Today, I go to Hell!! :D

HAHA! This Kytten has an icepop. She is happy, for now. :)

Up til nearly five AM, again... Playing minecraft... Is this enough to classify as an addiction?

Fa, la, la. It's off to Hell we go.

No sense in fooling,
we're covered in dreams
Having too much fun flying to land
Floating waist high in ten colors of green
We're so small but we feel oh, so grand

Happy Saint Patrick's day! Another day has come for the world to act stupid, and get drunk! What joy! Let's celebrate human stupidity with more stupidity! Woooo!! If only I could see the green river, in Chicago...

It started off at some sort of sporty thing, I think
I was sitting in bleachers, that were metal, but really clean, and shiney, like chrome..
And there were a group of kids playing with Yugio cards
So I went over to them, and one of them was without a partner
He looked like he was about eight..

So I took out my cards, and I had a toooon of them, including some full-sized sheets of paper with weird doodles that can't be used as cards, but they could, in my dream.. 

I threw those away, though, cause they were too big, and annoyed me
And then the little boy was my age
And we started to play, but it took me forever to shuffle, and then I was sitting at a table
And it was really four tables, pushed together
And I was playing with Tobi and Janette, and Tobi's sister Savannah
And we were eating cookies and drinking milk and tea, too
But then it started to rain, so I grabbed a giant umbrella from the luggage rack on a train, and put it in the middle of the tables, and duck taped the legs together, around it, so it would stay still
And then we picked up the table mat, that was blue with tiny yellow and white flowers, along with the white one, under it, and slid it off of the table
And then started to play, again
But the giant came, and wanted his umbrella back
So we all went home
And my home was a two-story, haunted house..
Think of any horror/ghost story you've ever heard, they were all there
The grudge was on the stairs, along with the two twin girls, that are in some other movies
And I've had this part of the dream, before, only I was scared to death..
This time, I wasn't
I actually made friends with the ghosts
And there were a group of older women ghosts, that were celebrity cooks, that I don't think have even died, yet..
And they helped me make something really yummy
And I couldn't tell whether I was a boy or girl
But I think, most of the time, I was a boy..
And I would zoom up and down the stairs on some type of skateyboard thing..
And then I woke up

It isn't there, they're telling you it isn't there. It's a figment of you're imagination. It's in your head, they're telling you it's in your head. You're a victim of your infatuation.

There's a perfect lover, running through my head. There's a perfect lover; I can see her in my head. Perfect lover. Lover

Russian... What a challenge... I can't make the ikh sound, correctly, because of all the time I've spent correcting my German Ich sound... -.- But I'm trying...

My challenge? Memorizing this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUz-SMivmbs

In the dark of the night, evil will find you. (find you)

In the dark of the night, evil will rule.

Ich habe nichts zu leben für... 

I've the worst headache, right now... Does anyone have a bit of morphine? XD

Alles klar, herr Kommissar?

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. <3

Do not fear Death.. Death is always at our side. When we show fear, it jumps at us, faster than light. But when we do not show fear, it casts it's eye upon us, gently, and then guides us, into infinity.

My close friend, Tobi, has a genetic disorder, in her legs.. She just found this out today.. The doctor's say they'll probably have to break them, to fix it.. She's going to try physical therapy, first.. But if that doesn't help, there are no other options... I'm not religious, in any way, but I'm asking everyone that see's this to send prayers, spells, chants, and anything else (that's supposed to be helpful) her way.

 Thanks, in advance - Kytten.

Sometimes, I wish I were in a large city... Somewhere with skyscrapers... I want to climb up to the very top... Stand on the edge of oblivion... I'd stand on my roof, but it's nowhere near high enough make my heart race... I need to feel that rush of energy that comes from being near death... To push myself away from the pain of reality, if only for a few moments...

Can you dance?

Does it matter? 

     <*)))><              <*)))><           <*)))><                <*)))><

             <*)))><                     <*)))><

    <*)))><            <*)))><                    <*)))><       <*)))><

<*)))><       <*)))><              <*)))><             <*)))><

               <*)))><                    <*)))><    

Remember, remember the fifth of November.
Gunpowder, Treason and Plot.
I see no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Quite obviously, I am the Antichrist..

