Just wanted to share a hot excerpt from erotica I'm reading... 😇😍😈
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From: _The Alien's Pet_ by Loki Renard
"Call me master, pet.” Serena grit her teeth, so close to an aching orgasm he could have demanded almost anything from her but that. His fingers landed hard against her clit, making her hips buck. How could something be painful and yet drive her to climax? “Call me your master, Serena.” “Your master, Serena,” she gasped between clenched teeth, sucking in air as she simultaneously resisted and succumbed to his dominance. Zed growled with disapproval and her legs thrashed back and forth as he began to spank her pussy in earnest. The sensations passed from the point of pleasure pain to the realm of pure discipline when he grabbed hold of her left leg and spread it wide enough to lay his fingers against the length of her cunt and swatted hard enough to make the wet, swollen labia sting. “This is not a game,” he growled. “You must learn obedience. It is essential.” Serena locked eyes with him and lifted the corner of her lip in a snarl even as his fingers rained punishment on her pussy. It was not a battle of flesh or power or strength or pain. This was a battle of wills, and she was determined to win it. He raised an eyebrow at her, his expression becoming more focused than displeased. Not another word passed his lips as he ran his middle finger down the cleft of her spanked pussy, gathered the copious juices that still seeped between them—then pressed the thick tip of that same finger against the tight bud of her bottom. Serena yowled as he pushed inside her butt, penetrating her rear with a rough, punitive stroke. Her juices eased the passage of his digit a little, but there was no doubt that the intrusion was designed to be a punishment. He was finger fucking her ass and there was nothing she could do about it. Hot shame cascaded over her, squelching sounds echoing around the room as he plundered her tight ass. There was maybe some mercy in it—he could have pushed his cock inside her, not a finger, but that likely would have caused damage and even though Serena was furious at Zed’s treatment, she knew he did not want to harm her. No. He would torment her writhing body for hours if necessary, taking her close to orgasm and denying it, making use of every part of her tender human form. Nothing was off limits, not even her ass, which was starting to become accustomed to the thrusting. She couldn’t believe it. Her body was tingling again, her clit hard as a rock, her breath coming shorter as an illicit orgasm suddenly cascaded over her, prompted by the finger in her rectum, fed by the sure knowledge that she was a helpless little fuck slave where he was concerned. With a sore bottom, well fucked and punished pussy, and her ass stretched around his finger, Serena spontaneously came as hard as she ever had, pushing two hands down over her pussy as her body jolted with climax, taking everything he had given her and transforming it to heights of pleasure unknown. Panting for breath, Serena chanced looking up at Zed as he slid his finger out of her clenching bottom. “You take far too much pleasure in disobedience,” he observed. “I am going to have to get much more creative with you, my little human pet.”

Spent a lovely weekend on retreat at the beach. Weather was delightful and I totally enjoyed being near the ocean and listening to the hypnotic crash of the waves. My view ou the window was gorgeous. Feeling rested, peaceful. grateful.

Just came home from seeing Venus in Fur at ACT in SF. WOW! What an awesome play. The is amazingly good. I loved the casting and the absorbing pace of the show. The play's based on Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's novel, Venus in Furs. This is the very same Sacher-Masoch upon which Richard von Krafft-Ebbing based the term "masochism" (when a person desires to be "completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused.") Sexy, funny, thought-provoking... I would see this play again in a heartbeat!

In this moment, I'd like to send out a wave of gratitude to my mother and father who together passed on their genes to me and made it possible for me to be in the world today and for every day since the moment I was born. Grateful for my body, mind, experiences, connections, thoughts, feelings, words and choices. This is going to be an AWESOME year.

It's like old home week or something. I've been contacted by several past playmates lately who are expressing interest in playing with me again. Weird. Nice, but weird.
I find it interesting that a few men see me as a significant masochist. I'm not. Yes, intense sensation can be exciting for me. But it's the energy, the dominant energy that gets me the most aroused. I'm not really into being hurt so much as patiently and methodically taken and controlled. I'm more into the heady feeling of receiving the intense focus and almost frightening attention toward overwhelming my senses, working me into such a hot and needy state that I lose my well-tended composure and defensive humor... Then, I melt and beg for climax and to be fucked hard, and to be of service so as to channel the huge swell of gratitude that suffuses my system.

I miss that.

Well, the convention is done for this year. All in all, things went well. Only minor blips and those were handled gracefully. I liked playing dress-up in bright colors, sparkles, and other fun stuff. Got to create glitter tattoos for several folks - some stencils and some freehand. I FINALLY started to get some sleep. AND I made sure I brought myself to orgasm the last couple of nights which certainly helped with the relaxation process.

