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3/24/2012 11:14:45 AM

Why we pair up with our emotional opposites and how to make it work
Published February 21, 2012| The Wall Street Journal


Chuck Ford tells his wife often how much he loves her. He likes to hold hands when they walk, cuddle when they watch TV and hug—a lot.
His wife has learned to like it. "I don't like to sit on the couch and cuddle for two hours," said Judy Ford, a 66-year-old retired high-school counselor from Carmel, Ind.
Of all the ways that opposites attract, the thorniest may be when emotionally giving types pair up with types who are emotionally reserved.
Givers love to show affection: Hugs, kisses, flowers, skywriting—there's no such thing as too much. They crave receiving displays of love, as well.
Reserved types certainly may love deeply, but they are uncomfortable showing it. Often, they rely on their partner to initiate a display of affection. Sometimes, they don't even enjoy receiving expressions of love.
Initially, emotionally giving types are attracted to emotionally reserved types, and vice versa, because they are so different, experts say. Giving people often find reserved people intriguing; they like to elicit affection from someone who doesn't express it easily. And deep down, reserved types often like to be drawn out.
Over time, though, the two types can bring out the worst in each other. The giver starts to seem needy. The reserved partner reacts by pulling away. This makes the giver give even more in order to elicit attention; the reserved one backs away even further.
Early in their 20-year marriage, Ford, a 61-year-old retired social-studies teacher, began to feel his wife didn't fully reciprocate his affection. She rarely initiated hugs and kisses. And while she let him hold her hand sometimes, Ford says he could tell she didn't really enjoy it. He began to pull away. "I didn't want to waste my time," he recalled. "If the marriage isn't working so well, I can go fish or hunt or work on my studies or business relationships." He worried the relationship wouldn't last.
Then Ford asked her husband what was wrong. He told her, "I need more physical closeness, and not necessarily sex." She reminded him that she had been raised in a German-American household that wasn't "huggy-kissy." She told him she prefers to show love through actions—making a nice home, planning vacations, setting up get-togethers with his family. "I was raised in a very bonded family that showed their love by spending time together," she said.
In the psychology field, these different ways of relating are called "attachment style," and they are partly learned and partly genetic. Attachment is believed to be a basic human need with an evolutionary basis. Many children, such as orphans, who aren't held or given physical affection fail to grow at normal rates.
Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University in New York, identifies three types of attachment styles: Secure, Anxious and Avoidant. Secure people make up more than half the population and are typically warm, caring and comfortable with intimacy, he said.
Those with an Anxious attachment style, about 20 percent of the population, often worry about their relationship and whether their partner loves them, said Levine, co-author of the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love." They typically are emotionally giving. Those with an Avoidant attachment style, about 25 percent of the population, tend to think intimacy leads to loss of autonomy and try to minimize closeness, he said.
In the mid-1960s, a Johns Hopkins University psychologist, Mary Ainsworth, developed an experiment known as "the Strange Situation": A young child plays with her mother in a room. Her mother leaves, and a stranger remains. Then the mother returns. Most children were distressed when their mothers left the room, said Robert Marvin, director of the Mary D. Ainsworth Child-Parent Attachment Clinic, in Charlottesville, Va.
Dr. Ainsworth examined what took place during the mother-child reunion. Some children rushed to their mothers and were easily consoled; Dr. Ainsworth concluded they secure. Other children were unable to be consoled by their mothers; these she called "anxious-resistant." Some didn't rush to their mothers, or they started to approach but then turned away; these she called "anxious-avoidant."
Another experiment, "the Still Face," conducted by Edward Tronick, now a developmental psychologist at the University of Massachusetts Boston, demonstrates that a child can experience a mother's emotional withdrawal at an early age. Tronick videotaped a mother engaging lovingly with her approximately 1-year-old baby. Then the mother makes her face immobile. The baby notices and tries to re-engage with her by smiling, then by pointing, then shrieking and finally crying.
The good news, Levine said, is that attachment style can change. Experts say couples need to tell each other what they need and be specific. For example, they can say, "I know it's difficult for you to be affectionate in front of my friends, but at home I really need a hug every day."
Displays of love don't have to be 50-50, as long as both people show something. "Each partner will need to make some slight movements in the opposite direction from which they are comfortable," says Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a Mount Kisco, N.Y., marriage and family therapist. She says she is more emotionally reserved than her husband, and he asked her to give him a kiss when he comes home.
The Fords worked on their differences, and now Ms. Ford gives her husband hugs when he comes home and before bed. She has become more comfortable holding hands and often initiates it. Mr. Ford has altered his expectations and doesn't take his wife's lack of verbal or physical expression personally. He also pays attention to the other ways she tells him she loves him: planning special weekends together, washing his hunting clothes, preparing and freezing meals before he goes camping. "We've moved to a mutual center," Mr. Ford says. "It comes from communication."


9/2/2011 8:02:35 AM

House Rules for My slaves

This is by no means an exhaustive list and will be added to and edited whenever needed.

>basic personal hygiene is expected at all times!
>slaves will be naked or in previously approved attire while serving inside the Household.
>contraband includes but is not limited to video games/equipment, porn, unapproved foods, luxuries, alcohol, tobacco, firearms, etc. If contraband is found on one, ALL slaves will be punished!
>slaves will always be in service mode and on call when inside the home even when during “down time”.
>slaves will be required to give notice to and gain permission from a Female before he leaves the Household, stating the reason for leaving.
>FT live-in slaves who work outside the home will deposit their entire paycheck into the Household account.
>each slave will be assigned a certain set of chores to be completed according to the Chore Chart on a daily, weekly, and/or monthly basis.
>each slave will be expected to keep his own personal living space neat and clean at all times! There will be scheduled and unscheduled inspections!
>all slaves will use one bathroom and will be required to keep their bathroom neat and clean at all times!
>slaves will be required to leave both their bedroom and bathroom doors open AT ALL TIMES —unlocked and open wide.
>slaves will SIT to use the toilet EVERY TIME.
>no slaves will sit on the furniture except while eating. Some will eat their food from bowls on the floor like dogs. This can be either for reward or for punishment, depending on the slave.
>slaves will eat after I am finished. The assigned slave(s) will clean up the kitchen immediately afterwards.
>slaves are to be seen and not heard—they will not speak unless they are first spoken to by a Me. likewise you will give your opinion ONLY when it is asked for!

Breaking any of these rules will result in swift and severe punishment!

 

slave Skills List and How to Utilize Them

Below is a list of skill sets that I certainly will be able to utilize. If you possess any of these please let Me know. If you have other talents or skills not listed below please tell Me about them too.

If you have no skills to offer, or prefer to work outside the house then be prepared to offer financial support. No free rides. Must be able to pay your own room, board, health and dental insurance.

-electrical, plumbing, carpentry, etc.
-webpage design, IT tech
-chef/catering, kitchen management
-secretarial, bookkeeping, office management
-construction, HVAC
-organic gardening, landscaping
-farming, animal raising
-housekeeping, domestic management
-eco-minded energy-saving skills like weatherproofing, solar heating, composting, recycling, etc.
-CMT (certified massage therapist)
-reflexology (therapeutic foot massage)
-pedicure/manicure services

 

Slave Owner's Agreement

As the Owner of the slave, I agree to do the following:

1. I will provide basic shelter, clothing, and sustenance for my slave.
2. I will do all in My power to keep My slave free from undue physical, mental, and emotional harm.
3. I will direct, guide, punish, discipline and train My slave in The Way that I see fit in order to make him the best possible slave that he can be.
4. I will communicate openly and often with My slave so that he knows exactly what is expected of him.
5. I will start a severance account for my slave which will accrue interest and will be given to the slave to restart his life in the event that I should need to dismiss him. This account will NOT be handed over to the slave if he is the one who caused his own dismissal.

 


8/23/2011 4:15:31 PM

My new slave is a sissy little princess, still need a domestic slave for household duties.


6/13/2011 6:30:23 AM

I am busy training a new slave and will be busy at times.

 

"SORE"

Submit - Present yourself in both an intellectual and physical configuration
ready to defer to Her wishes

Obey - Do both as you are told and in the spirit of what is expected. Don't
guess, don't EVER top from the bottom

Respect - Act in a way that brings honor to Her and makes Her glad that you
are the sub

Endure - Be prepared to accept to the best of your abilities that which is
imposed upon you. The reason why a particular activity is being done to the
sub is because SHE likes to do it. So take what is dished out.


6/2/2011 12:00:22 PM

The big question to ask yourself is "What do you want most", if the answer is to find a Mistress and become her slave, then I feel the slave should do all in his power to make that happen as soon as possible.

I am not a professional, so don't talk about money. When contacting me be prepared to send a face photo.

submissive/slave stages:

1.  Contact/information gathering;


5/29/2011 2:45:19 AM

Black Balling a potential slave:

I use all the information gather to let other Mistress in the area know which potential slaves have not shown for meetings, do not follow instructions, only want to be a do-me slave.