Lost in Aramanth

Dusk. Finally. Now where to go, what to do? Things haven’t been the same, since the house was burnt down… I start walking. Thinking.
The men who follow me are near… But not for long… I’ll make my way out of thi …
“Dammit!” I grumble, tripping over another hobo’s legs.
“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” He whispers, sounding agitated.
“Sorry.” I say, half-heartedly.
“Wadevar.” He slurs
People… They think everything is done on purpose…
I breathe a heavy sigh and start walking, again…
I’ve a long way to go, tonight, if I want to get out of the city… I hope Mom’s cabin is still in tact… No one knew about it, except for her friend, Kirsten… And Kirsten has been dead for twenty years, now, so she couldn’t ha…
I duck into the shadows as two men round the corner. They’re tall, and look as if they’re going to, or coming from, one of those balls the Hendersons are always throwing.
Maybe I wont have to make it out of the city tonight… I think, to myself. Surely, they’ve servant’s quarters, or even an old, abandoned shed, that I could sneak into, in the morning…
I begin to follow them, staying at least a half block away at all times, like dad taught me…

“That’s right, Hunny.” He says. “Now, try getting closer.”
I start moving forward at a quicker pace, making sure I step correctly. Dad’s soft, smooth voice flows through the earpiece he bought for my training. I always thought it was silly, Dad saying he’d raise me to be a proper spy, but, now that I’m older, I really enjoy it. I’m not saying that’s what I want to do with my life… But I might need the skills someday… Anyways, who wouldn’t want to be able to sneak up on people without being caught? It’s every child’s fantasy.
“Alright, Yin, you’re in range.”
I nod, letting him know that I heard him, and understand, then slowly take my [squirt] gun out of my holster [pocket].
“She’ll never see it coming.” He snickers into his handset.
I grin. Dad… He can be so immature sometimes…

As I cross the Tenth Street Bridge, I fall back a bit, wanting to tune in on their conversation..
Luckily, I was packed and ready for it…
I rummage through my bag. I’ve a GPS, clothes, a month’s worth of batteries, a walkman, flashlights, army surplus food, about a hundred dollars, and this little scanner thing… I don’t remember what Dad called it… And, anyways, it doesn’t matter. What matters, now, is finding a place to stay. Since I have been following these two for a while and haven’t been noticed, I might as well keep with them. After finding the scanner, I push a headphone into one of my ears, and tuck the other in the strap of my shirt, and start moving closer to the two men.
They’re talking about chess?
Chess, books, adventures of their youth. Their voices are sweet and sensuous, with an air of wisdom. One alone is beautiful, but the two, combined, create a melody of trust and love, and, as if in a trance, I move in closer. So infatuating, their harmony. I become lost in their stories, as if it were myself who experienced them.
The older-looking of the gentleman stops and turns. I quickly sink against a wall behind me and squint my eyes to prevent any glare. He walks towards me and I can feel myself growing moist, from excitement... He is a beautiful man...
I can smell him…. Mont Cherna… that’s what Dad wore… But… It has more of an… Iron undertone… A new formula, perhaps…
He stops, mere feet from me, and crouches.
Did I drop something?
He smiles and, for a moment, I feel like an open book. My thoughts large, bold print, on an otherwise empty page. And then he stands and calls to the other “I found it!” and I relax a bit. Just a bit…
That smile…
They start walking again, and I put the thought out of my mind.

“Yin, wake up!” He whispers. “It’s time to go.”
“Dad?”
“Yes, Hunny. It’s time to go. Get dressed.” He says, walking out into the hall.
I climb out of bed, slowly and still half asleep, but as I stand up, I realize what he means. They’re coming. And I have to hide. I run to my closet and grab the bag I had packed a week before, and change into some warmer clothes. Nights here are always below zero, even with the heat of the summer sun warming the ground and air all day.
“Alright, Yin, are you ready?” Dad asks, from the hallway.
“Yes, Dad.”
I’ll be leaving alone. Mom is too sick to move more than a few feet out of bed, and dad an Yani wont leave her, defenseless, to deal with the Bernick’s. Dad and I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. Mom and Yani are waiting for me at the door.
“Are you ready?” She asks, with a tremulous voice.
“As ready as I can be…”
Mom stands and quickly walks towards me and pulls me into a tight hug, crying softly and whispering a spell of protection.
“Mom, you know I don’t…”
“I know, dear. I know.”

