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purepleasure
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soul2share
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shibaridreams7
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I AM NOT collared.
I DO have a partner.
For goodness' sakes. Don't be ridiculous.
Being collared and having a partner are two different things.
------------------------------
Taking some time to pop in and check mail and hang out with old friends again.
I guess after a birthday you tend to reflect a bit.
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There and Back Again, a Switch's tale by E. V.
Well, here I am, back to rekindle friendships and talk of the life and world I have left behind and started anew this past year.
It's been a thrilling ride, and I'm so elated that it is in a park I never have to leave.
A dream I never have to close my eyes to visit.
It is a pleasure to be a part of this lifestyle and community, and I am sorry I have lost touch with so many.
I have, long-since, found the one for me, made changes for myself, and feel like a whole new person.
For you "winners" out there, this means I'm not looking.
Freedom is so invigorating.
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Dropping in to see what's what.
Glad to have switched to FL.
:D |
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Huh... Been a while.
I suppose I should log on more often, although I prefer the other site I frequent more.
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For the love...
DO NOT send me your copy-pasted trash.
Even better, do not send me your copy-pasted trash and tell me that you hate the "fakes and liars" of this website.
Hate them. Despise them. Go for it.
But, how much more fake do YOU appear when you send me and 20 other people the same message?
Cut me some slack and give my intelligence some consideration.
Yeesh.
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USE THE SECOND FUCKING CHANCE I GAVE YOU AND GET A FUCKING LIFE!
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Back, and will try to make damn sure to check this place regularly.
At least now I'll get emails from you all!
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I have found the man I have been searching for.
I have reached a point where I am comfortable proving myself and my worth, because I understand my value and my strength.
Do not test my resolve.
You will wish you hadn't fucked with me. |
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So...
It would appear I vanished off of the face of the earth.
...Or joined a different website under the same user name.
I just get... Really tired of some of you people...
Not everything can be about FUCKING can it? |
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I am who I am.
What else can one be?
True to myself.
Maybe?
Maybe not.
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Now, now...
I said my animals will be having their Christmas, stop yer belly achin'.
I just wish it felt like Christmas!
>__<
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Christmas is cancelled at my house.
No lights, no stockings, and no tinsel.
The kitties will get their tasty food and the turtles will have a clean tank, as will the lizards and snake, but that's about the extent of it all.
This is my very first Christmas where it really doesn't feel like Christmas.
:(
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How the heck did I do it?
I suppose I can still manage to surprise myself...
I broke the blender.
My house smells like a car motor.
GUH.
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#27
Eugh...
The word, "beautiful," still gives me the heebies.
Especially if it is whispered in my ear.
It makes my body rigid.
...I think I've finally managed to not fall into a really bad head space...
But... UGH.
Maybe if I just associate the word with the Joker or something...
*Strokes non-existant beard*
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#26
What a gorgeous day outside!
Every morning must feel like the most perfect winter day's beginning when you are semi-over a cold.
The chill air is just right, no one is in the office yet, and I managed to throw in some morning cardio.
I wonder if anyone ever sees me jogging back and forth past the windows in my office?
15 minutes of jogging to bouncy songs can really get your blood pumping!
Even if you happen to have to jog by the copier every minute.
;D
So...
Let's see.
Last night I had a great time.
Talked to some good friends on the phone and was visited by my oldest and closest friend.
These events made me realize a few things.
1) I am a "cutie pie".
2) I am not dying every time I cough.
3) I am not allowed to die; that's "not nice,".
4) Sometimes people need a little space.
5) Not everything is my fault.
6) I do not always have to try to make things better.
7) I will never be able to eat two baja chalupas, one soft taco, one grilled stuffed burrito, one caramel apple empanada, and cheesy potatos from Taco Bell AND a swiss awesome burger from Wendy's; I need to stop ordering so much food.
8) It is OKAY to cry.
9) I will get used to crying, and my body will learn to accept it and not break down.
10) Everyone has a rough patch; I'll make it through mine.
11) I can most likely whip his butt in a fighting game.
