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I want to start out by saying, first and foremost, that I'm always looking for friends in the lifestyle. So don't be afraid to drop me a message even if you don't meet my "standards."
The most important things to me in a Dom/me are intelligence and creativity.
I guess among the people on this site, I would be considered not very
hardcore, so I may need to take it slow at first, but ultimately I aim
to please.
I will only submit to a Dom/me whom I find worthy. The obvious problem thus far, of course, has been that I haven't found anyone to fit that exact description. Therefore I'm going to keep here in this section of my profile an updated series of notes.
Right now I'm only looking for Dom/mes I can get to know in realtime.
I need a firm but loving partner. I used to think I could handle sex without strings, but I'm quickly seeing that it's just not sensible. I'm not saying it's not possible; I've seen it work for a lot of D/s couples. It's just not right for me at this point in time. I'm pretty new to the whole lifestyle and I need to be kept by someone I trust.
If I start to have sex with you, and you care about me at all, you'll stop me, no matter how much I seem to want it.
I don't like humiliation. If you have to animalize me, I love cats. But I'm not going to meow for you or crawl on all fours. Ask me to purr and you'll get a moan. It's possible to be a sub without surrendering any of your dignity, and that's exactly what I'm looking to do.
I like pain. I love to serve. But the balance of power in a D/s relationship (at least for me) dictates that I should be romanced and pampered in return.
Emotionally, you can think of me as a stray cat. I've been hurt and abandoned, I'm all out on my own taking care of myself, and like most strays I've become a bit feral. My defense mechanisms are sometimes complicated. I have a bit of baggage, just like everyone else, but I'm sincerely trying to get over it. However, that means you'll need to be pretty patient with me in the meantime. Consider this profile your discovery of such a stray. If you're not the type of person who has time and energy to take one in and care for it, teach it, and lovingly train it without abuse, that's fine. It's the people who are that type that I'm calling out to.
It would be impossible for me to relocate at this time in my life, but I would love to meet someone in the Houston area, especially North Houston and its suburbs.
While we're on that note, I'm looking for something that's going to last a while, and sex is going to be a big NO until I build up a great deal of trust with you. Of course I want it, but every relationship I've had that started out with sex as a part of it has been a huge (and short) disaster.
I've found I use sex as a means to push others away.
My profile used to say that I was only available to males, but then I realized how much I'm missing by shutting out half the population (especially since it has been my experience thus far that the women on this site tend to be more attractive and intelligent on average than the men. Hey! I said on average.). Therefore I'm now opening my proverbial doors to Dommes as well.
Pictures are imperative to me. You don't have to have them on your profile, but at least send me a couple. Call me shallow, but appearances do matter to me. Of course it's not the be all and end all of relationships, but I can't submit to someone I'm not physically attracted to.
Of course this list is subject to change. I expect it will probably grow a great deal before I find someone I actually want to submit to on a long-term basis.
One last thing, and this is never going to change. Please don't send me a private message just asking for my messenger screen name. I'm not expecting a novel, or even a paragraph, but please at least try to make a conversation, eh?
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Every time I log on, I open all these messages from people who seem genuinely interested in me as a sub or a sexual partner. Usually the first thing they point out is how pretty I am or how nice my pictures are. They don't fail to point out that they find me interesting as a person or that they enjoyed my profile, but they usually say little else that grabs my attention or sets them out from the general group of people here.
It's not that I don't want to talk to them, it's just that they all seem to have one-track minds. Not that all they want from me is sex, but it's difficult to talk to them because I know they're interested in me in a way I'm not interested in them.
I really do want to talk to these people and make some friendships, but it's difficult to do because at the same time I know I must first reject them. I don't know how to tell someone I'm not interested without cutting myself off from them completely. Often, I don't respond to these messages unless they actually offer up an actual conversation topic, and usually once that topic has died, a new one doesn't spawn.
Even when I do eventually find myself talking to someone on a regular basis through IM, I still feel trapped somehow... it's a feeling I'm not easily able to explain. I've met people I might actually like to meet in person, but I'm afraid that once I get to know them, I'll end up not liking them and unable to get rid of them. In my experience, due to the anonymity of the internet, and the lack of vocal tones, facial expressions, etc., people are much different in person than I ever perceive them to be on the internet.
The obvious solution would be to treat someone you meet in person as a brand new acquaintance. But even that is difficult, because the whole time I'm sitting there remembering past conversations we've had. Why is it so difficult for me to be comfortable around new people? I have no reason not to trust. No one abandoned me as a child, or beat me, or otherwise hurt me in any way. I've had a relatively sheltered life.
I wish there was someone who understood psychology well enough to get inside the enigma that is my mind.
I can't decide whether or not that should be a challenge to those who read this.
But the remaining fact is that I've never met anyone who could really understand and dissect everything that I say and do. Everyone has a Watson to his or her Holmes, it seems, except for me.
Hopefully it's just my age, and I'll grow out of this confusion. Otherwise, I should probably see a counselor or something. It's just that therapists are so expensive, and usually not worth the money at all because their primary interest is getting the patient--no, the client--to keep coming back. Not to mention seeing a psychologist is a huge copout. I'm not damaged. I have no reason to feel this way.
I shouldn't think so hard before going to bed. It's inconducive to sleep. Especially since if I don't stop writing this right now I'll never get off the computer and go to sleep. And I could go on about this for well over an hour. At 120 wpm, that could make for a rather lengthy journal entry, no?
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It saddens me that I keep getting messages from these really great people from places like California and Massachusetts. Why is it that there isn't a single person on this entire website that both: 1. captures and holds my attention, and 2. lives near enough to me that I would have to be caught up in one of those long distance things?
Still, I keep trying. Patience is a virtue, right?
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