I stay in place for a moment, as they move down the street and, realizing I have no idea where we are, I look around. From the lack of buildings, I assume we’re out of the city.
That’s impossible. I thought, glancing at my watch. It’s only midnight… There is no way we walked thirty miles in three hours… Maybe we turned somewhere and I didn’t notice… the last I remember, though, we were headed south, towards the cabin…
I begin following the men, again.
I’m definitely not taking a chance on getting lost out here... Dad would be so disappointed in me, if he were here…
Three tears roll down my cheek - One for each of my lost beloved. I miss them so… Silently, solemnly, I keep moving.
Tonight, I will grieve. I’ve been avoiding the truth for far too long, and it has taken it’s toll on me…
Not a mile later, the two men reach a large, Gothic-style gate, at the end of a short sidewalk. I hide behind a bush about a yard from them and stub my toe on a small , evilly grinning gnome. When I turn back, the two men are gone. Assuming they have gone inside, I put away my scanner and, immediately after, feel a hand on my shoulder.. I flush red with embarrassment. Turning around, I see it is the older of two men I was following.
How did they do that?
“Hello, my dear.” He seems to sing. “Do not be frightened, for we mean you no harm.” He extends a hand to me. I take it, and he pulls me to my feet. Still loosely gripping my hand, he continues. “We noticed you following us a few hours ago… Was there any reason for this?”
Glancing away, I stuff my other hand into my pocket, though feeling oddly calm, and answer. “I thought it strange for two handsome men to be walking on such a gloomy night, especially dressed as you are.”
“Ah, but you see,” said the older man, with a sly grin. “My brother an I have… A certain disease… It makes being out in the sun quite… Impossible.”
I start to speak again, but the younger man puts his finger to my lips.
“How old are you?” He asks. “And do you live near here?”
He removes his finger, and I speak.
“I’m eighteen.” I shift on my feet, wary of answering his second question. “My house was burnt down about two months ago…”
“Oh, my… And your parents?”
“Dead…”
He moves towards me and I pull away some, tears welling up in my eyes. “Don’t be frightened, Love.” He says, quickly pulling me into his arms. “Do you need a place to stay? My brother and I would gladly have you. As you can see, we have plenty of room, and being night fellows we don‘t see many others. A pretty face such as yours would be a delight.”
A warm sensation rushes down my spine as he speaks.
“I… I… I…” I mumble, not quite sure what I am saying. Tears begin to flow down my cheeks, and he holds me tighter. He must be gay… Why else would he be comforting a strange, young girl? One who had been stalking him and his compa… No… His brother…. For miles?
As if reading my thoughts, the older man speaks. “My name is Demitry, and this is my brother, Peter. We would be grateful, if you would stay with us. At least for the night, if you are going somewhere important?”
I nod, and the younger man, Peter, put his hand on the back of my neck and gently guides me towards the house. I hardly remember the walk, though it must have been about five minutes, and I'm standing, with Demitry, in the archway of what looks like a den... It's ceilings are, at least, ten feet high... There are black, leather armchairs aside a long, ebony sofa... Peter is in front of the fireplace, stoking and toying with the flames...
“Sit, make yourself at home. I will be back in a moment, with some tea.”
He leaves, and Peter guides me to the sofa, gently pushing on my shoulders, urging me to sit, before doing so, himself. He rests his hand on my shoulder, and looks into my eyes. I feel as though he is looking through the files of memories I have stored…
“You are absolutely beautiful, Yin.” He says. “Both inside and out.”
Not realizing that he knew my name, without me saying it, I turn and blush, only to see Demitry walk back in with the tea, pour two cups, and hand one to me. I sip at it. It’s perfect. Strong, erbal tea, with just a hint of honey, and a light sweetener... Just the way mom use to make mine when I wasn’t feeling well.
“Do you like it?” He asks.
I nod, and he sits on my right and sets his cup on the table. Demitry does the same, and takes mine from me.
When did he get a cup? And how did he know my name?
I start to wring my hands, and Demitry chuckles, turning me to face Peter and pulling me back against his chest with his arm around both of mine.
“Wh… What…”
“Shhhhh…” Says Peter. “Relax, dear. You’ve no need to worry.”
He kisses my lips, gently, then tilts my head back and slides his blade-like fangs into my neck. With wide eyes, I look at Demitry... He smiles and does the same on the other side, and I start to squirm. I can’t move, can’t think, and all I can feel is a slight tingle… Like when your leg falls asleep, and the blood is just starting to rush back to it… Warm… Soothing… Much like their voices.
I wake in a bed of silks… It’s dark…
“Good evening, dear.” Says a voice.
"Did you sleep well?" Says another.
I hear curtains parting, and can make out the figure of a man. He sits by my side, and soon the other joins us.
“You are ours now, Kytten, dearest. Do you understand?”
I nod and lay my head back on the pillow. I’ve never felt as complete as I do now… I can feel that I am safe. That the men who killed my family will not be able to harm me any longer. I feel complete.

For those interested, the men in this story would look something like this... Though a bit older, less chiseled, and more businessy...

Demitry:

Peter:

If you're 555...

Well, you said you've got great aim,
Now prove it.
Sink this needle deep down in my
Thigh.
Fill my mind with your narcotics,
Kiss me deep before I die.
This world has left me bound and broken,
Nothing lost, yet nothing gained.
Weary weakness be forgotten,
Yet, the memory is retained.
Silver lust and blue-green horror,
Meet before the open flame.
Take my soul and take my honor,
Take my pride and take my shame

So... Today went well.. Got an awesome haircut, to get rid of the damage I caused by colouring it so frequently... Then came back to Rensselaer and played "Death Note Mafia" with a huuuge group of friends - even met a few new ones... Watched some Batman... Then tripped, in the Walmart parking lot... Cut open both of my knees and skinned my hands... I know I shouldn't do it, but when you're in a hurry, cause you want to be one of the first in line for an awesome movie, running around in flip-flops is worth it...

