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I am not looking for a physical relationship at this time. I find that I am no longer free I am a slave to an illness that is attacking my body. It crept in like a thief in the night and I didn't know it was there until it declared war on my body.
So war it is....I'm ready... let the battles begin!

I am worthy of the very best of love and life. So when I trust I do so with everything....when I love I love with everything- and when my heart breaks it shatters. Yet I will choose to risk hearbreak everytime. I seek soulful connections, I yearn for them and when I encounter one I cherish it for the gift it is.

I am a relationship Anarchist.... I am not mandated by relationship rules. Love is not a limited resource. Love felt for one person does not dimish love felt for another. I don't rank and compare people or connections. I cherish the individuals and relationships I connect with and my cup runnuth over. I am free to be spontaneous-to express myself without fear of punishment or sense of burdened "shoulds"- that is what gives life to relationships. I am free to travel. I strive to meet and explore people, places and all of life's expereiences with unbridled enthusiasm.


I have always speculated that submissive women- true submissive women..feel things on a more intense level. This is true because we have tapped into parts of ourselves that most do not tap into. We cross the threshold of pain and turn it into pleasure...that changes us. Internally we are changed- not traumatized...not damaged- changed. We know ourselves- our insides are less mysterious to us because we have looked into the darkest part of ourself. We have boldly pushed ourselves to give more...take more- and why? To connect. To know. To feel. I feel everything as if it were being directly applied to my skin....I rub it in. Pleasure is like a balm- the sweetest of flavors and in all different colors. Pain...the raw form of pleasure that is too consuming to have a taste or a texture because it overwhelms all of the senses-- there is just no comparison.

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6/24/2015 7:29:59 PM

He dug so deeply into her sentiments that in search of interest he found love, because by trying to make her love him he ended up falling in love with her. Petra Cotes, for her part, loved him more and more as she felt his love increasing, and that was how in the ripeness of autumn she began to believe once more in the youthful superstition that poverty was the servitude of love. Both looked back then on the wild revelry, the gaudy wealth, and the unbridled fornication as an annoyance and they lamented that it had cost them so much of their lives to find the paradise of shared solitude. Madly in love after so many years of sterile complicity, they enjoyed the miracle of living each other as much at the table as in bed, and they grew to be so happy that even when they were two worn-out people they kept on blooming like little children and playing together like dogs.”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude


5/3/2015 6:16:38 AM

I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. ~Michel de Montaigne

She was where he left her. Huddled on the bare floor against the foot of the bed. Even if she wanted to leave, and she was much too frightened to try, the small metal cuff around her slender ankle secured her to the metal rail of the bed. She was naked, she was cold and she had lost track of how long she had been sitting there. The shadows were longer on the wall and she could sense night creeping into the unlit room. It terrified her to think he would just leave her here alone as night fell all around her. With her knees under her she tried to pull up to have a better look around the room. It looked as if it was an extra bedroom, the furniture was worn but looked expensive as if someone could finally afford new but was still frugal enough to hang onto the old. Placed right out of her reach there was an oval rug, woven with greens and golds. It was centered in the room covering the waxy hard wood floor. The fireplace was massive and took up half of the far wall and was graced on either side with an ornate styled window. They were shaped like one may expect to see in an old abbey or deserted church only the glass was clear. The windows were high, too high for her to even try to see out of them. The ceiling however was lower than one might expect, and slanted sharply down on one side. Large hardwood beams supported the dusk colored ceiling. It made her think she was perhaps being held in a converted attic or loft. She strained her ears until they almost ached to hear something, anything to tell her he was coming back for her.

She had been blindfolded on the way here and he only removed the blindfold when they were in the small room with the door closed tightly behind them. When he pulled it from around her head she needed a moment for her eyes to adjust to the then brightly lit room. He had ordered her to remove her clothing and she did so while he sat on the bed and watched her. The coverings on the bed were white and looked as if they were from a past era, handmade maybe and the linens added to the stark whiteness of the room. When at last she stood naked in front of him she instantly recognized the almost sadistic gleam in his eye and she was more curious than she had ever been in her life why he had brought her here.