5/27/2011 4:08:40 PM

Up comming events that I am interested in:

 

May 28 - June 5

Camp Crucible
Southeastern Pennsylvania, USA
www.the-crucible.com

June 17-19

The Hunt for Red Bent Over
Norfolk, Virginia, USA
www.leathercruise.com

June 22-27

Dark Odyssey
North Baltimore, Maryland, USA
www.darkodyssey.com

July 1-4

TES Fest
Piscataway, New Jersey, USA
www.tesfest.org


5/21/2011 4:41:25 PM

SLAVE SELECTION PROCESS

I USUALLY MEET NEW PROSECTIVES IN A PUBLIC PLACE THE FIRST TIME.  I REQUIRED A CELL PHONE NUMBER, SO I CAN CALL TO INSURE THAT THE POTENTIAL SLAVE IS AT THE APPOINTED PLACE AND AT THE CORRECT TIME.

 

IF I DECIDE TO GO ANY FURTHER THAN, I WILL ENVITE you TO MY HOME.

EACH TIME AT MY HOME, IS A TRIAL SERVICE TIME, BE SURE TO ASK QUESTIONS, you MAY NOT GET A CHANCE AGAIN.

 

EACH VISIT THE PROSECTIVE SLAVE IS ON TRAIL AND CAN BE TERMINATED AT ANY TIME.

 

ONCE I HAVE COLLARED A SLAVE, you ARE MINE, you WILL SIGN A CONTRACT WITH ME.  AT THAT TIME I WILL DECIDE WHERE you WILL LIVE AND HOW.

 


5/13/2011 1:05:33 PM

I am still seeking slaves. 

In my future, I envision a house and land were my slave can always be nude unless told to wear specific clothing.  I love the idea of more male slaves than I can cage, what nice dream I have.


4/14/2011 9:30:33 AM

Dear Madam Blue...,
I just had to send You a quick message to say that I love EVERY one of Your DELIGHTFUL IMAGES (On ) Ma'am...!!!!
Whenever I visit Your page I am almost INSTANTLY DREAMING of being lent to You by my Mistress Lady Tiger for domestic duties and '''SEVERE''' HUMILIATION and OBJECTIFICATION TRAINING...!!!!
I hope that every one of Your partner/sub/slaves realize that they are BLESSED to serve a GODDESS such as YOU Wonderful Madam...!!???
Ever Yours in deference
toto
'n">- xll xll xll xll xll xll xll xll xll xll
(puppy licks for every GODDESS TOE if allowed Madam Blue...????)


3/17/2011 2:23:28 AM

I have found a slave to be my cuckold #1 sissy slave husband.  But, I think I need a service slave that knows how to be a real handyman.  And, a sex slave, but, I think I have found one of those as well, only time well tell. Finally a pet slave, which I may also have found.  So that only leaves the handyman slave position open for a 24/7, LTR.

I  am a firm believer in Female Supremacy.


2/2/2011 1:47:54 PM

I joined this site on 18 Dec 2010, this is the second time I have set up a profile on this site.  I have not had much luck. I try to give detail and understanding about what I am seeking. During the past six years, I thought I had found a slave that understood what I was seeking. But, during a three and half long relationship which was on again and off again, he just didn't really understand who was in charge everywhere and all time.  We have remained friends and now live separately.  Occasionally we will see each other at a Club Fem party or a Capital Area Play Party Society (CAPPS) party.


1/31/2011 3:18:38 AM

I am looking for one live-in LTR for TPE. I understand that will take time and trust. Not sure that I can find one who likes all that I do and live with my strict rules. So if I had to choose it would be a sissy slave. I have a few part-time submissives.  I have been search for almost six years, yet here I am with only part-timers. IF you live out of state or out of country, IT HAS BEEN MY PAST EXPERIENCE THAT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO DEVELOP THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WHEN you LIVE MORE THAN A COUPLE HOURS AWAY. But, it is possible, just that the submissive/slave really has to do more, like travel to meet me. I will only accept a submissive/slave that can pay their own way, meaning-no freeloaders.

Many people get mad when what they thought was going to happen didn’t, even me.  I am not perfect either. I like to stop and reflect about the other person and not judge them since I have not walked a mile in their boots. I only wish more people would stop and reflect before judging. We all have strengths and weaknesses, if we all could just remember to utilize the strengths in each other and understand the weakness, but don’t use them against each other we all would be much better off. We all have normal lives in addition to our lifestyle choices, fetishes, and fantasies so sometimes we just get run over by life events. Me I tend to get frustrated easily when things don’t work the way they should and cell phones are frustrating for me, small buttons and my least favorite communication device, I prefer in person. I have been known to throw my cell, example of my temper. We all have had disappointments in our lives as well, but let us all remember only the good times and live each day to the fullest, really live, not as a bump on a log or a couch potato since life moves faster as we age.

I am use to having lots of males in my household, four sons and an ex-husband. So the more submissives/slaves I have the better for me. I am looking for male submissives/slaves who are younger than 50 years old, have some experience in the lifestyle and not over weight, intelligent, chemistry and handsome.  I have read that woman live longer than men, this way if he is younger, he will be there longer to take care of Me. I can be very sadistic at times but if you should ask my part-time pain sluts, they have felt it. But, I am sure that they would also say that I can be understanding, giving, and sometimes easy (because to be hard can be a lot of work for me). Right now I am trying to find a male submissive/slave so that I do not carry the entire workload of job, career, family, social life and home. I know it will take time and trust, so in the beginning it will be part-time and then I hope the relationship grow into LTR with TPE. So if not choose – don’t feel bad, it is usually just the chemistry, there is someone out there for everyone, try to be patient.

There seem to be a few English critics out there. I never claimed to be a English anything.  But, I thought that we were more open minded then most due to our lifestyle choices.  I don’t mind being corrected, it is all in the way it is present to me, as if they are telling me that I cannot tell the difference between verb, adjective and a noun, which is the wrong way to inform any person, whether a superior or not. That is like attacking them. We all cannot be perfect like some think they are. I may be a fool for thinking this way, but then again a fool is better than an a person lower than whale shit. I don’t call people fakes, because in their mind they are what they say they are. Not a single person is perfect, there was only one and he is dead. I am definitely not perfect, like all, I have strengths and weakness as you do. Take time and reflect on exactly what you strengths and weakness are, so you begin to know yourself in addition to your fetishes. Now if you are not ready to met someone then do not contact them, do so when you are really ready, I know it is hard.

My strengths: self-assured, decisive, positive, generous, sensuous, down to earth, visionary, creative, strategic thinker, honest, assertive, direct, and open minded.

My weakness: impatient, controlling, stubborn, defensive, procrastinating, temper, providing details, meeting strangers, domineering, and manipulative. Society says that domineering and controlling are weakness, but I personal think they are strengths for this type of lifestyle. I see them as strengths as well, it is society that see them as weaknesses, not me.

Contact: If I am available I do not mind chatting on IM, but I am a busy lady and cannot and will not spend all my time in front of a computer or on my cell phone, that is no life at all. My girlfriend likes the phone and if I want to communicate with her that is really the best way for me to do that, but if a submissive is call while I am on the phone, they will just have to leave a message. That is if I have actually given them my cell phone number, which is a privilege not a right. Don’t abuse that privilege and be demanding with me, I do not accept it and will not tolerate it. I am actively involved with my family with four sons and two granddaughters, work, Club Fem, and other groups I belong to as well as my friends, I am busy. I have a three story townhouse, three bedrooms, and three and half bathrooms, at least a toilet on each floor, but no garage. Lately I have been getting the second bedroom set up as a guest/submissive/slave room. The third bedroom I currently use as my craft room. My third son lives in my basement, I have installed a curtain that separates the kitchen from the stairs that lead to the basement. The basement is big enough to have an office (used as a bedroom), bathroom, the washer and dryer and entertainment room. Once he gets done with school, he has been told that he will need to move out, get a job and his own place, he understands. He knows about my lifestyle choice but does not want the details. Who would want that kind of information about their MOM, really now?

 

 


1/29/2011 2:12:13 PM

I HAVE FOUND SO FAR THAT 20 & 30 YEAR OLD MALES, DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.  WHEN THE RUBBER MEET THE ROAD, THEY WOULD PERFER TO LIVE IN FANTASY, WHICH THEY CONTROL, AND NOT REALITY. I am disapoointed and frustrated.

A Want-To-Be is one who lives in fantasy but has a difficult time making that first step to bring the fantasy to real life.