And, even though I had bloody knees, I managed to get up and dance to the time warp... :) Now I'll be sore and stiff in the morning... And wont care...

The best thing about a machine, that makes sense, is you can very easily make it turn out nonsense.

I find myself being comforted by strangers... Maybe this world isn't as lost as I originally thought...

But no matter the amount of comfort, my soul aches for daddy... Sometimes I wish I were religious, so I would have someone to pray to... Someone to look up to, when I'm crushed beneath the weight of depression...

I'm not sure what's going on, any more... Daddy will probably leave me... -sighs- It's not the end of the world, though... Right? It shouldn't be... I know it feels like it... But he says I'll be able to forget him... But he's so perfect...  The minute I crawled through the door, I knew I was home... I've never felt more at ease.... Just being in the same room as him excites me... I don't know what to do...

Biting keeps your words at bay
Tending to the sores that stay
Happiness is just a gash away
When i open a familiar scar
Pain goes shooting like a star
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

And you might say it's self-indulgent
You might say its self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be healthy

And pens and penknives take the blame
Crane my neck and scratch my name
But the ugly marks
Are worth the momentary gain...
When i jab a sharpened object in
Choirs of angels seem to sing
Hymns of hate in memorandum

And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be happy

And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating

And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, I'd kick the bucket
Sixty times before I'd kick the habit

And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
That even if i quit
There's not a chance in hell I'd stop
And anyone can see the signs
Mittens in the summertime
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind

And you might say its self-inflicted
But you see that's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

And pain opinions are sitcom feeding
They don't know that their minds are teething
Makes me want to give mankind a beating

I've tried bandages and sinking
I've tried gloves and even thinking
I've tried Vaseline
I've tried everything
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding
They're concerned with their hair receding
Looking back it was all maltreating
Every thought that occurred misleading

Makes me want to give myself a beating....

This might lead you to think less of my maturity level... But this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaEmCFiNqP0 - is one of the coolest things on the planet.

Just got home from a five day visit from daddy.. :) We went to Fort Wayne, cause I had gotten a pass for Ikasucon.. Though I spent most of it up in the hotel room or out on the streets with daddy.. Only one thing went wrong... Though it really wasn't all that bad... But now I miss daddy more than I've ever missed him... -sigh- Just two more months...

-sigh-

I've finally, completely, lost my mind... This morning I could have sworn I heard two-three people talking on walkie talkies right outside of my window (which is right next to the front door)... Their words were so clean and clear, I knew I couldn't have been dreaming... So I went to the front door - No one there. No cars in the driveway, either... And I hadn't seen any cars driving away... (and had walked by windows the whole way to the door)...

Self-esteem creates natural highs. Knowing that you're lovable helps you to love more. Knowing that you're important helps you to make a difference to to others. Knowing that you are capable empowers you to create more. Knowing that you're valuable and that you have a special place in the universe is a serene spiritual joy in itself.

Is anyone else in the mood for fishing? I sure am... I haven't been fishing in ages... And I have a pond behind my house! >.< If only we owned it... Wouldn't have to ask to use it...

I came here to speak my mind...

But my mind has died...

So instead, I say good night to you all... I wish you happiness...

To all of you Nerd Fighters out there - DFTBA!

Two weeks, six days until Ikasucon! WOOT!

If they're fake,

They wont come back.

So why complain,

To an empty page,

How lost you are

How your soul is deranged?

If they're real

You know they're true.

But when?

When a year rolls around,

And you've courage to meet?

Or do you feel it in your heart,

And hear the scream in your mind?

If he's the one,

Not just the one you want for now, no.

But the one you'll need

Every morning,

Every noon,

Every night.

The one you can't stand to be without.

If he's the one,

How will you know?

Do you even know that you'll know?

Or are you relying on blind faith to lead you there?

If he's the one,

You'll know.

You'll see it without sight.

Think it without mind.

Hear it with out sound.

For love is blind, and deaf, and dumb.

But love is real, and love forgives.

Because love can.

And love will.

Because we all are the same,

Yet we are nothing alike.

And love will take you higher than this realm.

And love will bring you out of this realm.

And love will be fire.

And love will be ice.

And love will be everything, and nothing.

And love will be what frees us from ourselves.

Because love can.

Spring time - the only pretty ring time.

Birds sing-a-ling.

A-ding-a-ding.

Sweet lovers, love the spring.

Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me.
If you kiss me, mister, I might tell my sister.
If I tell her, mister, she might tell my mother, and my
mother, mister, she might tell my father, and my father,
mister, he won't be too happy, and he'll have his lawyer
come up from the city and arrest you, mister.
So I wouldn't miss me, if you get me, mister.
See?

Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me.
If you kiss me, mister, you must think I'm pretty.
If you think so, mister, you must want to fuck me.
If you fuck me, mister, it must mean you love me.
If you love me, mister, you would never leave me.
It's as simple as can be!

Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me.
If you miss me, mister, why do you keep leaving?
If you trick me, mister, I will make you suffer.
And they'll get you, mister. Put you in the slammer and forget
you, mister, then you'll miss me. Won't you? Wont you miss me?
Won't you miss me?

Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me.
If you kiss me, mister, take responsibility.
I'm fragile, mister, just like any girl would be...
And so misunderstood
(So treat me delicately!)

Missed me, missed me, now you've gone and done it,
hope you're happy in the county penitentiary.
It serves you right, for kissing little girls, but I'll visit if you miss me.
Say you miss me!
How's the food they feed you??
Do you miss me?
Will you kiss me through the window?
Do you MISS ME? MISS ME??!!
Will they ever let you go???
I miss my mister so!!!! 

Mary, have mercy, now look what I've done
But don't blame me because I can't tell where I come from
And running is something that we've always done well
And mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
Run from their pity, from responsibility
Run from the country and run from the city
I can run from the law, I can run from myself
I can run for my life, I can run into debt
I can run from it all, I can run till I'm gone
I can run for the office and run from the 'cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family
They're hiding inside of me, corpses on ice
Come in if you'd like but just don't tell my family
They'd never forgive me, they'll say that I'm crazy
But they would say anything if it would shut me up

This was a triumph.

I'm making a note here - huge success.

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Appature Science

We do what we must,

Because we can,

For the good of all of us,

Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no use crying over every mistake.

You just keep on trying,

Till you run out of cake.

And the science gets done,

And you make a neat gun,

For the people who are still alive.

Well, here we are again,

It's always such a pleasure.

Remember when you tried to kill me twice?

Oh, how we laughed and laughed.

Except, I wasn't laughing.

Under the circumstances,

I've been shockingly nice.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

I can now, successfully, eat Ramen with chopsticks! :)

Bring me your Malice,

Your Hatred, your Lust.

Bring me a Fairy,

Her Loins filled with Dust.

I'll make you a Promise,

This cambric Shirt,

Sewn with Magic,

No Needlework.

No Seam to separate

Your Love from mine,

Though Years we may wonder,

We'll always be One.

-sighs- Daddy is so silly, sometimes.... snakes aren't scary. :)

Daddy: *kisses you* what's kytten doing?
Kytten: Playing sims
Kytten: I is working on a biiiig garden
Kytten: type-thing
Kytten: Lots of big trees
Daddy: ah :) I likes trees
Kytten: Me too
Kytten: :)
Kytten: They is fun to climb
Daddy: *nods* and hide behind
Kytten: -nods-
Daddy: *snuggles* but the trees around my house are in the swamp
Kytten: Sos?
Daddy: you no can play there
Kytten: I no can?
Kytten: Why not?
Daddy: is in swamp?
Kytten: Sos?
Kytten: Is just wet and muddy
Kytten: That is what hoses are for
Daddy: and has snakes and low areas where you could get stuck...
Kytten: I likes snakes and i be carefuls?
Daddy: *kisses your nose*
Daddy: alright kytten
Kytten: -snuggles tight-
Kytten: So I can plays in swamp trees?
Kytten: :)
Daddy: *nods* You will gets hosed off outside...
Kytten: -nods-
Kytten: Hoses are fun
Kytten: :)
Daddy: has cold water
Kytten: Like sprinklers
Kytten: Is funs
Daddy: *pets your head*
Kytten: :)

Note to self:

Stop freaking out.

DISSECT YOUR FACE!

Ungh... Wrestling.... Got body slammed twice (willingly) by Big old john... Didn't hurt then, but I'm a little sore, now... -shakes head-

What have I gotten myself into? XD At least it'll help with my leg strength and weight loss.... And I might get to wrestle with the guys, instead of just "diva".... -fingers crossed- I made Niki proud though... First practice, and already I'm doing flippy kicks and talking about my finisher... :)

Spent the weekend with daddy... It was absolutely amazing!!! :) I love my daddy so much...

Give me a reason to end this discussion,
To break with tradition.
To fold and divide.

Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,
Talking with strangers, waiting in line..
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.
"Are you feeling fine?"
Yes, I feel just fine.

I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires
Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling..
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!

I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine.."
Yes, I'll be just fine.

And though I 'm not a great romancer, I know that I'm proud to answer when you propose. Anything goes!