12) Calling people won't raise the dead; I should try and investigate further.
13) There are people that love me.
I love you guys.
No more sadness.
I've got the gear I need, so, I'm going to go hit some dungeons.
...Just... Meet me down there at some point; okay?
...Anyone got a torch?
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#25
Woo-hoo!
What a beautiful day it is!
Sun is shining, the air is crisp, and traffic is tolerable.
I'm semi-over being sickly, so today is a day of rejoicing!
I probably won't be able to do some serious exercise without breaking down into a coughing fit, but, maybe I can go for a walk.
No nightmares that I can recall last night.
I'm very aware that I had a dream, but I just couldn't seem to keep hold of it.
Even the tiny bits I seem to recollect are slipping away as I type.
Mayhap I solved the problem.
However, a new question has surfaced in my mind.
What am I?
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#24
I yam sick.
Booooooo...
I had the most insanely crazy dream last night.
Much in the ways of nudity and slaveness.
...But, the ending was poor.
I won't delve into the entire dream; it confuses the hell out of me.
I recall I had talked back to someone "superior" to me.
Some female who did not own me, but was a guest in the home I was in.
She kept tearing into me about how I was to not move from my current position, but I argued with her; I kept telling her I had responsibilities!
I absolutely HAD to move and pick up the toys littering the floor.
So I did.
I balked at the female (without being completely disrespectful), cleaned the floor, and moved to go back to my previous position...
But, before I could motion myself from the floor, a leather belt was pulled around my neck.
I recall attempting to turn my head to see who it was accosting me... But the stern, "move," told me all too well.
On hands and knees I was led to another room, and I sat shaking, waiting for punishment.
I got worse.
Yelled at.
Belittled.
I don't do anything right.
Disrespectful.
Lazy.
On and on, the list went with my faults... And I felt smaller and smaller with every discrepency.
I woke up to my alarm, but not in time to escape the last few words.
"You are a disgrace to me."
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#23
Ack.
I was going over my journal entries and realized something.
I sound
like a big, fat, whimpy, baby.
Okay peoples.
I do have a happy go lucky
~SQUEEEEEE side.
I'm just at a rough, crud patch right now.=D
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#22
I think I’ve started this entry three times now…
Maybe
more.
I feel as though they are running together; they are
blurring as I stroke the keys.
Where do I begin?
Where did this
all start?
Nine years ago I fought him back.
But, when do I get
to stop?
He’s gone now and I’m still going.
It’s a wonder I can
stand some days.
Always waiting.
Always expecting.
Will I be hurt today?
How
long before it starts all over?
You can put a broken china doll in a
pretty flowered gown…
But in the end, she is but a broken china
doll.
I’m scared.
I’m starting to figure out who I really am,
and it terrifies.
Where is that fierce creature who used to stare back at me?
Daily I peer within my
looking glass and watch her grow farther away; Diana?
I cry
now.
Years of frustrated tears just keep coming forth no matter what I
do.
It is not a wound that has opened; no.
The wall I so carefully
built is coming down.
My guard is up, but my wall is shaking.
I
can’t be angry anymore.
Perhaps I am doomed to wander.
It’s so
much safer than staying behind that breaking wall.
Shall I build a new
one?
Or catch the pieces as they fall?
I can’t do it alone.
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#20
Back the
cat into a corner, and you are bound to be scratched.
Another day
has begun and the morn is already trying my patience.
Sick.
Always sick.
If I'm not
sick of something, I'm sick myself.
And people
wonder why I mewl and complain so much.
It's to keep those little germy germs
off my tail.
I can't
talk.
Okay, well,
I can talk, but, when I do, my voice is weak and sounds comical.
This is not
a day to call me; and, anyone who does and picks on me shall feel my squirrelly
wrath.
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#19
""There's no crying in baseball""
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#18
Ah, clarity.
Dearies...
If I do not know you, the words mentioned in entry #17 are not for you.
Yes, they swirl and tease the deep ends of my "lust pool" when said by the right person...
But that is not you. |
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#17
My name, is Lunalay.
