As you can see by the dates, I've been away for a long time. I am curious as to whether this site has changed for better or worse in the years since I last used it.

Sir looking for my Sir

Feeling completely unmotivated today. I managed to lose my 'mojo' somewhere and I can't seem to get it back. The timing could'nt be worse, I have tons of stuff to do and I'm just sitting here being a lay about. Days like this I really regret living alone with no supervision/discipline :(

When I hid my profile I forgot that a lot of my lifestyle friends use it to keep up with me, so I am "unhiding" it for those that follow my journal.

Started training in earnest for my first marathon...would love some words of encouragement. I've never attempted a race that long and its all happening while I am going through A LOT of serious changes in terms of my long term goals, my spirituality, D/s and life in general.

I feel like everything has moved at the speed of light since I got here. It is like being in a whirlwind but I guess I'm keeping up. On the plus side, Mai and I are getting along like the old days.  I think she really missed me and I guess I missed her too.  I thought I was teaching her strength but instead she is teaching ME about what it really means to be submissive. She told me I need to work on my temper. She's right and I'm going to work on that....

Mai is with me. If I agree to meet you in person, I may bring her along but please don't be a jerk and behave as if you just hit the threesome jackpot. We are NOT a package deal, we're not interchangeable and we don't share men.

One of the first questions I am going to ask is if you have a webcam and how soon you anticipate a face2face meeting. If the answer is no cam and face2face is weeks away (and I don't care why)  I will end all communication without warning or further explanation. I have learned the hard way that those answers make the difference in finding my match and having a game-player waste my precious time/energy ....not to mention what it does to me to have my hopes dashed when I realize I'm dealing with a fraud, an online only fiend or simply an asshole.

Yay !!!!!! I finally waded through all of my messages ! It took much longer than I expected, so if you wrote to me and noticed that you were deleted without being read, I was not trying to intentionally offend (unless I was, and you know who you are). I was forced to do that with messages more than a day or so old, in order to catch up and get through them all. If you think I made a mistake in doing so - send me another. I'll try again :)

Where are the complex souls? I'm seeking a multidimensional, refined gentleman/lady who is serious about finding someone compatible. If you have a softer side or even better - the ability to switch, please respond. Any serious reply from a man or woman matching that description will be answered.

I haven't vanished, I assure you but I won't be answering messages for the next two days...running a 1/2 marathon on Saturday and I like to chill out before longer races...

I'm really eager to end the search so let me elaborate on who should respond to my profile and who shouldn't: DO reply if you want to meet in person within weeks, not months. DON'T reply if you just want to play online or spend weeks exchanging messages. DO reply if you have a working webcam. DO NOT REPLY if you don't.  Also, I'm not interested in couples right now.

Mai - I'm looking for you....

This submissive is back in play - uncollared and selectively seeking a worthy Dominant. 

If you are seriously looking for a real-life involvement, reach out to me. I'll send photos and we can go from there...please note - webcam verification and meeting in person aren't negotiable conditions. If you are unable to do either of those things - contacting me is a waste of your time and by extension, mine as well.

No longer looking. Interested in friends only

Getting used to Charlotte....and starting to get bored. Time to play !

I'm loving the new south! Things really HAVE changed in the years since I left. Wow

Almost ready to put myself "back in play". Just need to sort out a few more things to be a better me. I want to be worthy of Him when we finally meet...and I have a feeling its going to happen here in NC. Everything else is falling into place - surely my search will too.

I'm buying a house here in the Charlotte area so I'm not really interested in relocating but I have no problem making friends with non-locals.

If you've written me recently and I didn't answer - sorry I haven't gotten back to you. The move has left me with very little time for my CM friends. I'll try to do better in the future.

After much thought I have decided to leave New York for good. I am relocating to Charlotte NC and bringing Mai along as soon as she finishes her last year of college. She is really quite lost without me. I had not realized how very much she needs me. What an awesome responsibility. On some level I wish I had never met her...she needs so much care it feels like a burden right now.

One of the best relationships I have ever experienced was with a male switch. I am still interested in hearing from dominant people, but if you have a softer or "switchable" side - I think it would be fun to explore that too !