I can't find a wall to pin this to
They're all coming down since I've found you

I just wanna be where you are tonight
I run in the dark looking for some light
And how will we know if we just don't try?
We won't ever know

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why
I would die for you

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me make this mine
I'll ignite for you 

                - Yellowcard

Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on, put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on, you better leave your lights on

Because there's a monster, living under my bed,
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel, with a hand on my head
She say's I've got nothing to fear
She says: La illaha illa Allah
We all shine like stars

       -Santana

Curiosity might kill cats, but it does wonder for the schizophrenic! :)

Collarme allows you to talk with yourself! :P

Your angels speak with jilted tongues
The serpent’s tale has come undone you have no
Strength to squander

I know this is going to sound racist... But it's not... not really...

I hate mexicans... Pure, burning, hatred...

Not because of the "normal" reasons people hate them....

They just give me bad vibes...

There are a few that I can tolereate... But not many...

Just saying... If any mexicans are reading this right now, please.... Don't make me go through more mail, and ignore or lash out at you... I hate doing that almost as much as I hate bad vibes...

Now - I lay me down to sleep

My soul - for daddy - I will keep

As pure and clean as it can be

So he can use it - happily

           -Kytten :)

These eyes - cry every night - for you.

These arms - long to hold you - again.

The hurtin's on me, yeah.. I will never be free, no, my baby, no no..

You gave a promise to me, yeah, and you broke it. You broke it.. Ohh, no.

                                 -The Guess Who

Don't you just love these self proclaimed "grammar Nazis", that can't even spell simple words correctly? What has this shit hole of a world come to?

Grammar is important.... Capital letters and commas are the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I hate when Daddy visits.. It just means he has to leave again and, when he does, I feel empty...

-curls in a corner and cries-

Jasper County has gotten so much snow, we are now under a state of emergency. All school and businesses are closed. :) Score one for mother nature!

The worst part about relationships... the nightmares that come with them... Nightmares about losing everything you have... and more.. >..<

One liners - Who cares? It's easiest to say hello by just saying "hello."

Bulk messages - Can you say total bullshit?

Messages including something not in the recipient's profile or pertaining to them at all - Self-centered idiot just looking to get laid.

Anyone agree?

I doubt anyone on this site loves ducktape in as many ways, or as much, as I do... :)

I'm semi out of ideas for things to create with it, though... Any suggestions?

I felt like writing aomething poetic and inspiring... But as soon as I opened up this page, all of my ideas flew out the window... I guess I'll have to settle for another random rant about nothing in particular.... -sigh- Only eight months and ten days until I can move away from this hell hole... >.................< Way too long in my opinion...

A question for all of you crazies.....  What is your opinion on teen pregnancy?

I'm talking about seventeen year olds, that are still in highschool. With no job, no brains, a drop-out, dead-beat boyfriend, and no maturity what-so-ever.

http://i.imgur.com/OHLxT.jpg

Dancing to the beat of a drummer gone wrong,

Looking for a way to sing my song.

The lights are off,

The sky is bare.

Don't call my name,

Cause I'm not there.

My mind is gone, 

My wings are torn.

My spirit's lost,

No one shall mourn.

Oh, The misery of not being able to be with master... Even a mere hour not being in touch with him is pure agony... My longing for him mixes with worry as time drones on...

So, I finally met my master in person... And he is more amazing than I ever could have imagined... We spent a few hours together for dinner one night, and then I spent the night with him in his hotel the next day... :) 

Absolutely amazing... Just looking into his eyes makes my heart race... 

I knew I loved him to begin with... But I believe I am now addicted to his presence... I feel odd, not having his arms around me at night, even though I have only spent one night with him... And countless without...

★Merry★* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★Christmas★ 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚ ｜ 田 田 ｜門｜ ˚♥ From my house to yours!

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

-Snow Patrol

If you think you know someone, take a look in the mirror.... What you see might shock you... I, myself am horrified as to what I've become.. And I've ruined the only great thing in my life... I pray that no one else makes the same mistake I have...     

Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.. Sure, everyone knows it.. But do they understand it's meaning? I didn't, untill now...

When you have something wonderful, you should be cautious of flaws that might put it in jeopardy... I doubt I'll be able to mend thi house... But I wish I could, at least, pick up the broken glass, so as not to shed more blood...

Well, did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
Well, is it over now, do you know how
Pick up the pieces and go home
Well, did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
And now tell me, is it over now, do you know how
To pick up the pieces and go home
Go home, and go home

       -Fleetwood Mac

We are basic lies.
We are basic lies.
                -Laura Marling

Earlier today, I was sitting at a truck stop resteraunt with a few friends and one of them (not sure which, I don't usually pay attention) moved the conversation to gag reflexes.. So they decided to ask me if I had one.. When I said no, they wanted proof.. So I let one of them stick their finger down my throat and, of course, they freaked out..
But something I did also amused them.. I was sucking on his finger, and really didn't want him to take it out of my mouth.. I've always loved sucking/chewing on things.. The eldest of our group suggested that I may have an oral fixation.... I think he may be right.. XD

Alrighty.. A few questions that are frequently running across my path...

