LOVE... old, new, past, and present

With Valentine's Day quickly approaching I find myself at a breaking point emotionally. I am reminded of LOVE lost and found. People I can no longer share my LOVE with. Those I have loved, yet who were unable to return that love. My first love. The LOVE of a mother and her children. Love of friends. LOVE and Lust.

The reason for the break down... I miss LOVE. The feelings I have when in love. Feelings for the "other" person. They can be friend, lover, or significant other... it doesn't matter what the title of the connection is, it just IS. You can feel it, taste it, it sits in your gut making it feel queasy and fills your head like a helium balloon.

Time stands still when you're in LOVE. It doesn't matter that you've been talking on the phone for five hours or that the sun is now rising and you're still making LOVE which began the night before. There's never a lousy day weather wise when you're in LOVE because lousy weather means you'll stay in doors and make love again.

Sex and LOVE go together for me... though simply great sex comes in close second to a real LOVE and at times there is no great sex when you LOVE certain individuals. I LOVE being a femmedom, yet there are those who feel I shouldn't fall in LOVE with the men or women I top. Why the hell not? Considering the level of emotions which go into a D/s exchange, shouldn't LOVE be allowed to flow freely when you're spanking someones assets?

I miss feeling in LOVE with a man and having him LOVE me for me. The accepting of one another as we are now, knowing that we might grow together and grow old together... the kind of LOVE that is romantic and lasting through all of the ups and downs. Having a partner that's not afraid to fight and knows that "make up sex" is worth fighting for.

So... all of you lovers out there. ENJOY being in LOVE, in lust, in friendship, or just into the other person. Because you never know when that person will be gone, out the door, no longer in your life or no longer in love with you.

Because in the end, all that's left is the residual of the LOVE. Right now I'd like nothing more than to have the REALness of LOVE here and in the present.

The Revolving Door Syndrome

Over the past few weeks surrounding the holidays I noticed a sudden surge of emails and requests from would be subs and bottoms... asking for my assistance in one way or another with regards to the "lifestyle" in general. This is not unusual in itself since many people take off work to visit family and friends in this country and seem to have more time on their hands. I try to look at the glass as being half full and do my best in not judging others, as to when and how they make first contact with me, as that might allow someone whose worthy my efforts to slip through the cracks.

Having said that... I spent endless hours getting acquainted with people near and far and in some cases went the distance to meet them in person and bring them into my home, with future hopes of encorporating them into my now growing leather family. However, after the chats, phone calls, coffee meet 'n' greets, and equipment show and tell, I am left with nothing, ziltch, nadda! Silence. Not even a "go f** yourself".
Granted. We are never certain how things might turn out when we begin the trail and error routine of finding a possible playmate or partner. Nothing in life is certain other than an outcome of some sort.
But here's the rub... I read about and talk too many submissive's and bottom's who claim they cannnot locate a play partner and confidant in this "lifestyle" who has staying power, experience or passion. Yet, when I spend most of my free time online with people who seem to have come out of the cracks I end up with nothing, not even a respectable, "thank you, but no thank you after all".

For those of you who have found this to be true, or not, feel free to comment. I'm simply venting my frustration in hopes that I might get up tomorrow and want to try "it" all over again. Something having to do with "there are more fish in the sea".

Have a great weekend, Alexandra