It was fun, but it's also good to be home again.

Wahoo! I had a hot and yummy play date this week. I feel grateful for connections that work, for good communication, for the delicious energy and power exchange. I just feel happier today. Thank you sir!

Received an unexpected gift of cute lingerie today... from the woman who facilitates my monthly Brazilian wax. It was a thoughtful compensation for accidentally getting some wax on my sock during the last visit. She knew the place to go (The Curvy Girl store) and talked with the owner who knows me and also knows what I have and don't have from the store. Very cool and I am tickled by the thoughtfulness.

I think I like that she remembered and took action to make things (actually MORE than) right. There is something that touches my heart and lands in a meaningful place in me when someone demonstrates that they were thinking of me and manifests the thought/s into action whether it be plans, a letter, a gift that is meaningful... I know that on my part, when I've acted on pleasant and caring thoughts about someone else so as to bring them pleasure THAT feels good too.

This also translates toward play. Something is awesome for me about the thoughts and plans that go into preparing for a rendezvous. It's part of the energy buildup that spills into the session. Very hot, yummy energy... But I digress. The slinky chemise I received is lovely. I look forward to wearing it soon...

I stumbled across a rather intense film recently. It's called Downloading Nancy. The downside is that it portrays the masochistic female character as self-harming and suicidal with a history of being sexually and physically abused as a child. The filter is definitely pathological with the main character seeing a therapist and yet still clinging to the pathology of associating pain with pleasure. Not thrilled with that piece at all. Actually, I feel angry at the (mostly) pathological portrayals of BDSM in film.

That said, there are some things about the movie I found hot. There is some bondage and pain infliction associated with the sexual energy. What always hooks me most is the energy. I'm not really into getting hurt, cut, actual harm. But the hard, dominant energy from the man that Nancy chose to give her what she wants was hot.

It was an interesting film though. Mostly, I felt sad that the protagonist couldn't find a way to accept that she could transform her past and the resulting proclivities into something that didn't make her hate herself.

Well, the first half of today went as planned with work and consultation goodness. Then, the expected yummy interactions took a nose dive (family matters for one and illness for another). Then, MY dad called for some help getting to his doctor. So, I got a different kind of afternoon and it was all good to be of service to my dad and step-mom. I love spending time with my father and hearing about his life. I got home just a little while ago and found out that a long adored friend of mine who has yearned for the right person to cross paths with her is IN RELATIONSHIP! Eeeep! The excitement and joy is infectious!! It's amazing how someone else's getting all the wonderful they deserve is such a delight for me and so many of my friend's other friends and loved ones. It feels good to feel good about witnessing lust and love and all that delicious jazz. Oh, and Happy Saint Marty's Day!

Grateful for some free time today. My client this AM canceled and that has given me a bit of down time. Glad to be home from Anaheim. Had a fun time at the House of the Mouse and wore myself out walking on Monday. What I need today is a pedicure!! Mmm, foooot massage! In this moment, all in all, life is good.

I'm in southern California this week, Anaheim specifically for professional training. But on Monday, I get to take my inner little girl to Disneyland! Whoo hoo!

Pet peeve du jour. Mismatching pronouns in the subject and of sentences. I keep seeing these mistakes EVERYWHERE and it is so painful in my head! Jeez! Whenever there are multiple pronouns in the subject, just eliminate one to test for sentence structure.

CORRECT: You and I went to the fair.
NOT you and me... (Me went to the fair? Uh, not unless me is Cookie Monster.)

CORRECT: They and I agreed to plan the surprise proposal.
NOT them and me... (Them agreed? Not unless you are ignorant and uneducated. Me agreed? No again, Cookie Monster.)

Use the same test with the of the sentence.

CORRECT: Come to the party with Sonia and me.
NOT Sonia and I. (Come to the party with I? Uh, no thanks, moron.)

CORRECT: Terry threw the ball to Jason and her.

NOT Jason and she. (Terry threw the ball to she? Just sounds awkward dude.)

Okay, I have done my public service announcement for the day. Thank you for tuning in and pardoning my grammar rant.

That guy pinged me AGAIN. I decided to write and be explicit in sharing my experience and perspective. BIG mistake. I should have known better. Sadly shaking my head...

OMFG! I am feeling so triggered emotionally. Met a guy early last week and we had the best date and absolutely yummy energy! I was supposed to meet up with him again on Friday... then, my father became very ill and had to go into the hospital and I had to postpone the date. I have maintained contact with him via IM and I THOUGHT we were still flirting until we could reschedule. Then, tonight out of the blue he says he's tired of games, feels bored and frustrated "this early on" and takes that to mean that we are going nowhere. I expressed disappointment and shared that I thought we were flirting. HE accused me of not flirting at all! OMG! O.M.G. I am feeling totally flabbergasted. Maybe this guy is a multiple personality or something...? I don't know. I feel really confused and disappointed because there was some significant energy I felt with this guy. Dammit!