Are you/Do you think you are attractive? :
Hell if I know. - Not my place to say. *I* think I look alright, but could stand to lose a few pounds. Some say I look perfect and they don't want me to change, when others (who must be into anorexic/bulimic super models) say I need to just stop eating. It's all in your preference.

Do you smoke? :
Yes, occaisionally. No real need to.. I just do it because I can.

Do you drink? :
Yes. Not to get drunk, though.. I just enjoy the taste.. Although, I don't like beer.. At all.

Are you open to meeting? :
Yes, but not right away. And not in some dark, abandoned alley/house/ect.. I'm not an idiot. I could defend myself decently enough... Against one assailant... But there is always the chance of more hiding in the shadows, acting all ninja-like. I would most likely hear them or feel their presence, but still.. Not a good place to be.

Are you really eighteen? :
Nope. And if you want to know my real age, you'll have to get to know me. I'll tell you, though, I'm not older than twenty, nor am I young enough to be considered jail bait.

How are you freaky? :
Well, as we all know, there are four major "clicks" in any real life situation. You have your preps ( the rich, popular cheerleaders and jocks ), nerds/geeks ( The ones that are made fun of by most, but *everybody* eventually falls for ), normies {normals} ( the ones who are friends with almost everyone, because they don't care what you look like or what you're interests are. These are normally devout christians {the only kind that wont try to conform you, or go against their word} ), then you have the "freaks". The freaks consist mainly of druggies, goths, and emos. I say goths and emos, because although emo is just a depressed form of goth, they are none to close to the same in actions/ideas. There are also many sub categories of goths/emos that combine to create people like me. I'm talking about people who go about life on a whim, just letting the wind take them where ever it wants. People who say "fuck this shit" to things such as "high fassion" and "the *it* things". We have our own style and, normally, it's a combination of everything from stereotipical goth, to slutty, trashy, no-good, preppie designer styles. This is where I come in.. And I throw things together that make absolutely no sense. Sure, I normally match.. But it's probably on accident. If I had a more broader colour scheme in my clothing, there would be chaos everywhere. hahahaha...
But, anyways.. What I'm trying to get at is, I'm not normal. Which is why I call myself a "freak". No, I don't stereotype people or sort them into clicks by how they look. I just find it easier to explain, when I use the common traits associated to each group.

Are you open-minded? :
Hell yes! I am open to anything other than scat play, or underage sexual conduct.. I'm fairly new to the lifestyle and haven't had much exploration time. If you have an idea you'd like to try out, shoot me a message and we'll see if we can work something out. ^....^

Are you a slave/ Will you be my slave/ Can I whore you out for my own pleasure? :
No. I am nothing close to a slave, and never will be. Nor will I reduce myself to such a low level as a whore. If you're looking for someone with no self respect, please look elsewhere.

Am I too old for you? :
Most likely not, but you could be too young and/or too immature. I'm open to men from twenty-five to sixty, and probably wont think twice about saying "no", unless you happen to have an kind yet dark personality, are clean, attractive (in my oppinion), and don't expect immediate obedience.

Anywho... Those are just a few of the many questions I'm asked on a daily basis...... Maybe it'll keep the messages down, a bit.

Who am I?
            

A better question is: Who WAS I? Before him. Before he ripped out everything I could have been. SHOULD have been. He took the only thing that can never be returned. He stole it, and shredded it with his razor sharp claws. As sharp as that which draws my blood, coaxing it out of the veins. Drop by drop I spill blood, chasing away the memories that haunt my dreams.

November the sixth, nineteen-ninety-eight. They are gone, again. And he is there. Waiting for the sister to leave on her date. The little girl, age five, is playing in her room with her two year old brother. Little doll shoes and dresses are scattered across the floor. She is smiling; unaware of what is to come.

A knock. The sister, now sixteen, rushes down the stairs from her bedroom. She is dressed for a dance. She opens the door to reveal a pimple-faced teenage boy, about five-ten. He steps in, waving hello to the man. The sister takes him by the hand and leads him into her sibling’s bedroom. The little girl jumps up and hug the teenage boy, her sister’s date. She knows him well. Adores him. “Don’t go!”, She pleads. “Stay with me and play dress-up!” But it is useless. The two teens leave the room, the house.

The moment the door closes behind them, the man rises from his chair; walking slowly into the children’s room. “Time for bed, little man.” He says to the boy. He helps the two children clean up the toys and tucks the small boy into bed. “Come with me.”, He orders the girl. Silently, she obeys, for what else can a five year old do? She trusts this man. He has been a family friend for years now.