It is not "whore".
It is not "slave".
It is not "cunt" or "bitch" or "slut".
I will not be a victim of your witless labels.
Your "romantic" pet names for me do not flutter my heart.
I do not run to my diary, swooning, pining for you when I am called by an animal's name.
Be warned.
I am no common mut.
I am a wolf.
You call me that again, and I'll bite your sodding head off. |
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#15
I do not want control of my own happiness.
I want it to take its course.
I want to tag along for the ride and see where the winds take me.
I will settle where it lands, and breathe the fresh air that comes with finally being content and wanted. |
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#14
I've been seeing things again.
At first, they were only strong during a sense of bliss.
I felt them after I opened myself to him; but, I was not afraid.
Nothing present was malicious, and nothing there made me feel as though I did not belong.
It was peaceful.
A name keeps calling to me in my mind, "Lucien," it says. But, my stomach knots.
That name feels right, but off... As though it misses something.
Was that your name, angel? Have you followed me?
I have touched your presence and asked but two questions of you; you tried to still both.
You are old, angel. Older than the one nearing a millenia. This does not surprise me. You are not just a spirit.
You are more male than female, angel; I can feel it in your energy.
Your name begins with an 'L', angel, but I fear the name resonating within my mind is but a piece of the sound.
I know there is more to the song of your name, but why will you not grant me the notes?
Yes.
You followed me.
You are dripping with his familiar energy, and your spirit is calm.
Am I a curiousity to you?
Or is it that you know what I do not?
Do you speak with the man who follows me?
Do you speak to the angel of four faces as he buries me beneath his wing?
Why is it that you came?
I know you can hear me, my thoughts pour out to you, and I can hear the gentle murmur within.
I can see them more now.
...Are you helping?
I won't cast the gift aside again, but I will wonder as to why.
I invite you to stay, dear one.
I know you would not stand before me if they were not safe.
Let us have a chat, you and I. |
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#13
Yes, for the sake of those who choose to read my journals, I have begun numbering them.
I hope it helps you... Or something.
Well, another day has almost passed me by.
Why does time not move faster when one is unahppy?
No... Well... I guess I am not unhappy.
Maybe it is that my world has lost the color I once squinted to see.
My mug is grey and empty, but my belly lacks the warmth of its prior contents.
Somehow, I feel stronger than before, but weaker than ever.
My path is clear, but my map is blank.
"If the choosing gets confusing, maybe it's the map you're using. You don't need a star to guide you, close your eyes and look inside you!"
I enjoy that movie.
Ah, off on another thought I see.
Well, for the purpose of following a non-existant tangent, I have been attending yoga classes since Tuesday of this week. Hot yoga.
Wow.
Could it be any more ridiculously warm in that darn yoga room?
Never, EVER, in the existance of my memory do I recall sweating like that.
SHOULDER SWEAT.
I didn't even know shoulders did that.
GAG.
But, the weird part is, I don't smell of the yuck when I retreat from the room.
No sweaty grossness.
Can't say I'm unhappy about that.
I'll be going to two classes tonight.
Maybe not the smartest plan ever, but, I really do wish to drop some weight.
Have to look toned and full of the sexy.
I already managed to drop 25 pounds, so, let's see if I can't tone down to a good 140. With the muscle I've got, that should be pretty good.
...I looked sickly when I weighed 120. No wonder model companies bothered me.
"Please, let us use your sickly image for profit, you barbie doll creature, you."
I've no interest in modeling.
Okay, that's a fallacy. I only enjoy modeling for fun and the wank fodder of a certain person.
*SNORT* |
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# 12
Ah...
I think the crying bursts have finally stopped.
I find myself so ashamed to cry.
Long ago I was taught and told repeatedly, "crying is a weakness and an embarrassment," so my cheeks burn in humiliation when the tears begin to well.
My human side must crack.
Emotional necessity.
It's odd.
My mind was blank.
...All I was doing was working.
Mindless, simple tasks...
They came from no where.
Choking and painful, the tears burned at my eyes and bled from me, opening a wound I so willingly accepted.