1/20/2011 5:44:56 PM

I AM A WOMAN OF FEW WORDS AND EACH WORD COUNTS.  I TEND TO BE DIRECT AND TO THE POINT. I DON'T SMOKE OR DRINK.  SLAVERY IS NOT ABOUT ROMANCE OR MARRIAGE.  http://www.maturemetal.com/chastity-devices/jail-bird


1/18/2011 3:22:47 AM

Tips on Courting a Domme   by fursissy

Over the years I've had my fair share of good luck when it comes to successfully courting Dommes and I've given out quite a bit of advice to subs looking to court Dommes.  I consider myself to be average to below average when it comes to my looks and physical attractiveness, job quality, etc. so I must have done something right in making a good impression.Now that I have a blog I figured I would post my advice in full.  I covered several of these a little over a week ago but I figure they could easily have their own post.
1. Be courteous, respectful, and have good manners.
This should probably go without saying but one of the biggest turn-offs many Dommes have are subs who fail to meet these basic requirements.  This is the most important thing in making a good first impression.  If you are contacting them through an adult dating site, make sure you read her entire profile first and adhere to any requirements she might have.  Write out a well-thought message (complete with spell check) that indicates what you find interesting about her (aside from her looks and your fantasy) and what you have to offer.  Do not send a picture of your penis unless she specifically requests it.  It doesn't take a lot of effort to be a perfect gentleman.  Most Dommes on adult dating sites receive 20-300 messages per day from potential subs, 90% of which are disrespectful, thoughtless, or downright crude.  If you are approaching a Domme in public (at a munch, play party etc.) you have to be twice as well-behaved since there is only a limited chance that she is actually looking for a sub.  If she says no, be courteous and get out of her face.  If you don't, you can basically assume you will be blacklisted within that community.  
2. Be a real person.
No one is "just a sub" all the time.  No Domme is "just a Domme" all the time.  Even if both of you are seeking a 24-7 lifestyle relationship, you have to come off as more than just a live in servant  (unless that is specifically what she is looking for).  Have interests.  Have feelings.  Have dreams.  Have goals.  Have a personality.  Have a sense of humor.  Just like in vanilla relationships, all of these things will be important if you want to be an appealing life partner.  If you are as interesting as a box of hair, expect to be discarded as easily as a box of hair.  She won't want to be burdened by having to keep you occupied and entertained all day every day.  That is higher maintenance than being needy.  What are your favorite movies?  Books?  Music?  Hobbies?  Sports?  If you can pique her interest as a person, you are much more likely to succeed in winning her over.  If you are smart, funny, and caring it will go a long ways. 
3. Have a philosophy and a good grasp of yourself.
It's easy to think about the sub you want to be.  Hell, most subs have probably fantasized about Femdom situations for years before they act upon them.  If you haven't thought about it, think about it.  If you have thought about it, refine it a little more. Step One:  Define your idealized form of submission. If she is the right match for you, your ideal and her ideal will likely coincide.  This is not about what kind of play you enjoy or what kind of kinky fantasies you wish to have.  Dommes an advantage since they can have rather meticulous expectations for a sub.  Think about what types of characteristics and responsibilities those entail.  Should a sub perform all of the household chores and domestic duties?  Should a sub have any expectations of rewards or pleasures?  Should a sub expect to be treated as a lover? There is no right or wrong (although some of them should be obvious), but more a matter of preference.  If your view of being a sub involves few responsibilities, you will probably be looking for a less strict Domme or a switch.  If your view of being a sub involves extensive micro-management, that will be targeted towards a particular type of Domme.  Some Dommes want a sub that is their lover, others may want a strict code of Mistress/servant formality.  D/s relationships that work out generally will have idealized ideas of submission that share similar traits. Step Two:  Realistically e.g. "I will need training before I can perform at an acceptable level").  If where you stand now is light years away from your ideal, I would recommend doing a lot of self-improvement work to get closer because unless you're just an amazing guy with incredible magnetism, being too far removed will hurt your chances.
4. Be honest
Again, this is something I shouldn't have to say but being realistic, It should be reiterated.  Be absolutely honest at all times.  If you are unsure or haven't thought about something, say so.  If there are things that you absolutely positively will never do (aka hard limits), be forthcoming about them if asked.  Even the slightest fib or white lie will come back to haunt you in the long run if things actually work out.  Dodging questions with passive aggressive answers in order to hide your true feelings and be more "appealing" also won't fly well.  Always assume that the Domme finds the process of weeding through potential subs to be tedious and unpleasant.  The least you can do is be honest with her, especially if she takes the time to contact you or reply to your contact.
5. Be flexible
Have an eagerness to learn and a willingness to try new things or even change yourself if needed.  The D/s dynamic relies heavily upon compromise on the sub's part.  It's good to have hard limits, but try to be open minded and keep it to a minimum.  Most hard limits you might have will probably also be hard limits for a Domme.  Things like scat play, beastiality, amputation, castration, involving minors, etc. are more commonly submissive male fetishes than they are Domme fetishes.  You should have a list of hard limits, it's the honest way to be, and if your hard limits include things that are considered taboo/extreme even by BDSM standards, it's often a sign that your head is screwed on correctly. It is okay to have a long list of soft limits that make you uncomfortable but you are willing to consider them if they are done on consensual terms.  If you lack real life experience this might be a pretty big list, but keeping yourself open to experimenting will make you more appealing than a sub who is rigid and inflexible about many things. Keep in mind that you aren't choosing her, it's up to whether or not she chooses you.  If you are willing to completely restructure your life in order to march to the beat of her drum, more power to you (although it might come off as BS if you were to state that openly).  The phrase "I don't know, but I'm willing to try," can go a long ways in making a good impression. Aside from limits, the faster you are at learning and adapting, the better suited you will be towards a D/s relationship.  This leads us to the next tip...
6. Separate yourself from the pack
Since it is up to her to choose you how do you get her to notice you?  The key here is to have or learn skills that will be useful and appealing.  Many many subs will claim loyalty, devotion, obedience, etc. so unless you are extraordinarily wealthy, think about the things that she could want or need in addition to those things and aspire to become someone who can fulfill those desires.  Your area probably has tons of adult education classes where you can develop new, useful skills.
A list of examples of things that can be learned with practice:
-Be proficient at cleaning.
-Be proficient at landscaping/yard work/gardening.
-Be proficient at laundry (including delicates, wools, etc.) and ironing.
-Know how to do at least simple household repairs.
-Be a good cook and capable of learning/perfecting her favorite dishes.
-Learn to give a good massage or even better, multiple types of massage (theraputic, relaxing, etc.).
-Learn to give a quality manicure/pedicure.
-Learn to tailor/sew/knit/etc.
-Learn to paint/draw/write.
A list of examples that take a bit more training but are definite pluses if you can do them:
-Auto repair.
-Carpentry.
-Metal working.
-Plumbing.
-Electrical Work.
7. Be grateful for every opportunity
It will most likely take you several attempts... if not dozens of attempts to get a Domme to give you a chance.   Always show appreciation for being given the chance to make an impression even if she turns you down.  While it will probably hurt, being thankful for having a Domme take the time to talk with your or write you back will hopefully leave a good impression.  Things may change and she may give you another chance in the future or have a friend she thinks you are perfect for.  Basically, don't be pissed off or throw a tantrum because what seems like the end might not really be the end, or worst case, doing so may get you blacklisted in the community.
8. Don't give up
By don't give up I mean, don't give up in general.  If she tells you to stay away from her or quit sending her emails, then you best stay away from her and quit contacting her.  However, always keep trying and make yourself available.  If you continually better yourself and make yourself more appealing your chances will increase over time.  It's often random chance that puts you into a position to meet a Domme that is looking for a sub like you and you should be prepared for that day.  Taking a negative "fuck this, there's no Dommes out there" attitude is very very very off-putting.  No one will pity you, and any Dommes that see you like that probably won't give you the time of day.
9. Don't be desperate
Just like in vanilla dating, women can spot a desperate guy from a mile away.  You don't have to exude an over-whelming confidence, but don't be so desperate that you'll jump at anyone/anything that comes your way.  Not only does this reflect poorly on you, but the worst thing you can do is to jump into a terrible situation and stick it out because of desperation.  It will only end up with both of you being unhappy.
10. Be open about your fetishes and fantasies yet willing to compromise
Keep in mind you probably shouldn't list off everything you would like to do/experience in a first contact.  If things go well and she takes an interest in you, there's a good chance she will ask about these.  A good "fit" is important in long-term D/s relationships.  It doesn't take long by sharing your fetishes and fantasies with one another to see if there's a chance that things could work out.  If you absolutely positively need to have pegging but she holds a great dislike for pegging, you probably shouldn't hop into a relationship together. There will likely be certain fetishes that are less important to you.  These may pop up as a reward every now and then but being willing to accept that they won't happen increases your chances.   The more you can articulate about your fetishes the more likely they can work into your (potential) relationship.  Like, it turns me on to be feminized and at the same time it makes me incredibly submissive, humiliated, and obedient and being feminized in public brings me great fear and agitation.  If feminization doesn't "do it" for her, she may still integrate it into the lifestyle as a punishment.  Depending upon how she feels about each of your fetishes will determine whether or not they happen at all, happen frequently, happen as a reward, or happen as a punishment. Having both parties knowing what to expect goes a long way in terms of compatibility.
11.  Be thoughtful. 
Being thoughtful goes a long way.  During your initial contacts you may wish to ask some small questions that may appear random.  What is her favorite color?  What is her favorite candy?  What kind of books and music does she like?  These might seem like rather innocuous questions but they can go a long way in making a first impression and maintaining a healthy relationship if you commit them to memory.  At your next meeting show up with a flower or twelve that is her favorite color and a box of her favorite candy or a book or CD that you think she would enjoy (I would only stray into the latter two if you are knowledgeable in literature and music).  Showing her early that you listen and understand at least the basics of how to make a woman happy on day 1 will show you are more likely to be able to make her happy on day 395, day 1021, and so forth. 
12.   Listen before you speak.
Every courting process will be unique and different but one thing is universal: women prefer men who listen.  This is something to be especially mindful of if you have a tendency to drone on about yourself or if this is one of the first Dommes to give you the time of day.  You will likely be faced with one of three scenarios:  a) She wants to know everything about you before she is willing to divulge anything about herself.  b) She wants to talk about herself before she wants to hear anything about you.  c) She wants to have a back and forth exchange over various things where you each share your views on particular topics in order to gauge your compatibility. If you are faced with (a), ask her what she wold like to know about you.  Answer thoroughly, concisely, and honestly and see what she would like to know next.  If she says something very general like "tell me about yourself" this situation may not really be an (a) situation at all.  A good way to test the waters is to rattle off something brief like "I'm X years old, I work in the field of Y, I have been in the lifestyle for Z years," and then state you would like to know more about her.  Based upon her response, you should have some idea on how to treat the situation.  If you are faced with (b), listen intently.  Commit this information to memory.  Your primary goal should be to absorb this information and memorize it.  "I forgot you had said that" is a very ugly phrase for a sub to use.  While she is speaking, DO NOT under any circumstances use this time to think about what you will say unless it directly pertains to what she is saying.  It is acceptable to take mental notes you are interested in or would like her to elaborate upon.  She likely wants you to do that and is probably gauging your reactions for a time to pause and see what you are interested in about her.  If she says she loves books by Aldous Huxley and takes a great interest in Reiki and you have no idea who/what those are, ask her to tell you more about them.  If you are familiar with those, say so and ask her what she finds interesting about them.  This strategy for (b) should probably be used every time you speak with her and she is talking. If you are faced with (c), this situation probably puts you in the greatest chance to fail.  Men have a tendency to want to impress, but what will impress her most is honesty.  If she brings up a topic that you haven't thought about, have little to no experience in, or you are aware of it but aren't sure of your thoughts on it, be honest about that.  "I haven't had much experience in but I would be interested in exploring that."  "I really haven't thought about it but I will give it some serious consideration.  How do you feel about it?"  If you are at least decent at thinking on your feet and have unsure thoughts about it, try to rattle off a few things you think would be positives about it.  "Oh, male chastity?  I'm not really sure but I think it would probably make me better behaved.  What are your thoughts on it?"Remember that the honesty rule still applies.  If she seems to love something you absolutely hate, don't just go along with it like it's your favorite thing in the world.  There's a point where you may have to accept that the compatibility isn't there and things aren't going to work. On the chance that you have made a good enough impression on her to where you hate a few things she loves and she still finds you worthy, she may be willing to compromise her own desires a bit.  While this may feel inherently wrong, if that is really what she wants it is okay to let this happen.  You may tell her that you think it's okay for her to still play with others to get her fix in those activities.  
13.  Be realistic about the outcome and know how to walk away if you have to.
Certain issues can make a relationship incompatible.  Assuming that you can spot these factors out of the gate whether they are a personal issue, have to do with schedules and time, or that simply your BDSM needs are simply too far removed from one another, it's important to know when it's best for both of you to just say no.  If it's obviously not going to work, let her down like a gentleman.  Thank her for taking the time to get to know you, wish her well, and if both parties seemed compatible on a personal level, you may wish to continue communicating as friends.  It is hurtful and a waste of her time and energy if you put in a half-hearted effort when the situation is doomed from the start.  DO NOT part ways with a fake smile and an empty promise to call.  This is probably the rudest and most disrespectful action that you can undertake.  Ignoring/blocking her phone calls, failing to reply to emails or blowing her off, etc. is a chickenshit way to be and if I was in her shoes I'd want to track you down and punch you in the face. If you ever wonder why Dommes tend to get a bit jaded in their search, about half of their frustrations probably come from filtering through the subs that are a pure waste of time and the other half, from subs who show promise but turn passive-aggressive and jerk them around without being honest about their feelings.  If you can't say "no" to her face because you think you're being a jerk, you're a bigger jerk if you say "yes" to her face and then "no" with your actions.