He leads her to the basement. Dark, damp, cold cement floor and walls. She goes over to the toy jeap they store there in the winter and starts to climb in. “No.”, He barks. “Over here.” She slowly walks towards him. “Come on”, He drones. “We don’t have all night.” A surprise? She thinks. She runs to him, hoping with all of her heart that he has a new doll for her.

He grabs her roughly by the hair and forces her onto her stomach on the couch, holding his hand over her mouth to stifle her screams. “Shut up! Shut up!” He whispers harshly. “Shut your fucking mouth, you little whore! Or I swear I’ll bash your head in!” She stops screaming, tears running down her face. Why was he, A man she thought of as a second father, treating her as such?

She feels a slight bulge against her back, and tries to squirm away, but he holds her down. “You stay still, and stay quiet. Understand?” She nods, unsure of what is happening. He rips off her nightgown, her underwear. He undoes his pants and spreads her legs wide, lifting her onto her knees. “This is going to hurt. And you are going to stay quiet, or I’ll hurt you more. Understand, bitch?” she nods again, lightly whispering “yes”. He impales her and she screams out. He pulls out and covers her mouth with his hand, again forcing himself into her.

Three years go by like this. Yet no one sees. On the outside she stays strong. But on the inside she is torn apart. She wants someone to tell her that it is ok. That it will stop soon. But no, No one steps foreward to ease her fears. Her parents take no notice of her increacing shyness. At age eight, her family moves. Not far, just a few miles north. Out into the open air of the country. And, finally, it stops. She is free of him. Free of the old man who so brutily stole away her childhood.

As she settles into this new routine, everything around her begins to change. Her sister, now nineteen, moves away; leaving her the bare the torment of their father. Another evil has entered the world of this young girl. Screaming, throwing, beating. She tries her hardest to do all that he asks of her, yet he still comes at her.

Day after day she prays to god to help her. To, please, make it stop. Her efforts are fruitless. Her faith dwindles. Her persona grows darker. She gives in to hate. She hates the old man. She hates her father. She even haters her mother and sister for letting it happen.

For seven years she walks alone on  a path of thorns. Wishing for nothing but soft green grass to lay her weary head upon. She makes a few close friends. Discovers her sexuality. She dates mostly women, although she must keep it hidden from her parents. They would only disown her.

As she begins to slowly regain her trust in men, she meets a group of people. She falls in love with one. A tall, handsome shadow. Her love for him combines with lust, and she unknowingly submits to him. He notices, and being a Dominant, he starts to question her. She is curious, and instantly addaptsd to this way of life.

On her sixteenth birthday, her mother confronts her. “Honey” She begins “Before we go to get your permit, there is something you should know.” Thoughts race through her mind. She has had susspicions for some time now that she had been adopted, or her “father” really wasn’t her father, after all. “Joe is not your real dad.” Her mother continues “ I left your dad when you were three months old.”

“Why?” She asks her mother, completely unsurprised. “He threatened to shoot you with a shot gun.” The girl supresses a grin. “I blocked him, but it wasn’t loaded. If it was… “ If it was, she thinks as rage floods her soul, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this hell hole. Hell, maybe I wouldn’t even be alive.

Her life, as she knew it, was a lie. So she turns to her love. The one man she feels she can trust. She gives herself to him. All she has to offer is his now. She would let no one get in the way. She falls deeper and deeper for him with each passing day. She skips practices, lies to her mother about going out with her friends, and sneaks out of the house late at night; just to be with him.

But this is not a love story. This is a LIFE story. Nothing is peaches ‘n’ cream. This man she loves so dearly, this dark angel, betrays her. He cheats, he leaves. And when he returns? She takes him back with open arms. Young and nieve, she believes that he will, one day, stay true to her.

She takes him back, one last time. Only to realize that her love for him is lost. Yet, still, she cannot leave him. Her fear of men begins to re-surface. Baring it’s ugly face against the world. After a month or so of self debate, she finally works up the courage, and prepares herself to tell him.Hoping against hope that they will remain friends, she confronts him. He is shocked. Or so it seems. She knows that he never truly loved her. For he had proposed to another woman, had he not?

Now she is alone. Tracing her thoughts, fears, and dreams with shimmering lines of blood. Each memory holds it’s own scar along her thighs and forearms. Each flash of the past brings another swipe of her razor.

You wanted to know. You asked, and I told. This is my story. This is my life. This is all I will say, don’t ask for more. So long as there is life in this body, these memories will remain. I do not wish to share them, I only wish to forget. I could care less wether or not you believe my words, or think that I am too young. I am here. And I am me. There is nothing to change that fact.