I copied this from FL my profile - yes, I'm lazy... but I think it's a good place to start.  My experience with Dominance continues to evolve, so feel free to ask me any questions you like.  I still find this a good writing that communicates my thoughts well.

What should be quite clear conversations are frequently ruined by the assumption that the same words mean the same thing to all people.  Sometimes it takes a lot of work to really define what a word means.  Continuing in my theme of “What X Means to Me” I’d like to make the attempt to define what “dominant” means to me.

Dominant:  It means a lot of things to a lot of people.  I’ve frequently seen it used as ‘the person who is in charge’ or something resembling that that.  I’ve seen too many examples of the guy calling himself Lord Whatever while he asserts that his subs must obey him and do all his wishes.  I don’t really get that… At the end of the day, he has no power because the people he call his ‘subs’ have no reason to listen other than their own amusement.

I believe that true dominance can only be arrived at through trust.  While there are people out there who will freely give someone else power over them, I prefer to be with someone who has enough confidence and faith in herself that she makes me earn her trust.  I suppose that’s why my wife is such a brat. (=  As a dom I believe it is my job to help my submissive find out what she wants, and give it to her.  I want to push her boundaries and help her explore, but a big part of my job as the dominant is to earn and keep her trust.  That’s what allows me to push her boundaries.

I once heard it said that a good dom doesn’t need a safe word, but they will always insist on one because it’s the right thing to do.  That is the dom I strive to be – a dom who can identify where the limits are without crossing them, a dom who can stay in the right headspace to ensure I haven’t gone too far purely for my own enjoyment, and above all else, a dom who can show my sub that mutual trust is the most important part of the game.

One of my favorite parts of my job as the dominant is to ensure that my submissive is cared for and satisfied and happy.  I like to do the little things for her: I brush her hair, run her a bath, massage her, help her with the house work, make sure that she is taking care of herself and guide her down the right path when needed.  I hold her, I love her, and in return she knows she’s safe with me, whether it is in the dark alley or when she is bound and blindfolded she knows that I will keep her safe and will not betray her trust.  That is what I love; that I know that she wholly trusts me and that I am able to show her that she’s right, that I am worthy of that trust.  My wife and I have gone through years together building our trust, and building the understanding that we will do anything for each other.  She’s a little brat, but at the end of the day, she submits to me.  Not because I tie her to the bed and force her to behave, but because I have earned it, and that is what makes it worthwhile.