My spirit is aching.
What are these flashes of discontempt?
You have unlocked what was long since hidden away.
The girl I killed is waking up.
The broken doll is stirring.
New life has been breathed into my wings, and they beg to be released at your feet.
It is then I will soar. |
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# 11
Ah, well, I see my costume picture got uploaded.
Thank you for finding that thing for me, Mango. Much appreciation and love for you here.
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# 10
I'm beginning to think I need to just make a blog or something.
But, I suppose that would leave some of you at a disadvantage and/or make you stalker crazy.
I just feel like writing, and I don't know where else to put my thoughts.
My trip is still fresh on the mind, and my stomach knots at the thought of it.
I feel sick being here.
Why does everyone keep telling me they are letting me go? |
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# 9
...How do I begin to describe perfection?
No... That isn't right.
How do I begin to say, for once, everything I did, everything I said, and everything I knew had a sense of purpose.
Every day of it was a dream. I know this now, as I sit here typing, wondering where to begin, where it began...
It's maddening.
I have lost my sense of direction upon my return to the world I thought I knew. The ins are now outs, my left has turned to right.
The keys feel foreign and the air is still.
I have left the place my soul calls home, and my body has returned to a house.
...
Everything feels hard.
It's all too loud, too distant, too sureal.
I'm pawing at the cement river that surrounds and wondering where my forest is.
May the Moon guide me back.
May you have me again.
May life begin once more. |
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# 8
Tonight there will be a munch for a local BDSM group.
It is being held at Logan's Steakhouse in Janaf Shopping Center.
The event begins at 7 pm.
Everyone is welcome to attend and make merry! |
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I wonder...
Is sex the only thing?
This act, so simple, the domination of the Doms?
The fantasies of the slaves, the subs, the switches...
What of the love? What of the respect? The decency? Passion? Humility? Grace?
Where do these reside within your callous dreams?
Where is the heart?
I can favor you with paltry party tricks.
Sit.
Stay.
Kneel.
Ass up, face down.
Yes, Sir, Drill Sergeant Sir!
Your desires for submission are blind.
By lust you are moon-eyed, and crippled by your tainted views of this world among the others.
Submission.
Without love.
That's just abuse. |
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Did you know my ears twitch back when the right words are said softly?
Or if you freak me out.
It's why I hide them beneath my hair.
Only a few people have noticed, but they always say the same thing.
"D'awwww! It's like a kitty!" |
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And, YEAH.
I'm allowed to have a shitty, awful, "emo" day.
Trite ignorant curs. |
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Is this what living is?
Waking up and wishing you hadn't?
Trying... Begging in misery to close your eyes and make it all go away?
It is not the morn.
It is not tomorrow.
Why do you torment me?
Leave me in sorrowed peace.
All I ever wanted was to sleep.
Live among the nightmares and follow my broken dreams.
Tis better than waking up.
Better than this paltry sunshine, or your cloudy days.
Give me a world where I can't feel.
I once thought I was too far broken to hurt again.
I was wrong.
I wish I could say that I never loved you.
I wish I could mean, with every ounce of me, that I hate you.
You believe the words.
Believe my screaming anger.
All I can do is be hateful.
To save myself.
I don't want your damnable pity.
Let me lie in shame.
Fall to my knees in the dirt and accept my fate.
Lonliness is not so bad.
I cry that.
I scream it in the dark as I call you a liar.
You are a liar!
And it hurts.
It pains me to be worthless and to chastise.
Just leave me to my work.
Let me weave my last crimson spider web.
Leave me to my nightmares, and I'll wave back at your hell.
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# 7
It's different...
Red spiderwebs trickling down.
I watch them grow.
The patterns change.
No design the same.
It's my pretty...
My crimson spider webs.
The pattern searing at its start.
A pin prick of pain.
They pool beneath my being.
Falling cold as I do.
Just don't wake up this time. |
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# 6
Mmm...
My zoo:
Wandal
The Steve
Jack
Bubbles
Slider
Markos
Snake
Fish
Lily
Koopa.