Was at urgent care and then the ER and then the hospital proper with my father today/tonight. Got home a little bit ago. Kind of exhausting to be "on" all day advocating and ensuring my dad is well taken care of. It was kind of scary for a while. They say he will be in for at least 3 days to make sure his kidneys can function well enough for him to go home. I am just focused on sending him healing thoughts and taking care of myself so I can be there for him and my step-mom. AND, this is one of those times that I would REALLY love to be in an established D/s relationship so I could play and experience the energy shift of letting go and sinking into submissive space.

WHY am I up so late? I really nee to get my ass to sleep!

Sometimes, I observe myself choosing to feel perturbed when another person from this site who does not even have the slightest inkling of who I am makes accusations about me. The interchange that triggered my irritation went thusly:

HIM: would u sell me things u wear please?

ME: Um... Why would I do that?

HIM: to help fill another persons fetish

ME: Thanks for the request but I am not interested.

HIM: the only reason your not interested is your very selfish and that's wrong

This person's request for me to go out of my way to send him things was out of the blue and without even a polite level of introduction. My initial response was confusion. His reply was essentially "do what I want". I politely declined and then he projects his judgment onto me in what feels like a snippy tantrum. It felt baited like the expected response from me would be for me to do what he wants so I can prove I'm not "very selfish". Selfish. I find it interesting that those who are deeply self-centered accuse others of selfishness when they do not get what they want from those others. I am unwilling to play that childish game of manipulation to avoid judgment. Feels like an underhanded form of emotional blackmail and I can see how many co-dependent and pleaser-oriented people can be taken in by that kind of ploy. I am writing about this very recent communication exchange because 1) it helps me to process it outside of my head and 2) it might be of value to others who are rudely approached by someone's demands and find themselves emotionally blindsided into questioning themselves and their own needs and values in order to appease a man-child in a tantrum.

Yeah, I'm not playing that game. No value added.

I recently had a very thought-provoking correspondence with a man here on CM. I am feeling grateful for the opportunity to revisit my stance on honesty, deception, self-centeredness, and altercentrism. Now, I find myself contemplating the growing edge of my tendency to judge others based on my values.

I notice I have a strong bias toward open and honest communication in committed romantic relationships when it comes to the big stuff. I admit there is room to avoid being ruthlessly honest when a partner asks if their outfit makes them look fat or when there is clearly an agenda from the partner to get a specific answer as opposed to a completely honest opinion. And, I have compassion for children who lie to get what they want because it is clear that they are afraid of not only not getting what they want, but that those in authority and power over them will punish them for even wanting what they want or doing what they choose to do. I am able to see the innate power imbalance and how that can lead to a strong inclination to withhold truth from their caregivers.

I suppose that coming into a partnership with someone holds more expectations for me that the other/s involved are not acting from a child's immature perspective based on fear of loss and/or punishment. Yes, we can certainly rationalize that being sexual with others outside of a monogamous marriage would completely devastate the relationship IF the other knew. And we can expend a lot of energy to lie and cover tracks in order to do the thing that we want to do despite the very real risk it poses should our deceptions come to light.

In my mind, it is arrogant and presumptuous to NOT give my partner full information to make their own decisions about how to or whether to stay in relationship with me given my desires and proclivities. Sure, I can make my best guess as to how my partner will react to any possible request or stated desire from me. But the reality is I DO NOT KNOW. I am not inside my partner's head and while I'm very empathic and observant, I am not a mind reader.

I see openness and honesty around the hard topics, desires, and requests as courageous, mature, powerful, and responsible. When a person is willing to completely own their truth and communicate it in the face of fear that their partner might experience unpleasant feelings to the extent of angry attack or compelling abandonment, I notice my admiration and attraction toward that level of risk-taking and full self ownership. Confidence in the power of one's honesty with self and others is incredibly sexy and magnetic.

My growing edge is to notice my judgments toward those who are purposely and premeditatively unfaithful to their vows and agreements and then to surround those judgments with compassion for those who feel the compelling need to cheat as well as for myself for judging them. We each make choices, sometimes based in fear and sometimes based in courage. For today, I will continue to explore my growing edge and how I want to use my learnings for highest good.

Went with my son and my niece to the Wicked Woods in Los Gatos this evening. The haunted house thing used to be more of an adrenaline spike for me but I have been behind the scenes at multiple haunted houses and know the drill from backstage. Still it was fun to go through. Maybe I'm not triggered because the haunted house thing is limited to sight and sound and I know I am "safe" in the constructed scenario.

