“What are your insecurities?”

 

I was silent for a minute as I contemplated my answer, then it all seemed to come out at once. “I am weak. My friends say that I’m too nice and I keep myself open to getting walked all over. I don’t stand up for myself. I don’t have any respect at work because when people want something done, I cater to them. I should be an executive assistant. I’m never going to go anywhere in my career if I don’t grow some balls. I also doubt myself all the time. I’m afraid of the unknown, and that inhibits my ability to think for myself”, I said.

 

I don’t think he was expecting me to ramble off as many things I did, and I could have kept going had his inquisitive look not been so intimidating.

“Why did you stop? You don’t seem to be finished.”

I want to be big and powerful and have people listen to me. Sensing that I needed to be put on the spot right then and get out of my own thoughts, he interrupted, “You did not answer my question.” Right then I wanted to just be held, or escape the situation by changing the subject or running out the door. I didn’t. I knew what He wanted. He wanted me to open up to him. “I stopped because I didn’t think that I was giving the right answers to you”, I responded.

 

He put his hand on the top of my head, and then let his fingers fall to the side of my face as he said, “You own yourself too, you know that? If I owned everything about you, your thoughts, the things you say, your complete essence, what good would you be to me? I don’t desire a puppet, I desire your submission. There’s a difference. You submit all that you are, those thoughts, those dreams, those actions are your gift to me. The more of you that you develop, the more You that you have to offer to me. You must learn that I do not approve of this insecure behavior; I just won’t tolerate it from you. You must learn that when you behave this way, there is one negative consequence – punishment from your Master. You need to be reprogrammed, and I want to be the one to do it. You will learn, through many thorough and often painful punishments, to not fear your individuality in any situation, but instead to fear Me.

He sounded so serious, like he knew through some scientific mental gift that his ideas were fact. He didn’t have to think about what he was saying; the words just flew from this mouth. It’s this kind of thing that makes me feel he knows something I do not. He knows the answer to my problems. He has the key to my lock.

 

“Go to my room and stand in the far right corner, next to my dresser. I want you to think about what I just said, and nothing more. When I enter the room you will give me your complete thoughts on the topic. Also, be undressed.” I did as told and waited in my corner thinking about what he said. Could it be that I could be reprogrammed to have zero insecurities around anyone? I see him so confident and secure within himself; I want to be like him. If I could learn to fear only him and nothing else, I could do anything, I know it. I pondered that thought for around 10 minutes, and then he entered the room. I felt suddenly free from all of my mind’s internal talk and felt completely in my own skin. I wanted to please him and I knew that I had to be my own person in order to do that.

 

“Turn around,” he said, “and get on your knees.” He stood before me and waited for 5 minutes before saying anything; the silence was uncomfortable. “What do you have to say to me?”, he asked. “I am myself, and to be the most that I am able to be I must not fear the opinion of others. I must not fear that I am not enough, or that I am doing something wrong, you are the one to determine that. In you and your punishments I will find freedom. I will be all that I can be, and therefore you will have all that I can give you.”

 

“I like the power I hear in your voice. Well done”, he said.

He pulled up a chair and sat in it. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled it until I was standing up before him. Without saying a word, he pulled me over his knee and there I was, head and legs dangling over his lap. “You fear only me. Say it.” I said it and then he hit me. “Say it again.” I did and he hit me equally as hard. This went on for around 10 spanks, until my butt was on fire, enough to leave me with a burning feeling for awhile. Enough to remind me that I fear only him.