He made no move to touch her just sat on the bed and allowed his eyes to devour her. She was his and he drank her in not wanting to break the quiet spell that her nakedness had cast around him. The longer she stood in front of him the less confident she became, he found that he like to see her unnerved this way. The fact that he could bring her great pleasure as well as agonizing pain was always between them. And when she stood in front of him he could see in her eyes that she did not know which of the two would amuse him more.

"This was such a good idea." he said as he stood and pulled her tight against him. "A very good idea." he whispered against her lips before catching her mouth in a heart wrenching kiss that left her breathless and confused. He nibbled sharply at her bottom lip and she whimpered into his mouth. He allowed his hands to roam down her body leaving no doubt in her mind that he considered all of her his. She was so familiar to him and his calloused hands against her silken flesh created an arousing friction they could both feel. His hands found her breasts and his fingers roughly pinched at her nipples drawing a sharp breath out of her. His rough touch promised unimaginable delights and her body, momentarily forgetting her fear, swam with need. She leaned into him wanting him to deepen his kiss, to continue his play. They both knew that he would only play with her as long as he wished. She felt his hands leave her and her eyes flew open as his hand grasped her around her throat and tossed her to the bed. He squeezed just hard enough for her to realize he wasn't playing a game with her and she struggled against him. The blankets were cool against her back and she felt her legs tangle slightly in the covers in her effort to hold herself still. She knew he would not be pleased if she fought him so she did her best to calm herself. Finally he relaxed his hand but he left it around her throat. His other hand traveled the length of her body. His mouth kissed a trail of fire between her breasts and down the length of her tummy. She heard the bed squeak slightly as he planted his weight firmly between her legs to plant kisses on the insides of her thighs. His finger traced a path through the down covered dewy heat of her and he was surprisingly gentle as his finger caressed her before finally entering her causing her to press against his hand in her need. He played with her for only a second longer before placing a hand under both knees he opened her legs. He left her like that for several moments while he stood and connected the chain and restrain that would go around her ankle to the rail of the bed. He alternated his attention between preparing her restraint with catching her eye and enjoying the view of the delights he had spread open before him. It was humiliating for her to be posed in such a way and he knew it.

She felt him again on the bed and she felt the harshness of the leather strap between her legs. He brought it down on her over and over until she shuddered with need, with pain, with something she could not begin to describe. He alternated his blows with a light exploring touch that was thoroughly intoxicating and so very seductive she knew she would be able to deny him nothing. As she lay trembling in front of him he knew he had played long enough. He pulled her to the floor and knelt to strap the restraint tightly to her ankle and he locked it in place with a small lock pocketing the key. He patted his pocket, and with a last, smoldering, lingering look at her he turned and walked out the door.

And that is where she had been ever since. Had it been an hour, maybe two? She knew she had dozed for a few minutes and when she woke up she was disoriented. She sensed he was coming back even before she heard the heavy footsteps outside the door, the small fine hairs tingled on the back of her neck and her hands felt clammy. She couldn’t believe what she saw when the brass knob of the heavy oak door turned. It was her Master, only he wasn’t alone. Another man walked in with him, a smaller man with dark piercing eyes that met hers right away as if to challenge her to say anything. Her eyes flew back to her Master and she tried to speak to make some attempt at a feeble protest but nothing made it past her lips. As they approached her she scooted back pressing her body against the bed as if she thought the little wish she had just made could allow her to disappear under the bed. A small sob caught on her lips as her Master stood in front of her, she looked up at him in disbelief. A thousand questions that she knew better to voice stuck in her throat and she felt hot, scared tears leave her eyes. Who was this person and what was going to happen to her now?


AnitaSpankin
 
 Age: 30
  Ohio