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LordAloawan

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A BDSM relationship is built upon the transfer of power. In each situation, whether M/s or D/s, there is one who has more power than the other. This is the nature of this lifestyle we choose. One is designed to be in control while the other cedes it over. This is how we operate naturally within this realm. For the dominant, control is of utmost importance. In my view, the starting point is where one learns to control himself (or herself). I find it impossible to effectively control another person when one lacks the internal strength to control oneself. Next, taking responsibility for another means that he (she) is able to have total control over each situation. This ability comes after an extended period of internal search. Life does not always proceed as planned. A dominant needs to be flexible, confident, and creative to handle whatever situation should arise. The submissive is depending upon this trait to exist within the dominant. If there is a void in this area, the relationship is certainly going to fall apart. The sad truth is that many online who present themselves as dominant are far from it. For the most part, many of them are seeking someone who will listen to their every word. The problem with these people is that they really do not embrace the responsibility that comes along with being in control. As they say, with power comes responsibility. Another interesting fact that arises under these circumstances is that one is continually afraid of being "found out". This instills a great deal of fear in this dominant. Instead of operating from a place of strength and confidence, he (she) is exhibiting weakness. Fear exists in everyone. However, the strong are able to ignore it and act in spite of it. The weak succumb to it while behaving like a "thief in the night"; always afraid of the lights being turned on. Isolation is a tactic that many of these types of "dominants" use to maintain control. Under this premise, the dominant will cut of all interaction by the submissive with other lifestyle people. Whenever you hear this occurring, a huge warning flag should go up. Again, knowing that it is a common practice used by the pretenders, it is a fairly safe assumption to reach when you see this taking place. A true dominant is not threatened by the truth. As I stated in the beginning, much of my issues with some of what is written is a basic disagreement from a personal perspective. I am not going to agree with the approach of every dominant. That is one of the aspect that makes BDSM so wonderful; there is no cookie cutter plan. People are free to create their relationship however they see fit. The main issue I have with one who isolates another is the fact it gives this individual unfettered control. While this might seem to contradict what BDSM is all about, I find that it is in perfect accordance with the lifestyle. Within the community, we do not operate underground. Those who are advanced in this way of life are open, at least with those whom they trust. Their actions are not hidden and the control not manufactured. When viewed from the outside, it is evident what is taking place. More information is always welcomed by both parties. A true dominant understands he (she) does not know all there is. Our skills, experience, and education are ever ongoing. Contrast this with the "dominant" who isolates. His (her) goal is not the expansion of information or knowledge. Instead, he or she seeks to hinder the process. The ultimate goal is that the submissive only learn what he (she) imparts. This is extremely dangerous especially for a submissive who is new to the lifestyle. There is a great deal of risk involved in not knowing the merits of a particular individual. Anyone can claim to be dominant yet that does not make it so. One needs to be mindful of this when getting involved. So, whenever I read a post such as "Master doesn't allow me to interact with others", my first thought is "what is he hiding". Certainly, I understand the idea of controlling with whom a sub/slave interacts. However, in many of these instances, the submissive is cut off from anyone with knowledge about the lifestyle . This is something to be mindful of. A true dominant will not seek total isolation of a submissive, especially without a cause (such as punishment). If you find yourself, or someone else, in this situation, then start to question what is going on. I feel confident you will find devious motives.

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8/11/2013 2:17:13 PM

The power of submission 
lies not in the ability
to kneel before another,
to give over one`s body
or in the wearing of a collar.

The power of submission
can be found only in the heart
of one who gives her love to another freely
knowing what joy and pain
will come from it.


8/9/2013 1:34:23 AM

Submission:  the act of submitting to the power of another 

   

A rather frightening prospect for most people. To give control of yourself to someone else. The act of submitting is part of the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship. It is the giving of yourself to another within preset limits, arranged before hand. It is an informed choice and therefor consensual. A person shouldn't just decide to submit to the first dominant they meet. A submissive should take the time to get to know the dominant outside the roles of dominant and submissive, as the person he/she is. With the information gathered during that initial learning of each other process, the submissive can then make an informed decision of whether or not to submit to that dominant. This process should include discussions of expectations, wants, needs and desires. 


    Each submissive must decide for themselves how far they are willing to go and still stay within the guidelines of safe sane and consensual, thereby not crossing into the realm of abuse. The three tenets of D/s must always apply for the submission to be true submission and not abuse. 


    Why a person is submissive varies extensively from person to person. Some are submissive just for a little extra zing in their intimate lives. Others may have a deep psychological need that prevents them from being any other way. 

    The three main levels of a submissive which I have seen are as follows. Be aware there are more concise groupings than these three broad ones, as evidenced by the 9 levels of submission that are widely used and referred to in many books of D/s and discussions of D/s. 
 

A: Sexual Submissive (AKA bottom, sensual submissive) 


 a sexual sub is in D/s for their own sexual gratification. Once their sexual needs are met they are satisfied. They feel no real need to submit any personal control to another. 


B: Psychological Submissive


 This broad category tends to include those who are in it for the pain and humiliation a D/s relationship can give them. This category tends to include most masochists. Those who have suffered real abuse and are stuck in victim mode, tend to end up in this category. 


C: Natural Submissive (AKA True Submissive) 


 Is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification. It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant. 

Who's to say which category is correct. Being submissive is as unique and individual as you are your own person. Being submissive comes from the heart. It can not be faked, acted or role played. True submission is a gift of high value. It is my opinion that those of us within the lifestyle should not judge any one else within the lifestyle. Who are we to say that a sexual sub is not submissive on a different level? 

Or that there can only be one type of submissive? Remember, life is full of small variances and innuendoes, so is D/s. 


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