We are now at the last week of August in my story. We have been in the same space only twice since February 6^th. It was constant messaging via this site and a few phone calls that built the foundation for what developed next.

I was finally leaving my previous relationship and relocating my business into my new home. My boy did not let me lift a finger, but rather moved all of my studio furniture for me while I sat comfortably in my air-conditioned space – as any excellent submissive sincere about providing service should.

A couple of days later it was time to go to Montreal.

Bearing in mind that my profile was very specific about seeking a servant and servant only…

There was some sort of magic that happened that weekend. His submissiveness to me, his good manners, his generosity, his attractiveness, his sensuality, his intelligence, our common ground, the way we deeply connected on a surprising level…

I had found my “wow” experience in a way I had never expected. I claimed him as my own without any doubts.

I discussed with him my desire to have him wear a permanent collar and chastity device. He agreed to both.

Since that weekend he has been my servant, my pet and my lover – something I was certainly not looking for and something I never expected.

Our relationship continues to develop and grow. He continues to inspire me throughout our journey together in this ever-deepening D/s experience

A year ago today, he sent me his letter of introduction.

I met him right here.

Friday was about completing the planning for my pet's birthday surprise - a kidnapping scene.
My Saturday began with bringing over my gear to the first location in the morning (a new Toronto dungeon created by a fabulous young couple) , settling details re the second location (Patricia Marsh’s), picking up my boy’s birthday cake and plotting out in my mind what I would do to my captive.

We hadn’t seen each other in two weeks now and I was so keen to see him and get started with his Birthday Kidnapping.

He had arrived early. We embraced, kissed and talked for a time as I cut up some lengths of rope (I found some beautiful rope recently at Canadian Tire!).

I instructed him to put on one of his black latex catsuits and then to put on his jeans and sweater over top. I bound his wrists with rope and led him to the back seat of my car. I then gagged him, blindfolded him, covered him with a blanket and drove to our first location.

Around two blocks from our destination I called our host who was to await my arrival at the main door. I stopped at the side entrance, assisted my boy out of the back seat and our host silently took my car to park it that I may proceed with the scene seamlessly.

I led rubberallover to a massive loft space with high ceilings, beautiful lighting with coloured gels , colourful aquariums and a number of striking pieces of play furniture spread out within.

I left him kneeling facing the south wall while stepped away to change into my latex skirt suit (Polymorphe Contessa top with the Orchid skirt), sheer stockings and 5 inch stilhetto patent pumps.

I popped my head into the reception area to thank our hostess who whispered to me asking if I needed anything I was to simply ask.

I returned to my boy, had him remove his street clothes and chose a hood for him. I took out my latex polish and worked it all over his body. He was my gorgeous, black shiny plaything. So beautiful.

I then handed him the polish and had him shine me up.

How very erotic.

We played for a couple of hours and then I repeated the kidnapping process to take my boy to Patricia Marsh’s space – the location I use for my professional sessions.

I left him in the main dungeon while I changed in the medical room into my HW Designs heavy rubber combi-corset, black and silver latex neck corset, sheer back-seamed stockings with Cuban heel detailing, the same patent pumps from before and a matching see-through black and pink bra and panty set.

When I returned to the dungeon I was met with a “Wow” from my birthday boy.

I so love provoking that reaction from him.

I really believe my boy and I should be making movies. What we do together is certainly far more erotic, kinky and beautiful that most of the fetish material I have seen out there.

It may just be a matter of obtaining a camera now. We’ve discussed this many times and did so again in the dungeon.

I surprised him with another gift – a CB3000. I showed it to him at the dungeon, however it was not yet time to lock him in.

We returned to my place for a lovely tilapia dinner, a nap and then an outing to the Fetish Masquerade (apparently there’s a pic of us on their website).

It was a late night.

Back home we had birthday cake - a chocolate mousse cake decorated with an orchid and a marzipan plaquette reading “To My Dearest Pet, Happy Birthday From Your Loving Mistress”.

He joined me in my bed wearing nothing but his collar. How we do love sleeping together.

The morning after we had to see if the CB fit. Barely. I left him with the key in case this does not work for him. I don’t want to risk him being in pain and not being able to remove the device quickly enough. He is to provide me with his feedback after having worn it for 24 hours.

We miss each other already and look forward to a time we can devote a few days to a kidnapping. A 3 to 4 day scene with my boy would be heaven.

Wow.
This weekend I finally saw my boy after a long absence.
There were a few "firsts".

This was the first night we cuddled in front of a movie.
I had bought Lady in the Water and figured as he was so tired from travel that a quiet evening in front of a movie would be in order. He changed into some comfy clothing and lay into me on the couch.

He was so sweet. With gentle caresses and kisses, his head on my chest.
My pet.

He needed to be punished.
He had neglected to wear his plug this New Years Eve – nervous about being found out by his friend. This was not an excuse I could accept as he always could have found his way into a public washroom and inserted it there.

He knew he deserved to be punished.

I found a cane, I bent him over the sofa backrest and beat him in earnest (another first) - harder than he expected.

He struggled.

I told him to restrain himself lest I have to force him.

I marked him up well – such lovely welts came up and some bruising.

Mmmmm.
He complained and cried. LOL!

He said it made him dizzy.

It seems it made him happy.
We were both quite giddy.

We had finally received the replacement Talena collar - the last one was far too large.
I had him kneel in front of me and put it on.
A perfect fit this time.
It was moving.
He rested his face against my leg and adored me with little kisses. Ah, my pet.

It was late and we went to bed.
He undressed - wearing nothing but his collar.
How beautiful he looked.
My smiling, lovely, devoted and adoring pet.
It was good to have him in my bed again.
He winced with pain when he became aware of his welts as he lay down with me.