If you can guess which names belong to what animals, I'll give you an E-hug.
Crawfish, tank fish, milk snake, female leopard gecko, one male turtle, one female turtle, male leopard gecko, 40 lb brown cat, baby black and white cat, my black and white prince kitty.
Good luck. |
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# 5
Ah, this entry will be one rather amusing follow-up to the last.
Again, I just feel like writing.
One of my all time favorite things to eat is fresh salmon nigiri from a local sushi shop. Well, perhaps, not so local anymore.
Every time I go to Waffle House I order the same thing: one waffle and a side of hash browns (not crispy!) with a water.
Sometimes I shake it up and order an orange juice or a hot chocolate with my water.
Craziness, I know!
My favorite omelet is topped with rice, chopped onions, and cheese. I prefer it to be kind of "wet".
Once it hits my plate I smother it in salt and a pool of syrup.
Way back, when I was just getting into the process of frenzied sex, I used to consume an entire box of three cheese, macaroni and cheese following the program.
It was my relaxin' food.
After gaining a few pounds, I decided to switch "relaxin' foods".
When I reach my time of the month I crave Taco Bell and anything smothered in gooey cheese. Chocolate is stupid.
When I was sixteen I tried to get myself addicted to various substances, only to realize how stupid everyone was.
My favorite soda has always been of the citrus variety; they mix really well with koolaid.
I find snakes, spiders, and most bugs terrifying; and I make an awful amount of noise when they are encountered.
The last home I lived in, there was a daddy-long-legs that lived in my shower.
I was convinced he was watching me, and that he was masturbating while I was washing my hair.
It amuses me that a Baby Ruth candy bar looks exactly like what it is going to be turned into after consuming it.
I have one tattoo on my back, and it is about half an inch lower than the average tramp-stamp.
I own two plants: one peace lily, and a bamboo thing. They were both gifts from my mother on two different birthdays.
One of my fondest memories is that of my mother.
It was back when I was very small, and my brother was very young.
We would drive him to his preschool and drop him off, and, from there, would go to the same small restaurant every morning.
My mother would order a coffee for herself and a hot chocolate, with extra marshmallows, for me.
There, she and I would sit and talk, smile, and laugh for half an hour before she took me to my own school.
I love her dearly.
...She's a total goob. <3
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# 4
I just feel like writing this afternoon.
I suspect it is due to the fact I feel overwhelmingly off balanced and, more or less, shockingly depressed.
What may come of this journal entry is uncertain. But, for now, I will type what comes to mind.
I seek peace.
Two years ago I began a novel that is no where near completion. No chapter has received its end, and the beginning is uncertain.
The story is there, the words are clear, but why can't I write it down?
Is it stress?
I am tired. Constantly tired. I think something is the matter with me.
In my paltry little apartment, I have with me three cats, two lizards, one snake, five-six crawfish, and two turtles; I love my zoo.
It has always been a dream of mine to travel to Ireland and have a rest. In the back of my mind, I hope it is the fresh and the new that brings out the words I need to begin.
Thursday is my most busiest of days at my job. Some people underestimate such silliness.
Bah.
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# 3
Worry not, fellow adventurers, this world we both walk in is no "diversion".
;)
"Ah yes...art over substance. This is a serious search for me..for you it is a diversion. Get serious and stop wasting others time."
A pity some of you can't handle a simple, "No thank you," with grace. |
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# 2
The world is reborn.
Awake, I feel for the first time, as I take to my new path, I am trembling.
Excitement courses through my body, bleeding through my heart and it surpasses even the lost light that carries my soul.
I am being hunted.
My lips can’t help but curl into a wicked grin; I am but a fox, lost in the din of the forest’s song, but I am patient.
I am hunting him. |
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# 1
Unbeknownst to me
I will cry
Howl to the moon
The words forgotten
Melody of the soul
Basking
Waiting
Yearning
I thirst for it
The hunt
The hunted
Unbeknownst to me
I will cry
Howl to my sire
I will be found |
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| Age: 30 |
| Las Vegas,
Nevada |
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