Laptop working again...and I did it all by myself

My laptop isn't working and I can't figure out what is wrong. Now I'm forced to use this outdated desktop..if you know anything at all about computers drop me a line. It does'nt matter to me if you are a subbie or a dom... I just really need help troubleshooting that *@#$

* machine !

Had a very interesting evening with another "submissive friend".  Her name is Crystal and she always felt like a little sister....but she just confessed that she would submit to me. I'm mostly straight but I'm very attracted to her...I didn't see this coming and I am totally confused by my feelings for her and hers for me. I don't know what happens to our relationship if we start changing the dynamic. I will certainly have to give this one some more thought.

One of my friends wrote to tell me he totally doesn't understand my relationship with Mai...join the club. I don't either. I guess it doesn't make much sense. She depends on me and I let her...even encourage it. Its an odd brand of friendship. 

My life has gotten busy (read as: interesting) again...YAY! I was becoming a bit bored. I don't have time for CM as much but I enjoy updating my journal so I'll keep popping in to do that...I'm finding strength I had forgotten I possessed. There will always be ups and downs but on the whole - I'm very, very optimistic about life and everything in it :)

Its been such a productive day...except for Mai....such a headache that one is

Feeling better today.

I'm not feeling very submissive today...instead feeling angry and aggressive...I think this is what happens when a subbie is pushed too far, too hard and too fast. I've reached some kind of breaking point. When I am docile, people pile on the abuse and work overtime at figuring out ways to exploit me and I take it...meekly. Until the straw that breaks the camel's back. And then I fight back.

LasVegasFlake, Ladyicescream and any others who send unsolicited flame. I have this to say:

Surely you have something more productive to do with your time than write insults to people who could not less about you, much less your opinion of what is or is not attractive. Do you have any idea of how pathetic that makes you appear??

Find a second job, a hobby or read a book. Anything but sending out unsolicited insults to people online. How absolutely sad. I hate to waste a journal entry on this but if even one such person realizes that rather than hurting the target that behavior makes you look ridiculously loser-ish then its well worth it.

Update on Mai: Her return means shifted priorities, at least for the short term. She is still very much in need of guidance and even though its a huge responsibility...I've missed her and I'm glad she back.  Now if I can just get her to remember that this is the US, specifically its NYC - things don't resonate here in the same manner as they do in her hometown of Beijing.

Today I am meeting up with Mai for the first time in 3 years. I've been so worried about her. We exchanged harsh words and stopped speaking but I never stopped thinking about her, wondering if she was ok. She was/is my protege and the most naturally submissive woman I've ever seen, but now that I'm no longer dominant...I wonder how that will impact our relationship?

I really loved spending time with my family and friends in NC but I'm equally glad to be back in New York.

I don't think being submissive means I need to surrender my dignity. Why does being one have to preclude having the other?

On a more positive note - being back in NC surrounded by people who love me has been very good for my soul. I had forgotten what that could feel like and how it grounds me in a way nothing else ever could.

Feeling better today...more decisive at least. Dozens of email well wishes were sent to me yesterday and it meant so much to know that I wasn't all alone.

I am feeling very lost and without direction today...its scary to be this vulnerable and I just can't figure out what I am doing wrong. 

My horoscope indicated that today could bring resolution to a long standing problem. Perhaps it means to imply that my search for a compatible Master or Mistress is starting to look up !! I certainly hope that is the case because even though my interest in the lifestyle has not waned, my inability to attract responses from Master/Mistresses who are even close to being compatible has started to frustrate me. Am I really asking for the world???

It is not easy to ride the fence of being both submissive and dominant. For the time being, I have decided to  submerge the domme in me because my strong personality is standing in the way of my goals...but my training is far from complete and as of right now, has even come to a standstill because I can not find a suitable top to guide my progress.

Crossing my fingers,

d

No longer in Denver...what a wretched city!  Could not wait to see it fade from view as the plane took off.

I am forced to ask that those who would seek to have me be willing to chat by webcam very soon in the process. I am sorry to set this requirement but I was recently subjected to a dom who completely misrepresented himself...and as a result I was unable to move forward after meeting because he was so far outside of my comfort zone in terms of physical attraction.