I received a text informing me that his bottom was still hurting and that it put a smile on his face every time he felt the pain.

I was delighted to learn how happy this makes him - caning is one of my favourite things and it makes me so happy to know he loves it too.

Add to this that I LOVE to leave my mark.
 

Last night we spoke for longer than usual.

Usually the evening conversations are short and strictly reserved for our little ritual of my tucking him in to sleep, but we were both blissed from the night together and were sharing our feelings about being happy to have been together again and shared the day's events.

We may be seeing each other again this weekend.
 I certainly hope so.

Terribly ironic.
Clearly this moron didn't bother reading my last journal entry or simply didn't care.
The following is a perfect exacmple of the sorts of approaches Ladies here get all the time. This is unedited, BTW, so you will see he didn't ever say "Hello" and just leaps into:
"If you are looking for a proficient anus licker then thats me, seems these are very less in demand :)"
What isn't in demand is human assh*les.

The contact made yesterday was another one of those leading no where. Not a big surprise.
No matter. In truth, I did see that coming.
I have an interesting afternoon in store. I am currently working on a story-board for a possible film shoot and must have this ready for our meeting this eveing at 7pm.
After the meeting I am leading a Winter Solstice ritual (I am an initiated Priestess, after all) and must ready myself for that.
This whole month has been nothing short of fascinating and I am glad.
My relationship with my pet has been deepending, my creativity is soaring and I am keen on seeing what is around the corner.

Happy Solstice Everyone!

Wannabe "slaves" with grocery lists of fetishes and demands are not SLAVES.
A slave's only desire should be to obey and to serve.
When will you wankers get it straight?
There are slaves, submissives and fetishists - in the appropriate descending order in my world.
I am not without a sense of humour, but my time is limited - therefore very precious - and I resent having it wasted.
READ my profile before considering approach. It saves everyone their time - yours included.
*Hint* My profile also makes it clear I am NOT "looking". NSA houseboys could be useful and I am still seeking a female sub who is not a "do-me" slut.

I miss my boy.
Distance is a bitch.

rubberallover and I will be attending the Montreal Fetish Weekend together.
Let me know if any of you will also be atending.

WANTED:
Attractive exhibitionist masochists into scening with me on film.
Indicate areas of interest and experience  - MUST include photo.
You will be required to present ID as this is the law - as proof of age and consent.

It is pretty spectacular who many believe that the life of a Domme is so easy - that we lounge all day and get whatever we want, whenever we want it and that we are constantly served by attentive slaves who will give us everything<br>
You've been watching too many movies - and movies made by men, I will add.<br>
The Dommes I know are all hard-working women. We are lucky to make minor connections with submissives - not SLAVES - who will do something for us without ulterior motives.<br>
These relationships usually fizzle to nothing after a short period - when these men decide what they really want is vanilla relationships with a bit of kink on the side.<br>
Seriously.<br>
In my lifetime in this scene - and that has been around 23 years - I have only known 2 women to own slaves in the REAL and MEANINGFUL sense of the word.<br>
Two women in 23 years!<br>

After years of searching online for submissives, I have come to realize that the outcome is completely unsatisfactory.<br>
A submissive always has a way out.<br>
The terms of engagement no longer move me.<br>
I have come to the conclusion a few months ago that only total ownership of a slave could satisfy at this stage in my life. <br>
Nothing less.<br>
So, when one considers how nigh-impossible it is for a serious FemDomme to find a REAL male sub online, consider the difficulty in finding a SLAVE.<br>
I have had my profile on a number of sites.<br>
A few weeks ago, determined to take my frustration and turn it into something positive, I decided it would be a lot more fun to turn this process into something playful.<br>
I call this "My New Video Game".<br>
I will sit in front of a website and carefully scrutinize the profiles of men who identify as "slaves".<br>
The majority don't even require careful scrutiny - they immediately present themselves as either liars or men who simply don't have a clue as to what REAL slavery means.<br>
Regardless, I block them.<br>
It has become a process of elimination.<br>
I receive a lot of useless mail everyday from posers and simply guys who have the wrong idea.
I figure this will reduce it.<br>
On one site I have "eliminated" more than half of the profiles for Canada and about 40% of those in the US - have only made it though a few of the states.<br>
I have recently started to wonder if I shouldn't be maintaining some sort of statistical data - it could make for an interesting read.   <br>
If I don't come out of this with at least one solid slave, perhaps I will write a book.

I just have to shake my head when I read descriptions including "part-time slave".<br>
LOL!<br>
Honestly!

Fellas, really check in and ask yourselves what it means to define oneself as "submissive".

No one with an even basic intellect should presume that "submissive" and "doormat" and interchangeable.

I would, however, presume that someone who defines himself as submissive to women would at the very least be well-mannered and courteous. This would include the ability to accept rejection with grace.

It is amazing how many men here will create brand new profiles strictly for the purpose of insulting the women who have blocked them.

Do they really have that much time?

Clearly their search for the right Domme must be going soooo well that they can afford the time to chase after the women who have said "no thanks".

Today I received a truely rude message from someone who was offended by my having blocked him.

The irony is that I hadn't blocked him - not until I received this message from his new account.

Honestly! 

The following is my answer to a question that was posted to my yahoo group. I think this may have value to both Dommes and subs here.


> Hello! And thank you for allowing me to join your group.. it is a
> privilege that I am very much grateful for.

Hello and thank you for contributing a question to my group.
>
> I can understand your post about submissives who lack drive and
> effort.. I am quite possibly one of the worst offenders when it comes to this.

LOL!
Knowing is half the battle. Now DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!