Similarly, I really love fear play and DO get the adrenaline spike even though I have participated in fear play scenes before and play with people I trust who are competent, consciously present, and won't actually cause me harm... Maybe because there is more at stake including physical sensation? Touch is involved in erotic fear play and the possibility of intense sensation can scare me. Interesting topic to ponder.

Had a wonderful time modeling lingerie at the local Curvy Girl store on Friday evening. I posted some of the pictures here from the fun photo booth they had at the event. Loved being among sexy, voluptuous women and admirers of the more luscious varieties of female body. I got a glitter tattoo and watched gorgeous belly dancers. I LOVE dressing up and feeling sensual and sexy.

Going to be in a big curvy girl lingerie fashion show this weekend. LOVE to look sexy. I'm wearing this pink and black tight chemise with garter straps. And black stockings. Maybe boots. Still putting together my ensemble around the pink and black bit.

Did I mention I LOVE playing dress-up? It's especially yummy when dressing up for someone who appreciates a woman of bountiful flesh in skimpy, sexy bits of this and that.

Grateful for lots of good stuff today.

BEGIN RANT...

COME ON!! Really?? You expect ME to ask YOU questions because you didn't take the time or have the balls to put together your own profile to share about who you are, what you seek, and what you look like??

PARITY people! Geez! I contributed much thought and went through focused wordsmithing to put together not only a fairly comprehensive profile and journal entries but several pictures I try to keep up to date. When you contact me with your empty profile and no picture and make assumptions that just because I identify as submissive that I must be ANYONE's submissive and therefore desperate to please you, I go ultra cold. I am not YOUR submissive. I've said it before (and written it before) and I will repeat as many times as needed.

Grow a pair and put together a fucking profile. Do some reading on what BDSM is about. Learn about neutral space, negotiations, and delayed gratification whydoncha. I will not play with someone I do not respect and do not think is more powerful than I am. You have to have some BIG ass energy to handle me. Just sayin'...

END RANT.

Clarifications. I AM willing to answer questions and help my play partner learn about my body. Communication is vital. I deeply appreciate a play partner who doesn't just assume that what he is doing with my genitalia is gonna automatically make me cum. Communication about what works is ultra hot. And the slow hand thing. That's only for starters and to mix things up a bit. I DO like it rough and passionate and intense too. But not for the initial encounters. The slow buildup and tease, the mental fuck... SO much more incredible. Maybe I've been completely spoiled by hot fiction and past play partners, but my experience is that I am more turned on, deeper into the energy and interaction, and definitely into playing again when the focus includes my pleasure and not just your blowing your wad. And don't get me wrong, I love cock. I love contributing toward my partner's orgasms. But let's get real. If it is all about gratifying your penis, why would I want to play with you again? Hell, get a Fleshlight or some other non-sentient device to get yourself off. For me, this type of intense and advanced sexual play is about MUTUAL pleasure and caring. The good stuff is in the exchange of energy and attention between people who actually like and respect each other. Oh, mock rape and ravishment are fabulous... just not during the getting-to-know-you phase of our explorations. I can tell the difference between someone who is in control and able to build and withstand the sexual tension in service to another and someone who is completely self-absorbed and merely penis-driven. AND, for heaven's sake, learn about and respect the need for aftercare. If my partner doesn't check in with me within a couple of days after our play session, chances are slim to none that we will play again. Key words for me are respect, honor, communication, courtesy, caring, and competence.

Recent learning experience. Mixed in that some was exciting and enjoyable and the rest and especially afterwards kinda was crap. The learning is very important and for that I feel grateful.

1) I REALLY require up front planning for play dates. Last minute decisions usually leave me disappointed and dissatisfied.

2) I am NOT going to teach a new play partner the ropes in this power exchange game. I've done my share of teaching. This sets the bar high and I know it. But, I refuse to settle.

3) Geographic compatibility is VERY important and so is my play partner having a pleasant space available to host our play.

4) Booty call. Hit it and quit it. FUGGET ABOUT IT. Like the song says, "I want a lover with a slow hand. I want a lover with an easy touch. I want somebody who will spend some time, not cum and go in a heated rush..." Slow the fuck down and take the time to get to know me and let me get to know you. It's hotter that way.

5) Orgasm please. MINE!! I like penetration and all but I also like to cum. If you cannot contribute to the party, I'll take my fantasies and Hitachi Magic Wand and go home.

That is all. Um, for now.

Happy 2013! My sense is that this will be a fantabulous year!

