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Back after an extended break. I miss you terribly. Like a phantom lost limb. You know who you are, and will have a place in my black heart for all time. Live well and be blessed with all of the love and happiness you deserve.
Im a sub seeking a Dom. Im not new to the lifestyle, but have had only 2 in 8 years. One short but intense Daddy domlg dynamic and one more complicated and dark.
Nerd Alert Fave Quotes
God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road. -Karen Blixen
The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues.
-Rene Descartes
You are the reason Ive been waiting all these years Somebody holds the key Well, Im near the end and I just aint got the time And Im wasted and I cant find my way home
-Blind Faith
Hold me now Im six feet from the edge and Im thinking That maybe six feetaint so far down
-Creed
...if I seem to be confused I didnt mean to be with you. And when you said I scared you Well, I guess you scared me too But we got lucky once before And I dont want to close the door...Joey, Im not angry anymore.
-Concrete Blonde
In the middle of the journey of our life
I came to myself within a dark wood where the
straight way was lost.
-Dante Aligheiri
True strength lies in submission, which permits
one to dedicate his or her life, through devotion,
to something beyond oneself.
Artistic license taken.
-Henry Miller
Ephesians 5 22-33
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbandsas you do to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,his body, of which he is the Savior.Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbandsin everything.
Carl Friedrich Gauss
It is not knowledge, but the act of learning, not possession but the act of getting there, which grants the greatest enjoyment.
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On the flip side, physical and psych pain can be useful in reaching the sweet spot between Dom and sub. |
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You know when the dentist deadens your gums for a procedure? The other shots are a prick of pain, but when they get the very back, they always warn you of a "pinch"?
That's the feeling of real pain. And it's fleeting but distinct from the other. That's what I recognize real emotional pain to be. Not ego, not "hurt feelings", but a twinge of loss that won't be recovered.
The anniversary of my father's death is approaching, and, as a girl with daddy issues, I remember the moment my own daddy was not ever going to be the one I needed. It wasn't dramatic or tearful. It was subtle and painful in the quiet realization one has when they realize they are only as important as another deems them. That's not really a true statement, as worth is somewhat more absolute. But when your parent looks past you and sees themselves only, you die a little inside.
That's what real pain is. It doesn't drive you to regain their love or esteem. It leaves you standing on an empty plain with nothing but the truth staring back at you. The "pinch" that informs you that this one is different than the others.
I sure do wish I had had the love and approval of my dad. And maybe I did, but was just to immature to see or feel it. As a mother, I see how hard it is from the other side of the relationship, and how much a parent suffers silently, takes the setbacks quietly.
We have a second chance with our children to reinvent the parent-child history. I wish I knew how to avoid repeating it.
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Ugghh. Trying to live outside the box we look inward from. I know, grammar Nazi's.....Taking a break from the nonsense of current US affairs. Watching a special project from Aljazeera, on the battle for the Dome of the Rock property. The history is well documented, the parties have weighed in for decades.
As a person of "Non-Chosen" lineage (not Jewish) I find it hard to side with Islam or any other religion that sides against the Old Testament chosen ones. Palestinians have a legitimate cause to promote, Islam has an intertwined heritage, but God himself will judge the false prophets and charlatans of our time. I understand the desire to be allowed the freedom of unregulated speech and practice of religion, but what happened to the mutual respect of worshiping a common God? I take exception to the idea that there is only a single conduit to the "safe zone" of Grace.
Maybe we receive the message we need in the language and context we need it, when we need it????
This isn't unrelated to kink. I have had many discussions about D/s in the Biblical context. The Koran is not foreign territory, but almost so. The 5 Pillars are my brief takeaway. And the idea of the 4 leaders of the Caliphate before things went bad.
Truth told, I need a nap. Best wishes to all trolling this place. |
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What's the most important quality in a sub or a Dom? This was a question that came up in a recent conversation. To each his or her own, but I have a priority triad on my personal scorecard: Integrity, intellect/self-knowledge and faith. Not in that particular order, but integrity is an absolute number one for me.
I combine intellect and self-knowledge because I have had the great fortune of learning from the self taught. So education is not the litmus, but intellect is. And an awareness of who one is (both the great strengths and gaping flaws) is a rare quality. Faith is something I have had to learn by error that I could not disregard. Perhaps because integrity and intellect are the opposite side of the blade from faith, which requires humility and a belief in a power higher than oneself. Faith in a higher power (borrowed, but not not particularly a fan of, from AA) requires a level of discipline and focus that those who lack, well, lack!
Anywho.....what's on your list?
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I'm so glad to see that there are still quality men and women lurking here, despite the questionable stability of the website. To those who have become jaded and angry, don't be discouraged. The wheat that is separated from the chaff is always worth the effort. I get exhausted and quit the quest periodically, too. But if I want one in a million, every failed conversation or attempt is one step closer to the million mark.
In my case (if my math is correct), I'm at about 1,000. Will I live long enough to get to "the one"? We should all be so lucky.
Thank you to every person who has shared personal information and thoughts on this very worthwhile journey. You have helped me to be a better sub and person.
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In an effort to rebuild by music/book/map library, I have had to great fortune to revisit the high points of my past. Friends I let slip away, pursuits I abandoned, and dreams beat down by the assault of daily mediocrity.
Is it self-centered to seek a man who wants to focus his energy on a woman-child he can groom into a pet that he feeds and nurtures to his own liking? While I presumably seek to serve, I often question my own motives, being a person of integrity. Am I, in actuality, just a brat?
Serving others, being in a support capacity, brings me the most joy in life. But being cherished and protected, loved is equally important. At least in my personal life.
Are there men out there who want to dominate (truly) a woman's mind and body, but doesn't need to be taken care of as if he were a child? Vulnerability is precious, and I respect a man who can be both strong and soft. But can't we pay for services that degrade us both? Cleaning toilets is not sexy for either. |
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| Age: 48 |
| Far N Lake County,
Illinois |
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