It seems hard to believe that it has been six months since my last entry. In that time I have been through several relationships and learned even more about myself as a result. Both were ended in friendship and were due to them having to move for work. I reafirmed that i am not really looking for marriage, but do desire a committed relationship. I guess it was just bad timing on my part to finally find a submissive that was soon to relocate. I loved every minute of them and i wish the best for both.

I have an opportunity to return to Alaska. And i am sure that in time i will take it. Although i have no desire whatso ever to spend a winter in Alaska it will give me the ability to spend the winter months elsewear. Maybe the Philipines or Mexico. I guess we will see. I will either end up going at the end of July or most likely next April. If you are curious, shoot me an email. I will be happy to explain and discuss.

I did not realize that I had been gone so long. Many miles and what seems a lifetime have passed since my last entry. 6000 miles seperate me from what now seems my past life. Much remains to be written. Maybe not wisdom, but at least experience and history. Many things I have seen and done since my last entry. I still have not decided if I was running to the future or running away from the past. I guess they mean about the same thing. Not so much searching anymore, more surviving I suppose. I do look forward to the future. I love the island and the people here. Not too many into BDSM though. I figure that is alright, someone has to teach them!

What is it about writing a profile that makes it so hard to do? Is it because we are trying to "sell" ourselves to others that we have never met in the hopes that one may decide we are worthy of developing a relationship? Is it because we don't know who or what we are, and are having to search ourselves and ask ourselves questions that we have not had to consider before? All of the above?

Very well then. Here is my attempt to sell myself to you, with truth and honesty.

I am 42, 6'0, and 220lbs. I was married at 20 and widowed at 41. I have 4 children, 3 boys 1 girl. The oldest 2 are now in collage. The oldest is now a junior at Alabama and my daughter is a freshman at Oklahoma. The 2 at home are 8 and 12. I am very proud of all of them.

We moved to Louisiana after my wife's passing to be near family because of my job. I work in Colombia, South America. 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I am a Technical Rep for Heavy Equipment Maintenance. I have been in this position for almost 2 years, with the Company for almost 6 years and in the field for almost 20. (stable enough?)

I consider myself a Gentleman with a few narsisstic tendencies. I enjoy intimacy, but enjoy just taking you more (consensual forced). I attach and care but have been told it is "by proxy".  I guess that means that I can attach and detach to some degree at will. I see pain, humiliation and objectification/ dehumanization as tools to achieve a goal, then put away until the next time needed. I am not looking for a situation where these things are needed on a continuous basis.  I am not looking for a wife or girlfriend although I would not condemn such a relationship. I am looking for a slave, "consensual property". To be based loosely on a Boss/secretary or Employer/employee dynamic or role. This is not a "scene" but live-in 24/7. (picture Tony Stark AKA Ironman and Pepper Potts, for those of you who have seen the movie, with more formality and a BDSM twist) (Although I am not as good looking or anywhere near as wealthy as he is:)

I appreciate art, music, beauty and nature in all its majesty. I have seen the sunrise over the buttes and crags of the high desert and seen the setting sun reflected off the snows of the Alaska Range and Mt McKinley. I can feel, I know compassion and empathy and I do care. Just don't ask me to call it "love".  Others require that you stand. I ask that you kneel.