Today I feel thankful for all the people with whom I've crossed paths in this lifetime and all the known and unknown blessings that entails. I feel gratitude for getting my needs met in every moment. I give thanks that I can be of service to others.

I feel disappointed with the chat application here at CM. It is frequently wonky and doesn't work much of the time. :-(

Debating whether to go to all the effort of attending the Folsom Street Fair this year. It always has allure, but when I think of the shlep and the process of figuring out something awesome yet comfy to wear... <sigh> It would be easier if we had teleportation figured out.

Went to see "For a Good Time Call..." yesterday. I miss my phone sex days... It was a cute movie. Just my speed. :-)

Went dancing last nightl It's fun to dress up kinda sexy and move my body to the beat. I LOVE to dance!

Happy Anal Sex August. Here are 8 Tips for Pain Free Anal Sex : http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sex-expert-chrystal-bougon/8-tips-pain-free-anal-sex-august-anal-sex-month

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HAPPY AUGUST!

Found out while in Vegas that there is a local BBW event every Saturday night in... SUNNYVALE! Wow, who knew there was something in the south bay!? I went last night. Dressed up and danced, met people, enjoyed the company of others who embrace size acceptance. I think I'll go again!

In Las Vegas at the BBW Bash. Gonna be a fun-filled few days!!

OH! And another thing. I love my customized Hitatchi Magic Wand - it's a purple sparkly wand with a black silicone attachment that is MUCH better than the rough white bulb that comes with it. The good thing about it being plugin is that it doesn't lose power because of low batteries. Sparkly magic wand vibrating goodness! :-D

Got to play last night. It's been a while since I got to do a resistance scene. It was awesome. Ya know, all the bells and whistles, the accessories are nice and all... but the oomph, the power, the meat of it is the energy, the contact, the diving in and fully embracing the power dynamic. Life. Is. Good.

Yeah, I read Fifty Shades of Gray. And I liked it. So THERE. Yes, the main male character has some abuse and difficulty in his backgroud. BFD. The main female character does not. So, it's a bit better than The Secretary in that all the BDSM players are not pathologized. It's romantic fiction for God's sake! It's supposed to be ridiculously a fantasy. Sheesh!

Just learned about sincitycupcakes.com - I am not really into alcohol but I think it's a pretty nifty concept and the cupcake pictures are beautiful.

SO excited! Going back to the BBW Bash this month. It's been almost a year since I went to the Vegas BBW & Their Admirers Bash and I remember having such a fantastic time! I am looking forward to schmoozing, dancing, being in the pool, and just relaxing. Mmmm!

Went to a Dark Age Play class tonight. REALLY good presenter! The demos were so fucking hot! It was good to think about what I like in age play, what components get me wet and what doesn't work for me. I think my age play realm is somewhere between 10 and 15. I like the coersion, seduction, and resistance/fear play in there too. Really yummy and thought provoking class!

Another really good BDSM writer is Annabel Joseph. Recently read Odalisque as well as Comfort Object. VERY hot!

Just finished reading Abduction, a book by Varian Krylov. WOW! It was intense. I loved it and it was disturbing and, and... I loved it. LOTS of mind fuck. Lots of erotic fear play. Still thinking about it, about the characters, about the scenarios, about the inner thought processes. Well done Ms. Krylov!

OMG, what happened to May?? I didn't do even one entry last month. Wow... time flies. Well, I just saw Rock of Ages and there is lots of sexy in it PLUS all the wonderful 80's rock and roll! One scene has a man being bent over and swatted with a ruler in a church office... Oh, and there is some fun pole dancing too. OH, and Tom Cruise in his chaps and heavy metal codpiece... fucking yum.

Okay, not thrilling to be awake at nearly 4 AM... Maybe I should try and get back to sleep instead of trying to find more good BDSM erotica for my e-reader...

Grateful for feeling healthier. That seemed like a long stint of sick.

Now, I am relatively healthy.

But I feel lonely in this moment.

Thank goodness there are more hopeful moments ahead...

Wish I weren't feeling so yucky... I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that I went so long without catching a virus. But that party is over now. I am praying to sleep through the night without a coughing fit waking me up...

Quote of the Day:

"Who knew we had turned into a nation of sluts?"

Gary Trudeau

Just finished reading Megan's Tale by Annika Robyns. The proofreading seems nonexistent as there are a lot of sloppy writing errors... but the story is HOT. At least I got very worked up reading it.

Went to a Girls Tea Party today which was awesome. Lovely, nude men and women servers brought lots of yummy things to eat and drink while the hostess and attendees provided fun and lively conversation. Oh and there was a foot treatment too... Service is such a precious gift.