 


1/17/2011 2:45:22 PM

I have a normal life, I am not tied to a computer or a TV, I live life.  Until I have a FTR slave/submissive, I do dishes, cook, vacuum, laundry and all the normal stuff.  Besides go to work, I am gone 12 hours a day for work with the commute, long days.  I make dinner once I get home and I am tried, I go to bed early since I get up early for work.  I like to sleep in when I do not have to go to work. I get tons of messages daily on this site, on email, and so if I do not answer or get confused, it is because I am overloaded. Remember I am not here for you, I am in charge, you do not call the shots. Sometimes life gets in the way of having fun.  I ALWAYS HAVE THE LAST WORD.


1/15/2011 11:29:26 AM

 

I am a mature woman, I have four adult sons, three ex-husbands.  I think of myself as a person who is well grounded, hard working, non-judgmental, giving, sensual who knows what she wants in life.  It is now time for someone to pamper me the way all woman should be treated and are not.  I want to be number one in their life, pleasing me should be their only concern in life.  I have lived a hard life, my father was killed in Vietnam when I was 10 years old.  My mother is dead, God rest her soul.  I have one younger sister who lives in Texas.  The reason I have three ex-husbands is that they stopped treating me right.  All of my sons know about my lifestyle choice, they just don't want or need the details.  I currently work for the Federal Government, I would like to retire in the next 5 to 8 years.  My goal is to obtain a place in the country where I can start a Submissive/Slave Training Camp, the more acres the better, by the mountains or beach, but south of Virginia.  My third son lives in my basement while he is going to school.  His classes are at night and he is getting good grades.  He sleeps during the day.  As long as he gets good grades and attends school, I allow him to live here.  I can handle being alone, ever since I was involved in a car accident when I was 3 months old.  I was not hurt but my mother broke her neck and back, my father just got a cut on the knee.  So my mother is in the hospital for a long time, I was being taken care of by strangers, my father worked or went to visit my mother.  I do not tell you that so that you feel sorry for me, it is to explain why I can live alone, but I prefer not too.  My preferred method of communication is in person.

It was over six years ago now when a friend who is into BDSM, asked me if I thought I was a Dominant Female.  That is when I took a good look at my life, I became educated in the lifestyle and made a choice to live this lifestyle.  I joined ClubFEM in the area and continued my education. I became a member of Black Rose as well.  Had several submissive male play partners during this time, explored many different fetishes, great fun.  I want to live while I am alive. I had one submissive I thought was going to be LTR, but later I discovered that he only wanted to play D/s in the bedroom and not 24/7, I struggle with that for a long time and finale dissolved that relationship, because that was not what I thought I was getting or wanted. I am not a jealous person so I enjoy so much that is part of this lifestyle.  I enjoy force feminization and cross dressing males, I am not threatened or jealous of these males.  A shemale is the best of both sexes, I prefer one that has a functioning penis but the mind, tits, and look of a female.


1/14/2011 10:20:22 AM

So you want to be a slave: the Realities

By miria hunter <miria_hunter@softhome.net>

miria's article goes a long way to answering some common questions about what consensual slavery is actually like. It also contains some important warnings for submissives attracted to the 24/7 relationships we discuss on the Internal Enslavement website. However, the article was originally published elsewhere and places more emphasis on the submissive giving up power than we do in IE.

I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.

First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.

Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything! Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be His choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.

You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.

It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when He tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at all times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. Never make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. Yours! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.

Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don't know can hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.

As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.

As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.

Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.

You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.

It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.

© 2000 miria_hunter@softhome.net

 


1/13/2011 3:50:48 PM

FOR MY SAFETY, I DO NOT GIVE MY PHONE NUMBER OR ADDRESS TO POTENTIAL SLAVES/SUBMISSIVES, A GIRL MUST BE CAREFUL. THE FIRST MET AND GREET IS IN PUBLIC LOCATION.  IF I SHOULD INVITE you TO MY HOME, THEN I WILL PROVIDE WHAT IS NECESSARY. 

Real experience is the true key of one who knows what they like and dislike.

So far I am not impressed with these potential submissive males who want to be slaves but do not understand what it really takes to be a slave.  Since it is my choice who I decide to be my slave, I want one younger than me that is not over weight and bisexual.  If I do not choose you, do not give me a hard time about it.  I get tons of message daily from submissive males wanting to be slaves with no training and no experience.  If I choose to met and greet you, with or without a meal, that is all it is, just a meeting to see if the photos and information are correct and if their is any chemistry.  If I choose to meet with you again that is my choice alone, not yours.  For my safety I do not like to give out my exact location and phone number, I am sure you understand.

