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We are all going to die. In fact, from the minute each of us is created we are moving towards death.
One day every piece of plastic that has been produced today will wear away. Of course no human will exist to see this.
One day the seas will dry up. Humans will have long sense dissipated from the cosmic scene.
One day the sun will no longer burn. The earth as we know it will become a barren and lifeless dried up orb.
Why does each of us fight so hard to survive? |
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So the other day I became enraged at the inaction of a particular person charged with the welfare of others.
In fact inaction does not even began to describe the dereliction of duty I witnessed. It was blatant and willful neglect.
It has been a long time since I wanted to lay hands on someone and felt justified in doing it, but this was such an occasion.
Damn, the bloody rage still flows through me. I want to hurt this person, badly. I want to permanently deform this person so they can never forget what they have done.
But I cannot do the above with out serious consequences to myself. So instead I have to find different ways to bring this person to justice, ways that are not likely to be effective.
Fuck people who purposely abuse their power and hurt other people. I would rather remove my own little finger with a thick blade than have to helplessly watch the above happen. |
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New short term goal; use the phrase "honeydick" in the next ten days. Not sure if this is possible but damn I must try.
P.S. I finally watched the interview... it is awesome sauce. |
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".... One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."
-Robert Frost |
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So I decided to start reading the poetry of Robert Frost. My gods, is his stuff depressingly beautiful and thought provoking. Last lines of many of his poems will crash into the center of your being. Damn. Try his stuff. If you can resist the urge to put a gun in your mouth after reading him, you will evolve. |
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I really enjoy the hide feature. I wish it was a real life option; with just a press of a button I could eliminate ever having to see or hear certain people again. |
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I just had a depressing but interesting conversation on this website. Among the many weird issues and general bullshit there was this exchange: (The below has been paraphrased for ease of use)
Random Person giving me a telling off after asking me a question: "And I'm probably one of the few people on here who actually has all their ducks in a row."
Me: "anyone who feels the need to say "I have my ducks in a row" does not actually have their shit squared away. Or else you would innately understand that stating the above is not useful or relevant, it is your actions that will show you have your shit squared away."
Random Person: "Right. Most people getting nursing degrees....'don't have their shit together' haha"
I basically stated, telling someone how much you accomplished is the type of thing "fuck ups" do. People have to decided if you have your shit squared away for themselves, it is not something you can tell them.
And then she goes on to tell me how accomplished and on track she is.
Mind blown.
(Oh I should mention I then did what I normally do with people like the above. I verbally ripped them a new one. I stopped treating the above like a worthwhile woman/man and spit meanness, because it seems to be the only thing they understand. Otherwise they think I am weak and look at me like prey. So now I put them in the fucking place.)
Oh well, perhaps I am the one that is all fucked up and overly defensive here. I would much prefer that than to believe someone who wants to be a nurse is a shit head. |
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I have come to strongly dislike this site, and yet I cannot seem to walk away from it.
Damn this ridiculously futile online bullshit.
I can only hope, out of some perverse egalitarianism , that female submissives feel the same way.
Or I could erase my profile,once more. See how long it takes before I make another one.
Hopefully I can hold out for two years this time.
At least that way I will have some short lived generations to concentrate on turning, some supposedly, vanilla girls onto the mind blowing greatness of kink.
Fuck, I really wanted to write a positive journal entry. I hate being so negative.
Ah well, if that is what I use this journal for so be it. One day I will find my positive and inspirational path again. I will climb the mountain I keep tumbling down. And I will push through the bullshit that tripped me up. Even if I have have to sacrifice that which I have never wanted or could put on the altar before.
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The bloody Dunning-Kruger effect! People need to actually listen when multiple PhDs and MDs tell them something.
Or, after making the decision to not listen to experts, they should then have to suffer the consequences of their actions.
Seriously forget people who, for example, deliberately and repeatedly disregard medical instructions.... and then go running to the hospital for help.
People like that should receive a serious verbal ripping, or better yet, a few body shots. |
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So, I have found myself very sensitive to the idea of "game playing". Both on sites, such as this one, and in my real life.
Let me put forth an example of what I mean. I was recently talking with a girl online. Many message were exchanged and an in-person meeting happened. There seemed to be a connection. Then she stopped talking to me for well over a week.
"Damn," I thought "Guess she is not interested after all. Too bad."
But that is the risk each of us takes when putting ourselves out there and it is a risk I can accept.
What I do not take in such a cool and accepting manner is when the above person contacts me again after two weeks and wants to start connecting again. No, bitch. Let's both be honest, you found someone "better" and started talking with them. Then that fell through. So you decided to hit up some guy who would make your ego feel better. Even if this did not happen, which is very unlikely in my experience, your actions have made it abundantly clear you are not interested. There is no good reason I would want anything to do with you
So I, basically, said the above to this girl and told her to lose my number. She then tried to argue how wrong I was. Which only made me think less of her and piss me off even more. Especially when I made it very clear I did not respect or want to hear her opinion. My exact phrase was "I do not care about anything you have to say."
Eventually she stopped texting me. Perfect.
So I blame myself in part for this drama, since normally I do not spell out my reasoning when a girl pulls this shit. Usually I just do not reply to the clearly crappy weeks late text. But it has happened a few times this year and not all of them from online meets. So a part of me was tired of letting it slide.
But another part of me has to question if my attitude or viewpoint is correct. Some part of me always wants to take a step back and second guess. I have learned to accept it, for the most part, and even view it as a strength. After all, how much better would the world be if people took a few moments to check if their ideas actually lined up with their goals and intents.