Different Types of Submission in BDSM: Submissive, Slave and Pet  by Chloe Thorn

Mar 4, 2008 

In the BDSM lifestyle there are largely three different types of submissives, and when speaking to them, they will tell you with pride which they are and why. The following is a small idea of the differences, in no way, giving all the details that are involved with the vast array of men and women that submit. 

Submissive - As a submissive you are in the first tier lets say of a Dominant/submissive lifestyle. You submit to your Master, you give up control for long periods of time. However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them. Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control. It changes only during set times and parameters. There is also the thought of the "power balance" between dominant and submissive. Meaning that in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances. Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in. Now don't get me wrong the intensity is still strong and the punishments and pain are real and overwhelming however you have more of an option to stop and this doesn't spill over into the everyday that much.

Slave - As a slave control is given up completely. The power balance is completely tipped in the Dominants direction. However keep in mind this is a choice the slave makes not something she/he was made to do. Slaves usually are slaves 24/7. They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that. As a slave sex is still very real and alive however not always the goal and not needed for the Dominant and slave to be in that persona. As a slave the lifestyle is usually more intense in pain, humiliation and just pure pleasure. Something to remember however is that as a slave this does not mean if the Dominant asks you to break the law or hurt yourself that you should obey on a whim. If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or against your moral values than he or she is not a true dominant.

Pet - This hasn't always been a classification of a submissive person and is still controversial in some circles. A pet is more on the side of a slave except for one large difference, sex does not have to be involved. In many cases it is not. If you have become a pet it is to give up yourself and obey, you gain pleasure from the control and the obeying not from sexual play. There can be play but it is rare in this kind of lifestyle. This submission is one of the most dangerous because you can lose yourself mentally because you so rarely have thoughts of your own, you usually do not work and although you may discuss things with your Dominant he is last say in all things.
Ultimately the deeper you go into submission the stronger you have to be which of course is peculiar since you have to give up more of your control with each level. But you have to be very sure of yourself to give up every ounce of control and thought. Taking each step is serious and should never be taken light by the Dominant and submissive, especially if you want to remain safe, sane, and consensual.

 
 

 

 


1/7/2011 8:23:58 PM

Into: 24/7

(everything to do with it), anal sex

(giving), ass play

(everything to do with it), ball stretching

(giving), body worship

(receiving), bondage

(giving), butt plugs

(giving), caging/confinement

(giving), cbt

(giving), chastity devices

(giving), collars

(giving), crops

(giving), cross dressing

(giving), cuckold

(giving), depilation/shaving

(giving), domestic servitude

(receiving), domination

(everything to do with it), eye contact restrictions

(giving), face sitting/smothering

(giving), gay sex

(watching), handcuffs

(giving), humiliation

(giving), male submission

(receiving), massages

(receiving), master/slave

(everything to do with it), mistresses with strap-ons

(everything to do with it), nipples

(everything to do with it), objectification

(giving), sensation play

(giving), service-oriented submission

(receiving), sex during menstruation

(giving), shemales

(everything to do with it), sissy training

(giving), slave tattoos

(watching), strap-ons

(wearing), teasing

(giving), touching

(everything to do with it), transexual

(everything to do with it), verbal humiliation and degradation

(giving), vibrators

(everything to do with it), voyeurism

(everything to do with it).

Curious about: urethral sounds

(giving).


1/5/2011 4:59:58 PM

http://www.cbwork.net/

Penis Torture  obtained from the website:  cbwork.net

The penis can be tortured in a variety of ways also, however, it is important to note once again that this is an area that is susceptible to damage. Caution should be exercised with the following activities.
I. Whipping
Whipping the penis can be done while it is soft or hard. When the penis is in full erection, blood vessels are
enlarged so it is important that you are careful in doing this exercise. A ruptured vessel takes a lengthy time to heal and can sometimes interfere with future erections.
You can use any type of whip that you so desire as long as you do not use too much force. Striking the penis with the tips of the whip is preferable since any other motion will produce a wrapping effect.
Some companies make a short whip that often times resembles a key chain. This whip is quite effective in
administering pain given it's small size.
Another suggestion would be to purchase some shoe laces (found at most stores) and tie them together creating a home made whip. The plastic tips at the end of the shoelaces can cause great pain to the submissive when they make contact with the skin. This type of whip is also effective because you can design it to a length that you can handle comfortably. Another way to make your own whip is to buy leather shoe laces and braid them together. This makes a short, easily handled whip that will have more weight to it.
II. Waxing
Totally encasing the penis in wax of various colours can be enjoyable to the Top as well as the bottom. Again, you must decide between hard and soft wax. Soft wax moulds more easily to the surface of the penis and can be layered.
As the wax is layered heat is held in close to the skin on the penis and can be very erotic to the submissive.
Removing sections of the wax is easier if you start with a softer wax. You can take out sections and rewax while the rest is still cooling.
If you are feeling very creative, place a birthday candle at the very tip of the penis when you start waxing and coat the wax at the base until it stands firmly in place. (Be careful not to shove the candle into the urethra.)
Once you have finished waxing the entire surface of the penis, light the birthday candle and watch it's progress. It will drop down onto the existing wax, heating things up again.
III. Binding
The penis can be bound with rope, leather, chain, gauze, or packing tape in much the same manner as the testicles. Binding the penis while soft keeps it from reaching erection and can be an added tool of torture while engaging in other activities. Cock straps are also available in leather and can be fitted onto the penis before it is hard to prevent erection.
Another idea is to place as many condoms on the penis as possible. Each condom will add pressure to the penis as well as cutting down on the amount sensation that the submissive can feel through them. I suggest purchasing cheaper priced condoms for this activity, however, do not use these same condoms for protection purposes. Non-lubricated condoms produce the greatest amount of discomfort to the submissive.

Ball Torture

I. Squeezing
The testicles are perhaps the most sensitive area of man's genitals as well as the most fragile. Any activity
involving the testicles should be undertaken carefully and with consideration given to the individuals welfare. Mistakes can lead to ruptures, tears, or other disfiguring and disabling results.
One form of ball torture is simply squeezing them between the palm of one hand, as if squeezing a rubber ball. By pulling down on the testicles before squeezing them, they rest at the bottom of the sack and can be squeezed more effectively. Start with a gentle pressure and work up from there until your partner has reached his threshold.
While squeezing the balls you can manipulate them in your palm, causing them to rub slightly against one another. This rubbing presses on nerves that lie on the outsides of each testicle and causes a sharp shooting pain which travels up into the abdomen.
II. Slapping
Slapping is another painful method of ball torture. While the sack of the testicles hangs loose, gently but firmly slap them from side to side. The testicles will bounce within the sack when they are slapped causing immense pain so it is wise not to slap them with too much force.
You can also tie up the balls with a length of rope, tubing, or leather straps. To do this, gather the testicles in one hand and gently pull down. With the other hand, wrap the rope or other restraint device just above the balls and tie off. Once this is accomplished, tap lightly with the fingers on the now taut sides of the testicles.
The testicles are subject to rupture easily when they are bound so it is important that you do not use too much force during this activity. Also, the testicles should not remain bound for extended periods of time as blow flow may be restricted.
III. Pinching
The skin around the testicles is more sensitive while bound and pinching them with fingernails or tweezers can also prove to be very painful. Scraping the nails or other implements over the tightened skin of the sack is also deemed painful.
Use a ball point pen to write or draw on the bound testicles. This produces sensations that vary from sensual to painful, depending on the amount of pressure applied.
You might also try a tracing wheel (can be purchased at sewing centres for under $2.00) to trace over the surface of the bound testicles. Again, the amount of pressure used determines the reaction you will get. You may even try placing the tracing wheel in the freezer for a few hours before hand.
Any instrument may be used in this manner, however, you may want to avoid anything that would cut or puncture the skin.
IV. Clamps
There are various devices which can be used to clamp the skin around the testicles. Nipple clamps, clothes pins, and binder clips are just a few useful things that you can use. Leaving these on for a period of time allows the subject to adjust to the pressure that is being applied to the area. However, when the clamps are removed, the experience will be extremely painful.
If you use clothespins, try purchasing the plastic ones that have holes in their ends. These can be applied over the entire sack of the testicles and then laced together with string or thin rope. Once they are all laced together, you can pluck at the various strings and produce pain in more specific areas all along the sack.
Binder clips (purchased at office supply stores) will perhaps produce the most pain without the use of weights. However, these can be adjusted by prying them apart giving you an assortment of pressures to use on your submissive.
Nipple clamps (purchased through catalogs and fetish stores) come in a large variety. The butterfly clamps are nice because they can be easily weighted. The alligator clip variety can be adjusted to produce from mild to extreme discomfort.
Regardless of where you purchase your clips, be sure to wash them first in warm soapy water and then sterilize them with alcohol before using. This cuts down on bacteria that may have been picked up during packaging and shipping. And, always clean your toys after each play session.
V. Weights
Weights can be added to clamps that have been attached to the sack of the testicles. A good source for weights is a store that sells fishing tackle. By choosing fishing weights of various sizes and weights, you can make the experience more challenging for the submissive.
By threading small rope or twine through the weights and tying them off, you have a weighting system that can be readily added to the clamps, a piece at a time.
Also, fishing weights come in various sizes, shapes, and weights which allows you to challenge your submissive to take more each time you play.
Other sources for weights are the hardware store. You can purchase nuts in varying sizes and weights that are also easily threaded with twine or rope, making it easy to use them during play time.
To store your weights, simply drive a nail in a closet wall out of sight and hang them from it.
VI. Parachutes
Parachutes are usually made of leather and can be purchased through most fetish catalogs or stores catering to the BDSM scene. A parachute attaches between the testicles and the penis and has three chains that come together just under the testicles. These chains are usually joined together with a circular link so that weights can be attached. Though not necessarily painful, most men who enjoy CBT find the constant tug on their testicles to be erotic. Also, men can be made to walk around while wearing the weights dangling between their thighs.
The parachute can also be turned inside out while the testicles are still in them, producing a mushroom looking effect of the testicles. Parachutes can be purchased in one-size- fits all, however, when possible it's best to have them made to your specific size and requirements. You can have attachments added to your parachute if it is made for you.
When having a parachute custom made, consider having studs sewn into the side that will sit against the testicles. This causes discomfort, especially after weights have been added or when worn under clothing.
VII. Binding
Binding the testicles can be accomplished in several ways. While pulling down on the testicles, you can use rope, twine or leather straps, wrapping it repeatedly around the sack then tying it off. This wrapping causing some stretching and separation and can present a very pleasing sight.
The testicles can also be separated and each tied into it's own little sack. Start with the lowest hanging testicle first and once it is firmly tied move to the next. Once both testicles are separately tied, wrap rope above both causing them to be pushed together. You must be careful tying off the testicles because blood flow can be interrupted to the area over a period of time, causing damage. You might also want to choose multi-color rubber bands to tie off the testicles with.
You can also purchase leather ball straps in varying sizes that can be placed around the balls, although these are usually made of leather and over time will stretch.
VIII. Mummification
Mummification is not just for whole body. The testicles can be wrapped and completely encased in rope, gauze, cloth strips, or even packaging tape. Be cautious when striking the testicles in this state as again they are tightly bound and could be damaged easily. If you are using gauze, start at the top of the sack and work your way down. This puts more pressure into the sack of the testicles when you are finished.
When using tape you don't need to worry too much about how tight you should get it as the real torture starts when you remove it. Old bed linens and pillow cases make excellent binding material and can be washed and used again after each play session.
IX. Waxing
Waving the balls is another way to produce pain. Choose either soft or hard wax, depending on the temperature you prefer. A soft wax will melt quicker and cooler while the hard wax will burn slow and hot. Drip the wax slowly and at intervals all along the surface of either loose or tied testicles.
Shaving the testicles beforehand will make them more sensitive and makes wax removal less of a chore. Of course, if you don't choose to shave your submissive, he's in store for a harrowing time while the wax is removed.
You might try removing the wax with a dull edged butter knife for more sensation or giving the testicles a hard squeeze will break up the wax and allow you to slowly peel it off in small sections.
Wax retains heat so you can pour on several layers at a time without worry of serious burns.

Genital isolation

The "fate worst than death" for a man, supposedly, is to rob him of his manhood. Castration - the removal of the testicles, and emasculation - the removal of both penis and scrotum are the ultimate punishments and - of course - way beyond the bounds of safe, sane, consensual SM. But threats of removal of, or permanent damage to, the genitals can be important components of an SM scene. In other words, indulging the fantasy. Here we go with a couple of ideas.
Shaving of the pubic hair is regarded by many as the first stage of this emasculation. Thus, a slave is kept shaved as a badge of his status as "less than a man."
Another way to simulate emasculation is through genital isolation. Imagine a slave restrained to a wall (facing it) with his penis and balls forced through a hole in the wall and locked in place with a sliding panel (often called a Hell Hole, for good reasons). He can not be seen from the opposite side of the wall, but his genitals are there to be examined and played with. If he doesn't like what is done to them, that is tough, there is nothing he can do about it.
Imagine what could be done to the genitals if you had a ball stretcher, weights, a tube on Bengay, clothespins, a miniature whip and a pair of pliers. Other techniques of genital isolation include the genitals restrained in a genital pillory, through a chain link fence and padlocked in place, through the bars of a cage, through a mesh hammock to which the slave is bound face down. Should the slave be blindfolded or not? Is it better for him to be able to see what is coming or is it better for it to be a total surprise until he feels it?
For a safe, sane and consensual version of these scenes, the victims hips should be tied solidly against the obstruction so he does not damage himself by jerking back too violently, or by passing out and hanging from his point of attachment.

 


1/5/2011 4:45:54 PM
Musings of Cock torture by an anonymous Mistress

When I have a slave by the balls, I really mean it. Maybe I should explain. One of My favourite activities with male slaves is the art of exquisite penis torture. I don't mean a slap or two, but real torture, from mild to severe. I have never castrated a slave at least, not physically!

One of My favourite victims even devises rating scales for Me to use. I always start a penis torment session with a good warm up. This gets everyone in the mood. I like to start with some bondage maybe the wall rack, or over My bondage chair. Then I begin with a liberal spanking with My leather gloved hand. This progresses to a paddle, maybe the wooden one with the air holes, then on to the crop or flog.

By this time, everyone is certainly in the right spirit. I might add to the mood with some biting clamps added to my victim's tits. I love to see a grown man cry! I sometimes begin the main event with some tight rope bondage; I love the way penis skin bulges between the ropes. It's fun to use rawhide strips to tie the penis and balls into positions nature never intended. Penis suspension is an activity that comes to mind when rope is used. I attach several ropes and run them in different directions to add stress.

I like to vary the intensity of the torments so the training can last longer. So a little playful slapping might be in order at this time. I slap the penis and the balls, individually or together. Sometimes I wear My leather gloves for this, sometimes I just use the gloves themselves for the slapping. I also have a thin little leather ball slapper that really works nicely. Slapping is good to bring more blood into the balls so that sensitivity is enhanced. After all, I want My prisoner to feel My further torments as much as possible. The slapping can be done by itself or in conjunction with other fun things, like tight bondage or suspension. It's also fun to alternate the slapping with other penis torture activities. After all, it's important to keep maximum sensitivity up for the entire training period!

It's fun to tie the balls tightly together as other things are done to the penis. Rope can be used as the ultimate ball spreader. A leather ball spreader can be used, but I prefer rope. A ball press will also work well for giving them that pretty purple colour. The balls can be tightly bound and then attached to the neck collar with the same rope. This exposes a whole new territory of sensitive skin, almost untouched on the male. The area under the balls, in front of the asshole, is one of My favorite spots to inflict wicked torments. A whip or riding crop applied liberally to this area will instill new meaning in the slave's vocabulary of pain. Also, a good scrubbing with a stiff brush will revitalize this spot amazingly.

Clothespins are a wonderful invention. I like to use the wooden spring type on the fans of heavy torment. But I guess it's OK to cop out and use the little plastic ones. At least, they are colourful and attractive. Balls sporting a handful of the plastic clothespins look like an exotic colourful flower. Anyway, I like to use the wooden ones. I apply a few at a time to the balls. I like to gradually work up a slave's tolerance for quantity and amount of time worn. So far, My champion has sported seventy five clothespins on his balls for five minutes. The maximum achieved on the penis so far is twelve for ten minutes. One of the best spots for a tight clothespin on the penis is the frenum, that stretch of pink sensitive skin on the underside, right beneath the head. It's fun to watch a slave hop, dance, howl and plead when this is done. The time limit it can be tolerated is minimal, several minutes at the most.

Another low intensity activity is lotion. Well, that depends on the type of lotion, I suppose. I'm talking about the cool, soothing type. I usually use something with aloe in it; even a gel works nicely. It's fun to tease My victim with hand applications of slippery creams. This, too, will increase the sensitivity of the penis. It is designed to enhance the further tortures to come. It is surprising how sensitive five minutes or so of hand massage with slick lotion can make an otherwise inattentive penis.

Rawhide strips are so very versatile in the art of penis torture. It is fun to tie one end of a long strand around the balls, then wind the rawhide slowly and tightly up the shaft. The tighter this is done, the better. Again, I get the visual effect of tiny pinches of skin bulging between the strands. Of course, it's best to get the wraps as close together as possible with no overlapping. Then I like to perform the rawhide whirl. I grasp the loose end and give a firm tug. I'm told this feels like a do it yourself castration. I know the reactions I get are quite comical. They range from shock, fear, surprise, yelping, howling, sharp intake of breath, to body bucking and swearing. That last is a definite no no and calls for sterner measures. It makes no difference to Me that the poor soul believes he has just undergone a sex change!