Perhaps that is why I felt the need to write this ridiculous online ramble. Sometimes just putting my ideas to paper (or computer) helps me sort them out.
Or it could be that the above person texted me today with "Im sorry". Weeks later yet again. Damn people, they seem to mistake kindness with weakness. That is the only justification I can come up with for this.
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"Submission is a gift...."
No, it is not. Domination is not a gift, a relationship of any kind is not a gift, submission is not a gift.
I understand that people who state the above are trying to say a submissive should be valued, but saying it is a gift is irritatingly incorrect. You are not "giving" your submission to someone. A connection is made, by both parties, because everybody involved benefits.
Even if you are an idiot who really believes your being submissive is some great incredible endowment, stop talking about it! You sound like a jerk who likes to constantly remind your friends about that one time you bought them all tickets to Six Flags. Listen, yeah it was a good time but if we knew how much you were going to harp about it none of us would have accepted.
To summarize, you are not doing anyone a "favor" by being submissive. Last time I checked everyone received plenty from the deal.
And that is my dickish rant for the week. Well, hopefully. The week is still young and I am, apparently, in a "you know what grinds my gears" mood. |
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I might make this journal my "good music" list. Update it as I feel necessary over the next few days.
Glass animals- Gooey
Damn this song is sensual. Like syrup pouring down your ear into the brain.
Asta-Dynamite
Interesting juxtaposition with the vocals. Pulls and pushes at me.
Chvrches cover Arctic Monkeys-Do I Wanna Know?
First, Arctic Monkeys are awesome. Especially the album AM. So when I saw this I was all, "Who the heck thinks they can do a cover of the freezing primates?!" Well, they covered it and made a banger.
Lana Del Ray-Blue Jeans
Anything by LRay is worth a listen. In fact, do yourself a favor and run through one of her albums. I am partial to UltraViolence. Every other song makes me think she will die young and tragic. Which we all know makes for a great artist. |
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Lana Del Ray and good whiskey, they make me wish I had some epic struggle to pour onto a page. One jagged emotion at a time.
Or.... they just make me wish I could write. Even a simple and trashy romance novel. Being a prolific writer, regardless if one is published, must be great. Creation and exploration. Defining and questioning, ah. Damn, why could I not have received that gift from my Irish ancestors. |
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So I tried this new sweet grappling move the other night. It involves taking my thumb and slamming it into my opponents fist. Really good stuff, I cannot grip anything with my right hand today.
But some how I still managed a few take downs, because I kept training instead of stepping off the mat and icing up.
Sometimes I could slap my yesterday-self upside the head. He can be a huge idiot. |
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The Wombats.... great band or awesomely great band?
I swear I hit a new PR on my bench just from listening to them. Yeah, they gave me increased muscular and skeletal adaptions. Science. |
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Frustrating day at work. Hate walking into situations where I cannot do the best for people depending on me. Especially when it was avoidable if someone else had done their job.
But I worked hard and turned some of it around. That small win will make it easier to sleep tonight and put all that angry dissatisfaction behind me.
Pat on the back for me. |
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Finally watched "Gone With the Wind". I know, it is a classic which I should have viewed long ago, but I am glad I did not....
This movie was bad. So much of the dialogue felt stilled and stupid. The characters sucked and did idiotic things. Not to mention it has a marital rape in it. Worst of all was the ending. So forced and contrived. Also, if I was African-American, I would be pissed at the portrayals of Southern Blacks. I felt weirdly lessened by watching this.
I will give the movie credit for the cinematography, but I cannot understand how this has become such a renowned classic of American film-making.
I do feel I owe Clark Gable another chance. Have to find a good movie he stars in and give it a try. |
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So I had someone "admire" me the other day. It was weird, since no messages were ever exchanged. But whatever, I thought to myself, perhaps that is just this persons way of starting a conversation.
Then I looked at the profile. It is a straight fake profile designed to funnel people to a pay site.
Wish I could throat punch people through a computer. |
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Don't be one of those people who posts GOT spoilers. Come on.
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Ugh, started working out again after about ten days off, where all I did was drink too much. My body hurts and I want lay in a bath tub of ice..... except then I would die and be really cold.
On the plus side I am back to being in my normal good mood. Pushing the body is the only way I sleep well. |
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Wow, this weather is great. Bought cheap cigars today for an excuse to sit on my back porch and watch the day end.
Hopefully my weak stomach does not make me regret puffing on this shit.
-M |
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Anyone who calls a 21 year old human being (or older) a "boy" or "girl" strictly based on their age is an idiot.
A person is free to say these kind of stupid things all they like, but just know it makes you look like an idiot.
Unless you are a cute 96 year old lady. Then you can call me a boy (or girl if you are confused) all you like. Because I am stupid like that.
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The Fookin Peaky Blinders!!!
Just finished season 2. Damn, that finale pulled me in so hard.
If you have not started this series, do it! Starts slow but it will attach hooks deep into your heart.
Also, you may develop an incidental cockney accents after watching. Consider it a side benefit.
-M |
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That person who not only accepts but revels in the darker parts of my being. Who loves when I let it all out in one large rush..... or when I doll it out in small doses throughout a day.
Always a tough quality to find. Especially when there are many other qualities that are also necessary for a good relationship. But I have found it before and I plan to find it again. |
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I dislike how visiting this website can make me feel broken. So many profiles that just pulsate with bad vibes. But who am I to judge since I keep coming back. |
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Loving the Peaky Blinders, so far. May have to sew some edges into my daily cap.
Just for fun, of course.... |
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