I sometimes use chemicals for penis torture. Things such as Ben Gay. A tiny drop on a Q tip is a formidable weapon! For variation, I sometimes apply this to the anus when I have My victim finely trussed. The new Icy Hot stick and roll ons work nicely, too. With them, I don't get that icky stuff on Me. A drop of Wintergreen Oil will bring out deep seated rhythms in any slave. One precaution with these. I have found that some balls tend to break out with sores that take forever to heal when using this stuff. So I try to restrict My usage to small amounts for the penis and asshole. Torture is fun, but long lasting damage is totally uncalled for and is the mark of an amateur.

I have some lovely red clamps that look like little twisted pieces of colored clothes hangers. These work nicely on the balls and seem to be more intense the longer they are left on. I place these the same way I use the clothespins, but they are bigger and there just isn't room enough for any great number of them. I saw some downtown the other day in other colors green, yellow, and blue. I just have to have some. These clamps are fun when combined with other torture toys. A variation of these clamps is the portable clothesline. The clamps on the latter are attached to an elastic line a couple of feet long. This line can be attached to the rack or chair, or whatever. Then the clamps hang handily where they are needed. Placing the end ones on the tits and rest on the cock and balls can be fun, too. The elastic line must stretch almost to its limit to do this and puts a lot of pull on the points pinched by the clamps. The only thing wrong with this toy is that there are not enough clamps, just six or so.

Elastic bands are a common but fun activity. I have small skinny ones, thick ones the post office uses, and large thick bands of black latex. The little ones are fun to apply tightly to the penis and then snap for maximum reaction. This really wakes up a slave. The tighter they can be applied the better. I have to work My fingernails under them to grasp them to snap them or remove them. They do tend to bruise even the most tough of shafts. This can be another one of those quantity activities the more the better. These hurt more when removing them than when putting them on, which adds to the expectations of the slave. I like using a package of the skinny ones in all different colors.

My greatest fan and victim of penis torture loves making Me new toys to use on him. One of these is a set of steel clips. They are particularly vicious, especially the longer they are left on. I like attaching these to the penis head, the shaft, the ball sack, underneath the balls, and, especially, the frenum. My, how My victim jumps and cries with these! A variation to these is My set of red enameled steel fingernails. These are fun to pinch, poke and jab with. They get a good round of response.

Midway through the penis torture training it's time for an alcohol cool down. This is lots of fun, and tends to be startling to the slave if he doesn't expect it. I pour the liquid directly on the penis from the bottle, or pour some in the palm of My hand and slap it to the balls. The alcohol quickly revives an inattentive slave, especially when it drips into those nooks and crannies. It's good in any case for areas that have been worn away a bit too much from all the fun and games. This is another of those activities that can make a slave learn how to dance to My tune.

 Many slaves seem to have a fascination with tiny, sharp pointed items. Spike heels, dagger fingernails and such send shivers down their spines. I like to use spikes during penis torture, also. I have a little red leather penis sheath with lovely little sharp spikes on the inside. This ties on, so one size fits all. I like to apply it to a hard erection. It's fun to playfully jerk on a penis that is wearing this gem. I also have a long thick cord imbedded with spikes. This wraps tightly around the penis for more sharp fun. The spikes are not cutting sharp as I don't enjoy the sight of blood; but they are certainly sharp enough to make themselves known! I also have a leather kid glove with spikes imbedded in the palm (outward, of course!) that I can wear when I feel like caressing My slave's penis and balls. This can sure cure those macho attitudes I detest so much. I have a black leather penis and ball sheath with spikes on the inside, but rarely use it because I don't particularly care for it. It doesn't have the visual effects I like.

I sometimes indulge in urethral torment. This is only for the most advanced pain slaves, however. I have put twenty five Q tips in a slit. I have tormented them with slick straws or tubes, never made of glass. Cocktail stirrers made of plastic work well for this, too. I have used medicine droppers to inject alcohol or tiny amounts of Ben Gay lotion. I have a long tiny straw affixed to a mouth freshener cap (Bianca, or such) that can deliver a short quick spray in the urethra. This keeps a slave hopping. I have used small amounts of liquid detergent, but only rarely as this is too irritating. Sometimes I attach metal clips directly to the sensitive skin at the mouth of the urethra, but this is not one of those activities that can be tolerated for any amount of time.

Another activity for the not faint at heart is searing the penis with hot wax. I like to use a white candle held about a foot above the area I am dripping on. This produces a lot of jumping and squirming from the slave. I've been told that white candles burn hotter. Regardless, they are quite effective in any colour. I enjoy covering the entire penis and/or balls with a thick coating of wax, then scrubbing it off with My stiff brush and beginning again. The second time around is just as much fun as the first. If I feel like it, I do it a third time. One slave once wanted Me to put short birthday candles under his balls. The idea was to light them and let them burn down. I declined. I'm a semi vegetarian and the smell of burning meat makes Me nauseous. However, the sight of a penis buried in a mountain of molten white wax is like a fine work of art to Me. Besides sewing,

I don't particularly like to culminate a penis torture session in slave orgasm. It is really none of My concern whether or not the slave has an orgasm.  I do allow slave orgasm under the strictest of conditions, governed entirely by Myself. When a penis torture devotee is allowed an orgasm, he must be in pain. I prefer to have him orgasm as I use the spike sheath, for instance. This is not always possible, but some type of torment must be present. If he cannot orgasm while in pain, too bad. I simply do not care. His sexual needs are his own problem.

Sometimes I allow a slave to kneel at My feet and show me how he abuses himself to orgasm, but he must be undergoing some kind of discomfort at the least. At the crucial point, I like to have a flog, strap, or crop handy so I can mete out discipline immediately for such a vile act!


1/5/2011 3:08:39 PM

I am a Dominate Female looking for a submissive, prefer a male.  24/7 relationship that will grow into a poly household. I have experience in bondage, cbt, riding crops, canes, gags, masks, etc.  I am only interested in one who know they are truly submissive, knows deep in their heart this is lifestyle they were meant to live, as my slave 24/7.  I love to touch and be touched.

Into: 24/7

(everything to do with it), anal sex

(giving), ass play

(everything to do with it), ball stretching

(giving), body worship

(receiving), bondage

(giving), butt plugs

(giving), caging/confinement

(giving), cbt

(giving), chastity devices

(giving), collars

(giving), crops

(giving), cross dressing

(giving), cuckold

(giving), depilation/shaving

(giving), domestic servitude

(receiving), domination

(everything to do with it), eye contact restrictions

(giving), face sitting/smothering

(giving), gay sex

(watching), handcuffs

(giving), humiliation

(giving), male submission

(receiving), massages

(receiving), master/slave

(everything to do with it), mistresses with strap-ons

(everything to do with it), nipples

(everything to do with it), objectification

(giving), sensation play

(giving), service-oriented submission

(receiving), sex during menstruation

(giving), shemales

(everything to do with it), sissy training

(giving), slave tattoos

(giving), strap-ons

(wearing), teasing

(giving), touching

(everything to do with it), transexual

(everything to do with it), verbal humiliation and degradation

(giving), vibrators

(everything to do with it), voyeurism

(everything to do with it).

Curious about: urethral sounds

(giving).


1/5/2011 3:07:36 PM

THIS IS MADAM BLUE VIEW ON LIFE:

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUBMISSION AND SLAVE, A PERSON GIVES CONTROL OVER TO THE DOMINATE FOR A SHORT PERIOD IN SUBMISSION AND SLAVE MAKES THAT DECISION IT IS FOR LIFE.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BEETWEEN FANTASY (WANT-TA-BE) AND REALITY

ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE GIVE AND TAKE, OR DOMONINATE AND SUBMISSIVE, JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK AT LIFE. IN A MARRIAGE SOMEONE WINS AND SOMEONE LOSSES UNLESS THEY EQUALLY AGREE, WHICH IS LESS OFTEN.  EVEN WHEN THEY AGREE, THERE MAY BE ONE WHO IS NOT TOTALLY FOR THE AGREED SOLUTION, THEN THERE IS DISCONTIN. 

A COUPLE OF LOCAL CLUBS THAT I PARTICIPATE IN:

http://clubfem.com/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/capps/

http://cruciblelifestyle.com/main.aspx

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/novasm/

http://www.cbwork.net/

 


1/5/2011 3:02:39 PM

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

male Needs in a D/s Relationship by fursissy

Lady Grey got me thinking about some things based upon her comments in an earlier post.  It is something I have dwelt upon over the years but due to D/s escalation as I wrote about earlier (as well as a few other posts talking about Fantasy vs. Reality) it's nice to think about this again to see how I have changed since the last time I seriously pondered it.

The gradual increase in fantasized intensity and actual desires grows over the years.  It can even reach a point that is quite frightening as there is usually some residual "I would never do that" memories from when you were first exposed to the subject and it shakes up your feelings of being "normal" to an even greater extent.

So what exactly do subs need to be happy and fulfilled from the lifestyle in the long-run?

I think it's fairly well-accepted that subs do not need regular orgasmic sexual release.  However, I do think they need situations or activities that are sexual in nature when it comes to what they respond to sexually.  For some subs this may be simple dominance.  For others it may be corporal punishment, bondage, or depersonalization.  Whatever makes them respond sexually will keep them satisfied even if erections are prevented through chastity.  Basically, they need activities or environments that turn them on in some way on some level.

Beyond that, I can't think of many commonalities that I would say encompasses 95% (2 standard deviations from the norm if you wish to get technical) or more of the submissive male population. 

Some men thrive on feeling insignificant, inferior, and unappreciated.  These types are usually quite rare when it boils down to reality and they usually adapt quite well to cuckold relationships, long-term chastity, depersonalization, formal Mistress/servant relationships, TPE slavery, and depersonalization.  They do not require love and affection, a feeling of worth, or intimacy with their Mistress to feel fulfilled and happy, and in many cases, it is quite the opposite.

Many men, myself included, do desire to feel loved and appreciated but submissive and dominated at the same time.  This is a bit more of a slippery idea to grasp.  I've often thought about it as being this type of sub is like being the favorite toy.  You her first choice out of the toy box.  She plays with you hard but is careful not to break you.  She keeps you in a special place in her heart, cherishing your place with her.

I have a feeling many women prefer this type of relationship, so things tend to work out pretty well.  The sub doesn't want to feel like he can be replaced in an instant by anyone with a pulse that is willing to be trained.  He wants to believe that he has characteristics that make him appealing to her beyond his superficial body and unskilled labor.  If he's not a chiseled adonis of a man, she accepts him for the quality of his soul.  While he might perform the domestic duties of a maid, she would rather have him doing them instead of a maid as a sign of his love and devotion.  I know most Dommes do want a sub who will enrich her life on meaningful levels (and subs do as well).

This is a quote from a response I made in a comment:
"I do not function well without love and I do know that is where much of my submission stems from in regards to whom I submit and how much effort I put forth.  I'm not particularly attractive, rich, nor a suave and debonair individual. The Dommes I have been with have generally cited their reasons for choosing me was because of my heart, sincerity, honesty, friendship, thoughtfulness, devotion, intelligence, creativity, and sense of humor."

I'm not sure on my exact needs, but I can say that feeling loved is one of them.  I need to feel her soul... feel like I have a special connection because of who I am and how I make her feel.

I don't think I'm alone in these feelings.  People want to feel like they found that person who was meant just for them.  Closeness... someone who can be a friend and lover, someone to share the entirety of their lives with.  While I believe the D/s dynamic is often necessary to achieve happiness and fulfillment, I think connecting on a deep personal level is equally important.

With that in mind, I do think that males can be led astray by appealing to the deep natures of their fetishes.  If I was single and Cruella de Vil showed up on my doorstep as a Venus in Furs demanding my obedience for a lifetime of hardships under her thumb, in that moment, I would be hard-pressed to resist.  Would I be happy if I said yes?  Probably not.  Would it be an intense battle between my brain/heart and penis?  Probably so. 

I guess this leads me to something else that I had forgotten to think about.

While male subs shouldn't be treated like children, they do need someone looking out for them keeping them from getting themselves into constant trouble.  A Domme can protect her sub from himself more than anyone else in his life.  Only a few subs will actually know this about themselves but I do think nearly all male subs are particularly vulnerable to tempting situations.  Keep in mind, having him on a short leash with strict rules that prevent him from slipping into bad habits does in fact protect him from himself as well.  The longer he stays in sub space the less likely he is to piss her off and face unpleasant consequences.  Similarly, a good whuppin' after he has misbehaved makes him less likely to do it again and receive an even more severe whuppin' (which is also a form of protection). 


1/5/2011 3:01:39 PM

Thursday, April 1, 2010  by fursissy

Femdom House

In my previous post titled "The Good Things About Being a Dominant Woman," I wrote a bit about a Domme having a house where she charged rent to subs to live there and serve her and live out sort of a Femdom fantasy.  A Domme could easily earn a decent living on the rent alone as well as live a pampered life of pleasure and relaxation.  This got me to thinking about the feasibility of this and if something like that could really work.

This whole idea might seem like pure fiction, but in all honesty, I believe it could work although I'm sure it would be a bit difficult to actually keep it functioning well over an extended period of time.  Also, it would probably require a Domme who didn't have children living at home and didn't care about what the neighbors thought about her lifestyle.

If you are skeptical, please give it some serious consideration before writing it off as pure fiction. I believe there's a fairly large number of male subs that are desperate enough to be willing to jump in.

The scenario:
A Domme converts one or more of the rooms in her house into the servant's quarters.  The room(s) could be fairly small, enough to fit a few bunked cots and their clothes, toiletries, etc.

Subs are interviewed and screened and those chosen would live in the house as a servant and pay rent.  The number of subs would be up to the Domme, but to make things work completely and to have it be financially worthwhile, I would guess there would need to be at least four subs.  The rent would be on the expensive side but not outrageous, say $1000 a month plus utilities.  Subs would also be responsible for their own transportation, food, clothing, BDSM-related items, and personal expenses.

The subs would hold full time jobs and have work schedules that would ensure at least two subs would be "on duty" at any given time.  If there were six subs, two might work first shift, two might work second shift, and two might work third shift, with 6-8 hours of "on duty" time and 6-8 hours set aside for meals, sleep, personal grooming, etc.  Assuming the subs all worked standard Mon-Fri schedules, weekend schedules would likely entail more on duty time as well as some small break time for them to be able to take care of personal errands.

On duty subs would perform any task the Domme wished and would likely entail many mundane tasks such as housework, meal preparation, yard work, laundry, chauffer, and shopping as well as some more privileged roles like personal attendant to the Domme, whipping boy, boy toy, etc.  A Domme could probably avoid some busywork by having the subs determine amongst themselves who is responsible for particular chores, but I have a nagging feeling that she would probably have to be in charge of distributing the responsibilities. 

The big question is how this would appeal to subs beyond just the premise and idea of things, yet keep it from being too appealing and having every single sub crawling out of the woodwork thinking they'd be perfect for the position.  This situation would likely require some BDSM fantasy elements in order to make it worthwhile for the sub to agree to it.  At the same time, the Domme might choose some particular BDSM elements to incorporate that are things that she enjoys and possibly a few others that she doesn't enjoy in order to weed out the wankers.  She would probably also want to consider the types of subs that would best fit the roles that would need to be filled and possibly seek a few specialized subs, e.g. sissy maids would probably make better domestic servants than pain sluts and finding a sub who is a chef, another that has been trained as a masseuse, a carpenter, an auto mechanic, a tailor, etc.  Once these ideas have been hashed out she can start determining the rules and terms of the agreement.

Some example rules:
-Subs must be willing to sign an X month lease for the agreed upon monetary amount and required responsibilities with a penalty fee for breaking the terms of the lease.
-Subs must wear a required uniform (such as a maid's outfit) and a leather collar and cuffs at all times while on duty with punishments for being improperly dressed or appearing unkempt.
-Subs must wear a chastity device at all times except for removal for regular cleaning or permitted orgasms.  Regular milking will occur to ensure prostate health.
-Failure to meet the Domme's standards of service will result in punishment with chronic offenses leading to eviction.
-The Domme will guarantee the sub at least one hour per week of individual play time as a reward for adequate service.

The benefits:
-She wouldn't have to work unless she wanted to.
-She wouldn't have to take care of any mundane housework.
-She could demand any level of pampering or worship at any time.
-She could have any type of sexual or BDSM activity at any time.
-She could be as strict or laid back as she wanted to.

The responsibilities:
-She would probably have to be in charge of  managing and delegating responsibilities.
-She would have to keep track of and administer punishments.
-She may have to take part in BDSM-related activities that don't "do it" for her.
-She will have to balance enough personal attention in order to keep all parties involved content enough to continue the lifestyle.
-She will have to spend a great deal of time finding the right subs to fit the lifestyle.

As I'm writing this I realize it would be quite a difficult endeavor but it also seems very possible.  Having a stable of say, six subs might require several years to build towards, but there are enough varied fetishes and fantasies among men to probably be able to make this happen over the course of a few years.  Starting small with one or two subs that will probably need some form of romantic interaction and gradually adding those who are okay with play or even those who have a strong fetish/fantasy for being treated like a depersonalized servant.  I have a feeling that the end result would not involve all subs being treated equally, but a couple of favorites and a few there only to fill the less desirable roles.

I do think the idea of a Femdom house falls into the realm of a potential reality.


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rnbwbunny916
 
 Age: 29
 Dublin, Ireland